Current Situation and Thanks

[fawaway]

I'm not sure how this whole thing works, but i've read the comments to my earlier post "i just found out my husband was cheating yesterday" and i wanted to say thank you so much to everyone that replied. The comments are very true and very helpful.

 

One entire day has passed since i found out. that's not a long time. we talked on the phone today - he called me. i tried to keep the conversation under control as to not act childish about his affair. wanting everything i said to mean something important.

 

i had thought ALL morning about what i would say to him when he called.

 

i tried not to cry, but i did, just a little - not a full out ball, but just enough. i told him that we did not have an affair proof marriage and that i was sorry for not fulfilling his needs as a husband - physically and emotionally (i can only take responsibility for my own actions). after he asked for forgivness - i granted it.

 

i told him that i hear him now, i told him that i would not take responsibility for him choosing to sleep with another woman - but i would take responsibility for my own actions that may have contributed to the situation. he said he loved me and i told him i loved him.

 

he will be here on the east coast in 3 weeks - he said he needed to come here to mend our marriage. in the meantime - i've asked him to tell me if the ow calls or if he calls her. he says he feels horrible about everything and that he wishes he had never met her.

 

i told him of the "withdrawls" that one could have once they say goodbye to the ow and for him to call me if he was wanting her or wanting to call her - i told him i would not get mad - but to trust me as i need to trust him. he said ok.

 

in our second conversation today i did not bring up anything about the ow. we spoke about baseball and he was open with me about his day (where he stoped doing that the last 3 weeks, while he was lying to me - living that separate life). there was a lightness in his voice - not like before he seemed uptight and edgy - almost like he was trying to act like "himself".

i knew he was different. today he was same person i knew a month ago, except i was different - my ears are different and my thoughts are different. i understand how fragile love is -

 

he told me of his plans for the day and that he would call me that evening (which he did to say goodnight). i'm not getting too excited, but i do know that i cannot control what he does - i can only tell him what i need and give him what he needs and pray that he will be faithful.

 

the last thing i said to him was to make a list of 3 things that i could do to make him feel special and needed - and that i would make a list of 3 things as well to let him know what he needed to do to earn my trust.

he sounded excited when he said "alright" i heard a smile.

 

i've been doing alot of reading on this matter - and i'm trying my best to do the "right things" so that we can recover. some moments i feel sick - thinking and imagining him with ow - then some moments i feel like - you know what - i had sex with him once in seven months .... i think it would've hurt more if i were giving myself to him completely and this happend.. and then again, given the opportunity - i could have very well done the same thing perhaps even more damaging.

 

so - we'll see what happends - i've laid it all out on the line, we'll just have to wait until he gets here so we can talk eye to eye. he's willing to go to counseling, he said he would do anything to repair us.

 

i'm excited about counseling... i've learned alot about myself just in the last 2 days - i've realized that i stopped loving him for who he was and i was waiting for him to become something more - like i was waiting for him to reach some imaginable potential before i could give myself to him completely - physically and emotionally - i'm one screwed up chick i've figured out!!!

 

i can't wait to meet my husband and to see him for who he really is - the man i fell in love with to begin with!

 

thank you all for your support

[PoshPrincess]

Fawaway, I am so pleased for you that you are looking at your future so positively and I hope that for you and your H something good can come out of all this. You seem to be so together and upbeat which is amazing after what you've been through. I am sure this will help you get the best outcome possible.

 

Your H sounds like a decent guy who knows that he has made a terible mistake and seems keen to put things right.

 

Lots and lots of luck. I am sure everything's gonna work out fine! Let us know how you get on.

[NoIDidn't]

Make sure you give him room to do the RIGHT THINGS for YOU TOO. OTher wise, you are setting yourself up for feeling used in a couple of weeks/months. Let him EARN your forgiveness, or you'll be angrier than you would have been if you didn't deny your anger.