bella_girl Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I had a feeling he was seeing someone and it was confirmed by a friend today. 'Hey I hear that x has a new gf?' Ouch, stab to the heart... Even though I knew it, I have a six sense about these things I didn't have confirmation and now I feel really low. It's been about 5 months and about 3 since we spoke but I've been missing him a lot lately. I was doing ok but serval things seem to be conspring against me. And old old bf and good friend has just started seeing someone (and I set them up) I'm very happy for him but it is still werid. Secondly my flatmate has just started a relationship and the new BF is over every night. I feel like I'm in the summer of love right now, everyone is loved up except me and now my ex too.... Damm it. Its not that I want to be in a relationship, or am looking for one, I just don't like people flaunting it in my face... And all this at a time when i'm considering what the hell I'm doing on the other side of the world away from family and friends. I want to write him an email but I know I can't.... I know I have to let go and I know that I can't return home until I'm over this... I just don't when that would be. I thought I was moving on... but obviously not. *sigh* Anyone have any strategies to help here?
BannaBee57 Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Hmmm, I've been wondering for a while now if this type of situation would help me get over my ex. If he got a new girlfriend would I stop hoping that he will come back to me or would I just feel worse? What are other people's experiences with this?
KittenMoon Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Since my break up (and a bit right before) two of my best friends married (each other), three friends got new gf/bfs, my oldest friend got engaged, and only one friend I've known has had a break up... only to move away and find a guy she's head over heels with in a space of two months (though he unfortunately has a gf despite reciprocal feelings so that's a bit of an odd duck right there). It's so pathetic it's comical... but yeah, it does feel like a love fest and some of us are not invited...
In Sync Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 My suggestion may seem silly at first but let me explain why. You may need to do a 180 in your thinking. Force yourself to be around people who are in happy relationships. Because if you are not careful you will let that seed of jealousy and envy eat at you. I don't suggest you need to be socializing with people who know your ex and are mentioning his relationship, but it is a slow seed to feeling down and depressed if you look at others with bf/gfs and let yourself start thinking I don't have one. In a way I'm saying laugh at your situation and don't let your feeling that you lack begin to consume. You may start seeing that even in those couples all that glitters is not gold. maybe those relationship start appearing less enviable and you are actually free and don't have to deal with all the struggles that come with maintaining one. Another thing to help is to completely immerse yourself in your purpose of life. Everyone has a purpose, something they are meant to do...that's a job in just figuring that out. And use this time to put your heart and sould into that when you are not doing something towards this purpose you feel like you're pulled away. In the same vein as a writer feels compelled to write, a dancer must dance, a painter paints..an actor must perform..When you don't discover your purpose a bf/gf becomes that...and if that realtionship comes to and end you feel a void. Switch that up and find what is your true callinf and you will soon feel less drawn to noticing if others are involved because your life is full. That's my suggestion for dealing with what you are going through.
bchlvr Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Bella- Just one thing to add. There is a saying, "Don't compare your insides to someone elses outsides." I resonate with the feelings you described. You are working on you. Whenever you get that twinge of envy or despair, try to remind yourself that it doesn't matter what the rest of the world is doing. You are doing something important and courageous right now, bringing your focus inward. Try not to judge, compare or compete. As far as moving on goes..... you may have strong emotions and painful feelings of longing may resurface but you are making good choices in order to detach and let go. And that is moving on.
Author bella_girl Posted October 19, 2006 Author Posted October 19, 2006 thanks for the replies... after a couple days I'm feeling a bit better. BannaBee53 - what the situation has made me realize it that no, we aren't going to get back together. I have always known this but it's like a lifeline has been cut so I feel slightly more adrift and have to get on with stuff more. As my friend said having him there in the back of my mind still wanting me back (he did a couple months ago) was something stable, made me feel good, and yet it wasn't anything positive, either, because it was going nowhere and causing me grief... Yes she was completely right and now the situation is resolved. On a couple others things... I've talked to a few friends over the last couple days and have gone back over the reasons why broke up, this has strengthen my resolve and made me realise I was wearing rose coloured glasses - imagining how wonderful our relationship was... So yes I do think I'm making good choices (thanks bchlvr for reminding me of this) My flatmate has however taken it upon herself to set me up... it always disturbs me when people (especially in new relationships) want everyone to be as happy as them and insist on setting you up on incompatible dates. (But I haven't met him so who knows). She also bought me flowers, which was very nice, but I did think I'm ok I'm not dying here, it's just a bit of heartache - see how far I've progressed! Devastation to 'it ain't that bad' in a couple days!! YAY Yeah the loads of relationships around me are good and bad... i know that all that glitters is not gold, some relationships remind you that it's good to be single. And I don't have much choice about being around them or not (they are being forced upon me!). In Sync I like your suggestions for dealing with them. I will continue getting on with my stuff for me. I'm glad over the last couple days that I have managed to not email him - even though I would like confirmation from him, i think what really is that going to achieve, I'd just be hurt again. KittenMoon - when it rains it pours as the saying goes!!!
Angelone84 Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 I know how u feel ..My ex got married and is having a baby ..We were together for 2 1/2 years together that was like stab to the heart...He even emailed me the baby pix...
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