Is this a second chance or what?

[demo3k]

I'll skip most of the backstory because most everyone on here has the same thing anyway. This girl and I were together for about 2 years and for the first 1 year and 9 months everything was really great, towards the last 3 months we fought a little more and she made a few new friends who I didn't think were that great.

 

She wanted to start hanging out with them more with me there too and I didn't really go for it because like I said, didn't like them that much. Well then one weekend she sits me down and she starts crying and says unless stuff gets better it's not going to work, she cries for an hour or so and suggets maybe I move out to see if some space is good for us (we live with her parents).

 

I was crushed and shocked but said ok, however, by the end of the night she says nevermind I was being dumb please stay with me, so I did. The week went on and it was really good until Friday night when all of a sudden while we're eating supper one of her new friends shows up at the house and before I even know it they leave.

 

They come home a few hours later and she says they just went out and hung around town for a while, I was kind of like what the hell but played it cool, was trying not to fight. The next day she says she is going to go to an all girls night party and I said alright, so I said I'll go do something with my friends.

 

Turns out the girls night lasted about 45 minutes and then a bunch of guys came over and they all went out to a few parties where she got way too drunk before eventually coming home, nothing happened with her and any other guys, I'm 100% sure of that.

 

So after she tells me all of what she did the night before and I try really hard to hold back being pissed, I just said one little smartass comment about what happened to an all girls night. She gets really pissed and says maybe it just isn't going to work and we need to take a break, to get my clothes and move out.

 

I was shocked and I started crying, we had a long talk and I just kept trying to figure out what the hell was happening but she didn't really want to talk, said she loved me a lot and knew we'd end up back together it just wasn't working right then.

 

So we are on break and I move out and we have really bad contact over the next few days, she won't really call me so I have to try to get ahold of her but she's always out. Finally I just stop by a few days later and say what the hell is happening, and she starts crying again and says we need to break up.

 

I'll save all the drama, you guys know, I broke down and we cried together and I kept trying to find out what is happening. She says it's all just too much and it scares her that she knows that we really could spend the rest of our lives together and that living together right now and everything else is just too much, that I don't like her friends and don't want to do anything fun and that we fight all of the time.

 

I wasn't changing her mind so I just okay and told her how much I cared, that I did disagree but oh well. She said she wanted to be friends but I said we're either together or we're nothing. Then I ask her if there is anybody else she's been talking to, she says no but there's just something about the way she says it.

 

I said your lying, she says no, I keep saying you are lying and finally she admits she has been talking to someone else the last week or so and then she really breaks down again and says she feels so bad and she didn't want it to come to this. She swears she never cheated on me and it's just been talking. That pretty much sums up that.

 

A few days pass and she tries to get ahold of me online to talk some but I pretty much ignored her and she asked why I was being such a dick, but I still just ignored her. Then a few days later again she tries to call me and I say I don't wanna talk unless it's about us getting back together, she says she misses me a lot and I said so do you want to see each other or what and she says its not a good idea.

 

Few days pass and we don't talk again, then I don't remember who gets ahold of who but we talk a little and basically I say very strongly I don't want to be your friend I want to be your boyfriend or nothing, when you want to be with me get ahold of me and hopefully I still want to be with you too. That was pretty much the last time we talked for 2 weeks.

 

Then she gets ahold of me again online one day and she heard that I was talking to some girl about dating (I was, trying to keep busy and move on) and she asks a lot of questions about her, I answer them all but don't try to be talkative. So she runs out of questions and I ask her so what's happening on your end. She says that she is with that same guy and everything else. I said okay, so what do you want from me.

 

She says she misses me and wishes we could be friends, I said I don't really want to be friends but if you actually want to try hanging out and seeing what's there I'll do that, we don't have to be back together let's just hang out and see. She says she wants to but doesn't want to piss off her boyfriend. After a while she comes out and says she's 50/50 on who she wants to be with and everything else but that she does want to hang out and see.

 

The next day she calls me and wants to go to lunch, so I meet her there but she's already not in a great mood 3 seconds in and eats really quick and leaves, we hardly talk and I'm left wondering what the hell. The next day nothing and for the next week nothing at all.

 

Then this last Friday she calls me up, sounds like the girl I used to know and is really happy to talk to me. She heard I am flying out of state to go pick up a new car and she wants to come with me. I said what happened to the other guy, she says he cheated on her and it was a huge mistake to ever date him.

 

I kind of felt like crap about how he cheated on her so now she comes back to me but it really felt like this was a chance to get back together so I put my pride aside. She wanted to go on a date somewhere to eat and then something after and I said okay.

 

I told her I'd come over in a while and we could go. When I get there she is the most dressed up I've seen her in pretty much forever. We go out to dinner and she is almost like we are together. She talks about how dumb it was to leave me and how she has missed me.

 

I had bought her a promise ring about 1 year and 6 months in and she talks about how she almost wore that tonight but thought I'd think she was dumb. After dinner we went back to my house for a little while and then we went to a party, the rest of the night we kissed a lot and held hands, everything like that and at the end of the night I ended up crashing at her place with her, no sex, just sleeping together.

 

The next day rolls around and I leave but then after a few hours she calls me up and says she doesn't feel good, what am I doing today/tonight? I said I don't really know, she says she wants me to come over and watch some movies with her that night and hang out, I said ok. So that night we watch a scary movie and we cuddle while we watch it and all of that, we kiss a few times throughout the night.

 

Then we watch another movie, and the movie makes her cry, and I thought when she started crying that it was a good thing and here I am to hold her and this is good. However after she cries prettty much I get the cold shoulder the right of the night, no more kissing no more holding hands no more cuddling anything.

 

I go home that night and the next day she calls me up and wants me to go shopping with her, so I go and we have fun but again no more kissing or anything. She says she is going to get her belly button pierced the next day and asks if I want to go, I said sure.

 

Well the next day comes and what do ya know, she says her friend (girl) is going to come too, I didn't care so I said okay. Well here's where stuff really starts to go to hell. The entire time they are stuck up each others asses and I get ignored the whole night, now I wasn't a little baby about it I just kept cool and tried to talk as much as I could but I was definetly the third wheel.

 

After 4-5 hours of hanging out the three of us we are in Walmart and she can just tell I am not into it at all, she hasn't talked to me hardly all night and hasn't kissed me or anything. I said I feel like the third wheel and she says that's dumb and then she tries to talk to me a little bit and be friendly, so go back to her place and she has to take the girl home, I figured I would just go home but she says no stay here I'll be back quick.

 

So I wait for her and when she gets back she is more friendly and tries to talk to me and stuff but then she gets tired and wants to go to bed, so I held her into bed (belly button piercing is sore haha) and then talk to her for a minute, when I get ready to leave I lean over to give her a kiss and....... she turns away from me. I was pissed, I get up and go to put on my shoes, she's like "What? We're not together." and I said what the hell, I thought we were kinda of dating and we had been kissing so?

 

She says well we're arent, I said why have we been kissing, she says I don't know. Then she starts to sigh and acts annoyed about it and so I start to drop it, I just sit there for a minute not sure what to say and then she says what? this is weird now, I just don't want to date anyone right now, at least for like a week.

 

I said nothing I just feel like an idiot I guess, she says well don't it's not a big deal and again I had nothing to say, I sit there for a while longer and then finally I get ready to leave, right before I leave she says eagerly call me tomorrow when you get off work okay? I said yeah, alright.

 

That's where we are at now. So can anyone help me out at all? I mean we have plans for this weekend already, Friday night I have to work and stuff so nothing there but Saturday we are going to a Haunted House and stuff, Sunday we are flying out of town to go and get a car. She set up both of those things and she has been the one who has invited me to be with her everyday the past 4 days.

 

In some ways I want to tell her to screw off if she doesn't want to be together but in otherways maybe I am overreacting. Maybe for whatever reason in her head she really does just want to hang out without being together for a week or two and then she will want to get together. Like I said she told me she doesn't want to date anyone right now, at least for a week, but she's been pretty much with me all the time lately and has been making all these plans.

 

So does anyone have any kind of advice? I've done the NC with previous girlfriends and I know it does work, I've always done it with this relationship for a few weeks and everytime so far she caved and kept coming back, however right now I don't know if that's the right answer.. so please any help.

[demo3k]

does anyone have any kind of advice at all? really confused.

 

as an update I went over there last night to help her fix her computer and we watched a movie together with a friend of hers and her family, afterwards I was getting ready to leave and she asks me if I'm going to hang out with her tomorrow night (now tonight) and I said I'd give her a call when I got off work. She keeps making all these plans for us to be together but it still just doesn't feel quite right, maybe I'm just being paranoid since we are in the friends stage.

[clynn]

Mmm.

 

I dunno.

 

I think if I were you I would cool it and not spend as much time with her if she can't confirm that she wants to be your girlfriend. Maybe still see her but you're basically acting like her boyfriend, but not being her boyfriend.

 

But, then again, I can understand how that might be hard for you to do since you love her a lot.

[D-Lish]

Holy Crap Man,

 

Why do you let this girl treat you this way?

It sounds like she treats you like s&%t!

 

She manipulates you, she uses you, she pushes you away, then pulls you back, she teases you, she's moody... AND SHE WENT OUT WITH ANOTHER GUY...need I go on? And to top it all off, you bow to her every wish. She controls you- and you let her.

 

Damn right you should move into no contact with this girl...why? Because she doesn't deserve your respect or attention at all right now. You need to demand some respect from this girl.

 

She won't respect you if you keep doing everything she asks of you and following her around like a lost puppy. Sorry to sound harsh- but this girl is manipulative and cruel with how she is treating you.

 

Go into no contact, and force her to make up her mind. Tell her YOU NEED TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT. Turn this evil game around on her.

 

She's being brutal- don't put up with it.

Why do you want this kind of woman in your life anyway?

[kandi r]

I was reading into your girl as you typed about her. This is a serious question. Do you think your girl may be bi. Maybe she is not sure herself. but every time she hangs out with her girl friend she avoids you and decides she does not want to be nothing more than a friend. Just ask her kindly if she ever wonders about females in that kind of way. serious ask her.

[demo3k]

Thanks for the advice so far guys. Of course things went downhill since I last posted. After watching the movie that night like I said she said come over tomorrow night and so after work I called and she wasn't home yet but I messed up and went ahead and headed over, well she was home when I got there, knew she would be, but all she could say was why didn't you call, why did you just show up. Guess I messed up there, just so used to going there that it didn't feel like a big deal, I mean I lived there for over a year so..

 

The next day we didn't hang out or talk really, just did our own things.

 

Then yesterday we went to Six Flags with her family and then one of her friends and her boyfriend, but all day it just didn't feel right and neither of us could really talk to each other, just a lot of negative tension. So we had some fun but we weren't really getting along that great but it was ok. Well we get back to her house and she decides she is going to go out with her friends for a while and then in a few hours she'll give me a call and we can go hang out. Well basically my phone dies and she can't get ahold of me for a while so she came down here but then starts to go home, finally I get ahold of her and she says she just wants her coat and it's in my car so meet her somewhere. I said okay and do you wanna go hang out after? She says no that she is going back to her other friends house and she doesn't think I like them and it will be uncomfortable if I go over there so she's just gonna go by herself. I said whatever come get your coat then I don't feel like driving anywhere.

 

So guess what? Big fight. Basically everything just comes out and it's a lot more than worth typing on here but to sum it up, she says the past week hasn't been that fun and she realizes now why we broke up, that the spark just isn't there. I told her I agree the past week hasn't been a lot of fun except for the first night we hung out. I said are we supposed to be getting back together or what, she says no that I'm rushing her and she just wants to be friends for now. I said I am tired of being friends because it just makes it harder, I asked her if she still even loves me as a boyfriend and she says she doesn't know (I think she does but it might take her sometime to remember that). She said she was tired and I said that's great that this could be about the last time we talk for a long time and all you want to do is go to bed, she says she really wants to talk to me about this and knows we need to get it figured out but that she is really tired and will call me tomorrow. I said okay and that's where we are at now.

 

So sometime today I'm probably going to set up some actual no contact. I wish that we could be friends because I love spending time with her but it's way to hard to spend time with her and not be the boyfriend. Actually I could probably even handle not being the boyfriend if she'd just act like she cared but she hardly does. So I'll let you guys know how it goes.

[clynn]

Hey, good for you standing your ground and being strong about not being with her if you can't be her boyfriend. Sounds like you're protecting yourself well there.

 

You don't really need to talk to her to set up no contact and remember, you are doing it to protect yourself - it isn't for revenge or for any other purpose. It is a very smart thing to do, even though it probably feels like it is the hardest thing to do.