Author anna13 Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 So far things are getting better. . slowly but improvement is there. my H actually called me today to say hello and see what we were doing. he called 5 minutes before his shift was supposed to start. that was nice. we talked about what we were going to do for halloween . anyway .. some nights I still think about how things got the way they did , I think will it really stay this way ? I keep tellling myself live in the now not the before and not the later... but a thought popped into my head last night , the thought was , can it really be like before ? I mean the good before and not the bad before?. after all he did Leave. he left when times got tough .Can I accept that? I think so . but can I forget it ? I don't think so . will I always have that insecurity that he will leave again ? I don't know. I guess that is something I will have to see later. If I think of that it will only undermind the effort into saving this relationship . It was just a passing thought and I thought I would share .
ilmw Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Seriously you are a great guy . . such a great example of maturity . when it comes to rasing kids. too many people just want to drop all responsibility when their relationship deteriorates. good to hear all men aren't that way. and ...thankyou again... My father pretty much took off.. when I was 8...we saw him once in a blue moon... he would try to spoil us.. fancy gifts.. etc... but it was strange... at the age of 8-10.. I knew it was because he felt.. guilty for not being around... being a real father... I know how I felt.... and there is no way.. I would do this to my own son.. and my s/son has already been through this once already.. so I'll be damned if I'll let it happen again to the poor kid.... I grew up without a real positive male role model... in my life... I had no direction.... and It sometimes surprises me... that I turned out the way I did.... So.. I am there for the boys... at least I can be there for them.. to give them some guidance.. when they need it... its the least I can do for the little monsters... Take care ilmw
Ladyjane14 Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Kudos to you ILMW, for hanging in there with your step-son. :bunny: I just want to say.... a really good step-father can still have a meaningful place in a child's life, even after divorce. It's been 25+ years since my mother divorced her second husband. But to this day, he's as much a part of my family as anybody else in it. He's the guy who snatched up my less than honorable boyfriends by their shirt collars, and he's the guy who paced the floor when I was sick and in the hospital. Even now, he'd literally kill anybody who seriously hurt me.... and that's no mean feat for a guy his age. My relationship with my own father is fine, but there's still a place in my heart for this man who protected me when I was too young to protect myself. And I consider myself to be as much his daughter as I am my natural father's daughter.
Ladyjane14 Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I keep tellling myself live in the now not the before and not the later... but a thought popped into my head last night , the thought was , can it really be like before ? I mean the good before and not the bad before?. after all he did Leave. he left when times got tough .Can I accept that? I think so . but can I forget it ? I don't think so . will I always have that insecurity that he will leave again ? I don't know. This is why you put YOUR life back together the way YOU need it to be. If you and your husband do manage to reconcile.... great. And if not, you're in a healthy place because YOU made it so. Should you attempt reconciliation at some point and the effort fails... you still have that healthy place you've established for you and your kids. You've had some pretty good advice on your other threads, and I'm inclined to believe that the Divorcebusting techniques that Gunny recommended to you are your best bet. But I think it's important to consider them as a means of taking care of yourself, and not so much as a gambit to get your husband to come back. Implementing 180's will show your husband a more interesting and dynamic version of the predictable woman he knew before. That unpredictable quality will often cause a man to wonder if he's missing something, and possibly even lead him to pursue you lest he be left behind like yesterday's old news. The trick here is to actually BE that interesting and dynamic woman. And it's okay if you "fake it 'til you make it" for awhile... but the goal is to GET THERE. 'Cause when you actually do arrive, and you ARE the interesting and dynamic woman that you set out to be... it's 'devil take the hindmost'. You're not going to feel as invested like you feel right now, and it'll be okay with you if he goes his merry way, because you'll finally understand your own value. Chances are, if he doesn't get his act together... you'll be perfectly fine at that point with leaving him in the dust.
Gunny376 Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I keep tellling myself live in the now not the before and not the later... but a thought popped into my head last night , the thought was , can it really be like before ? I mean the good before and not the bad before?. after all he did Leave. he left when times got tough .Can I accept that? I think so . but can I forget it ? I don't think so . will I always have that insecurity that he will leave again ? I don't know. I guess that is something I will have to see later. If I think of that it will only undermind the effort into saving this relationship . It was just a passing thought and I thought I would share There is no going back to the way that was before your meet the DH, nor is there any going back to ther way it was before the DH left! This has been and is a life alternating and life defining event that you have gone and are going through. Its not the first and it certainly won't be the last that you'll experience in your life. You have already changed. and your DH has already changed ~ the circumstances of the events demand it ~ often in ways that one doesn't fully comprehend and understand until days, weeks, months, years to come. "That which doesn't kill us, serves to only make us stronger" aren't just words. That's what life and marriage does to us ~ it changes us. I'm not the same person that I was thirty years ago when I first enlisted into the Marines. I've not the same person that I was 27 years ago when I first got married, nor am I the same person that I was 16 years ago when I got divorced, and I'm not the same person that I was when I retired from the Corps 11 years ago. As Lor is often caught saying ~ "Change is optional" Well that needs a little broader definition. You're going to change there's not any question about that. In big ways and in small ways, in positive and negative ways ~ that's the choice. You hold it within your power to choose how that change is goig to change you. When I went through my divorce, and other "life-alternating" events ~ I choose the long, hard, and very painful route of adapting and overcoming ~ of learning and growing. Pain is a very effective teacher. The first time that you burned yourself or got electricuted ~ pain taught you not to do that again. Pain is what brought you to LS, pain is what motivated you to seek the answers to the questions and solutions to the problems. It is not that pain is a poor teacher ~ its that some of us are poor students, and thus are destined to repeat the same lessons over and over and yet over again. And LadyJane is absolutely correct ~ that you must recognize and validate your own personal self worth as a person, a human being, a mother, a wife, and as an individual. It is not that your husband, or your relationship that defines that. It is you! You were a pretty intellegent, bright, independent individaul with a lot going for yourself before you meet your husband, and you still are, and you will be again. You don't have to be married, or someone's wife to be all that you can be! You don't have to be in a relationship to realize the full promise of who you are. Alone you're a pretty unique and incredible human being ~ never before nor after has there ever been anyone exactally like you.
Author anna13 Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 I understand that for sure , we are different people now , so we have to see if we as different people from when we first met, can still build and have a strong relationship . it is scary but exiting at the same time . It is always good to have a second chance but this almost feels like a new relationship we are building. I've been cleaning my place up , adding curtains to plain windows and throwing out old items. it is for myself as much as it is for our relationship . when I look at old pictures of us together in old photo's I feel like I am looking at another couple. I dont know if it is clarity , or what it is . strange. but I feel that my H and I still have something there. we shall see. my focus is still on rebuilding our marriage . If it doesnt work out , I will be in pieces again . but I will put my best effort forward rightnow. I can see that I am already a stronger person . but concerns are there. He has been showing lately that he misses being with us . He has said so as well . I am definitly still working on my issues that were a part of and some of the reason of the seperation . It cannot and will not be the way it was before. what I have been doing is concentrating on solutions to problems instead of just "dealing" with the problems. Like if something is wrong with this , then what are we going to do to solve this . that has seemed to have helped us see things more clearly. but I know my H has issues he has to work on and I can't do anything to help him with those. I am going to just work on my side and try to help him understand what he is feeling and where all the stress he is feeling is coming from because I know he said that it isnt only me . and that is not done by questioning or nagging. it is done by listening . hard work i tell you , but hopefully worth it . also i agree with the fact that fake it till you make it works temporarily but I know that I have to actually be the person I am trying to be , which i think I am , I have to learn to deal with my stress a different way. that is the only way to solve my side of it all . even though things are getting better I am still lonely at night and in the morning.
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 lol...how does that saying go? Something like, "Hope for the best, expect the worst?" Somewhat Odd Story I don't know if I told you, but on my thread, you had mentioned avoiding places you used to go with the H to run errands. I had been doing the same thing! Funny thing is, the only supermarket that I haven't gone to with mine is about 45 minutes away - hour and a half round trip. I always have friends that come with me and it's become a joke. We call it our weekly "road trip." Imagine the laugh we had when one of them actually packed and lugged out a suitcase just to be a sm*rt#ss when we picked her up. Hmm...maybe you had to be there for a belly laugh. I hope it made you smile a little bit, or maybe a roll of the eyes. nope - nothing funny about credit card fraud...and it was shut down because i had just bought gas not long before someone started posting a long way from there...so, as i had mu card, it was obviously swiped, and that is just part of the list of really long activities that people should really take seriously. could u imagine what the thinking behind doing something like that is? gawd - i really enjoyed watching all those grocery bills piling up - but hey, that's is someone's choice and it bites...u should see this list i've got! man! i wouldn't want to be wondering about anything if i knew what i did - damn footprints....
Lor Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I didn't know I said Change is optional? But yeah, it is. But you have to change for yourself and not for anyone else. If there are things about yourself that you've recognized as unattractive, or detrimental to your happiness, then yes, those are the things you need to change. If you are doing it cuz you think it will help win him back, then you're doing it for the wrong reason and its not who you are. Case in point; I had "friends" who told me I needed to Dummy Down, that I acted like I was smarter than all of our friends, that I intimidated my H. At first I did so, because I was hanging on every word they said as gospel. Then, when I started to get my head on straight again I thought why am I doing this? this isn't me, I am intelligent, why do I need to act like I'm not? Its not like I was quoting Shakespeare or rattling on about metaphysics. The H knew who I was when I first met him, for 3 years before we were M ~ why all the sudden was I too smart? There are limits to changing. It should only be done for yourself, and when its a positive change, that will filter down to the H and the kids. I do have to say it bothers me a little that your H doesn't show the same consideration to your oldest as he does the youngest, blood or not. I'm not saying that they should have a tight bonding father/son relationship; they are step. But he needs to be including him; when he M you, he M you and your son ~ package deal. Its confusing for you right now ~ your son must be even more confused, hurt, feeling abandoned. He sees s-dad wanting to see Mom and little brother, but he doesn't go. Is this what he wants or is he not invited? Can't be easy on him. Hang in there Anna, you're surviving. And surviving better than most at this point.
Author anna13 Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 Case in point; I had "friends" who told me I needed to Dummy Down, that I acted like I was smarter than all of our friends, that I intimidated my H. At first I did so, because I was hanging on every word they said as gospel. Then, when I started to get my head on straight again I thought why am I doing this? this isn't me, I am intelligent, why do I need to act like I'm not? Its not like I was quoting Shakespeare or rattling on about metaphysics. The H knew who I was when I first met him, for 3 years before we were M ~ why all the sudden was I too smart? There are limits to changing. It should only be done for yourself, and when its a positive change, that will filter down to the H and the kids. I do have to say it bothers me a little that your H doesn't show the same consideration to your oldest as he does the youngest, blood or not. I'm not saying that they should have a tight bonding father/son relationship; they are step. But he needs to be including him; when he M you, he M you and your son ~ package deal. Its confusing for you right now ~ your son must be even more confused, hurt, feeling abandoned. He sees s-dad wanting to see Mom and little brother, but he doesn't go. Is this what he wants or is he not invited? Can't be easy on him. Hang in there Anna, you're surviving. And surviving better than most at this point. I definitly am not acting like a different person when it comes to my own natural personality but I have taken out the messed up part that it repetitive and annoying to not only my H but to my teenager as well. i wasnt like that when i met my H . we went through a bunch of things and I started to lean on him too much then it just became me constatly nagging him about what I wasnt happy about . So i am the same gal he married now . but we are different from when we met, we are older and have benn through alot . and this seperation of course. As for my H and my teen from my previous relationship . He has shown concern and care about my teen . my H says that he misses talking to him , and gave me allowance money to give my teen. He bought a skateboard for my Toddler and he wanted to buy one for my teen at the same time but my teen didnt want a skateboard . I see the effort he is making and my teen seems to see it too. not to say that everything is hunky dori ~ of course not, we have alot to work on . It isnt the same of course , his own son and his step son . he Loves both but I think he is more bonded with his own toddler. that doesnt mean that he treats my teen like nothing , but there are different expectations for the two kids. one is 4 one is 16. I think I put too much pressure on my H to be my teens "DAD" when we were first together he was more like a pal to my older son . i kept pushing my H to talk to my T and help me with him ect. My teen is his step son , that is just the reality I realize now. most of the responsibility for disapline should lie on me . as for the toddler is should be more equal. my H and T have a better relationship when they are like buddies , and my husband is just supportive and gives my T ideas about school ect. I would want support from my husband for myself but I dont think I want my H to be disciplining or lecturing my T son. I think I wrecked their relationship by making my H be in that role of discipline. My T is not an out of hand T , but he is pretty arrogant and can be selfish to the way he thinks toward everyone ( not just us) he can be difficult to understand . my T has a his way or no way attitude. anyway didnt mean to go on about it , just wanted to give more info . Thanks Lor , I dont know I dont think I am handling things better then anyone else , I just think that maybe because things are becoming more positive that is what i am holding on too . If this doesnt work out for us , you are going to see the normal side of seperation symptoms.
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I definitly am not acting like a different person when it comes to my own natural personality but I have taken out the messed up part that it repetitive and annoying to not only my H but to my teenager as well. i wasnt like that when i met my H . we went through a bunch of things and I started to lean on him too much then it just became me constatly nagging him about what I wasnt happy about . So i am the same gal he married now . but we are different from when we met, we are older and have benn through alot . and this seperation of course. As for my H and my teen from my previous relationship . He has shown concern and care about my teen . my H says that he misses talking to him , and gave me allowance money to give my teen. He bought a skateboard for my Toddler and he wanted to buy one for my teen at the same time but my teen didnt want a skateboard . I see the effort he is making and my teen seems to see it too. not to say that everything is hunky dori ~ of course not, we have alot to work on . It isnt the same of course , his own son and his step son . he Loves both but I think he is more bonded with his own toddler. that doesnt mean that he treats my teen like nothing , but there are different expectations for the two kids. one is 4 one is 16. I think I put too much pressure on my H to be my teens "DAD" when we were first together he was more like a pal to my older son . i kept pushing my H to talk to my T and help me with him ect. My teen is his step son , that is just the reality I realize now. most of the responsibility for disapline should lie on me . as for the toddler is should be more equal. my H and T have a better relationship when they are like buddies , and my husband is just supportive and gives my T ideas about school ect. I would want support from my husband for myself but I dont think I want my H to be disciplining or lecturing my T son. I think I wrecked their relationship by making my H be in that role of discipline. My T is not an out of hand T , but he is pretty arrogant and can be selfish to the way he thinks toward everyone ( not just us) he can be difficult to understand . my T has a his way or no way attitude. anyway didnt mean to go on about it , just wanted to give more info . Thanks Lor , I dont know I dont think I am handling things better then anyone else , I just think that maybe because things are becoming more positive that is what i am holding on too . If this doesnt work out for us , you are going to see the normal side of seperation symptoms. ONE MORE THING...U KNOW WE REALLY TRIED THE BEST WE COULD...WE WERE NOT PERFECT CREATURES...I HAD JUST AS MANY FAULTS AS U - I SEE IT AS EVERYTHING BALANCED OUT...IN FACT, BECAUSE I AM THE MORE VOCAL AND OUT THERE [sPEAKING JUST IN THE TOINKA=LOL] YOU HAD IT TOUGHER.,..IN FACT DONCHA THINK THATS WHY I THOUGHT U WERE NOT WELL WHEN I WAS LOOKING FOR YA...NOT TO IMPLY YOU WERE CRAZY OR THAT I WAS STALKING YA....AS I GOT BETTER I REALIZED AND SAW FOR THE FIRST TIME MANY WHACKED THINGS I WAS DOING...AND REMEMBER IN A DEPRESSION 3 MONTHS FEELS LIKE 3 DAYS...I AM JUST DEALING WITH THE FALL OUT WIHT SCOUTIE NOW....TO THINK THAT I ENJOYED STAYING UP FOR DAYS ON END, BEING A PRICK, DOING DRUGS AND DEPRESSED SO MUCH THAT I PUSH U AWAY TO TALKING TO A COMPUTER SCREEEEEEM WITH 'SOMEONE' FROM TURKEY AND SOMEHOW THINK I WAS 'INTO IT' EWWWWWWWWW NOW SOMEONE LIKE ELI WOULD HAVE BEEN SOBER...WELL, ASK HER WHAT BUZZ SHE GOT OUT OF DOING THAT..WHAT WAS HER MOTIVATION EH! TRY THAT ONE BABE! AND I THINK WHEN I FINALLY SNAPPED OUT OF IT WAS WHEN THIS WOMAN DECIDED TO 'SHOW ME' HER NAKED BODY [bOOBIES] AND I DIDN'T ASK FOR THAT..BUT WHEN THAT HAPPENED I FELT HOW HURT SHE MUST BE TO DO THAT AND IT HIT ME...THAT'S ME...TWO PEOPLE SO WHACKED AND IN PAIN THAT WE ARE CORRUPTING OURSELVES IN THE BELIEF THAT IT'S HEALING...SEE, IT WAS ONLY CREATIVE WRITING WITH U, TO FEELING GROSS WHEN U THOUGHT7 THAT WAS BAD TO PUNISHING MYSELF. TO THAT BEING ROCK BOTTOM..I MEAN THAT PRETTY WELL STREET LEVEL...CYBERING WHILE HIGH WITH ELI - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 i remember making love [certain one activitie] with u for 45 freaking minutes - that was a keeper fer me compare that to saying to a icon that looks like a cartooon with a moniker that says...'give it to me' and falling asleep at the keyboard in a pool of blood which one is better one is loyal and loving the other is cheating and gross neglect of reality
Lor Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Guest, go away. Anna, its good that they do have a decent relationship, the "buddy" relationship, but he does need to be able to discipline, or at least have a hand in it. When I was growing up, my Mom dealt with us kids until she couldn't, then my Dad would step in (he's step but Dad)...and then you'd better watch out! You knew you'd pushed as far as you could when that happened and you sure minded your mouth and attitude then. I love him dearly and he's my Father ~ no beatings or such ~ but man could he spank! Thanks for clearing that up. From your other postings it had sounded like H was only interested ~ for the most part ~ in the toddler. My 2nd M, I had thought that my H would step up and be a father to my son (now 16) but that didn't happen and it was painful to watch another mistake I had made in my son's life. As my mother always said, I was the one constant in his life and he could always depend on me. I asked him one time what kind of father would he be, since I hadn't been able to give him very good father figures....he responded that he would be the kind of father he'd never had. I liked hearing that but it was still depressing, knowing what he had missed out on. Yes, you are strong. Compared to many. Don't lose that faith you have in making your M stronger than before and keep your chin up. The days and nights can be very lonely but you are holding on and hopefully that will pay off for you in the end. Keep doing what you're doing, realizing that you will be able to survive no matter what the outcome, that life does not end if your M does, and that you can always have a good relationship with H.
Author anna13 Posted November 1, 2006 Author Posted November 1, 2006 OK ~~~ The two posts above Lor's...the 2 guests .. what the hec are you talking about??? I think you maybe posted on the wrong thread LOL ... Thanks Lor ... I saw my H today , we took our toddler trick or treating , my T wanted to stay home as long as I brought home sushi he said he was fine. anyway we had a pretty good day .. untill my H mentioned something about not being sure he wants to move back in ..maybe it was just a comment . because when i said so are you tellling me you dont want to move back in? he said that he didnt say that ... . i was so devistated, he said he wants to then he says he isnt sure , I am confused. I tried to hold back the tears as I walked my son to get candy together. it was tough. but later he said he did want to and that he wass just stressed... I tried not to stress him about it and I didnt want to ruin my toddlers evening so I held it together . the end of the evening went better because he said he missed us , and what nots. I was normal but when I got home I put my son in his bed ( he was asleep already ) and I just cried for about 30 minutes. I feel better now. I am concerned but I am still trying to stay focused and i am tryin gto keep positive. my H is looking depressed and out of it , he is loosing tons of weight . and he says he still is stressed about something , but he cant say what. I dont know , i think it is just alot of things, his work , this situation , i just am going to try to give him room still . he hugged us goodbye after the trick or treating . .. hope everyone here had a great Halloween by the way .
Author anna13 Posted November 1, 2006 Author Posted November 1, 2006 ok ,,, sorry , maybe the guest is the same guest earlier ? I get so confused with guests ..lol .. sorry if it was the same guest
Author anna13 Posted November 1, 2006 Author Posted November 1, 2006 Hi again , I hate to let anyone down , but I am feeling really unsure of everything now . nothing new has happened , I guess the certain things he said Halloween night keeps rolling around in my head. I thought we were heading in a positive direction , i guess we still are but I am feeling super insecure right now. I guess his comments are so back and forth , I actually took my wedding ring over there to him he wasnt wearing his anymore so i felt so uncomfortable that i was going to give my wedding ring to him to just hold with his ring, because I just didnt want to look at it. when i picked him up i said look what i found ( i had misplaced it about 2 weeks ago) he took it and looked at it , it has the diamond ring and a small second band. before I could say anything about me wanting him to hold onto it , he put the band on his finger. and said he would wear that one and i can wear the diamond ring , good sign? but by the end of the evening i was completely confused . I didnt feel comfortable wearing the diamond ring. although i wanted to believe but anyway . I told him to hang on to it for that moment because I had to wash my hands and the ring is loose on me ,so he put it on his ring finger with the band of mine . at the end of the evening I forgot to get it back. anyway I dont know if he is still wearing the band . I am just floating in a cloud of confusion , like i said he is like I want to be together , then he says he doesnt know what he wants ,... someone help me understand this. he says he misses us and loves us but he also seems confused. he says that I am making plans for him he never said he would move back ... ( he actually did say that )and then I said , look , So you dont want to move back in with us ? he said that he didnt say that .. so what is the deal ? I am confused , he said to me that I should stop making myself worry . what? anyway , I am confused and I dont want to "push" him so I havent really pushed him about what he says , I am hurting because of this . like i said in a earlier post , the night ended good with goodbye hugs. I just dont understand him right now . back and forth , he says he had lots of stress not just from me , he doesnt know what he wants to do . he says that he sees us growing old together , that is what he wants but he still doesnt know what to do ... any ideas?? cause i am lost at this point . I want to stick with improving things but he is making it difficult too. no fights rightnow , I am just confused and trying to understand him .
PWSX3 Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Hey Anna13, You have to remember you have gotten a lot of help and support from this board so you are seeing things in a different way where he might just be wondering around trying to figure it out without any kind of focus. I can only talk from what I am going thru but there are many times I wonder if I want to get back together or not. Sure she was the one that moved out two months ago but as I learn and try to grow as a person I wonder. We did a lot of tit-for-tat stuff I feel in our marriage, if she doesn't do this for me then I won't do that for her so we both need to do a lot of growing up and learning about relationships. I believe like the one book says we have to work at keeping the other persons love bank full. I guess what I'm trying to say is he will have a lot of up and down emotions just like you have they just might be about other things or issues. You are improving the person that counts the most and that is you. If you aren't fighting then that is a good step forward. I know what you are going thru, it is hard but I think you might be doing what I do a lot and try and figure what is "GOING" to happen and not work more on what "IS" happening now. I hope this helps some I know it's tuff...
brokenhearted29 Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Hi Anna, I know exactly what you mean. One minute they tell you they want to be with you and the next they tell you they need more time. I have not took my wedding ring off yet. I have caught his ring off a few times, he said he had it off because of work. I have not taken mine off yet because I dont want all the questions from family and friends. I have a hard enough time dealing with this. And I'm not sure what to tell them becasue I dont know why we are really seperated. The truth is my husband is selfish! I think at this point of time you should continue to do what u are doing. Concentrate on yourself and your kids. I know its hard but its the only way. Your husband probably doesnt have a answer on why he is not ready to come home yet. So dont force one out of him. He might tell you something you may not want to hear. Atleast he is being honest about the situation. I'm sure he is thinking about your best interest and he thinks that you both are not ready yet. Just be patient! I know its hard. I'm going through the same thing right now and I just take one day at a time. You will be okay.
Author anna13 Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 I am feeling really bummed out right now , dont really know why ... just feel down , sad. grrr. I hate the way my life feels right now. it is so sunny and it is a great day but I feel like the traveling dark cloud . will it ever be the same I dont know.
ilmw Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I am feeling really bummed out right now , dont really know why ... just feel down , sad. grrr. I hate the way my life feels right now. it is so sunny and it is a great day but I feel like the traveling dark cloud . will it ever be the same I dont know. anna... Can you go out and do something for you Now? Go do something... go get busy... always helps me clear my head...puts me in a better mood..
brokenhearted29 Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I've been there and done that. There are days where I still get bumed out. My kids help me! Just by being around their smiling faces. I think my daughter can tell when I am felling bumed so she will ask me if we can go out to eat. That is the one thing that she enjoys to do. (me too:rolleyes: ) When you have a nice day go take a walk. There has to be something you can do to keep your mind focused. I have been working on cross word puzzles. I use to be really good at them in school so now I do them when I got too much on my mind. There are days that I thought god was punishing me. I couldnt understand why he brought us together if it was going to end like this. Since then I have been reading the bible and trying to live my life according to god. I think this is just a test to see if your marriage will survive. God has a plan for all of us and this will make you stronger as a person. Smile Girl! You deserve it! I wish I would of found this place when my husband and I first seperated. Sometimes I feel that things would of turned out differently. I would of gave him his space more and he would be home with me now. Because when we first seperated I constanely called him and bugged him. I always asked him why he was doing this and when he was coming home. So as you can see you are doing a great job. I did worst when this all started. You are stronger then what you think.
Author anna13 Posted November 6, 2006 Author Posted November 6, 2006 just venting again , I guess i got too much time to think , and I think I think too much . my mind goes here and there and everywhere , I can almost hear him saying things to me that he is not saying such as he doesnt love me , or he is sick of me . . everything seems to be going pretty well but i guess I am just going spacey . just thoughts in my head go in cirles. , but I try to hang on to the positive just to keep me going . I got my ring back and when I looked at his finger he still had my band on his ring finger I was happy to see that. I hope it stays there . I have just emotionally feel down and out . I dont show or tell my H though. can you believed I gained a few pounds! I am so annoyed with myself .. so i better keep an eye on that . I am supposed to meet with him wednesday again or thursday. that is when he is off this week it always changes due to his schedual. anyway thanks for reading .
Author anna13 Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 I have to say I am just feel really annoyed today. let me just say that my H and I were getting along pretty well . let me just give you the short story. I gave our mutual friends a tv that i didnt need. when i left their house i took my friends H keys by mistake . I had my H's set of keys on me that day and the key ring ect are identical so it was just an inocent mistake. so i hear from my H a week ago about how angry his friend was about me taking his keys( mind you i only had them over night and rushed them overr the next morning) anyway i didnt think much of it since to me it seemed silly. then i find out from my girlfriend that her H is seriously furious about it .... im like ok what the hec is going on? so she tells me that she told her H that i was looking for my H's keys and took his by mistake . the thing is i have been having my H's keys and my H knows i have had them all this time ..and that it just so happened that i was using my h's set that day because I couldnt find my own . so anyway my friend told me she understood what i was saying but seems to be putting no effort into fixing her H's misunderstanding. she tells me i should talk to her H to straighten things out ... oh please .. that's ridiculous to me , it isnt that hard to understand that it was an innocent mistake. anyway my h and I were having a good day ( i took him to go vote) until right before i droppedhim off at work , i didnt realize it but i was nagging about his friend loosing his mind about stupid keys. my h snapped at me saying that i was as crazy as his friend sice i keep bringing it up . i was soooo hurt but I just remained quiet which was the right thing to do instead of snapping which was my first instict. i just felt like all the work i did went down the toilet because of this key thing ( and yes me complaining about it ) . my H apologized to me before i left and i said it was ok ... but it isnt ok with me .. i am really pissed about it . just knowing that i am working so hard at repairing our marriage and he is going to snap at me about complaining about his mental friend who he(my H) has said has lost it makes me so mad . yesterday we talked on the phone but nothing about that... and we had a pretty good conversation. but today i am just fuming about it still angry . we are supposed to have lunch today but i dont know . i am just so disapointed and angry but i still want to work on things .at this point i am not discussing our friends anymore. in fact i am not talking to them anymore for now because they are just too annoying too . so stupid i swear.
brokenhearted29 Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 All over some keys? That is silly. Whats the big deal since he got the keys back? I dont understand either why someone would get so angry about some keys. I think you made the right choice I would just leave those friends alone for now. You have got better things to concentrate on. Have you read my post lately? read it.
Author anna13 Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 I saw my husband the other day , we spent the day together , had lunch and in the middle of lunch he asks me , If we didnt have our young son would I wtill be wanting to work things out with him . I said yes. he seemed surprsed by my quick response . he said that i answered too quickly and that i must have thought about that myself. i said that i did but I know that I want to work things out with him because I Love him and not because we have a child together. I asked him what about him . my H said the same as me which is that he would want to work thing sout between us even if we didnt have a child together. I really dont know where this question came from but it kinda threw me . i didnt really know where this was coming from . then later at the part he mentioned it again and I again said that I would want to be with him either way . then later in the evening he calls out of the blue and pretty late too and says that it was troubling him . I asked what was . and he asked me again , he said he was concerned and needed reasurance. I reasured him that i wanted to be with him still and work on our marriage because I do have feelings for him even though we have been through alot , and not "just because" we have a child together although our child is to be thought of in this situation. he just seemed insecure at that moment , and i have never seen him that way . It made me a little uncomfortable tell you the truth . He said he just wanted to make sure and that he has too much time to think and he was thinking crazy. anyway , I am a bit confused but I guess it is a good thing? he said he felt better after he spoke to me so that is a good thing too. we were on the phone together for like 20 minutes. we havent been on the phone longer then 5- 10 minutes at a time since the seperation and even before that . so it was odd for me . and he has never really opened up like that either. anyway , just interesting . I told him I Loved him and he said he knows I do . so I dont really know when I will see him again but I will wait till he calls me . I know he has a day off coming but i am not calling him so that he can go do his own thing. unless he calls me that is , anyway that is where things are at this point. I am not sure what to think but I am still trying to live in the now and i am trying not to overthink things , and also I want to give him his space too.
brokenhearted29 Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Anna you are doing a good job living in the now. Wish I could do as good of a job as you. I'm always concerning myself with the what if's. It sounds to me like he is missing you guys. Thats a good sign. I hope he calls soon for your sake becasue i know you miss him and want to talk to him.
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