rosybifocals Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 if someone wrote or spoke to you like this (see below) and then gradually never expressed themself to you again...you might just see why I am so upset... "My name": With this letter, I will try to explain to you how I see you, and I hope my description complements the many accolades I have given to you in the past. And, by “how I see you,” I mean perfection. Of course, I refer not to a beau ideal with all its flawlessness; I refer to individual perfection—what matters only to me. And that is what you are to my eyes: you are beautiful, you are extremely intelligent, you have a personality without compare, you are uniquely gracious, you are undoubtedly sweet, you are my girlfriend—but best of all—you love me. But, the “how I see you” is just not just a list of qualities; I see you based on all the words you have said to me, all the times you have kissed me, all the times you have looked into my eyes; I have built up an image if you, and if it is not perfect, I could never ask for more. You make me happy beyond description; you make me feel like the luckiest man alive; you make me fall in love with you over and over. Every time I see you, I feel the same butterflies I felt the first time I kissed you; every second you are not with me, I feel an increasing need to have you by my side. Even with our sporadic bursts of bickering [due at times to my half-assed irritability; sorry , nothing could ever change the way I see you. I regard you highly, and I care for you accordingly; however, what You mean to my life is simply so much—everything that has to do with you has swallowed me whole (an event that I consider one of the best that has ever happened to me). I can safely say you are the most important part of my life; in fact, you are my life, and I live for you. And we continue to be each other’s; we continue to pay homage to experience; we continue to explore the realms of mutual love; we have now concluded our first two months together—the best two months I have ever had. Thank you for giving me everything that you are. Farewell, my love. Sincerely, "His name" i miss this so incredibly much...
fireflywy Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I've written thing similar. I wonder if my ex is asking the same question as you... However, I don't express things like to her anymore because she ended it. When I did, when I said my goodbye and made my peace, there was nothing from her on her end. No trying, to expression of mutual feelings, just a simple thank you. I don't know what the particulars of your relationship were, did you appreciate this from him? Did you show your feelings in return?
Author rosybifocals Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 this was two months into the relationship when we were both all lovey dovey, and i most definitely showed him i appreciated it. now it has been 2 1/2 years...we are still together, but going through a lot of problems. i just miss this, and keep looking back at the things he used to say to me. i dont know if he doesnt feel this way anymore or if he just doesnt express it the same way, because we are so used to each other. blah.
fireflywy Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Ahhh.. gotcha. Its okay to look back sometimes. Have you expressed this to him?
Author rosybifocals Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 most definitely. he explains that when he writes, it takes him a really long time because he proof reads it and makes sure it is perfect. he then goes on to say that he doesnt have time to do that anymore. its really stressful though, cause I see him going off and helping his family with their random problems (fixing computers and stuff...ALOT) he seems to find time for his friends and other things, but not to help me out. its tough not to be insecure, but i know i am, and need to focus on myself some more.
FELIZE Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Yeah I can see why you're a little upset. Most definitely. rosybifocals Quote: "he explains that when he writes, it takes him a really long time because he proof reads it and makes sure it is perfect". (Okay fine, send me the rough draft!) rosybifocals Quote: "he then goes on to say that he doesnt have time to do that anymore."(Well, what exactly do you have time for?) rosybifocals Quote: "its really stressful though, cause I see him going off and helping his family with their random problems (fixing computers and stuff...ALOT) he seems to find time for his friends and other things, but not to help me out". (It may seem hard, but maybe you should try making yourself "uavailable to him.... sometimes at least), Alot of times guys will start acting this way when they know: you're always gonna be there, always gonna call, always gonna wait, always gonna stay, and so on.......... Stop making yourself available to him; since he randomly helps everyone else. Start missing a phone call or two, dont relply to a text message right away, and shock him.....Go hang out with your girlfriend(s), just to be gone and away, So he can start missing you. "Stop being Johnny On The Spot" Mix It Up A Little! rosybifocals Quote: "its tough not to be insecure, but i know i am, and need to focus on myself some more".You have never been more right on!
Author rosybifocals Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 i know, i do not care if it is properly punctuated@?! it does not matter, i just want to know he put in the effort to show me he cares.. im working in the seeming unavailable thing, im not good at it, because im so used to having him around at all times and i have to walk past his room everytime i go home, cause we live on the same campus...its really hard not to knock or just call. im working on it though. BLAH.
FELIZE Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 i know, i do not care if it is properly punctuated@?! it does not matter, i just want to know he put in the effort to show me he cares.. Rosy? You keep forgetting... He dosen't have to be with you if he dosent want to, He has to right to do whatever he pleases. You cant make him want you or show you some kinda effort for anything. He's showing some effort alright, by this: [rosybifocals quote]: "he seems to find time for his friends and other things, but not to help me out". [rosybifocals quote]: "im working in the seeming unavailable thing, im not good at it, because im so used to having him around at all times". (Well, according to him, looks as though you may need to get "unused to" him around at all times) [rosybifocals quote]: "and i have to walk past his room everytime i go home, cause we live on the same campus...its really hard not to knock or just call . (Try and walk the other way) you keep finding reasons to keep yourself in this cycle that you have created, until you realize it, it's gonna continue! [rosybifocals quote]: "im working on it though". Thank Goodness!
Author rosybifocals Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 of course he can do whatever he wants, but he chooses to stay in this relationship...he does not then get to determine the terms of OUR relationship...that is for US to decide. i think that if someone is in a relationship, they SHOULD show they care...and i dont want to have to make them do anything, it is a natural thing to do. i understand that after 2 1/2 years it doesnt seem as important to show you care as much, but not doing anything at all does not cut it...and is not acceptable. how does him finding time for his friends show effort on this relationship? it shows he may relax more with his friends when i can tend to stress him out...but what he needs to understand is that WE are going through this together. im not having a jolly time arguing everyday...just like him, but because i am the one initiating it, i become the bad guy. do you know him or something, how would you know whether or not he thinks i need to get "unused" to him. i dont appreciate your hostile comments, i really came here for help and to feel better...i know that i am not perfect and that i need to give him space, its really not as easy as it appears. i do try and walk the other way, but if i am there, it is hard. i am stuck in a cycle...if you really do want to help, i suggest you look at my other posts too, there is another that is a lot more detailed and i explain that i KNOW the problem, just not how to fix it. plus, its not all up to me, he is in this relationship too, and he claims he wants to stay in it, and does nothing about it. and, ill continue to work on it...thanks for your support, if thats even what that was? i cannot tell whether you are being sarcastic and poking fun, or if you are trying to help. thanks for putting in the effort though
FELIZE Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 of course he can do whatever he wants, but he chooses to stay in this relationship...he does not then get to determine the terms of OUR relationship...that is for US to decide. i think that if someone is in a relationship, they SHOULD show they care...and i dont want to have to make them do anything, it is a natural thing to do. i understand that after 2 1/2 years it doesnt seem as important to show you care as much, but not doing anything at all does not cut it...and is not acceptable. how does him finding time for his friends show effort on this relationship? it shows he may relax more with his friends when i can tend to stress him out...but what he needs to understand is that WE are going through this together. im not having a jolly time arguing everyday...just like him, but because i am the one initiating it, i become the bad guy. do you know him or something, how would you know whether or not he thinks i need to get "unused" to him. i dont appreciate your hostile comments, i really came here for help and to feel better...i know that i am not perfect and that i need to give him space, its really not as easy as it appears. i do try and walk the other way, but if i am there, it is hard. i am stuck in a cycle...if you really do want to help, i suggest you look at my other posts too, there is another that is a lot more detailed and i explain that i KNOW the problem, just not how to fix it. plus, its not all up to me, he is in this relationship too, and he claims he wants to stay in it, and does nothing about it. and, ill continue to work on it...thanks for your support, if thats even what that was? i cannot tell whether you are being sarcastic and poking fun, or if you are trying to help. thanks for putting in the effort though [rosybifocals quote:] "do you know him or something, how would you know whether or not he thinks i need to get "unused" to him. i dont appreciate your hostile comments, i really came here for help and to feel better...i know that i am not perfect and that i need to give him space, its really not as easy as it appears." I have .......NO IDEA! where all this came from, I haven't a clue who you people are! You are the hostile one, because of what you're going through. Actually rosy, I was trying to help, and just to get you to see that you cant make anyone do anything. However, since you mistook my help for something "other than help", you can just disregard all my post to this thread. I wish you the best of luck!
Author rosybifocals Posted October 19, 2006 Author Posted October 19, 2006 im not trying to be hostile, i just did not understand why you said what you did. maybe i ust interpretted it wrong. i am sorry to react that way, im just going through a tough time and im feeling really defensive.
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