Cardinal64 Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Hello again. Well I chkd my wife's cell phone messages about three days ago and now Im really hurting. The last message she had sent to her "friend" who is not in the area at present time stated that she was " sending her love and kisses and that she couldn't wait until he came back so that they could make love ". To say that that really cut a huge hole in my already broken heart would be an understatement. This is after the fact that my wife assured me that the guy was "just a friend" and that he had moved away permanently. Now - through a friend of mine - I understand this " guy " is supposed to be coming back here in about 2 months or so - if not sooner. I don't now how many other guys have gone through this similar type of pain but it really can mess your head up. Not to mention the stress it brings on. You try to be a good, faithful , loving, caring husband and it doesn't make a difference. All I can really count on now is the love of our 5-1/2 year old son. Well she wants a separation from me - she'll get it. I know why she is wants this so bad - obvioulsy so she can have more time to screw this new guy - while our son - of course - is with me. Just seems so damned unfair. Anyway all the best to anyone else dealing with the infidelity of a spouse.
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Until she realizes what she is doing is WRONG and suffers the consquences of her actions, things won't change. She is still into this OM because she hasn't a clue wtf she's doing. She's not thinking at all, let alone clearly... Sadly, all you can do is separate and see what happens...Once someone decides it's over, there isn't much you can do to change their minds. Look out for youself and your son, focus on making him feel loved and secure during this transition. I am sorry for your pain, you don't deserve any of this.
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Are you seeking some therapy for yourself? If not, please consider it because she has done a number on you, and you need someone to help you through this so it won't eat you up and ruin your future.
Author Cardinal64 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 Thanks for your support. No, in answer to your question if I have sought out a therapist etc.. The thing is I still love my wife deeply . It kills me to imagine her with another man. I could throw up. What really upsets me is the effect all this will have on our little son. He loves us both very much. Why can't my wife see all the negative consequences of her affair?
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Because she isn't thinking clearly at all. She's very addicted to the feelings this man brings out on her and the fantasy of "fun" of her affair. Nothing else matters...Think of it like her on drugs, the more she gets addicted, the more she needs from this man. This is ALL about her, k - So don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong to make her want an affair...That was HER choice alone to do. I think once she 'feels' and suffers consquences of what she is losing, in time, then that will affect her, maybe enough to react and want to work on the marriage..Question is, when and if that happens, would you be willing to take her back, give her a chance to gain your trust and faith again? I want to tell you don't give up - because of your son, but that isn't for me to say really (even though I kind of said just that) and see what happens. It isn't right or fair for her to go be with another man then come home again when she wakes UP. But, that happens all the time unfortunately, some marriages get stronger and some don't. Some end in divorce, even with marriage counselling. I suggest you read a thread by a previous poster named DazednConfused. It's a very long thread, but worth reading...I think you reading his thread might help you alot. And just to let you know, 2+ years after his wife's affair, they are still together! Things are not the same as before, once that complete trust is broken one can never get it back 100% like before, but things are moving along okay... Here is his thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t40398/
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Well she wants a separation from me - Make it a legal separation. You need to hire a lawyer at this point to protect your interests.. whatever they may be.. I'm sorry you are going thru this..
Rooster_DAR Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Make it a legal separation. You need to hire a lawyer at this point to protect your interests.. whatever they may be.. I'm sorry you are going thru this.. I just posted a long thread on this hot topic. It's happening all over the place. There are guys posting everyday that are going through this same thing, it's like an epidemic.
Bufzookie Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I know from a perfict stranger, it doesnt mean much with someone says its going to be okay. But it will! It might not seem that way right now but it will. I myself had my husband cheat on me.....I found out by computer ....text messages on his phone and also naked pictures of some women he had been seeing for 3 months. I was 9 months pregnant when I found out about everything. its been a year since.....he cheated more....and then when i thought things were better...i found myself checking everything all the time. I must say I am always very parinoid now. I don't trust him...I get uneasy feelings all the time......and I desided enough was enough. When someone cheats hun, its hard for them to stop. Mostly because there heart is in it. Why put yourself through that. I am want to get a divorce ..... I am stuck on an Island (Oahu) and I have a beautiful little girl. She gives me reason to move on. She deserves better!! And so do I. So my point is......Whatever you choose to do is up to you sweetie!! Just know that it is a long road and you may never regain trust back for her....even when things seem to be back to normal! Just take care of you!! Stress is a killer hun! try not to blame yourself. I'm praying for you!! feel better!!
Author Cardinal64 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 Rooster-you hit the nail on the head. I think my wife is trying to copy the lifestyle of one of her sister - who messes around on her husband. Guess she feels that she wants her cake and be able to eat it oo.
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Well, your wife is certainly giving up alot to go have her cake and eat it too. On the expense of you, your son and family wellbeing. Talk to lawyer, draw up papers and make sure YOU get custody of your son.
Sup Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Well, your wife is certainly giving up alot to go have her cake and eat it too. On the expense of you, your son and family wellbeing. Talk to lawyer, draw up papers and make sure YOU get custody of your son. I agree totally with this. However, I would look into Divorcing this woman as FAST as possible, when you do finally break the news to her to reveal what you have, (what you told us), and tell her flat out, that you want a Divorce, make sure that you have already started the Divorce process when you do this. And stick to it, NO crying, pleading, nothing, from her, just lose this woman, because she absolutely will NOT stop. You have seen that first hand, don't let her drag you and this on for more years and waste more of your life.
Sup Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I don't know if she left you at all, but, ask your lawyer about ABANDONMENT.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Rooster-you hit the nail on the head. I think my wife is trying to copy the lifestyle of one of her sister - who messes around on her husband. Guess she feels that she wants her cake and be able to eat it oo. Strange that you mention that, I had my G/F do the same thing to me too. Her sister and mother both constantly cheat on their B/F's, so maybe it runs in the family. Cheers!
burning 4 revenge Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 marriage is dying in the west. it's become obsolete
Rooster_DAR Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 marriage is dying in the west. it's become obsolete I agree with you on this.
FlyingHigh Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 I feel your pain. It sucks more when you have a kid. If you haven't total given up on your M and you think there's a posibility of saving it, check this website, www.marriagebuilders.com dedicated primarily that following infidelity. One of the immediate recommendation is to expose the affair to both sides, your family and the OM's family, friends and wife if he's married. The theory behind exposure is to kill the affair because affair thrives in secrecy. There's also Plan A & Plan B processes. There are success stories. The process did work in the beginning, but H (XHTB), I discovered, he is not only a pathological liar, but is addicted to porn. His siblings are exactly the same way, liars. I should've known better. He even managed to lie to our MC and his IC. And when he got caught cheating during counseling, he tried to cover it with a nother lie. So, we're in the process of divorcing. He and his OW deserve each other. OW's XH of 10 years cheated on her, my H cheated on me six month after we got married, then the OW cheated on H with her next door neighbor. Very nice..... If you decide to D and live in a "fault" state, you should come ahead. Good luck to you and your son. He will need you the most more than ever.
GuestI'mHere Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 If she wants a separation, then give it to her. You can't keep a dog in heat in the house-they'll moan all the way through. Now, work on yourself. I don't agree with the counseling thing either since I like finding inner peace. Never had any help to get me through highschool-don't need it now. Also, ask yourself why has your wife strayed. Is there any possible reason why this other man would complete her or have her addicted to him? It is obvious that right now she doesn't care about her family. (She will eventually.) Even if you don't care for the reason, it could help in your next relationship to change something. Don't rush the decision to divorce. Think about it. If it's in your best interests (forget about every one's elses) then do it. Sleep on it for awhile.
FlyingHigh Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 The one thing that cheaters do over time is that they perfect the art of lying and cheating. His wife like any drug addict isn't going to tell him the truth! She hasn't. Affair is a fantasy, an escape. And they will sell their soul to the devil if they can get away with it just to keep the affair going.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 The one thing that cheaters do over time is that they perfect the art of lying and cheating. His wife like any drug addict isn't going to tell him the truth! She hasn't. Affair is a fantasy, an escape. And they will sell their soul to the devil if they can get away with it just to keep the affair going. Ditto! This is why spying should be acceptable so you can find out the truth before you are made a fool of.
mental_traveller Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 marriage is dying in the west. it's become obsolete http://www.nomarriage.com
Rooster_DAR Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 www.nomarriage.com LOL :lmao::lmao::lmao: I hate to sound biased, but the above website has some good points and may hold some validity. Although, there are some american women that still are good women (all taken though). I like the title [FONT=verdana][sIZE=-1]Foreign women from Latin America, Eastern Europe, and Asia make much better wives than American women. [/sIZE][/FONT] I have heard this from a lot of men I know that travel, as well as Alpha Male.
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