Matt L Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 So... my roommate and I are having a bit of a discussion at the moment... and I, not being one to mince words too much, will get right down to the point of this thread, what do you think about non-exclusive dating? My roommate is of the school of thought that teaches that dating is a black and white practice: you are either going out with someone, or not going out with someone. I would argue that there can be a gray area, in which one might be seeing more than person at a time... This, obviously, leads to a fundamental difference of opinion when it comes to whether or not non-exclusive dating is okay. My argument is that it's okay provided that your date/partner understands that you're doing things this way (or at least isn't under the impression that you're committed to him/her), seeing as this minimizes the 'hurt' factor later on. My belief is that there is always room for things to get exclusive later on if a truly deep connection ends up being established between us. So, ladies, I'm curious to know what you all think here. It'd also be nice if the male section chirped in here too to relate some experiences.
BabyPhoenix Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 To me, dating is a black and white thing – although with a different interpretation to that of your roommate. To me, dating means seeing lots of people. It is almost implicit in the term, that you are seeing one or more people, and there is no exclusivity involved. Of course, if you are serious about someone, and the feeling is mutual, the “exclusive” talk can take place. Then you are committed to that person and that can lead to officially being a couple, etc. But why limit yourself to one person in the initial dating phase? Seems rather limiting and frankly impractical.
Noos Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Yep. Both parties have to agree to the exclusivity. If you've dated person X on Friday and then the following weekend too, there is nothing to stop you from dating person Y on the following Tuesday night or whatever. But if you sense that they expect exclusivity, tell them straight away what you think. Don't just go on dating other people with them assuming they had exclusivity - that's how people get hurt.
lovelorcet Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Unless you have had the "talk" then everything is open and no having sex with someone does not count as being exclusive...
Cheshire Cat Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I agree that it's okay to date more than a person at a time (as long as you are not hiding it), even if I personally prefer people who do not.
ChampionSound Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 If I meet someone I really like, I'll go out with them once or twice a week for a few weeks, without the assumption of exclusivity. If I like them enough and I see a strong potential for a relationship, I probably won't be running around with other girls at the same time. Regardless, once we have gotten to spend enough quality time together to have built some kind of foundation, then we have a talk about what we each want. I don't hold it against someone if they are seeing other people in this first period. We're both coming from different places, and it takes a damn long time to know enough about someone to be able to judge them.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Depends how relationshippy the dating gets. If dating means you're spending 4-5 nights a week at their house, well, I think assumptions can be made, but it's good to talk about it and get it out in the open. I "dated" someone for 9 months and lived with her for three months and we even talked about the exclusivity, but after she got tired of it she decided we were just "dating" and she could f*ck anyone she wanted, because we weren't married after all.
kjl933 Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I am a poor juggler of women, so I tend to have relationships or single dates. If I like a woman and we go out, I will ask her out again, and will continue to do so (exclusively) till we fall apart. If I do not have a woman I am "dating", I will go out on single dates witih women looking to date (is this making sense) and if we get along..see paragraph 1. If not, it was a nice evening and I will look for someone else. I have found that juggling is very difficult for me. Did we do this, does she like that, what were her kids names, etc. And a screw up can end what potentially could have been a decent relationship.
dgiirl Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I "dated" someone for 9 months and lived with her for three months and we even talked about the exclusivity, but after she got tired of it she decided we were just "dating" and she could f*ck anyone she wanted, because we weren't married after all. Um, if you had the exclusivity talk, and then she started "dating" without informing you, well, I dont care how she reasons it, that's cheating. You are lucky to be rid of her.
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