db75 Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Can't say I'd recommend this to everyone, but if it's been a while since your break-up and you just don't feel like you're really moving forward and you're just kinda stuck on your ex, well here's what I did. Sometimes in life when something is stuck you give it a really hard hit or shove to get it moving again or unstuck. This usually works most of the time. Well, yesterday I just couldn't take it anymore, I've been stuck on my ex for weeks now with no relief in sight. I went ahead and broke NC. She'd been all I could think of for a while now. I kept getting this notion that she was going to come back to me and I was stuck on that thought and not moving forward. She and I had a pleasant conversation yesterday. I poured my heart out to her, I needed to. She did also in turn. Our relationship, while it didn't end badly ended really abruptly, we both agreed on that. We never really had any real closure. I told her I felt like she was coming back. She told me she wasn't, she told me alot of things that I really needed to hear. I'm fortunate in the fact that I have an ex who is very kind and very understanding. She said that it was okay what I was doing, sometimes you do what you need to in order to get over someone. Sometimes even talking to them. We both agree that we still love one another and we always will. We developed a really strong friendship in 3.5 years. It is hard to see how much she's moved on, and in turn how much I should have already. We do both agree that it is nice knowing that we will always have a very special bond. It's a shame that bond wasn't enough to keep us together. I guess that's where your mind gets all screwed up. How is it that two people love each other and not be able to stay together? I guess that's a question alot of us wish we had the answer to. Anyway, last night was certainly a sad one. Cried for a long time. Hell, I was still crying when I got up this morning. But at any rate, while what I did hurt like hell, I feel alot less stuck than I did. Guess sometimes you really do have to give yourself a good hit or shove to get going again. I'm still really nervous about the future and it's going to be really weird not having her with me. But hopefully in time, I'll feel better and maybe someday I'll meet someone who works for me. Anyway, sorry this was all so long. Take care folks DB.
tearful_soul22 Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Good luck DB and thanks for sharing. Hope you'll find somebody worthy of your love...somewhere...out there! Take care!!
everlong Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Excellent work! Well done. I am happy for both of you. Sometimes, that's all it takes to get rid of that nasty NC thing. See, your ex, did the right thing and you both were at at stage were you could do that - and by talking and just getting things out [sometimes that is a simply as doing it over at lunch] you both saved each other a lot of 'stuck' time and hours of guessing. Betcha wished you both had done that earlier! But in most cases I think you just needed to wait until you both were able to do that - and you were. Kewl Sounds like you both can relax and start living again. I was in the same situation as you but I don't think my ex and I ever do what you both did [tell each other things we both need to hear] but not everyone and every relationship ends of such a positive and fortunate note as yers did. STAY KEWL. "She and I had a pleas"ant conversation yesterday. I poured my heart out to her, I needed to. She did also in turn. Our relationship, while it didn't end badly ended really abruptly, we both agreed on that. We never really had any real closure. I told her I felt like she was coming back. She told me she wasn't, she told me alot of things that I really needed to hear. I'm fortunate in the fact that I have an ex who is very kind and very understanding."
Author db75 Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 Excellent work! Well done. I am happy for both of you. Sometimes, that's all it takes to get rid of that nasty NC thing. See, your ex, did the right thing and you both were at at stage were you could do that - and by talking and just getting things out [sometimes that is a simply as doing it over at lunch] you both saved each other a lot of 'stuck' time and hours of guessing. Betcha wished you both had done that earlier! But in most cases I think you just needed to wait until you both were able to do that - and you were. Kewl Sounds like you both can relax and start living again. I was in the same situation as you but I don't think my ex and I ever do what you both did [tell each other things we both need to hear] but not everyone and every relationship ends of such a positive and fortunate note as yers did. STAY KEWL. Well, she wasn't as stuck as I was. Seems like women have the ability to move on a bit quicker than men do. It's not to say she doesn't hurt at all, but she's having an easier go of things from all appearances. Once my mind fully processes all of what was said yesterday, I know I'll be able to move forward with more ease than before. I'll still miss her, I know I've still got some hurt ahead of me, but hopefully this will speed up the overall recovery time.
Author db75 Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 Good luck DB and thanks for sharing. Hope you'll find somebody worthy of your love...somewhere...out there! Take care!! I certainly hope I do too. It's difficult having to switch gears from thinking "this is the person I'm going to spend my life with." to "I'm single again?...Oh WTF!" No one can see the future, I certainly didn't see what I'm experiencing right now many months ago. So that's the truly difficult part right now, before I kinda knew where my life was headed, now I've got and extremely rough outline of what "could be." So yeah, hopefully I will find someone worthwhile. In the meantime I'm going to do my best to enjoy the ride that gets me there.
Guest Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 It so weird that I read this thread because I'm going through the exact same thing. Me and my BF broke up 7 weeks ago. It ended on a good note.... we both cried and he still calls my family to check on how I'm doing. He openly tells me that He "Doesn't Know about the future and can't say if we're going to be together" but he says thing that suggest to me that he wants to but isn't for sure. So, I did the NC thing for 2 weeks straight and broke it yesterday....... After we talked and said how much we both miss each other. He said alot about how much he misses me and "I don't think I'll find someone like you Ever" but he won't say he would even like to be with me in the future. I guess I'm not looking for him to say "Yes, we will be together" but I would at least like to hear "Yes, I would like to be with you". Anyways, the last 2 weeks I was just telling myself we will be together, which is not healthy, but it's so hard to not be "Stuck" when your Ex is saying things like that. I don't know what I need to hear to Move on but I know that not knowing what he is thinking is Driving me crazy. He keeps saying " Just focus on yourself right now. Is he leading me on? He says he doesn't know but I think he knows if he wants to be with me in the future by the little thing he says but just doesn't want to say for sure. I totally Disagree with the whole Women move on alot easier than men.
shawn_68 Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I guess that's where your mind gets all screwed up. How is it that two people love each other and not be able to stay together? I guess that's a question alot of us wish we had the answer to. I guess I don't really get it. If she really loved you why did she let you go? What were her reasons? My guess is that she cares for you. The shared memories and all that. But if she was really in love with you, she would have made sure to keep you. At least that's the way that I see things.
Author db75 Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 I guess I don't really get it. If she really loved you why did she let you go? What were her reasons? My guess is that she cares for you. The shared memories and all that. But if she was really in love with you, she would have made sure to keep you. At least that's the way that I see things. Well there's all different kinds of love bub. Ultimately "love" is just a word. It's the connection that the word implies that's important. It's a long and complicated story. In a nutshell we were in love in the traditional sense for a long time. At some point in time that love died and the love we had for one another evolved into a different kind of love. The type of love you might feel for an extremely close friend or family member is the best as I can describe it, but it's even slightly different than that. We decided that the love that she and I now felt for one another certainly wasn't condusive for a traditional relationship, so we decided it would be best to go our seperate ways. There's alot of other reasons why we parted ways, she has hers, I have mine. Mutual break-ups may be the hardest kind. It's hard letting go of someone you still care for and love. It's easier to let go of someone you hate, the reasons for the break-up are more obvious.
shawn_68 Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 It's a long and complicated story. In a nutshell we were in love in the traditional sense for a long time. At some point in time that love died and the love we had for one another evolved into a different kind of love. The type of love you might feel for an extremely close friend or family member is the best as I can describe it, but it's even slightly different than that. Which is what I suspected. The romantic (some say "sexual") attraction was gone, or at least at a low level. You both cannot remain freinds? If ever there was a case for it I would say it applies here. But obviously you know the situation better. Anyway, wish you the best --
Author db75 Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 Which is what I suspected. The romantic (some say "sexual") attraction was gone, or at least at a low level. You both cannot remain freinds? If ever there was a case for it I would say it applies here. But obviously you know the situation better. Anyway, wish you the best -- Thanks Shawn, We still certainly consider one another to be friends. She would do anything for me if I needed help and the same applies to her. However, given that the break-up occured about 3 months ago, we just need enough time apart to heal up. Even though the break-up was mutual, it still hurts like hell for both of us(maybe a little more for me, long story). Imagine for a moment deciding that you and your closest friend shouldn't see or speak to one another for a long time, that's really hard and you would miss that person alot. The concern is that if we were to start hanging out right now that we could end up back together by mistaking the love we still have for one another for something more than it is and end up hurting or resenting one another. We just need a good bit of time apart before we'd feel like catching up. We have not seen one another since the day we broke-up and seeing her now would be too much for me to handle and the same applies to her.
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