NotKelly Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 My story's sad to tell... I broke up with my BF a year ago. We were together for almost 15 years. He was my first, and only, relationship. Met him when I was 21. He is now out of the picture. To make a long story short, I feel like a 21 year old trapped in a 36 year old's body when it comes to dating, romance, sex, etc... but now I'm 36 and all the decent, non-psycho guys my age seem taken. I have been fortunate to make some platonic friends over the past year, but unfortunately the guys my age (who I seem compatible with and/or could see myself being attracted to) are all taken. The ones who aren't taken, seem really cynical and worn-down from years of fruitless years on the singles scene, being divorced, etc. However, mentally I'm in a completely different place, I feel all fresh and new and un-cynical (getting out of a bad, soul-killing relationship helps - fortunately I had no actual divorce to go through) Every guy my age is either all settled down, or all beat down... and I'm just starting to live, and can't find anyone else who's in the same place as me. (And no, I just don't feel right about romancing a 21-year-old boy.)
burning 4 revenge Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Try the 21 year old, you might like it. I'm 32 and might as well be 92, it's over, but you're a woman so you still have some gas in the tank.
Shovelack Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 My story's sad to tell... I broke up with my BF a year ago. We were together for almost 15 years. He was my first, and only, relationship. Met him when I was 21. He is now out of the picture. To make a long story short, I feel like a 21 year old trapped in a 36 year old's body when it comes to dating, romance, sex, etc... but now I'm 36 and all the decent, non-psycho guys my age seem taken. I have been fortunate to make some platonic friends over the past year, but unfortunately the guys my age (who I seem compatible with and/or could see myself being attracted to) are all taken. The ones who aren't taken, seem really cynical and worn-down from years of fruitless years on the singles scene, being divorced, etc. However, mentally I'm in a completely different place, I feel all fresh and new and un-cynical (getting out of a bad, soul-killing relationship helps - fortunately I had no actual divorce to go through) Every guy my age is either all settled down, or all beat down... and I'm just starting to live, and can't find anyone else who's in the same place as me. (And no, I just don't feel right about romancing a 21-year-old boy.) Just chill out and things will turn around...look at it this way: 1) you'll deal with fewer immature guys in your age bracket (or a little older); 2) you had a great long relationship which is something to be proud of. Also, don't feel that you have to define yourself by being in a relationship. It's a great time to really explore who you are in a solo setting. We all grow in these times in our lives. Just go with the flow of your life a little, you'll be fine...
Author NotKelly Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 I don't think it would work. I wouldn't have much in common to TALK about with a 21 year old. (musical tastes, growing up memories, etc) I'm sure the sex would be fantastic, but... let's face it, after a while they'd just want some young chickie their own age. Here's my problem: I was involved in a very suffocating relationship that was like being in suspended animation... (there was never any talk of marriage, for instance) And now I feel like everyone else my age did all the prescribed things (dating, marriage, children, etc) and you know... I get the feeling that most people my age really AREN'T looking for something new. They seem to want to settle down. And the one or two guys I know my age, who aren't attached, seem so BITTER.
laRubiaBonita Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 men are like parking spaces.... all the good ones are taken or are handicapped!
Author NotKelly Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 I don't think it would work. I wouldn't have much in common to TALK about with a 21 year old. (musical tastes, growing up memories, etc) I'm sure the sex would be fantastic, but... let's face it, after a while they'd just want some young chickie their own age. Here's my problem: I was involved in a very suffocating relationship that was like being in suspended animation... (there was never any talk of marriage, for instance) And now I feel like everyone else my age did all the prescribed things at the prescribed times in their lives (dating, marriage, children, etc) and you know... I get the feeling that most people my age really AREN'T looking for something new, so I'm out of luck. They seem to want to settle down. They also really aren't looking even for any new friends, they just want their comfortable little circles of people they already know. (Lots of single women my age, I'm sure, can relate to having lots of female friends who are just lost to the Mommy Vortex) And the one or two guys I know my age, who aren't attached, seem so BITTER. SORRY about the dual post.
Author NotKelly Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 Just chill out and things will turn around...look at it this way: 1) you'll deal with fewer immature guys in your age bracket (or a little older); 2) you had a great long relationship which is something to be proud of. Er, no it WASN'T great. It was awful and codependent, bordering on emotionally abusive at times. But I prefer not to dwell on it. (That is one thing a guy is not going to have to help me "get over" - I have been in helpful therapy) As for relationships... well, I do have needs (which I'm just becoming conscious of, in fact). It's either get into a relationship or become a bar-hopping tart. Not my style. Neither is being Mrs. Robinson. (see, a 21-year-old wouldn't even understand that reference!)
burning 4 revenge Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Mrs Robinsons are sexy I think you're afraid you'd fall head over heels in love with some young guy and that he may be too wild and the feelings wont be reciprocated. I don't think it has anything to do with common interests at all.
Guest Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 However, mentally I'm in a completely different place, I feel all fresh and new and un-cynical (getting out of a bad, soul-killing relationship helps - fortunately I had no actual divorce to go through) Seems the difference between men and women - at least on LS - is that the women are glad to be rid of abusive men, where men will continue to sing the 'poor me' song for YEARS after the women who treated them like dirt. You're quite right - it's very hard to find a guy who's not bitter. One bad relationship turns them all sour while women just bounce back. Your only choice might be to grab a young hottie. But try not to make him bitter LOL
quietintrovertgirl Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 notkelly, I understand how you feel.i'm 36 years old and i never had my 1st Bf.most men over 30 have ex wife or Gf issue.I'm havign a hard time meeting any good men.
Craig Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Notkelly and quietintrovertgirl just how many new men did you meet last month?
quietintrovertgirl Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 My job is the only place where i can meet men.I don't have a car or drive so i go from home to work.
laRubiaBonita Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 My job is the only place where i can meet men.I don't have a car or drive so i go from home to work. you never go out anywhere?
Timberlane Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I'm a male who is 40 and concur with your problems, ladies. The majority of the available women I have met in the last year have been in their mid-20s, which isn't what I was looking for. The women my age have huge axes to grind and I am friends with a lot of them. So glad not to be dating them, however. They are full of cynicism and have chronically cold feet. The rest are self-absorbed crazy cat ladies in waiting. But being an optimist, I know there are a few out there who are, ahem, "normal." Keep the faith.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I wish I could meet a woman in her forties who was totally compatible.
Craig Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 My job is the only place where i can meet men.I don't have a car or drive so i go from home to work. Do you meet *any* new men at work and would the type of men you'd meet at your work be the kind you are looking for?
quietintrovertgirl Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Craig, I am thinking about asking a male co-worker out for lunch either this week or next week.
justagirliegirl Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 No one says you have to go to extremes by dating a 21 year old. What about early 30s and late 20s? I really think that you have to consider each person on an individual basis. Just go out with guys you are interested in and who are interested in your regardless of age and just see what happens.
Loserdude Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Have you done things like schools - continuing ed classes/art/language classes; How about church if you're so inclined. Also, what about internet dating like Match dot com etc? I met someone halfway decent there once...
amaysngrace Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I think you find someone when you're least looking for one. This has been my experience. As soon as you resolve yourself that you're okay being by yourself...BAM!...here he comes into your life. From the description of your last relationship, you very well may be giving off a "wounded" vibe that you are completely unaware of. Women gripe about men who do this, and I'm guessing the same goes in reverse. But being wounded doesn't make a person unworthy. It's part of growth and healing as I see it. Life itself has a tendency to wound us. None of us are without flaw. But the question is how willing are you to work through the wounds of life with someone? And are you actually able to emotionally? Because you can't be of much help to anyone unless you're completely okay with who you are first. I believe all things happen for a reason. Perhaps you're not "ready" for a relationship just yet...??
lindya Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I'm a male who is 40 and concur with your problems, ladies. The majority of the available women I have met in the last year have been in their mid-20s, which isn't what I was looking for. The women my age have huge axes to grind and I am friends with a lot of them. So glad not to be dating them, however. They are full of cynicism and have chronically cold feet. The rest are self-absorbed crazy cat ladies in waiting. But being an optimist, I know there are a few out there who are, ahem, "normal." Keep the faith. There are a lot of single men and women out there despising eachother as they search for the pot of shiny, happy, perfectly balanced people that they just know must be lying at the foot of a faraway rainbow. The question is, even if those shiny, happy, perfect people really existed - wouldn't they prefer to mate with eachother?
SmoochieFace Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 There are a lot of single men and women out there despising eachother as they search for the pot of shiny, happy, perfectly balanced people that they just know must be lying at the foot of a faraway rainbow. The question is, even if those shiny, happy, perfect people really existed - wouldn't they prefer to mate with eachother? I find it interesting that those who 'despise' the opposite sex have lots of difficulty in finding relationships with them. Just another one of my interesting observations.
Guest Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 There are a lot of single men and women out there despising eachother as they search for the pot of shiny, happy, perfectly balanced people that they just know must be lying at the foot of a faraway rainbow. I think that's unfair. There's a vast area betweeen 'shiny, happy, people' and 'bitter, angry, dysfunctional people'. I don't think it's unreasonable to hope for someone at least somewhat closer to the former category than the latter. If you've been going out with dozens of men who are not in the latter category, please do tell where you've found them. Perhaps we can learn from your experiences.
Sand&Water Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 Reply: I do believe, you made the mistake, of putting all your eggs in one basket NotKelly. [i do not know the full extent of your romance with your ex-boyfriend. Hence, I am only declaring the statement based on the information given] All the good ones, are NOT taken. You are just not looking in the right places -or rather not looking at all. I do believe the cut off age is 50. So, get moving! Good Luck, Sand&Water
Author NotKelly Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 Craig: I have met 1 new guy in the last month; 5 new guys in the last 6 months. (Am still in touch with them all) Unfortunately the one I'm most attracted to/compatible with is "very married." So, obviously, I'm trying to look elsewhere. And if I sound picky... I am. Way back in my prehistory, I got involved with someone (my ex) because he paid attention to me (or seemed to) and I guess I figured I would never find anyone else. Big. Mistake. I think I am sensitive to going out on dates with someone I don't have any "spark" with and then not knowing how to extricate myself. I'm not sure how I could be giving out a wounded vibe since I never talk about my past (not that I've been asked yet). But who knows.
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