catobates Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Alright, so, there's this girl... of course... and I love her, and have always loved her, the only problem is that when I'm with her... I let her make me miserable, completely and utterly miserable. I've broken up with her several times, and eventually gotten to this point, then gone back out with her... this point being the point where I'm desperately lonely, and am willing to go through the misery to be with her. I've always broken up with her, then she keeps trying to get back with me, and I thought that was the reason why I couldn't help but go back with her, but now I know that it isn't it... because for some sick, odd, unbeknownst reason to me, I want to be back with her. The thing is, I don't really want to be back with her... because we don't have much in common, we don't even really LIKE each other, the only thing that has ever kept us together is our love. One problem with the relationship is that she'll bring up a subject... and we'll talk, and talk, for a long time, which isn't a problem, the problem is, I'll eventually ask a question, and she'll start to act suspicious. Let me give an example. We start talking, she brings up a video game, The Sims, she says that she has me, and her, and we're living in a house together in it, and that she was pregnant. She said the pregnant thing very suggestively, plus, the fact that she was possibly pregnant, in real life, before, well, I don't know what she was expecting me to do, but what I did do was this. I felt like utter ****, it caught me off guard, really bad. So we talked for a little while on the pregnancy issue, and I asked her a question, to something she had said the day before, I asked her, "Why did you want me to cum inside you, yesterday?" because we hadn't been speaking before this, because of something else that had happened, we had met up the day before, after getting back together, and we had sex, without a condom, so she's like, giving me the run around, not saying that she didn't want to say, but I could tell that she didn't want to say. She did that alot, gave me the run around, any time it was a question which she couldn't answer straight with me. She didn't even want to tell me about her period when we were first together, like it was an embarassing subject or something. But to continue, I ended the relationship, again, because she was giving me the same ****, the **** being that she refused to answer a simple question, after begging me to get back with her, and saying things would be different... So, the next day, we ended up talking, somehow, and she finally answered my question, "It's because I want to have your baby," and I'm like... "Well, why didn't you tell me before?" and she gives me the most painful answer she can give me, "Because, I didn't feel like it," Now, does someone put someone they love through that kind of pain, the pain of not knowing, questioning inside themselves what's happening, all that ****... just because she didn't feel like it? It wasn't a big surprise to me, she has done it a million times, and she knows it hurts me. At that point, the relationship was completely over, I ended it, completely, and was done with it... well, two weeks later, we had a conversation, and this one I saved. The reason I say, "What the hell do you want?" is because she IMed me, randomly, after two weeks of us not talking, about 30 minutes after I had gone to bed the night before, this is when I woke up in the morning. Later, I found out that she had talked to my mom the night before, until about 2 in the morning. Brian (10/2/2006 8:09:47 AM): Hello Brian (10/2/2006 8:10:07 AM): What the hell do you want? Brian (10/2/2006 8:10:31 AM): Oh... 11:36 last night... damn, right about 36 minutes after I went to bed. Brian (10/2/2006 8:10:50 AM): Now I'm off to work. Anna (10/2/2006 2:42:40 PM): i just wanted to see how you are, and wish you luck with your new job... sorry to offend you, i guess... Brian (10/2/2006 4:55:27 PM): Right... just wondering why you were talking to me. Brian (10/2/2006 4:57:06 PM): Seeing as you were so happy to be rid of me. Anna (10/2/2006 10:17:51 PM): i was never happy to be rid of you... Brian (10/2/2006 10:18:04 PM): Really... why did you say it then? Brian (10/2/2006 10:18:20 PM): Not exactly that... but something along those lines. Anna (10/2/2006 10:19:09 PM): i didnt say any thing of the sort, and if you thought i implyed something like that, then i was misinterpreted, and im sorry... Brian (10/2/2006 10:19:23 PM): Right... right.. whatever you say. Anna (10/2/2006 10:19:57 PM): thats not what i said either.. Anna (10/2/2006 10:20:08 PM): i just dont want you to think that this is the way i wanted things to be Brian (10/2/2006 10:20:49 PM): I know it's not, you wanted to be pregnant, have me stapled down to you, then start being yourself in front of me... while I watch horrified, stuck to this sick bitch. Brian (10/2/2006 10:20:58 PM): Something along those lines. Anna (10/2/2006 10:21:20 PM): well, no, that wasnt my idea either... Anna (10/2/2006 10:21:23 PM): at all Brian (10/2/2006 10:21:27 PM): Take into account, I'm not listening to anything you say. Brian (10/2/2006 10:21:32 PM): Not listening. Brian (10/2/2006 10:21:38 PM): Reading, yes. Brian (10/2/2006 10:21:41 PM): But not listening. Brian (10/2/2006 10:21:43 PM): Not anymore. Brian (10/2/2006 10:21:49 PM): You say too much bull**** Anna (10/2/2006 10:21:52 PM): do you really harbor that much irritation towards me? Brian (10/2/2006 10:22:11 PM): I'm just not letting my guard down against you. Brian (10/2/2006 10:22:14 PM): Not anymore. Brian (10/2/2006 10:22:21 PM): Because you stab me in the heart every time. Brian (10/2/2006 10:22:24 PM): So please... leave me alone. Anna (10/2/2006 10:23:00 PM): do you think im not being stabbed? Anna (10/2/2006 10:23:06 PM): i mean, im just asking... Brian (10/2/2006 10:23:20 PM): Right, right, just keep portraying yourself as the victim, I don't really give a ****. Brian (10/2/2006 10:23:27 PM): I just want to be left alone. Brian (10/2/2006 10:23:34 PM): Stop guilt tripping me to stay with you. Anna (10/2/2006 10:23:35 PM): you dont, i know Anna (10/2/2006 10:23:43 PM): dont give a ****, i mean Brian (10/2/2006 10:23:51 PM): Yes yes, blah blah blah. Anna (10/2/2006 10:23:52 PM): im not guilt tripping... Brian (10/2/2006 10:23:54 PM): Stop it with the mind game Brian (10/2/2006 10:23:57 PM): You sick bitch. Anna (10/2/2006 10:24:02 PM): but if you feel guilty, maybe theres a reason Brian (10/2/2006 10:24:04 PM): You can never talk to me straight up. Anna (10/2/2006 10:24:06 PM): im not! Brian (10/2/2006 10:24:11 PM): You always have to bring in some angle. Anna (10/2/2006 10:24:14 PM): come on, dude, im not like that! Anna (10/2/2006 10:24:24 PM): i thought you knew me Brian (10/2/2006 10:24:25 PM): "do you think I'm not being stabbed?" Anna (10/2/2006 10:24:31 PM): just asking Brian (10/2/2006 10:24:44 PM): No, not just asking, that's something that's said to make me feel guilt. Anna (10/2/2006 10:24:48 PM): i mean, it always hurts when its someone you love... Brian (10/2/2006 10:24:57 PM): Leave me alone. Anna (10/2/2006 10:24:59 PM): i have no hidden motives right now Anna (10/2/2006 10:25:00 PM): ok Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:02 PM): It's the same thing with you every time. Anna (10/2/2006 10:25:07 PM): im sorry for everything Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:07 PM): I finally get rid of you Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:12 PM): And you come running back. Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:13 PM): Saying sorry. Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:17 PM): Oh please forgive me. Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:21 PM): Let's solve our problem Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:30 PM): Then, when I do... everything goes back to hell. Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:33 PM): You're a ****ing wreck Anna (10/2/2006 10:25:35 PM): thats not true Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:37 PM): I can't deal with you. Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:41 PM): And YES, it IS true. Anna (10/2/2006 10:25:53 PM): in your mind Brian (10/2/2006 10:25:55 PM): And the sooner you accept it, the sooner you'll mature into the beautiful young lady I knwo you can be. Brian (10/2/2006 10:26:16 PM): But whatever. Brian (10/2/2006 10:26:19 PM): Leave me the **** alone. Anna (10/2/2006 10:26:20 PM): yes, whatever Brian (10/2/2006 10:26:20 PM): I'm done. Anna (10/2/2006 10:26:23 PM): i know Brian (10/2/2006 10:26:23 PM): Bye bye. Anna (10/2/2006 10:26:26 PM): im not, though Anna (10/2/2006 10:26:31 PM): bye Anna (10/2/2006 10:26:33 PM): ... Brian (10/2/2006 10:26:39 PM): Just... leave me alone... Anna (10/2/2006 10:26:49 PM): i cant, cant you see that? Anna (10/2/2006 10:26:55 PM): it hurts to Anna (10/2/2006 10:27:07 PM): all the things we talked about... Anna (10/2/2006 10:27:12 PM): and all the plans we had Brian (10/2/2006 10:27:13 PM): You're such a ****ing drama queen. Anna (10/2/2006 10:27:17 PM): whatever Brian (10/2/2006 10:27:20 PM): "i can't, can't you see that?" Anna (10/2/2006 10:27:28 PM): really Brian (10/2/2006 10:27:47 PM): Yes, you can, and you will, because all you do when I let you into my heart, is rip me apart... because I let you. Brian (10/2/2006 10:27:57 PM): You just don't know how to show your love to someone, you're too ****ing prideful. Brian (10/2/2006 10:28:23 PM): So, whatever. Brian (10/2/2006 10:28:29 PM): Just leave me alone. Anna (10/2/2006 10:28:29 PM): but... what about that monday Anna (10/2/2006 10:28:32 PM): ? Brian (10/2/2006 10:28:33 PM): "i can't" Anna (10/2/2006 10:28:38 PM): i mean, i was trying Brian (10/2/2006 10:28:38 PM): You're reactive as **** Brian (10/2/2006 10:28:48 PM): You only change when you "have" to, to get your way. Brian (10/2/2006 10:28:54 PM): Then you change right back once you get your way. Anna (10/2/2006 10:28:59 PM): thats not true Brian (10/2/2006 10:29:02 PM): It's so sick, and I'm sorry you can't see it. Brian (10/2/2006 10:29:10 PM): In your mind. Brian (10/2/2006 10:29:15 PM): It's not true in your mind. Brian (10/2/2006 10:29:20 PM): You don't know truth from reality. Anna (10/2/2006 10:29:41 PM): i just dont know how to get over you... i mean, i congratulate you for moving on so quickly... Brian (10/2/2006 10:29:52 PM): I know what you want to hear. Brian (10/2/2006 10:29:55 PM): And I won't let you hear it. Brian (10/2/2006 10:30:07 PM): Because that's the point of this conversation, to break me down. Anna (10/2/2006 10:30:15 PM): i guess if i try your tactics, and make you look like a bad guy, then maybe that will help Brian (10/2/2006 10:30:17 PM): To make me come crawling back to you, like every othe rtime. Anna (10/2/2006 10:30:23 PM): no... Brian (10/2/2006 10:30:31 PM): Yes, that's what happened every other time. Brian (10/2/2006 10:30:44 PM): Anna: i just dont know how to get over you... i mean, i congratulate you for moving on so quickly... Anna (10/2/2006 10:30:53 PM): well, seems so Brian (10/2/2006 10:30:56 PM): You're trying to drag something out of me with that. Anna (10/2/2006 10:31:08 PM): nah, not really Anna (10/2/2006 10:31:12 PM): at all, really Brian (10/2/2006 10:31:13 PM): You want me to say, "Oh Anna, but I'm not over you, it still hurts," blah blah blah Anna (10/2/2006 10:31:15 PM): im just talking Anna (10/2/2006 10:31:27 PM): you can block me now, so i can talk to no onw Brian (10/2/2006 10:31:27 PM): Right... that's what would be nice to hear. Anna (10/2/2006 10:31:28 PM): *one Anna (10/2/2006 10:31:40 PM): it would be nice to have a lot of things Anna (10/2/2006 10:31:52 PM): or to hear Brian (10/2/2006 10:31:59 PM): Right, right. Anna (10/2/2006 10:32:06 PM): block me? Brian (10/2/2006 10:32:17 PM): I want you to go **** Sean, just like you did when you felt neglected, that's what I want you to do, go **** him. Anna (10/2/2006 10:32:28 PM): i dont want to... Brian (10/2/2006 10:32:29 PM): You deserve each other. Anna (10/2/2006 10:32:29 PM): at all Brian (10/2/2006 10:32:43 PM): You'll get over me, the problem is, you don't want to. Anna (10/2/2006 10:32:48 PM): no, i dont... Anna (10/2/2006 10:33:03 PM): and i might temporally, but... Anna (10/2/2006 10:33:09 PM): nevermind Anna (10/2/2006 10:33:12 PM): can you block me now? Anna (10/2/2006 10:33:30 PM): im sorry your so agitated Brian (10/2/2006 10:34:10 PM): See, that was a random thing to say, "I'm sorry your so agitated," Brian (10/2/2006 10:34:25 PM): And when you say, "Can you block me now," you know that I'll want to buck you, so I won't do what you tell me. Brian (10/2/2006 10:34:32 PM): Which is what you're shooting for. Brian (10/2/2006 10:34:43 PM): You want me to say, "But I'm not agitated," Brian (10/2/2006 10:34:52 PM): So that you can get deeper into me. Brian (10/2/2006 10:35:02 PM): And keep peeling back the layers that I've developed against you. Brian (10/2/2006 10:35:10 PM): So that you can eventually weasel back into my heart. Anna (10/2/2006 10:35:17 PM): i just dont get it... on that monday, when we had such fun times, and then a really bad experience, and it seemed that, you know, we would be able to get over that... Brian (10/2/2006 10:35:21 PM): Just like the countless other timres that you've done it. Anna (10/2/2006 10:36:10 PM): brian, im not a bad person, im not manipulative, or cunning, or plotting, or anything like that... im being 100% straight with you... Anna (10/2/2006 10:36:53 PM): why have you developed layers against me? Anna (10/2/2006 10:37:04 PM): i mean, is that love? Anna (10/2/2006 10:37:15 PM): you know what would help me a bunch? Anna (10/2/2006 10:37:29 PM): i mean, it would stop the mixed messages and all... Anna (10/2/2006 10:38:06 PM): if you told me that you didnt love me anymore... it just doesnt make sense that, if you love someone, that you would treat them like the way you are treating me now Brian (10/2/2006 10:38:34 PM): Right, right, and you love me so much that you hurt me countless times when I let you see me, for who I am Anna (10/2/2006 10:38:59 PM): i mean, if you look at the conversations weve had since a couple weeks ago, i would like you to find the times when i have been hostile to you... Brian (10/2/2006 10:39:14 PM): It's not hostility. Brian (10/2/2006 10:39:17 PM): It's something else. Anna (10/2/2006 10:39:22 PM): what? Brian (10/2/2006 10:39:34 PM): I'm not telling you, because I'm sick of opening myself to you. Brian (10/2/2006 10:39:36 PM): I'm sick of it. Brian (10/2/2006 10:39:41 PM): I"M SICK OF IT> Brian (10/2/2006 10:39:44 PM): Now leave me alone. Anna (10/2/2006 10:39:46 PM): i know, and im sorry Anna (10/2/2006 10:39:58 PM): are you gonna block me? Brian (10/2/2006 10:40:11 PM): No. Now leave me alone. Anna (10/2/2006 10:40:12 PM): i mean, if you are, could you tell me? Anna (10/2/2006 10:40:17 PM): well, will you? Brian (10/2/2006 10:40:34 PM): If I'm going to, I'm not going to tell you. Anna (10/2/2006 10:40:39 PM): why not? Brian (10/2/2006 10:41:02 PM): Because, you're not my ****ing mommy, and you can't get me to do what you want me to do anymore. Anna (10/2/2006 10:41:10 PM): i never thought that Anna (10/2/2006 10:41:20 PM): and if thats how you felt, then im sorry Brian (10/2/2006 10:42:09 PM): You know what really ****ing bothered me? You always tell me not to be immature... and so on. But when I ask you something, and you don't tell me, all you can say is, "I didn't feel like it," and if that's mature, then fine, you go be mature. **** you. Anna (10/2/2006 10:42:11 PM): you know, i tried... on that monday, when you were upset about your mom, i was compassionate, and didnt take your feelings for granted, right? Anna (10/2/2006 10:43:09 PM): well, its mature to know what you want and dont want, and its also mature to respect other people feelings about things... Brian (10/2/2006 10:43:19 PM): Yep. Brian (10/2/2006 10:43:26 PM): Just like you didn't do with my feelings Brian (10/2/2006 10:43:32 PM): I didn't want you to talk about pregnancy. Brian (10/2/2006 10:43:38 PM): Boom, you kept on kept on. Brian (10/2/2006 10:43:48 PM): So, you were really respecting my feelings weren't you? Brian (10/2/2006 10:43:53 PM): Yep, that's what I thought. Anna (10/2/2006 10:43:58 PM): i didnt know it meant so much to you... Brian (10/2/2006 10:44:13 PM): Doesn't matter. Brian (10/2/2006 10:44:18 PM): You don't have to know that. Anna (10/2/2006 10:44:24 PM): i mean, in the past, youve said that you would love that, it would be scary, but you would stay with me, and we would work it out... Anna (10/2/2006 10:44:43 PM): i was under the impression that you were ok talking about that Brian (10/2/2006 10:45:04 PM): It was the ****ing Sims, you sprung it on me by surprise... Brian (10/2/2006 10:45:26 PM): And it really bothered me that you were being all happy about being pregnant, you know why? Brian (10/2/2006 10:45:42 PM): Because you're definitely not ready to raise a child, and I saw that, I still see it. Brian (10/2/2006 10:45:50 PM): And until you are, I'm not even thinking about going near you again. Anna (10/2/2006 10:45:51 PM): how should i be, then? depressed? Anna (10/2/2006 10:45:57 PM): or upset Anna (10/2/2006 10:46:16 PM): or thinking that it will ruin my life, like everyones been saying? Brian (10/2/2006 10:46:24 PM): It will ruin your life. Anna (10/2/2006 10:46:29 PM): only if i let it Brian (10/2/2006 10:46:34 PM): Right, right. Brian (10/2/2006 10:46:37 PM): Okay, I'm done. Brian (10/2/2006 10:46:43 PM): I'm not talking to you anymore tonight. Anna (10/2/2006 10:46:48 PM): isnt that true, though? Brian (10/2/2006 10:46:57 PM): Whatever you say Anna. Brian (10/2/2006 10:47:00 PM): Whatever you say. Anna (10/2/2006 10:47:07 PM): i mean, do you want it to ruin my life? Anna (10/2/2006 10:47:11 PM): i dont want it to Brian (10/2/2006 10:47:14 PM): Whatever. Brian (10/2/2006 10:47:16 PM): Leave me alone. Anna (10/2/2006 10:47:18 PM): you know what? Brian (10/2/2006 10:47:21 PM): Leave me the **** alone. Anna (10/2/2006 10:47:22 PM): i prolly am Anna (10/2/2006 10:47:25 PM): just to let you know Brian (10/2/2006 10:47:27 PM): Leave me the **** alone. Brian (10/2/2006 10:47:29 PM): I don't want to know. Brian (10/2/2006 10:47:34 PM): Whatever you say. Anna (10/2/2006 10:47:35 PM): too bas Anna (10/2/2006 10:47:38 PM): *too bad Brian (10/2/2006 10:47:38 PM): Whatever the **** you say. Anna (10/2/2006 10:47:42 PM): its yours, also Brian (10/2/2006 10:47:45 PM): You're being spiteful now. Anna (10/2/2006 10:47:49 PM): stop repeating yourself Anna (10/2/2006 10:47:52 PM): im not Brian (10/2/2006 10:47:54 PM): Yes, you are. Anna (10/2/2006 10:48:02 PM): no, i just thought you should know Brian (10/2/2006 10:48:07 PM): And you're not being respectful of my feelings. Anna (10/2/2006 10:48:12 PM): or you of mine Brian (10/2/2006 10:48:21 PM): Whatever the **** you say woman. Anna (10/2/2006 10:48:25 PM): can we both respect each others feelings? Brian (10/2/2006 10:48:27 PM): Whatever the **** you say. Anna (10/2/2006 10:48:39 PM): just like, 1...2... 3! Anna (10/2/2006 10:48:55 PM): how can you treat me like this? Brian (10/2/2006 10:49:01 PM): Whatever. Anna (10/2/2006 10:49:05 PM): i mean, im the mother of your child... Brian (10/2/2006 10:49:09 PM): XD Brian (10/2/2006 10:49:13 PM): You make me laugh so hard. Anna (10/2/2006 10:49:19 PM): i bet Brian (10/2/2006 10:49:20 PM): At your pathetic attempt to ruffle me. Anna (10/2/2006 10:49:25 PM): i dont find it funny Brian (10/2/2006 10:49:27 PM): Any reaction is better than no reaction. Anna (10/2/2006 10:49:42 PM): brian, im sorry if it ruffles you, but it will even more in 9 months Brian (10/2/2006 10:49:45 PM): That's your philosophy on life isn't it... Anna (10/2/2006 10:49:48 PM): nope Anna (10/2/2006 10:49:52 PM): its not Brian (10/2/2006 10:49:53 PM): You make me ****ing laugh At this point. I blocked her, so I don't have anymore conversation. *Sigh* I felt like utter **** after this... I felt like I was gonna puke, and I started crying, and shaking really badly... then my mom came out on the back porch, and she started talking to me... and I showed her the conversation. She's like, "You shouldn't go around that girl anymore," and I'm like, "I know..." so, yea... tell me your thoughts on that... if you would... feedback would really help. I guess the only reason I want to be back with her now... is because I think... just like all the other times... that I might be wrong... I mean, I checked myself into a mental hospital to see if there was something wrong with me, and they said, nope, your only problem is her... and I was like... whaaaa? I was out of there in three days... because that was how long it took them to evaluate me. *Sigh* I guess I'm just really lonely right now... I just want someone to be there... and there really isn't anyone... I feel a hell of a lot better just writing it out. Just... give me feedback, positive or negative.
Green Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 this girl makes you mental, have you ever been in relationships with other girls. Do you think you could meet some other girls and ask them out? how did you meet this girl who drives you so crzy. oh yeah and chear up it could be worse, alot worse, I understand why your upset but just try to feel better.
Author catobates Posted October 19, 2006 Author Posted October 19, 2006 Thanks man... I feel a hell of a lot better, and people have even commented on how much better I look, since I've not been with her. She was kind of a control freak, and people now say that she had turned me into a pussy, I know I wouldn't have listened before, but they were definitely right. No, I haven't been in any relationships with other women, so, I guess it's that, "first love" thing. Sucks that it has to be that way, *Sigh*, but hey, I can deal with it. Thanks for your feedback, it really helped. Peace -Cato
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