Guest Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 This is the explanation letter from my ex gf, so what do you guys think? ------------------------------- Hey there, Where do I begin? My first concern in writing this email is that it’s going to come out sounding too harsh or that it will downplay our relationship. You would think that I’d be better at explaining this, since it’s technically the third time that I’ve done it. What is “it”, you ask? Breaking up with somebody who I was happy with, blindsiding the other person in the process, just because I felt like there was something more missing. I think that the other times were easier because they were masked by moves to or from Peru, so I never really had to sit and analyze my thoughts and feelings. I don’t want to blame this on anybody but myself, but I feel like I have to give you a little bit of background for you to understand where I’m coming from. The feeling that I’m looking for is the feeling that I had when I met my first love. I was 20 when I met M, and he absolutely floored me. I admired his desire to make the world a better place, his conviction to live life after being diagnosed with a debilitating illness, and his ability to make everybody around him feel great, including me. I remember we were at Subway once at the Union, and the workers there were in pissy, bad moods. You could hear them snipping about the customers under there breath, and most everybody’s reaction was to shut up, pay, and stomp away complaining about the bad service. When it’s M’s turn to order, he plasters the biggest, goofiest smile on his face, and is excessively polite to the rude employees. Slowly, they start to smile, even if they’re just questioning M’s mental state. For every topping he adds, he says please and thank you, maintaining the smile on his face the whole time. By the time he pays, they’re straight up laughing at him, and he happily walks away because he made their day better and gave them something to laugh and talk about. Another time, he came to MJ's apartment warming party with C and I, just as friends. It was just after 9/11 and my friends were talking about airport security. M was quiet for most of the conversation, because he didn’t really have anything to add. Then he tells this elaborate story about how a guy ran through security naked at ATL and just kept on running. Security never caught him and he closed down the airport for the day. After we left the party, I think C asked him about the event, and he said that he had just made it up because he wanted to participate in the conversation. I don’t know why I thought that was so great. He made up a story to be able to participate in the conversation, everybody believed it, loved it, thought it was hilarious, and with that simple lie, he won everybody at the party over. Besides the fact that I absolutely loved hanging out with him and the fact that he made me so incredibly happy, he also made me want to strive to be a better person. He made me want to get more involved socially and to volunteer to help make this world better. After he broke up with me, I was crushed. I tried dating a little bit, but nobody seemed to come close to him. I think it took me years to get over him. I don’t know if I consider myself completely over him, because I still use him as a standard to measure the rest. I know that’s not right, and that everybody is different, so I can’t compare apples with apples. I do think that I can compare how he made me feel with how other people make me feel. After about a year and a half of random hook ups and dates, I met S. He was somebody who I really got along with, who I had fun with, and who I was really attracted to. I thought he was great, so we dated, but with time, I noticed that he was too consumed with figuring out himself to be in a relationship with me. I was going to end it sooner, but I knew that I was leaving for Peru, so I allowed that to be the catalyst of our breakup. He was crushed and blindsided as to how I could be so callous to him when I was in Peru. I think that mentally, I had broken up with him before I had left, so I was able to be cold to him. I spent 1 year in Peru without too many close friendships or relationships. I had my family, whom I kept my distance from. I had my work buddies whom I had a lot of fun with, but I never felt super close to. One of my work buddies was F, we ended up dating. In hindsight, I was hungry for attention after being isolated for so long. We dated for the last couple of months that I was in Brazil. Again, I was able to use the fact that I was moving back to the US as an excuse to end it. Again, I was cold to him when I got to the States, and he was crushed. Then I met you, and there was that immediate attraction after dancing together. You gave me that giddy feeling when we went on our first date. Then the giddiness turned into a sexual drive. The sex turned into feelings, and when you left for Silverton, it didn’t feel right to end it. I would come to visit, the evenings became more cuddling in front of the television than spending time together. And like I mentioned before, it felt like our relationship turned into a friendship. Then along came J. A guy, who when I left Peru, I thought was the kind of guy I who I could marry. Nothing ever happened, we just shared a connection, and he was in a serious relationship. After a year and a half without seeing him, only talking on the phone and exchanging emails daily, he comes up to visit, acknowledges that he has mutual feelings, but is getting married to his girlfriend of 3 years. The thing is, when I’m around him, I have the same feelings that I did around M. The admiration, the desire to be near them because they make everybody around them feel happy. The drunken happy giddiness love heroin… the whole nine yards. I guess the question that I’ve been battling with is whether or not this feeling will last. I was only with M for 2 months. I was never with J. Could it be that these feelings just come with new love/relationships? Is it only an infatuation? Am I trying to compare an infatuation with something that’s real? The thing with you and I is that I think we’re both too satisfied with the status quo. I know that personally, I need a kick in the butt sometimes to go out and do something. The fact is that both M and J motivated me to do that. Maybe my conclusion will be that I need to develop that drive within myself regardless of whom I’m with. Looking at my track record, I see a pattern. I don’t know how I can be in such a warm relationship, keep my body into it so that my partner doesn’t notice anything, while my mind drifts away. By the time that I’ve broken it off, I’m completely detached. It’s almost like I’m missing some emotional link in my brain. How hard do you think that we have to work to make it work? Where’s the limit? Do you think that we can work our way out of a rut without falling back in? Do you think that we are soul mates? I don’t know if this is an explanation or just rambling. I don’t know if it will help you to understand or if it will just confuse you more, but I’m just afraid that I should be with somebody who I adore, somebody who drives me to be a better person. Remember when I asked you about moving to work in FL? Although your answer was nice and accommodating, I think that I would have preferred it if you would have proposed a compromise, asking me to stay in town for a couple of more years then maybe applying to residency in FL. I don’t want to say that you’re a push over, but I think that balance in a relationship is good. And when I’m making the large majority of the decisions and you’re just agreeing, we lose balance. That’s all I help for now. Bottom line is, I care about you so very much, and I think that you deserve the very best and all of the happiness in the world. I’m so sorry for being such a grumpy, uncooperative jerk last night. You definitely did not deserve that. Thanks for putting up with me. Love, T ---------------------------- Where do I go with this? Should I respond? Am I wrong in thinking that parts of the letter are contradictory? If she has already detached, then why ask me about a future together? Anything you guys have to offer is MUCH appreciated
Guest Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 This is the explanation letter from my ex gf, so what do you guys think? ------------------------------- Hey there, Where do I begin? My first concern in writing this email is that it’s going to come out sounding too harsh or that it will downplay our relationship. You would think that I’d be better at explaining this, since it’s technically the third time that I’ve done it. What is “it”, you ask? Breaking up with somebody who I was happy with, blindsiding the other person in the process, just because I felt like there was something more missing. I think that the other times were easier because they were masked by moves to or from Peru, so I never really had to sit and analyze my thoughts and feelings. I don’t want to blame this on anybody but myself, but I feel like I have to give you a little bit of background for you to understand where I’m coming from. The feeling that I’m looking for is the feeling that I had when I met my first love. I was 20 when I met M, and he absolutely floored me. I admired his desire to make the world a better place, his conviction to live life after being diagnosed with a debilitating illness, and his ability to make everybody around him feel great, including me. I remember we were at Subway once at the Union, and the workers there were in pissy, bad moods. You could hear them snipping about the customers under there breath, and most everybody’s reaction was to shut up, pay, and stomp away complaining about the bad service. When it’s M’s turn to order, he plasters the biggest, goofiest smile on his face, and is excessively polite to the rude employees. Slowly, they start to smile, even if they’re just questioning M’s mental state. For every topping he adds, he says please and thank you, maintaining the smile on his face the whole time. By the time he pays, they’re straight up laughing at him, and he happily walks away because he made their day better and gave them something to laugh and talk about. Another time, he came to MJ's apartment warming party with C and I, just as friends. It was just after 9/11 and my friends were talking about airport security. M was quiet for most of the conversation, because he didn’t really have anything to add. Then he tells this elaborate story about how a guy ran through security naked at ATL and just kept on running. Security never caught him and he closed down the airport for the day. After we left the party, I think C asked him about the event, and he said that he had just made it up because he wanted to participate in the conversation. I don’t know why I thought that was so great. He made up a story to be able to participate in the conversation, everybody believed it, loved it, thought it was hilarious, and with that simple lie, he won everybody at the party over. Besides the fact that I absolutely loved hanging out with him and the fact that he made me so incredibly happy, he also made me want to strive to be a better person. He made me want to get more involved socially and to volunteer to help make this world better. After he broke up with me, I was crushed. I tried dating a little bit, but nobody seemed to come close to him. I think it took me years to get over him. I don’t know if I consider myself completely over him, because I still use him as a standard to measure the rest. I know that’s not right, and that everybody is different, so I can’t compare apples with apples. I do think that I can compare how he made me feel with how other people make me feel. After about a year and a half of random hook ups and dates, I met S. He was somebody who I really got along with, who I had fun with, and who I was really attracted to. I thought he was great, so we dated, but with time, I noticed that he was too consumed with figuring out himself to be in a relationship with me. I was going to end it sooner, but I knew that I was leaving for Peru, so I allowed that to be the catalyst of our breakup. He was crushed and blindsided as to how I could be so callous to him when I was in Peru. I think that mentally, I had broken up with him before I had left, so I was able to be cold to him. I spent 1 year in Peru without too many close friendships or relationships. I had my family, whom I kept my distance from. I had my work buddies whom I had a lot of fun with, but I never felt super close to. One of my work buddies was F, we ended up dating. In hindsight, I was hungry for attention after being isolated for so long. We dated for the last couple of months that I was in Brazil. Again, I was able to use the fact that I was moving back to the US as an excuse to end it. Again, I was cold to him when I got to the States, and he was crushed. Then I met you, and there was that immediate attraction after dancing together. You gave me that giddy feeling when we went on our first date. Then the giddiness turned into a sexual drive. The sex turned into feelings, and when you left for Silverton, it didn’t feel right to end it. I would come to visit, the evenings became more cuddling in front of the television than spending time together. And like I mentioned before, it felt like our relationship turned into a friendship. Then along came J. A guy, who when I left Peru, I thought was the kind of guy I who I could marry. Nothing ever happened, we just shared a connection, and he was in a serious relationship. After a year and a half without seeing him, only talking on the phone and exchanging emails daily, he comes up to visit, acknowledges that he has mutual feelings, but is getting married to his girlfriend of 3 years. The thing is, when I’m around him, I have the same feelings that I did around M. The admiration, the desire to be near them because they make everybody around them feel happy. The drunken happy giddiness love heroin… the whole nine yards. I guess the question that I’ve been battling with is whether or not this feeling will last. I was only with M for 2 months. I was never with J. Could it be that these feelings just come with new love/relationships? Is it only an infatuation? Am I trying to compare an infatuation with something that’s real? The thing with you and I is that I think we’re both too satisfied with the status quo. I know that personally, I need a kick in the butt sometimes to go out and do something. The fact is that both M and J motivated me to do that. Maybe my conclusion will be that I need to develop that drive within myself regardless of whom I’m with. Looking at my track record, I see a pattern. I don’t know how I can be in such a warm relationship, keep my body into it so that my partner doesn’t notice anything, while my mind drifts away. By the time that I’ve broken it off, I’m completely detached. It’s almost like I’m missing some emotional link in my brain. How hard do you think that we have to work to make it work? Where’s the limit? Do you think that we can work our way out of a rut without falling back in? Do you think that we are soul mates? I don’t know if this is an explanation or just rambling. I don’t know if it will help you to understand or if it will just confuse you more, but I’m just afraid that I should be with somebody who I adore, somebody who drives me to be a better person. Remember when I asked you about moving to work in FL? Although your answer was nice and accommodating, I think that I would have preferred it if you would have proposed a compromise, asking me to stay in town for a couple of more years then maybe applying to residency in FL. I don’t want to say that you’re a push over, but I think that balance in a relationship is good. And when I’m making the large majority of the decisions and you’re just agreeing, we lose balance. That’s all I help for now. Bottom line is, I care about you so very much, and I think that you deserve the very best and all of the happiness in the world. I’m so sorry for being such a grumpy, uncooperative jerk last night. You definitely did not deserve that. Thanks for putting up with me. Love, T ---------------------------- Where do I go with this? Should I respond? Am I wrong in thinking that parts of the letter are contradictory? If she has already detached, then why ask me about a future together? Anything you guys have to offer is MUCH appreciated C I truly hope that someday u will be able to see Just how much damage you inflict on yourself and others I've taken back Love and Heart So I am safe So shift your focus Away from People And Towards healing yourself Goodbye G
Guest Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Does anyone else have any interpretations of this? If so, I would really appreciate them as I really have no idea where to go from here.
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