yousaveme Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Does he know that you have no intention of marrying him? Because it is possible in his mind that he doesn't see the point in divoring his wife then. I'm sure for financial reasons, and legal reasons (and maybe some personal reasons, I don't know) he hasn't pushed for a divorce. IT is possible too, that if he asks for a divorce, she'll turn around and take EVERYTHING or make it a messy divorce, maybe he's scared of that...Better for HER to approach him. I have a question for you whichwayisup...where you a ow? im just curious of your back story
Author reneet Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 Does he know that you have no intention of marrying him? Because it is possible in his mind that he doesn't see the point in divoring his wife then. I'm sure for financial reasons, and legal reasons (and maybe some personal reasons, I don't know) he hasn't pushed for a divorce. IT is possible too, that if he asks for a divorce, she'll turn around and take EVERYTHING or make it a messy divorce, maybe he's scared of that...Better for HER to approach him. He said back in February "When all is said & done, I'm asking you to marry me & I hope you'd say yes". Now it's "My son is sick & will be for a long while, I don't need the added stress that my divorce will bring on to me & K." It is a financial issue also. He would lose a boat, a shore home etc... She pressed for the divorce back in April & then in May all was halted due to his son being in the hosp. Now it's (again) not the right time to discuss him & his divorce proceedings. It's never a good time. EXCUSES, EXCUSES...
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Atleast the excuses are good reasons, ya know? I don't know what to tell you. You're stuck in a place and the thing is, how long can you stay in that place with no real progress? Progress as in action, not in words...Words are so easy to say, it's the follow through that counts. You may just have to back off of him, let him do his thing for a while. And if you do that, don't pine after him. Take advantage of time for yourself.
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I have a question for you whichwayisup...where you a ow? im just curious of your back story Nope, but I was tempted. It was online, didn't last long but I let myself get caught up in that, the fantasy of it all.
Author reneet Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 Atleast the excuses are good reasons, ya know? I don't know what to tell you. You're stuck in a place and the thing is, how long can you stay in that place with no real progress? Progress as in action, not in words...Words are so easy to say, it's the follow through that counts. You may just have to back off of him, let him do his thing for a while. And if you do that, don't pine after him. Take advantage of time for yourself. I guess they're good reasons at my expense?! The majority of my friends say the same as you. Let things ride right now. And I am taking time for myself. Thanks Again!!
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Nah, his son's illness is probably the main reason. Why rock the boat now with all that going on. It IS evident that he isn't putting you first, and you're feeling that. So yeah, put yourself first, stop worrying about what he does/doesn't do. If you just focus on you, YOU will feel better.
NoIDidn't Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 His W pushed for a D and he didn't take the opportunity then?!!! :confusing: How far can you remove yourself from this without coming off as insensitive? The rational mind says that his son's illness is not likely to get worst if they finalize a D. In fact, they can hold off on telling him while they do it. The son and likely the whole family has had time to digest that they are no longer together (at least for now). Like, Serial Muse, I agree. I hate to see/hear you dealing with this when you don't have to. He invited you into this mess 6 years ago. How many more years you willing to waste in a losing situation? Not saying that you abandon him, but you are in a tough sitch. Have you even SEEN the boat or the shore home? Have the two of you spent time using those properties that he is so afraid of losing? I think his STUFF means more to him than YOU do. Like he doesn't want her or you to have them. That is something to ponder.
Author reneet Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 His W pushed for a D and he didn't take the opportunity then?!!! :confusing: How far can you remove yourself from this without coming off as insensitive? The rational mind says that his son's illness is not likely to get worst if they finalize a D. In fact, they can hold off on telling him while they do it. The son and likely the whole family has had time to digest that they are no longer together (at least for now). Like, Serial Muse, I agree. I hate to see/hear you dealing with this when you don't have to. He invited you into this mess 6 years ago. How many more years you willing to waste in a losing situation? Not saying that you abandon him, but you are in a tough sitch. Have you even SEEN the boat or the shore home? Have the two of you spent time using those properties that he is so afraid of losing? I think his STUFF means more to him than YOU do. Like he doesn't want her or you to have them. That is something to ponder. He did take the oppurtunity. He did see an attorney about the D. His son has leukemia & is having a bone marrow transplant tomorrow. He's been very sick. Yes the whole family does know about him & I. His wife has been with someone for 3 years. I am on the boat every weekend in the summer. As for the house at the shore, his w takes their daughter down all summer, I've seen the house twice. He won't get rid of the house cause his daughter absolutely loves it. I hope I answered all your ?'s Please advise after reading my reply. Thanks.
Author reneet Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 (I know, I know I have issues) His mother does not want to meet me cause he's not divorced yet. After 6 years. Come on now. Now I don't want to meet her or anyone else that I haven't met yet. It would be like a slap in the face for them to suddenly want to meet me now. (Hasn't happened yet) I've been the woman taking care of him for all these years & his mom won't meet me. Huh. Supposedly she is a devout catholic. Who is very forgiving. Hmmmm. Didn't forgive her own son for leaving his wife. Anyway, I do not want to meet anyone in his family who I have not met already. His mom, 2 sons, 2 sisters out of 4 etc... Sorry, ranting again. Pent up frustration I guess.
yousaveme Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 (I know, I know I have issues) His mother does not want to meet me cause he's not divorced yet. After 6 years. Come on now. Now I don't want to meet her or anyone else that I haven't met yet. It would be like a slap in the face for them to suddenly want to meet me now. (Hasn't happened yet) I've been the woman taking care of him for all these years & his mom won't meet me. Huh. Supposedly she is a devout catholic. Who is very forgiving. Hmmmm. Didn't forgive her own son for leaving his wife. Anyway, I do not want to meet anyone in his family who I have not met already. His mom, 2 sons, 2 sisters out of 4 etc... Sorry, ranting again. Pent up frustration I guess. Do you want the padded room also for christmas...I'll send him over:lmao:
Author reneet Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 Do you want the padded room also for christmas...I'll send him over:lmao: send him right away - with extra padding.
yousaveme Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 send him right away - with extra padding. :lmao: as soon as he is done here...he will be on his way...Please kick him in the A** when he gets there..thanks
Author reneet Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 :lmao: as soon as he is done here...he will be on his way...Please kick him in the A** when he gets there..thanks I can't if he puts me in the straight jacet first, throws me in the room & locks the door. How bout if I just scream "Thanks Baldy"?!
NoIDidn't Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 He did take the oppurtunity. He did see an attorney about the D. His son has leukemia & is having a bone marrow transplant tomorrow. He's been very sick. Yes the whole family does know about him & I. His wife has been with someone for 3 years. I am on the boat every weekend in the summer. As for the house at the shore, his w takes their daughter down all summer, I've seen the house twice. He won't get rid of the house cause his daughter absolutely loves it. I hope I answered all your ?'s Please advise after reading my reply. Thanks. Thanks for the answers. It sounds like things are very complicated. If I were the one needing a D, I wouldn't take to kindly to being offered advice from a third party that I didn't pay so I won't go there. Pray for his son's transplant and take care of you. Hopefully when this situation resolves itself (as this too shall pass), you will not have lost the most important person: yourself. (not implying that you will lose him, just be careful not to lose you in the process)
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