Guest Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I could really use some unbiased outside perspective right now, so here goes: I am 24, in a relationship with a great man for the last 2 years. However, we're beginning to hit road bumps. We're both very honest and transparent, and we've been discussing the possibility that we might be better as great friends, but we're both looking for something different in a relationship. I have to admit that on my part this is being partially spurred on by a renewed longing for an old crush. About the old crush: he was my best, best friend for five years, while I was dating someone else. We all had a house together (me, my boyfriend, another friend, and my best friend/crush). There was always an underlying attraction between us, but we never acted on it because I was dating someone who he was also friends with. So, this little flirtation of ours heated up gradually until one day we were alone together and, well...you can guess what happened. I hadn't been that turned on in sooo long. Things with that boyfriend had been getting really bad, and everyone, including the crush was telling me I deserved better and to break up with him. So I did. Of course part of me wanted to get together with my crush, though I knew it couldn't happen immediately (secretly, I always thought we were meant to get married. It was one of those 'cosmic' right guy, wrong place scenarios). Well, surprise of my life, he promptly got a girlfriend, sided with my ex, and stopped talking to me. Flash forward a few years, I've been dating the above-mentioned new guy, who I love very much, but like I said things might be ending in that department. Meanwhile, after harboring anger at old-crush for abandoning me, I still smile when I think about him, tell stories about times he made me laugh, etc. etc. It pains me to say it, but I'm still in love with him. I ran into him on the street about a month ago. He told me he'd love to hear from me. I called him - no return call. Somebody please tell me I'm crazy and I need to get over him. I don't see how we would ever be able to be together, but I still fantasize about it. He's still living with my ex, who absolutely hates me...
norajane Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Somebody please tell me I'm crazy and I need to get over him. You're crazy and need to get over him. A casual, "yeah, I'd love to hear from you" on the street a month ago without a return call isn't worth giving a second's thought about. That he dropped you and sided with your ex and started dating someone else all those years ago should have told you all you needed to know about what kind of person he is. For all you know, he was testing you on behalf of your ex...to see if you would cheat, and you did (I'm guessing at what happened). As for your current relationship, make damned sure that you're not distancing yourself from him because of this old crush of yours. If you're really not right for each other, end things. But if you end things mostly because of your fantasies about your old crush, you are likely to be sadly disappointed.
Guest Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 For all you know, he was testing you on behalf of your ex...to see if you would cheat, and you did (I'm guessing at what happened). Thanks for your advice. I can say with absolute certainty that he was not testing me for my ex - he would have freaked if he ever found out. He would probably still freak if he found out today, which I could hold over old-crush's head if I were that kind of person. Lucky for him I'm not. It was just too strong of a connection - it's hard to describe. We both knew it and never spoke a single word of it. It was like we were dating - he even told me once that I was his girlfriend too (not in front of ex, of course). We laughed like it was a joke, but we both knew what he meant. He had pictures of me up in his room and his studio. It's so strange to me that after all of that he could do what he did. BUT, I also know him well enough to know that he really hides from problems instead of facing up to them, so my guess is that he doesn't quite know what to say to me. I wish he could just man up and admit to me and ex that he has feelings for me. But it's easier to live in denial. I'm really mad at myself - I stayed mad at him to mask my own feelings, but after all of the jerky things he did I'm still in love with him. I'm not that kind of girl at all, either! I don't put up with bs from men EVER! Why is it so different with him?? I still can't get him off my mind...
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