Author lovestruck234 Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 And I just wanted to add something as well.... Ok, Dane and his gf Laura hadn't had sex yet right? They'd been together for a year and a half and they hadn't had sex. Anyway, Dane used to always come to me asking me about sex and what should he do to make her want it etc etc. I was like his "whinging-about-not-having-sex-yet" friend. Lol Anyway, last night I found out that Dane and Laura had FINALLY had sex. Lol, it was a big deal.!!!! Rhys had told me the news and I was just laughing about it, and saying "Good on him" etc etc... But you know what? Deep down.....I was jealous??? I know, what the?? When I found out I was happy and that but I was like, deep down....kinda cut up about it. I have no idea why!!!! Why?????
Sparky Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 The reason why you're jealous is because you have deep feelings for him. You're just not aware of it. "You don't realize what you have until you've lost it." Sad, but true. Trust me. I've been here more times than I can count, and it's torture. It just goes to show you how complicated our minds are. You should let him know that you do have feelings for him.
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Then I'm like "It's good to see you're not getting your own way all the time, isn't it?" (Laughs) I'm like "Well, that sometimes you have to do things you don't always want to do. And sometimes you have to face the fact that I'm not going to give in....hahahaha" See, the thing is, you don't have to flaunt it in his face to let him know you're getting your way...That just opens up the can of worms, the cycle (arguing) starts all over again. Cuz you do that and laugh (even as a joke) it defeats the purpose of fixing things between you two. I hope that makes sense. It's just not to right way of dealing with things, especially if he's trying to work on himself.... As for Dane...You're getting emotionally attached to him again. Because he's "nice" and respectful towards you, unlike Rhys.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 You should let him know that you do have feelings for him. Hahaha, TRUST me...that would complicate things up sh*t creek even more. Maybe I DO have feelings for him...I don't believe they are very strong though. I think it's more of a "I really really really really like you and care for you heaps....as a friend" kind of feeling. I can't really see myself in a relationship with this guy. You know how some guys it's like "Yeah, I can see myself with him" but with Dane it's like "Yeah.....actually, nah, he's just a friend"... I dont know. I can understand how insignificant this all of this may seem to lots of you....but can my life get any more complicated?!?!? Lol
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 The reason why you're jealous is because you have deep feelings for him. You're just not aware of it. "You don't realize what you have until you've lost it." Sad, but true. Trust me. I've been here more times than I can count, and it's torture. It just goes to show you how complicated our minds are. You should let him know that you do have feelings for him. With due respect, Sparky, that's total BS. Even the farthest stretch of fanciful imagination cannot convince me on that point. If LoveStruck is feeling a bit jealous, it's NOT because of some deep-down love thing. It's just a natural reaction to feeling that his focus has shifted away from her. Tess, I really don't like the sound of this Dane fellow. I think you already know why I say that. The whining-about-sex is an indirect feeler to please-have-sex-with-me. And then he deliberately puts word into Rhys's ear about him finally doing it. He's testing you, to see if you do get a bit jealous. WTF. This guy is full of it.
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 And then he deliberately puts word into Rhys's ear about him finally doing it. He's testing you, to see if you do get a bit jealous. I agree with this actually. I didn't think of that. He could be just doing this for reaction - An ego boost.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 With due respect, Sparky, that's total BS. Even the farthest stretch of fanciful imagination cannot convince me on that point. If LoveStruck is feeling a bit jealous, it's NOT because of some deep-down love thing. It's just a natural reaction to feeling that his focus has shifted away from her. Tess, I really don't like the sound of this Dane fellow. I think you already know why I say that. The whining-about-sex is an indirect feeler to please-have-sex-with-me. And then he deliberately puts word into Rhys's ear about him finally doing it. He's testing you, to see if you do get a bit jealous. WTF. This guy is full of it. I guess I never thought of it this way, but it sounds right. Ugh, boys suck. I'm so over them... It's really weird, now that all of these problems have happened so fast with Rhys, all these boys are stepping into the scene. A few guys from a few years back are starting to txt message me and phone me. Guys I used to have crushes on at school are getting in contact with me, the nice guys I could always talk to about everything, the hot guys... I swear God is out to complicate my head even more.... I don't want to be rude, so I'll talk to them, but I feel like saying "Just go away, I'm confused at the moment, come back when my head's screwed on right!" Lol Dane rang Rhys last night. He kept asking him "Is Tess there?" Rhys is like "Yeah, why you keep asking?" He's like "Oh, just wondering"... What the...?
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Is it possible now that Dane knows you and Rhys are having some issues, he's pushing some buttons? Meaning, calling R asking if you're there, dropping hints, asking about you etc., so R will react, and some fireworks will happen? He's making R wonder.....And that isn't good. PS, sidenote here - I don't know if I offended you or hurt your feelings recently, but you seem to not acknowledge any of my replies anymore. I am sorry if I did say something that could have hurt your feelings Tess.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 Is it possible now that Dane knows you and Rhys are having some issues, he's pushing some buttons? Meaning, calling R asking if you're there, dropping hints, asking about you etc., so R will react, and some fireworks will happen? He's making R wonder.....And that isn't good. PS, sidenote here - I don't know if I offended you or hurt your feelings recently, but you seem to not acknowledge any of my replies anymore. I am sorry if I did say something that could have hurt your feelings Tess. Awwww no no no no!!! You didn't hurt my feelings at all! No, I love you! I'm sorry! It wasn't deliberate! Please don't hate me! I luv you!! I don't know what Dane's trying to do here. He's a player, to say the least and knows how to get what he wants, like last time when I had a crush on him. Ugh, it sucks. Cos Laura and I are great friends, and Dane and Rhys are great friends, we're ALL great friends, and now I'M the one on the way of screwing it up!
allina Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I don't know what Dane's trying to do here. He's a player, to say the least and knows how to get what he wants, like last time when I had a crush on him. Ugh, it sucks. Cos Laura and I are great friends, and Dane and Rhys are great friends, we're ALL great friends, and now I'M the one on the way of screwing it up! Please be careful with the Dane situation, I would hate to see this situation go to sh*t and you be made out to be the bad guy.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 19, 2006 Author Posted October 19, 2006 Please be careful with the Dane situation. I will. I promise.
Sparky Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 With all due respect, Sparky, that's total BS. Even the farthest stretch of fanciful imagination cannot convince me on that point. If LoveStruck is feeling a bit jealous, it's NOT because of some deep-down love thing. It's just a natural reaction to feeling that his focus has shifted away from her. I never said that I thought she loved him as a lover. She DOES love and care about him as a friend, just maybe more than she thinks. But you're right about the natural reaction. That's what I meant when I said "You don't realize what you have until you've lost it." She misses his focus on her now that she's not his focus anymore. This is just my guess. Correct me if I'm wrong, Lovestruck.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 19, 2006 Author Posted October 19, 2006 No, you're on the mark, Sparky. So are you TTSP. I do have very strong feelings for him as a FRIEND, sure, but lately found out that Rhys had been blabbing off to him about our private life, and now all of a sudden he's interested! HA! Go figure... Yesterday in the car my mum came up in the conversation, you know, talking about how sick she is, and Rhys just comes out with "Oh I can't stand your mother..." I was like "What??!" and he's like "But I'll put up with her anyway..." and I went off the dial. Just told him to "Keep his mouth shut about my mother like that. You don't see me talking about your mother like that to you so don't say it about mine. And anyone would think you would actually have a bit more respect for her at the moment, seeing as well, you know, she has CANCER and everything." What a pig. I would NEVER talk about his parents like that to him. Just plain rude. Anyway, I was talking to mum this morning about everything and she told me that dad's really angry at him. Cos I tell mum alot of stuff about Rhys and I, mum will chat to Dad about it and he's gotten really fired up about it. Like, about Rhys telling his mates about our sex life, the way he talks to me etc. Anyway, Dad was talking to me the other day and told me that if Rhys keeps it up he's going to put his foot in and stop it.... But anyway, next opportunity I get, I am seriously going to say something to him. For real. No beating around the bush. I am just going to say what Iw ant, how I want it and what I want changed. If he doesn't like it, he can f*cking lump it for all I care. I have too many other important things on my ming than to have to deal with this sh*t. I don't need it, and my mum CERTAINLY doesn't need it....
Sand&Water Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Reply: "Oh I can't stand your mother..." I was like "What??!" and he's like "But I'll put up with her anyway..." He wasn't born to be fond of your mother. I, certainly, am not defending him. No one chooses their boyfriend/girlfriend's mother. Therefore, one should acknowledge and respect a mother's existence. You lack, an emotional, force usually acquired, developed, and sustained in the early adolescent years. The force I'm talking about is your, individual, word. You're allowing him to step all over you. You should, at least, try to build a stable middle-ground. Example: [using the above incident] Him: "Oh I can't stand your mother..." You: "That is fine. You don't have to like her." You: "However, I expect you treat her with the same respect you treat any other mother [including his mother]." Just a simple example. You should know where, and when to place stress on your relationship issues. You can't let them slid. Regards, Sand&Water
Sparky Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I do have very strong feelings for him as a FRIEND, sure, but lately found out that Rhys had been blabbing off to him about our private life, and now all of a sudden he's interested! HA! Go figure... Wow, what a respectible and considerate boyfriend you have! Yesterday in the car my mum came up in the conversation, you know, talking about how sick she is, and Rhys just comes out with "Oh I can't stand your mother..." I was like "What??!" and he's like "But I'll put up with her anyway..." and I went off the dial. Just told him to "Keep his mouth shut about my mother like that. You don't see me talking about your mother like that to you so don't say it about mine. And anyone would think you would actually have a bit more respect for her at the moment, seeing as well, you know, she has CANCER and everything." What a pig. I would NEVER talk about his parents like that to him. Just plain rude. Can you tell me why he was mad with her? Because even though your mom has cancer, that doesn't mean nobody has any right to be mad at her. But anyway, next opportunity I get, I am seriously going to say something to him. For real. No beating around the bush. I am just going to say what I want, how I want it and what I want changed. If he doesn't like it, he can f*cking lump it for all I care. I have too many other important things on my ming than to have to deal with this sh*t. I don't need it, and my mum CERTAINLY doesn't need it.... Even though you're mad, you should still be careful about how you handle this. There could be more to this than you think, and if there is, lashing out will backfire on you BIG TIME.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 20, 2006 Author Posted October 20, 2006 Can you tell me why he was mad with her? Because even though your mom has cancer, that doesn't mean nobody has any right to be mad at her. Even though you're mad, you should still be careful about how you handle this. There could be more to this than you think, and if there is, lashing out will backfire on you BIG TIME. There is nothing mum has ever done to him to make him say that. That's why it p*sses me off. RESPECT, you know? People often forget what that is.... I don't mean to come across mean or anything here, but I am sick to death of being "CAREFUL" about how I go about things. This has gone on for so long, and you probably don't know the full story. I have held back for so long now, like you wouldn't believe. I have been "careful" all this time, careful of saying something that might upset him, careful of loosing him, sorry, but careful is not something I am going to go by anymore. I am not going to turn into this horrible ogre or anything, but I am not going to wince in the corner and be treated like a dog ANYMORE. If he wants to talk to me like I am a dog, maybe he should consider going out and buying a dog...I'm done being CAREFUL.
Sparky Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Being careful doesn't mean to let him walk all over you, letting him push you around, or hiding your feelings. I'm not telling you to not do that because you have every right to stand up for yourself. You should NEVER hold back your feelings. What I'm saying is don't let your anger cloud your judgement, because THAT will backfire. Let me give you an example of what happened to me... Throughout my first year of college, there were these 2 girls that really looked out for me and cared for me. They always try to help me out. But how they did it was "People don't like it when you do this", "You should have thought of that before you did this" and "You need to think before you do this". It was like when my parents scolded me for when I was little. It made me feel like they thought I was retarded, didn't know my manners, and just plain worthless. In the back of my mind, I knew that they cared for me, so I didn't say anything. Man, was THAT ever a bad choice! It kept going on, and on, Worse and worse. One day I couldn't take it anymore, and I just lost it. I was screaming at them, and pretty much ripped their heads off for how they treated me. All I wanted to do was make them feel sorry for how they made me feel, but because I lashed out, they didn't want anything to do with me. Ever. Luckily, I was able to patch things up, but I really dodged a bullet. What I'm saying is that you have every right to be livid with him. But you still gotta use your head. Again, being careful doesn't mean to hide your feelings or let someone control your life. It just means you need to think before you act, or else you're gonna regret it BIG TIME.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 20, 2006 Author Posted October 20, 2006 Ok, I understand what you're saying... I very often keep my anger to myself. I never really lash out at anyone, unless it is something really personal or I am having a really crappy day.... Most of the time it's kept all inside. I never really let anyone know how I'm feeling if I'm feeling down, I just hide it/cover it up. But now I have come to the point where I am at my wits end, I am ready to tell him how I feel, and not p*ssy foot around it all. Just plain out and simple. That DOESN'T mean I am going to snap at him. It means I am going to lay this out once and for all. No more of this sh*t. Just a rational conversation...
Sparky Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I very often keep my anger to myself. I never really lash out at anyone, unless it is something really personal or I am having a really crappy day... Most of the time it's kept all inside. I never really let anyone know how I'm feeling if I'm feeling down, I just hide it/cover it up. But now I have come to the point where I am at my wits end, I am ready to tell him how I feel, and not p*ssy foot around it all. Just plain out and simple. This is probably one of the worst possible things you could do to yourself. There's a big difference between letting others know how you feel, and whining/complaining. Whining or complaining is very childish, and when you act like a baby. Trust me. Not only will keeping your emotions tucked away make the situation worse, it will do some serious long-term damage. The more rage you hide in you, the more powerful it'll be when you let it all out. Think of it as dynamite: The more explosive chemicals you put in, the deadlier the explosion. If you include too much, YOU'LL DO MORE DAMAGE THAN YOU INTENDED TO, like kill innocent bystanders. Hiding your emotions is no different. In both cases, you can easily kill someone if it goes out of control. That DOESN'T mean I am going to snap at him. It means I am going to lay this out once and for all. No more of this sh*t. Just a rational conversation... Good. But you still need to use your head, and think about how you're going to do it THOROUGHLY.
whichwayisup Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Give me this a-holes number and I'll yell at him for ya! "Oh I can't stand your mother..." This is the most retarded statement. What possessed him to say such a thing, especially with all that is going on with your mom's cancer, is beyond belief...That in itself would be enough to push ME over the edge and just have it out with him about everything, once and for all...
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 20, 2006 Author Posted October 20, 2006 Give me this a-holes number and I'll yell at him for ya! This is the most retarded statement. What possessed him to say such a thing, especially with all that is going on with your mom's cancer, is beyond belief...That in itself would be enough to push ME over the edge and just have it out with him about everything, once and for all... Tell me about it. When he said it...I was like (on the inside) "GRRRRRR!!!!!" But I just kept cool. Like I have said before, I have found myself just keeping my mouth shut to avoid argument... But now I am just....so over it. So over the BS. I was thinking today and if we do break up, I would really want him to be with someone after me who doesn't put up with his crap, or even better, that treated him the way he has treated me! Just to see how HE likes it...kinda evil thinking, I know, but just after he said that about mum I just went "Whoa there buddy, now you've just crossed the line..." Of course, I don't want to break up with him but if the day ever comes around. I was telling mum today that the thing that bothers me the most about thinking of us breaking up is him with another girl. OOARGH! I would be so mad and hurt. OR if he was f*cking some other girl. MAN, I WOULD KILL SOMEBODY!!!! That would hurt me so so so so so much. Is that normal? Do people feel that way normally? See, the thing is, Mum has NEVER, not ONCE said or done ANYTHING to him to be like that toward her. She has always invited him over for dinner, been really welcoming, did a hell of alot of running around for him when HE didn't have his lisence, so much she has done for him, been nice as pie to him on the days she has felt so sick she could die, yet, this is what she gets in return? Nup. You mess with anyone in my family you gotta get through ME first. I defend my family to the end, mate. Even if it means making serious sacrifices. Oh, and his number is 04......lol
whichwayisup Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Tell me about it. When he said it...I was like (on the inside) "GRRRRRR!!!!!" But I just kept cool. Like I have said before, I have found myself just keeping my mouth shut to avoid argument... When I was 20 years old, my dad was told he had lung cancer. IF my (ex)boyfriend at that time had told me something negative about my father I would have fricken LOST it and probably walked away forever...Especially if he was unsupportive, like Rhys is being with you. Trust me, if you and Rhys break up, yeah you'll cry and feel sad...But I can pretty much guarantee you within 2 weeks you'll feel better, happier and much more confident and secure. Rhys makes you feel like crap, he brings out negative feelings and negative thoughts in you. That is VERY unhealthy. He is not the right man for you, I can tell you this 100% for sure Tess. You can do better and one day you will find the guy who will treat you with respect, love and honesty. And he will make you smile ALL the time. Love hurts, but the hurt is usually unintentional...If love hurts intentionally then it's not the right kind of love for you. (Hope that make sense!)
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 20, 2006 Author Posted October 20, 2006 Yeah, it makes sense. Just, at THIS point in time, I am not ready to let go. Not yet, There may be the day that I loose it and I DO walk away forever...but not now. I'm not ready. I think I need a few years to find myself. I'm still only so young, I don't know who I am, what I want, where I will go, I need time to think about who I am and my priorities... Lol, I kinda want like a Super Nanny for Relationships or something to come to my house for a week and help me.... She always makes things better....
Sparky Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Yeah, it makes sense. Just, at THIS point in time, I am not ready to let go. Not yet, There may be the day that I loose it and I DO walk away forever...but not now. I'm not ready. I think I need a few years to find myself. I'm still only so young, I don't know who I am, what I want, where I will go, I need time to think about who I am and my priorities... So what are you saying? You're going to hang on to this guy until you blow up in his face? What good is that going to do? You say you're young, you don't know who you are, what you want, priorities, etc. Do you honestly think being with this guy is going to help any of your problems? Or just fuel to your fire? You just said you're young. That means you have your whole life ahead of you. Being with someone you don't like isn't fair to either one of you.
Sparky Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Oh I forgot to add... GOD, YOU LOOK SEXY IN THAT NEW PICTURE!
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