UGHdating Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Okay WHOA - The Player and I went out again and I am still takin it slow - well sorta. Anyways Saturday night I went out with my girls and he went out with his boys and he ended up calling me to meet up afterwards - so I met up with him at the bar he was at with his boys. By the time I got there, he was Drunk. nice. During his drunkiness he said to me very casually that he loved me. I reacted like he didn't say anything. So he said it again. Again I pretended not to hear him. I was thinking like, hummm this is interesting. Then he said he couldn't believe he was sprung on me. I ignored the comments and just laughed and said ok. The next morning he took me to breakfast (yes I spent the night at his place - but nothing happend that night other than the usual make out session) During breakfast he looks at me and apolgizes for being drunk and then asked me if he had said anything to me. I said what do you mean? He responded "I think I might have said a few things to you" I pretended that i didn't know what he was talking about, and if he did I took it as a grain of salt. Then he goes, I think i might have told you I love you - So I admitted to it that he did say that to me, and so he quickly says that he didn't mean it. I said no worries, I know you didn't. As soon as I said that - he goes, "damn, I can't believe how sprung I am on you." I laugh and go, umm okay. I really didn't know how to respond to that. I really don't know how to take it. IN any case we go on with breakfast and he asked me to hang out with him all day to watch the football games. I said just for the 4tyNiner game that I would (FYI I am huge Football fanatic, Im even in a few fanatsy football legues and he knows that) but I have to leave right afterwards as I am meeting a friend for lunch. So while watching the game we have another make out session which leads to him givng me oral sex, which BTW was pretty damn good - and I told him that (doh! I wish I didn't) IN any case I freaked out because it was so fantastic that I got up afterwards and said I had to go, and left. I didn't even repay the favor to him, which is in large part due to issues I have - if you want the detailed story of it I posted that info here as I wanted opinons on not returning the favor. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101578/ So my question is, what the heck? For him to say all that is that just part of his game? I still can't have sex with him. Actually before I jolted out of there he tried to get on top of me I think to try to have sex i pushed him off and go, whoa - no, and he say," sorry I want you so bad, but I understand, I know I haven't earned it yet." So I am all confused with this player! I don't want to take all what he is saying and doing seriously, but I can't help to wonder if the player does really like me, or damn he got some tight game, cause he sure got me trippin. I can't figure out his motivites. AND fyi when we were at breakfast, he was so being all mushy wanting to hold my hand while waiting for the food, putting his arms around me, giving me little pecks on my cheek and lips and complimenting me how cute I look. Ohh soo confused. And when he told me he loved me twice - he was drunk, really drunk. I can take this in two ways. 1. Believe that when one is drunk, the truth is told, or the person, has got the liquor to have the courage to say whats on his mind. OR 2. He was really just drunk and didn't mean it. AND here's my original post if you missed the last one: Http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=945111#post945111/ THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE PEOPLE - Gosh I love this site!
Island Girl Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Girl - you are doing so well! Especially letting him satisfy you and makin' him wait for his. 1st rule is don't give it up FOR A WHILE. Should be that way anyway, but a player is used to having it on a platter anytime he wants. Let him do all of the chasing. Don't call or make reference to when he is going to call. You got girlfriend he is going to call. Just repeat that in your head. You're IT he's never met anyone like you. Make him treat you like a lady. Open doors for you, etc. The whole 9. Girls he is playing let him slide on all of that and he uses them up. You aren't them show him you are unique and deserve to be treated that way. When he keeps talking about the sprung on you thing - let him talk. He is sprung on the challenge. He has to be kept that way for real feelings to develope. If you feel like he needs encouragement, you can look in his eyes - kinda shy like and say "I feel you" or "I understand that" - If he holds your hand or puts his arm around you great but after a time find a reason, like looking in your purse, to stop. And then don't pick his hand back up. He has to make the move again. Hang out, go places, HAVE FUN. It sounds like you are soooo on the right track. I love players. They are SO smooth and SO together! After taming several I found the KING and married him! LOL Good luck with this one!
justagirliegirl Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Drunk player translation I love you = I would love to get into your pants. He just wants to have sex with you, that's all.
Cheshire Cat Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Drunk player translation I love you = I would love to get into your pants. He just wants to have sex with you, that's all. Sorry...I have to agree. It's not wise trying to tame players... they are like rhinos... if you are not one yourself, you either shoot them dead (figuratively speaking) when they get too close or just enjoy watching them from a distance... unless you are looking for trouble.
justagirliegirl Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I reread your post over a little more carefully. You haven't really been on an official date with him meaning he hasn't taken you to a movie or out to eat or anything. At the club, the late night call was just a booty call attempt. You spend the night with him. You allow him to give you oral. How is it that you are taking things slow? I don't see it? In his mind he is going to being f-ing you or you giving him oral the next 'date'. There isn't anything here. This is just a typical player game. He is being nice to get sex from you. Sure he'll hold hands, cuddle, tell you what you want to hear, and talk to you if it means getting some action. That is very little effort on his part. That's all. I'm sorry but it is true.
elijahBailey Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Well, OP, you know it's true. I had to say "I ... <cough> ...love you ...<cough><cough> ", so that my ex wouldn't break up with me and that she'll continue to sleep with me. Sorry, but it's true that men do that.
Walk Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I have to agree with Justagirl about the booty call from the bar. I'd be really leery of situations like that. It's cool he was thinking of you while there, but at the same time... Tends to send the message that he was just thinking about sex with you. Not you for you. I don't know... you could really get your heart thumped on here. Are you sure you want to keep following this? I didn't like his comment about the "I know I have to earn it". I know you were saying that in your first post, so he probably picked that up from you. But makes me think he's seeing it as a boy scout badge he has to earn. And once he's gotten it, then he can move on to the next. Just seems like a lot of games.. How will you know when you can stop playing the game with him? Are you sure this is what you want? What if he actually does fall for you, but the person you portrayed yourself as is different from the real you? Then the only thing you accomplished is to prove you could "get him". In which case, you were the "player" and he was the pawn to be won. Well... doesn't really matter if you sleep with him now or later. Mostly what I've heard, read, and talked to with men, is the deciding factor is the "cling" factor. So if you have sex with him, when it's uh, finished... take 5 mins to relax, then suggest that the two of you go get breakfast and then head your seperate ways for the day so he can get his sleep. But sex+food+sleep for a guy is like the magic elixor of love. He will never let you go after that. Assuming you don't just lay there like a dead fish during sex. hahah Has to be at least decent sex. But really... is it worth all the games? Who are you if you aren't true to yourself and how you feel? Taking risks is part of life, but understand that the essence of life comes from the core of who you are. And if that core is being clouded by who you think he wants you to be.. then you aren't living. You're hiding behind a mask. That isn't risk for reward, that's foolishly wasting your time to end up hurt in the future. Just make sure you are true to yourself. At this point, he'll either see how great you are and try to keep you in his life, or he won't. But either way, the both of you won't be wasting each others time with lies about who and what you really are.
stillafool Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Oh he's definitely a Player all right. He sounds like the type who would stop at nothing to reach his goals (sex). I wouldn't believe him for a moment about the "I love you" thing. They know that's what will make a girl's heart melt especially if you like him and I think you like him a lot. If I were you I would definitely not sleep with this guy and the next 3 times he calls you be busy with something else. He sounds like as soon as he gets what he wants he will move on to the next girl who rejects him to test his skills on her. I hate games but if you want more attention from this guy - treat him like he's a joke.
moman Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I've never told a woman I love her to get her to sleep with me, but now I might have to give it a shot..... I think this guy is interested but can't figure out how to make it work with you since you have all your walls up in defense because you think he's a player.
monkey00 Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I think this guy is interested but can't figure out how to make it work with you since you have all your walls up in defense because you think he's a player. I would have to agree, i cant quite see which part of him is the player. If he really was a player, he'd be dating and sexing multiple women simultaneously. Now do you have real proof that you *arent* the only girl he's seeing? Lets face it, he gave you a drunk call. he probably is really into you and blurted that 'i love you' without thinking much. you can love someone as a person, or be in love with them...2 sides of the coin. I say give him the benefit of the doubt, unless you discover something about him otherwise that screams player with neon flashing arrows. Give the guy a chance. You dont have to have sex to have a good time, if he pushes for it everytime you see him...then i would say start having doubts. If you've been seeing him for a few months, sex should already be a routine between the 2 of you by now. I'll bet he's good looking and you're judging him based on his apperance?
Author UGHdating Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 [FONT="]OHHH Thank you everyone! This site is so freaking great! I love all the different point of views. I got a date with him tomorrow - he wont' tell me where he is taking me, he said its a surprise that he knows I will like. So we'll see. I'll keep you all updated. As far as all the responses: To MonkeyOO - I don't need proof to know that I am the only girl he is seeing, its just that I think he is a player due to what friends say of him , and Yes he is damn gorgeous, and yes I am sorta judging him based on appearance due to what friends say. Wrong yes, but its fair for me to be cautious. TO MO: Yes walls are all up - due to me thinking he is a player To Stillafool - Definitely have that in mind already to treat him like a joke. TO WALK - thank you for your great words. Yes I try to stay true to me as much as possible even with all the games. And you are most likely right asking me "how will i know how and when I can stop the games?" Good question, I don't know. And unfortunately I am not sure if I really want to pursue this knowing that my heart might get hurt. Maybe a part of me is hoping that because I like him so much, I can tame him? I am definitely going to need to ponder this for awhile, but at the same time need to make a decision. To justagirlygirl - I love your honesty - I needed that. To island Girl - Thank you for your support and you rooting for me. The pretend I need to get something out of my purse is a good idea and I am definitely going to let him do all the chasing. [/FONT]
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I got a date with him tomorrow - he wont' tell me where he is taking me, he said its a surprise that he knows I will like. So we'll see. I'll keep you all updated Don't fool around with him! Do abit of kissing but that's IT. Players will say and DO anything to get what they want...
Island Girl Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Well... doesn't really matter if you sleep with him now or later. Mostly what I've heard, read, and talked to with men, is the deciding factor is the "cling" factor. Actually "Players" are generally the stereotypical guy. Sleep with him and you are now in the easy category. The catagory that to them (and A LOT of guys) means the girl is not girlfriend material. No matter how nice she is, etc. They don't respect the girl who sleep with them so easily. But really... is it worth all the games? Who are you if you aren't true to yourself and how you feel? Taking risks is part of life, but understand that the essence of life comes from the core of who you are. And if that core is being clouded by who you think he wants you to be.. then you aren't living. You're hiding behind a mask. That isn't risk for reward, that's foolishly wasting your time to end up hurt in the future. Just make sure you are true to yourself. At this point, he'll either see how great you are and try to keep you in his life, or he won't. But either way, the both of you won't be wasting each others time with lies about who and what you really are. Keeping your emotions to yourself (and your legs closed so to speak) is not lying and it is not "playing games". It is a smart way to allow yourself to get to know him and let him get to know you without the complications of moving too fast OR allowing him to think think you aren't a challenge. It is relationship basics, really. Also NOT sleeping with a man until there is a true feeling and/or commitment in place is not a game either. It is being smart about your body and the significance of the gift of your body. That it is special and something you hold dear. Not "giving it up" just makes them understand and feel it is special as well. He isn't lying when he says he is attracted. He isn't lying when he says he wants to sleep with her or makes moves as such. This is the initial dance everyone goes through when they havemet someone they are attracted to. Allowing a man to get to know you before sleeping with him is not a "game" or lying. It is holding yourself with a certain level of respect and consciously or subconsciously makes them have more respect for you too. As far as being "worth it" - well in my day "Players" had to have it ALL. The style, the confidence, the job, usually athletic, - they are those wonderful "they know exactly what to say and GAWD do they look good guys". They are the Alpha usually, the one who everyone (guys and girls look to for plans, etc.) Perhaps that is why girls would jump into bed with them so fast. Mistakenly they think the way to their heart is sex and try to accomplish intimacy and caring by sleeping with the "Player". Which is exactly what NOT to do. It is never a mistake to wait to sleep with a man. The ones that will put you into the "girls I will never seriously consider for girlfriend-or-more material" will respect you if you wait and let them build an emotional connection. The ones that don't care if you "give it up right away" will still wait.
moman Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Tear down those walls baby and give him a chance. :laugh: Good luck on your date.
Walk Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Island Girl... She's been playing cat and mice for a while now... not entirely sure how long. But if he's just going to leave her after sex, then doesn't matter if she does it now, or later. She can drag it out for a couple months.. but he'll probably get frustrated and not understand what the heck's going on if she can't give him good reasons for why he can go down on her, but she won't touch him. I know sex isn't a game. What I was referrign too is the idea of hiding your true self from a person in order to "win" them over... Not specifically sex. I was just hoping that she was being true to herself in all this. Not putting up a fake facade to woo him, only for him to find out later that she isn't the girl he fell in love with... Plus.. my experience.. I've dated some massive players. Slept with one the first night I met him. Which was really dumb... but whatever. He called me every single night after that. Brought a liimo to my door to pick me up one night out of the blue. He ironed all his money and gave it too me. Constantly called to see when I could come see him again.... Took me out, introduced me to all his friends, begged me to come see him when I had other obligations. Yes we had sex... and damn good sex. But we also really enjoyed each others company. We had a lot of fun. All his friends said they'd NEVER seen him act like that before. He'd always gone through women like water. Only reason it ended was because I moved and didn't think a LDR would work for me, so I broke up with him. He still called and wrote me letters for about 2 years after that. Last major player I dated he was asking me to be exclusive with him 3 months after we met. Sex isn't an end all to life. So what if she sleeps with the guy now or later. If she doesn't get all hung up on it.. then it won't be a problem But seems like sometimes, women feel once they have sex then they don't have to do anything. He should just be their's now. Owned. I just don't believe that the actual act of sex matters as much as the mentality she has. I don't know... just my view.
Island Girl Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Sex isn't an end all to life. So what if she sleeps with the guy now or later. If she doesn't get all hung up on it.. then it won't be a problem But seems like sometimes, women feel once they have sex then they don't have to do anything. He should just be their's now. Owned. I know what you're saying but in my experience it isn't so much as the girl thinks she owns the guy - but thinks that "magical act" means LOVE and it doesn't especially with this type of guy... I just don't believe that the actual act of sex matters as much as the mentality she has. I don't know... just my view. Ah Ha! You're story illustrates what is VERY different with some women. I have had the same type of experience where the guy gets 'sprung' regardless (even when I have told them under no uncertain terms I am NOT interested) --- but it is a rarity. And I can tell you why. Notice you broke up with this player that was 'sprung' because it was going to be LD and YOU didn't want to do it. You are a confident, 'I know what I want, why should I put up with crap' kinda gal, am I right? That attitude can't be taught to the masses. It seems you have it or you don't. You have it. I have the same thing. The "rules" I've listed apply to the girls out there who don't naturally have that and they need some skills so they don't end up completely broken hearted and feeling powerless because they are taken advantage of. Some learn from their mothers, some haven't learned but want to, etc. Don't know where you got it (mine came from my mom) but you've got it in spades...
Yamaha Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 If a guy really is "sprung" on you he will talk to you and want to find out all about you ( not just tell you he loves you and that he needs to "earn" your favors ) . Has this guy shown any such interest?
justagirliegirl Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I think it is a little too late for the holding off on sex as she allowed him to give her oral sex the 2nd time they met up.
Island Girl Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I think it is a little too late for the holding off on sex as she allowed him to give her oral sex the 2nd time they met up. Nope. He hasn't gotten his yet so, although not a great move, she didn't throw it away completely. He isn't "sprung" yet - that would mean he is attached. He is "interested" and her goal is to keep him interested
mental_traveller Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Drunk "I love you"s don't mean a thing. Never pay any attention to what a man says when he is drunk or horny - especially when both.
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