sumdude Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 My wife and I have been together for over 7 years. We've been married for almost 2. Now all the rules seem to be changing. What used to be fine is now not allowed. What used to fun is now unacceptable. Who used to be a freind is now a bad influence.... I'm so frustrated and depressed at this point. Why do the women move the damn game board on us guys? The damn typical men don't want the woman to change and the women want the man to change. Yes I'm generalising but this is a VERY common theme.
blind_otter Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Well, I hate to state the obvious, but people change over time.
a4a Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I see it with both genders........ M seems to give a lic. not to give a crap or something. Lic. to ignore, neglect, and just be an ass. Perhaps not getting married is the right thing to do. At least then a partner knows they don't have that "youre stuck with me no matter what attitude"
Woggle Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Some women are like politicians. They put on a great front, make lots of promises and then they get elected or married things change. Women also know they have the upper hand in divorce court especially when kids are involved so they can do whatever the hell they want. Also how the hell is a friend a bad infulence? What are you a child?
elijahBailey Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Well, before marriage, they gotta be on their toes to make sure they get the guy. After marriage, the woman starts running the show because the guy can't just quit on them without getting a hole burnt in the pocket
Woggle Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Well, before marriage, they gotta be on their toes to make sure they get the guy. After marriage, the woman starts running the show because the guy can't just quit on them without getting a hole burnt in the pocket THis is why a prenup is a must for any man tying the knot. Getting married without a prenup is like driving withour insurance.
Cheshire Cat Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Were the rules ever clearly set before marriage?!? ...which I think is part of the problem. I also agree with Blind Otter. People change.
blind_otter Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I think it's weird when people say stuff like "You're different" or "you're not the man I married".....well duh. The man you married existed like however many years ago that you got married. WTF are people supposed to live in hermetically sealed cabinets and only come out for sex and work? Ideally you use your communication tools, which are the foundation of a relationship, to keep tabs on each other and grow TOGETHER. You shouldn't want to change anyone. But you should want to cultivate your personal change so that you grow closer.
Cheshire Cat Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Some women (and some men) will also just assume that their partner will agree with them that "some things/activities are not appropriate for a married person". Unfortunately, their Hs/Ws might not be on the same wavelenght.
elijahBailey Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 THis is why a prenup is a must for any man tying the knot. Getting married without a prenup is like driving withour insurance. you definitely have a point there Woggle. Better safe than sorry, eh.
kjl933 Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Why do the women move the damn game board on us guys? Because they can.
a4a Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Well, before marriage, they gotta be on their toes to make sure they get the guy. After marriage, the woman starts running the show because the guy can't just quit on them without getting a hole burnt in the pocket opposite here, my H chased me down, I am the same, he changed. Without a prenup it would be my bank drained.......although he is slowly doing that while married anyway :lmao: My magic money tree Like some women some men turn into frumpy non caring couch taters once the ring goes on the finger....... "I got her/him now, so I can just be a lazy tater about the relationship".
Author sumdude Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 Were the rules ever clearly set before marriage?!? ...which I think is part of the problem. I also agree with Blind Otter. People change. I certainly thought so. We were together 5 years before marriage. We talked about everything. Including 'we shouldn't try to change each other'. Now that rule changed too apparently. It feels like :We're married and now I'M in control!
Author sumdude Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 Some women (and some men) will also just assume that their partner will agree with them that "some things/activities are not appropriate for a married person". Unfortunately, their Hs/Ws might not be on the same wavelenght. I'm not talking about strip clubs, freinds of the opposite sex or anything like that.
SmoochieFace Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Because they can. No. They do it because the guys let them do it. Sounds like the OP needs to be more assertive and quit allowing his wife to 'call all the shots' in his marriage.
Cheshire Cat Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I'm not talking about strip clubs, freinds of the opposite sex or anything like that. I apologize for my lack of imagination. You now got me curious - is your W only unhappy about some of your habits, or with people you hang out with, or do you think she is trying to change/has started to dislike some traits of your personality? Has this been going on for long? Or is it a very recent -and hopefully temporary- thing?
norajane Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 What rules do you think have changed? What is it that was allowed before marriage and isn't allowed now? What was fun before and isn't fun now? How has your view of her changed?
Author sumdude Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 I apologize for my lack of imagination. You now got me curious - is your W only unhappy about some of your habits, or with people you hang out with, or do you think she is trying to change/has started to dislike some traits of your personality? Has this been going on for long? Or is it a very recent -and hopefully temporary- thing? It started a few months ago I guess. My mother passed away in February and it has generally been a hard year. I guess I found myself drinking more than I should. My wife brought it to my attention and I've slowed down a lot. But now it seems like ANY drinking is unforgivable. I have to do it her way or it's no good. Like giving someone an unreachable goal. Being set up to fail. We used to go out, let loose a little and have fun with each other and friends. Now if we go to a party she demands that we leave early before anyone does much drinking. So essentially we leave pretty much right away. We're not talking about some rowdy college crowd here. We're in our late 30s and our freinds are in the same age group. We go to maybe one party every 4 months if even that now. We have pretty much no social life. We only hang out with her freinds now. Mine have somehow all ended up being somehow wrong. I start to feel as though she needs total control of everything. Anyone does one little thing she doesn't like and suddenly they're no good. Now I'm not an angry, mean or violent drinker by any stretch.
a4a Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 So your drinking is effecting her/ your life and she is addressing the problem by trying to avoid situations where you may drink too much?
Romeo Must Die Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 My wife and I have been together for over 7 years. We've been married for almost 2. Now all the rules seem to be changing. What used to be fine is now not allowed. What used to fun is now unacceptable. Who used to be a freind is now a bad influence.... My husband did not like my friend LR. I have known her for three years. He told me she had alot of mental problems and that she could go off like a bomb at anytime. I just didnt know her well enough. Of course, I thought he was judgemental and full of crap and I continued being friends with LR. I told LR that there was a rumor going around that had gotten back to me pretty quick because I am closely associated with her. I wouldn't even call it a rumor. It was a pretty serious accusation. People were asking me if she were a narc. All I knew was that her 18 year old son was involved in pills (he went to jail for drugs and stealing checks from her) and in recent weeks, her son was beaten up in his own house by one of his dealers. She probably had a fit at the hospital and said things she shouldnt have. There were police involved. And something about Sonny going back to prison. I phoned her and told her about the accusations and I warned her to be careful. Trust no one. Dont talk to anybody about this matter, it's out of hand. Well, she flew into a rage and said "fine if you think Im a narc too, then we shouldnt be friends either" and she said she will not talk to me. Snap. You know what, I would be smart not to hang around her right now anyway. I want you to know that I stuck by her from the beginning, when her son got in trouble at 16. This is her choice. She's doing me a favor. I dont want to get involved with drugs or cops or any of that mess. I dont want a friend who would treat me like **** when I didnt keep any secrets behind her back like everybody else did. She can kiss my ass. Now I see that my husband only has my best interests at heart. We have been together for sixteen years. I've known LR for three. He was right about LR. I just had to get caught up in one of her rages to see it with my own eyes. It could have been a lot worse if LR pulled me and this family down with her delinquent son.
Woggle Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Nobody has the right to try seperate somebody from their friends. I have friends that do drugs and have police records but they were there for me when I had nobody else to go to and I will always be loyal to them. Any woman in my life better understand that.
Author sumdude Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 So your drinking is effecting her/ your life and she is addressing the problem by trying to avoid situations where you may drink too much? That's one aspect. Thing is, I've already seriously addressed it and slowed down. Now that's not enough. I didn't ever get so drunk that I make a fool of myself, get into fights, wreck the car, do ANYTHING inappropriate with another woman, mistreat my wife in any way etc. Now I'm supposed to be some teatotaling, tiddly wink playing, crumpet eating wanker whose wife has him by the balls? I can't have a cocktail unless she says it's ok? When the f*** did she turn into the church lady?!!?
Woggle Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 That's one aspect. Thing is, I've already seriously addressed it and slowed down. Now that's not enough. I didn't ever get so drunk that I make a fool of myself, get into fights, wreck the car, do ANYTHING inappropriate with another woman, mistreat my wife in any way etc. Now I'm supposed to be some teatotaling, tiddly wink playing, crumpet eating wanker whose wife has him by the balls? I can't have a cocktail unless she says it's ok? When the f*** did she turn into the church lady?!!? Is she starting to become more religious?
norajane Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 That's one aspect. Thing is, I've already seriously addressed it and slowed down. Now that's not enough. I didn't ever get so drunk that I make a fool of myself, get into fights, wreck the car, do ANYTHING inappropriate with another woman, mistreat my wife in any way etc. Now I'm supposed to be some teatotaling, tiddly wink playing, crumpet eating wanker whose wife has him by the balls? I can't have a cocktail unless she says it's ok? When the f*** did she turn into the church lady?!!? Have you tried to discuss this with her in a non-defensive, non-aggressive way? Like, "sweetheart, I want to thank you for all your support after my mother died. I am grateful that you noticed my drinking was getting out of control and for helping me get a handle on that before it turned into a problem. I'm in a much better place now and I'd like for you to be able to relax and understand that I am back to my usual self when it comes to drinking so you don't feel you have to keep watch over me. How can I help you relax?"
Romeo Must Die Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Woggle. I agree with you completely. But by the time I spoke with LR she was completely gone off the deep end. The rumor wasnt news to her. She took her **** out on me and right now she is unpredictable and she's attacking everyone who goes near her. myself included.
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