inthemidway Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 guys...please give me feedback...for this situation. My boy friend and i have been together for few months. So far we are happy and he has been really nice to me . Even though we didnt meet up everyday ,becoz i am busy and he is busy too , yet we enjoyed every moment we've shared. The problem is he is a divorcee and he has a kid from his previous marriage. I have been trying to close my eyes abt it and accept it but the more i try the more i realize i cant accept it. Moreover , his ex wife acts like they are still married. She likes to drop by with the kid and stay over with the kid sometimes . His ex wife even put her stuff in his wardrobe . My boy friend wants to introduce me to his daughter but i dont even want to. am i being selfish if i break up with him ? how to break up in better way... i dont want to hurt him but i know if i stay in the relationship it will only hurt him even more... but i dont want to take the risk for my self as well... what should i do ?
AtAGlance Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 So many people these days have children from previous relationships that it gets harder and harder to find someone who hasn't (especially once you're past 30 - trust me I know) but you have to remember that their children are part of them and part of their life. Assuming that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who can ditch their kids on a whim, you have to accept the child and your new man come as a package. You can't seperate the two - even if they don't live together their relationship will dicate your weekends and your holidays. You have to be able to accept that. If you really can't hack it as a stepmom then talk to him you may have to leave him now. Once you start a relationship with the child it is so much harder to leave, and think what you're doing to the child, another parental relatioship screwed up. Think hard !
FELIZE Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 First, talk to him about this & definitely let him know how you feel. Depending on his response? Is What You Should Base Your Decision on............. as to "should I stay or should I go" If he leans toward accepting and understanding your feelings and tries to compromise with you about the "EX", (NOT the child, we all know that he/she comes with Dad automatically) then, theres hope for you two to be 2gether. If does not lean towards accepting & understanding, then Im sure you know what that means.........you should go!
bluechocolate Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 The problem is not his daughter. She likes to drop by with the kid and stay over with the kid sometimes . His ex wife even put her stuff in his wardrobe. It's this kind of behaviour from his ex-wife, behaviour that he is probably condoning. I would say that you are a third wheel in this 'marriage'.
inthemidway Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 The problem is not his daughter. She likes to drop by with the kid and stay over with the kid sometimes . His ex wife even put her stuff in his wardrobe. It's this kind of behaviour from his ex-wife, behaviour that he is probably condoning. I would say that you are a third wheel in this 'marriage'. you got the point. I just think that even though they had dicorved it is never really over. And it seems the only solution for me is to leave him.Before everything is going further and caused me more pain. He told me that he will move to outher country where i am gonna be because i am planning to move to other country due to my job.He asked me to move in but i refused. I just think it is too early to do so and i dont see my self to stay with him if this condition is still going on. Now i feel so angry to him...
littlekitty Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Have you spoken to him about his ex wife's behavior? I don't think many people would stand for that behavior in a relationship! I'd be mighty pee'd off if my SO's ex gf (and mother of his child) acted like that! It doesn't sound like they've really broken off some of the ties with each other. How long have they been split? How long divorced?
Ssheena Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 As a single mom, if the person didn't want my kid, then I wouldn't want them. It's a package deal, you can't have him without the child. For some reason, I'm getting the pic that this guy just wants someone to take care of him and his child. How long as he been divorced? Why is he in such a rush to have you move in? And what is this he would move to another country (?) to be with you? What about his kid? He would give up seeing his kid to move to another country to be with you? Whoa... sorry but those priorities are messed up. His child should come first to him. Imagine if your mom or dad had just one day said, well, I'm moving to <blah> to be with <someone>. Don't know but it sounds like this guy needs to grow up/be comfortable being alone.
inthemidway Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Have you spoken to him about his ex wife's behavior? I don't think many people would stand for that behavior in a relationship! I'd be mighty pee'd off if my SO's ex gf (and mother of his child) acted like that! It doesn't sound like they've really broken off some of the ties with each other. How long have they been split? How long divorced? i have not really talked to him directly about it but i did try to give him a hint. But these few days i have been thinking over it and i think cant stay in this relationship any longer. They have been divorced / split for 2.5 yrs.And the kid is with the ex wife.in other country. He is staying in the same country as i am. But i am planning to move to other country.And he said he would follow me and find a job where i am going.But i think i cant stay in this relationship. i don't want to be unfair to the kid . It will be hard for me and for the kid and for him. And i don't want my life to be miserable... i am really sad now but i guess i have no choice.
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