Ugh....it's him again.....

[whichwayisup]

I'm glad you found your strength, Tess. You stood up to Rhys for the sake of your family this time. When you are ready to stand up for your own sake, you will feel even stronger.

 

 

 

I know this thread is about your relationship, but I wonder if you've given thought to what you want out of life completely aside from your relationship.

 

Do you want to go to college? Do you have a dream of being an astronaut, a dance teacher, a supermodel, a writer, a surfboard designer, a politician, a zookeeper, a landscaper, a motor-cross bike shop owner...?

 

Do you want to travel all over the world? Do you want to stay in your hometown? Do you want to grow the world's biggest tomato? Do you want a houseful of kids and animals?

 

It might help you to consider your future...and what you need to do to meet your goals...without worrying so much about fixing Rhys. Work on yourself so you get everything that's important to you out of life.

 

This is an excellent post reply.

 

Tess, Rhys has his own life going, things he does on his own, sees his friends, with or without you. He is living life for himself. Maybe it's time for you to do the same. Focus less on him and more on YOU! It isn't healthy to have your life revolve only around Rhys...

[myflyby]

oh my. this is a rather lengthy post when the answer is quite simple. he treats you like dirt, and you try to justify it.

 

get rid of the bastard, you deserve better. but then again, whats the point in me saying that, since 5 zillion people have said it in the last 21 pages and you haven't listened.

[Sparky]

oh my. this is a rather lengthy post when the answer is quite simple. he treats you like dirt, and you try to justify it.

 

get rid of the bastard, you deserve better. but then again, whats the point in me saying that, since 5 zillion people have said it in the last 21 pages and you haven't listened.

 

Hey, take it easy. I did the same thing earlier in this thread, and doesn't help. It's obvious to us because we've been here and solved our problems already. We all used to be confused like her when we were in the same situation.

[laguy10]

I am at a bit of a disadvantage here, as I don't know your past history, lovestruck....however, I'm going to comment anyway, and I'll probably incur the wrath of someone, but I'm ok with that. Let me say ahead of time I mean no ill will, no matter how it sounds, and that I'm just giving my own opinion here, and that I may very well be wrong, as this is uncharted terriorty for me - one of the bigger mysteries about women, which men, on a large scale, don't understand.

 

I only read the first 2 pages of this post, as I really didn't have the patience to go through all 21...so, forgive me if this is now untimely.

 

I'm going to classify Dane as the "nice guy" and Rhys as the "bad boy" here. For some reason, women seem to go for the bad boy - case in point, that you are dating Rhys...no matter what you SAY you want, the only way to really determine what you want is by your actions, and that is what I'm going by here. So, if you REALLY didn't like Rhys, you would have left him....I think that is logical. I understand someone brought up the point of the abusive dynamic into this, but you seem like you are not deceived by him, so I'm going to step out on a limb here and say that you are not sticking because you are afraid of him, but rather because of some quality about being with him that you like (even if on a subconcious level).

 

The other thing I've noticed about women, is that they LOVE drama....the very fact that there are 21 pages talking about this should prove my point....and still no conclusion has been reached. I understand women feel a connection the more they share, and that you may not be looking for advice here, but just to share, but I'm going to give you my take on this anyway.

 

I'm curious....do you think you like Rhys, because he is the uncontrollable type, the bad boy image? That's probably what drew you to him in the first place (my theory on this is because women are nurturing by default, and everyone wants to feel they have a purpose in life)....so women try to reform the bad boys....afterall, can't really reform a "nice guy", right? The other thing I'm curious about, is, if you didn't have this happening in your life right now, would you be bored? If you were with Dane, it might be surrreal and peaceful at first....he may listen to you vent your feelings and all, but would that make you really happy? I'm not so sure. It seems me, that you love to have SOMETHING to talk about, and if you don't, boredom probably sets in.

 

Being the kind of guy who is intuitive and insightful, I can tell you, from personal experience, that women do NOT want that kind of guy, but will always tell you that they do. I have absolutely no clue why this is - except maybe because women are not as logical as they are emotional, so to them it makes sense in some wierd way....but to men, it appears to be a very contradictory situation.

 

So, to wrap up, I'm really just asking you to look at this from another perspective, if you really want to try to figure out why you're going through the things you are. If you are really just trying to vent to people on here, then my post will probably be ignored, with which I'm fine.

[Sparky]

Laguy, if I didn't know any better, I would start thinking that this was Ross Jeffries talking. You familiar with his "Speed Seduction" product?

[laguy10]

Laguy, if I didn't know any better, I would start thinking that this was Ross Jeffries talking. You familiar with his "Speed Seduction" product?

 

Never heard of him, until now, but I LOVE NLP and some of the stuff I've said is taken from works by similar "gurus" in the psychology field....I'll have to check his stuff out, as I've been very fascinated by the concept of using NLP/Triggers in the dating realm, but have not yet had the chance to explore it.

[Sparky]

Never heard of him, until now, but I LOVE NLP and some of the stuff I've said is taken from works by similar "gurus" in the psychology field....I'll have to check his stuff out, as I've been very fascinated by the concept of using NLP/Triggers in the dating realm, but have not yet had the chance to explore it.

 

You REALLY have to check him out. This guy knows what he's talking about and the exercises he gives you are incredible. He's not one of the cheap seduction guru imitators that say you have to be a complete a**hole in order for women to like you. Here's his site: http://www.seduction.com Make sure you subscribe to his newsletters.

[laguy10]

You REALLY have to check him out. This guy knows what he's talking about and the exercises he gives you are incredible. He's not one of the cheap seduction guru imitators that say you have to be a complete a**hole in order for women to like you. Here's his site: http://www.seduction.com Make sure you subscribe to his newsletters.

 

Ok, thanks for the tip. I'll check him out for sure.

[Walk]

You REALLY have to check him out. This guy knows what he's talking about and the exercises he gives you are incredible. He's not one of the cheap seduction guru imitators that say you have to be a complete a**hole in order for women to like you.

 

You're joking, right?

 

Or were you being serious?

 

Give me one thing this guy is saying that you feel is "incredible" and demonstrates that he "really knows what he's talking about".

[Walk]

I'm going to classify Dane as the "nice guy" and Rhys as the "bad boy" here. For some reason, women seem to go for the bad boy -

 

There's more to this than.. "bad boy" attracts girl. Take a moment and look at some research. Do a little homework before just saying it's because women "like to be treated like shyt."

 

Quoted from http://mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8483&cn=2:

"..why people stay in abusive relationships is uncovered by learning about the so-called "cycle of abuse." In a typical instance of domestic abuse (where one partner is abusive towards the other), abuse tends to occur periodically (cyclically), rather than constantly (all the time). There is no clear beginning to the cycle of abuse, but for purposes of describing it, we can start at an arbitrary stage along its progression. Some event occurs, whether real or imagined by the abuser, that generates feelings of anger or even rage. These feelings then lead to the second stage of the cycle, which is where the actual abusive behavior occurs. Such behavior may be verbal, physical, emotional/mental, or sexual in nature. If the cycle stopped here and stayed constant, most victims would find it very easy to leave and not endure abuse for long periods of time. However, shortly after the abusive event occurs, the abuser frequently expresses remorse or guilt and wants to apologize. The abuser will swear, "It will never happen again" and may shower the victim with gifts and demands that the victim forgive him or her. There may be so-called "makeup sex" which can be quite pleasurable and provide the victim with a sense that he or she is valued, and really loved. In a parent/child abusive relationship, guilt over abuse may be expressed as special privileges or gifts for the child victim. Following the guilt and making up stage comes a "honeymoon" or latency period during which things are good for a while between the partners. Inevitably, in truly abusive relationships, the latency period ends with the beginning of another abuse episode; the abuser again feels angry, disrespected or treated poorly in some way and the cycle starts all over again."

 

"abuse is repetitive and predictable, it is also intermittent, and the rest of the relationship might be perceived as good enough or even loving. In this context, victims often rationalize that they aren't really being abused, that their partner really loves them despite being abusive and that makes it okay, that the abuse really isn't all that bad, and other similar statements. Victims are motivated to generate excuses their abuser, to think of each abuse episode as a "one time" thing (even when it isn't), and to focus on the good aspects of the relationship (particularly those positive things that during the guilt/latency phase of the abuse cycle) and convince themselves that the relationship is really a good one and that everyone has some problems in a relationship, i.e., my partner just occasionally loses his/her temper when really stressed at work, etc. Or for those with poor self-esteem, the rationalizations may be thoughts such as “I don’t deserve any better” or “this is the best relationship I’ve had in my life.”

 

Victims may have any number of low-self-esteem type beliefs that also keep them paralyzed and willing to accept something that is merely "good enough." .... Abusers may reinforce this lack of self-worth by saying that abuse is normal, that they are over-reacting, etc. "

 

Rhy's reinforces this by calling her a ****ing idiot, retarded, telling her he doesn't want her, that he'll leave her if she doesn't straighten up her act... etc. etc. Over and over, reinforcing her belief that she doesn't have self-worth.

[Walk]

For LoveStruck, from the same site.

 

"Every time a victim forgives an abuser, that abuser is reinforced for being abusive, and it becomes that much more likely that the abuser will become abusive again in the future. The net effect is that the abuse tends to continue forever until the victim finds the courage to leave or is abused to death (e.g., murdered, in the most serious, violent cases). This truth is frequently lost on both the abuser and the victim, however."

[laguy10]

There's more to this than.. "bad boy" attracts girl. Take a moment and look at some research. Do a little homework before just saying it's because women "like to be treated like shyt."

 

Quoted from http://mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8483&cn=2:

"..why people stay in abusive relationships is uncovered by learning about the so-called "cycle of abuse." In a typical instance of domestic abuse (where one partner is abusive towards the other), abuse tends to occur periodically (cyclically), rather than constantly (all the time). There is no clear beginning to the cycle of abuse, but for purposes of describing it, we can start at an arbitrary stage along its progression. Some event occurs, whether real or imagined by the abuser, that generates feelings of anger or even rage. These feelings then lead to the second stage of the cycle, which is where the actual abusive behavior occurs. Such behavior may be verbal, physical, emotional/mental, or sexual in nature. If the cycle stopped here and stayed constant, most victims would find it very easy to leave and not endure abuse for long periods of time. However, shortly after the abusive event occurs, the abuser frequently expresses remorse or guilt and wants to apologize. The abuser will swear, "It will never happen again" and may shower the victim with gifts and demands that the victim forgive him or her. There may be so-called "makeup sex" which can be quite pleasurable and provide the victim with a sense that he or she is valued, and really loved. In a parent/child abusive relationship, guilt over abuse may be expressed as special privileges or gifts for the child victim. Following the guilt and making up stage comes a "honeymoon" or latency period during which things are good for a while between the partners. Inevitably, in truly abusive relationships, the latency period ends with the beginning of another abuse episode; the abuser again feels angry, disrespected or treated poorly in some way and the cycle starts all over again."

 

"abuse is repetitive and predictable, it is also intermittent, and the rest of the relationship might be perceived as good enough or even loving. In this context, victims often rationalize that they aren't really being abused, that their partner really loves them despite being abusive and that makes it okay, that the abuse really isn't all that bad, and other similar statements. Victims are motivated to generate excuses their abuser, to think of each abuse episode as a "one time" thing (even when it isn't), and to focus on the good aspects of the relationship (particularly those positive things that during the guilt/latency phase of the abuse cycle) and convince themselves that the relationship is really a good one and that everyone has some problems in a relationship, i.e., my partner just occasionally loses his/her temper when really stressed at work, etc. Or for those with poor self-esteem, the rationalizations may be thoughts such as “I don’t deserve any better” or “this is the best relationship I’ve had in my life.”

 

Victims may have any number of low-self-esteem type beliefs that also keep them paralyzed and willing to accept something that is merely "good enough." .... Abusers may reinforce this lack of self-worth by saying that abuse is normal, that they are over-reacting, etc. "

 

Rhy's reinforces this by calling her a ****ing idiot, retarded, telling her he doesn't want her, that he'll leave her if she doesn't straighten up her act... etc. etc. Over and over, reinforcing her belief that she doesn't have self-worth.

 

If you'll look at my post, I qualified it by saying I was NOT taking the whole abuse dynamic into account. Also, from the research I've done on this, women stay in abusive relationships, either because they are afraid of leaving, or because they fall for the "honeymoon stage" - lovestruck said, somewhere, that the reason she was staying with Rhys was because she loves him (she doesn't want to see him with another girl) - that does not sound like she is "under his spel" to me; sounds more like she's attracted to the guy the way he is....all I was saying, was that my post was a possibility of what might be going on....I asked her to consider a different perspective; I even stated that I might be wrong, before I even posted. However, I did forsee people like yourself wanting to fan the flames, and even said that I was ok with that. I'm not in any way putting women down for having the mentality of being attracted to the bad boys; however, some women just don't like to accept the truth of experience. I find nothing wrong with your post, but it does not mean that my previous post is any less pertinent either; both or either may be the case here....that's for lovestruck to decide I think.

[laguy10]

You're joking, right?

 

Or were you being serious?

 

Give me one thing this guy is saying that you feel is "incredible" and demonstrates that he "really knows what he's talking about".

 

Why don't you post what you have a problem with....that's what this whole issue is about, anyway. You're asking for sparky to use his subjective OPINION to justify to you why he thinks the way he does....that's ridiculous. Why don't you just come out and say what you have a problem with, regarding what this guy says, and then it will save all of us a lot of time.

[Guest]

Hey, take it easy. I did the same thing earlier in this thread, and doesn't help. It's obvious to us because we've been here and solved our problems already. We all used to be confused like her when we were in the same situation.

 

i remember u from 321 wooo hooo

 

i think u people are confusing me staying with me making sure everything criminal endevour stops

 

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh

[Walk]

Why don't you post what you have a problem with....that's what this whole issue is about, anyway. You're asking for sparky to use his subjective OPINION to justify to you why he thinks the way he does....that's ridiculous. Why don't you just come out and say what you have a problem with, regarding what this guy says, and then it will save all of us a lot of time.

 

Uh.. Why the big chip on your shoulder?

 

I was asking a serious question. I want to know what the guy says that's incredible. I checked out the site and it didn't give any information on what "techniques", or styles he says are the "sure fire" methods.

 

I'm not condeming the guy. I'm highly skeptical. But I'm highly skeptical of the "meet singles on line free" ads too. Doesnt' mean it doesn't work, I just wanted to know what was so great about this guy. I was hoping one of you would share. But whatever..... maybe I needed a smiley face...

 

Do you always react this way? Are you insecure when some one says, Hey, I don't agree, but this is why? Do you just lash out at that point? Might want to re-evaluate your communication techniques. I didn't agree with your assumption that Lovestruck just likes to be treated badly. So I copied down some information and had HOPED you'd be an adult and want to discuss why you don't feel that's the case, or why you do... In which case you would come back and say, I don't agree because of X,Y, and Z.

 

But adults, ok? Discussion... differring opinions does not mean I'm flaming you. This is not an attack either. But please... take the chip off your shoulder. This is a discussion, not a boxing ring. If I don't agree, I'll tell you. You don't agree, then tell me. Maybe there's some areas neither of us looked at. Maybe discussing it could help shed some light for lovestruck..

[Walk]

If you'll look at my post, I qualified it by saying I was NOT taking the whole abuse dynamic into account. Also, from the research I've done on this, women stay in abusive relationships, either because they are afraid of leaving, or because they fall for the "honeymoon stage" - lovestruck said, somewhere, that the reason she was staying with Rhys was because she loves him (she doesn't want to see him with another girl) - that does not sound like she is "under his spel" to me; sounds more like she's attracted to the guy the way he is....all I was saying, was that my post was a possibility of what might be going on....I asked her to consider a different perspective; I even stated that I might be wrong, before I even posted. However, I did forsee people like yourself wanting to fan the flames, and even said that I was ok with that. I'm not in any way putting women down for having the mentality of being attracted to the bad boys; however, some women just don't like to accept the truth of experience. I find nothing wrong with your post, but it does not mean that my previous post is any less pertinent either; both or either may be the case here....that's for lovestruck to decide I think.

 

I know you said you weren't taking the abuse into account, but I don't understand how you couldn't. I don't think it's normal to call your SO a ****ing idiot. And Rhy's has done so on many occasions... So I didn't feel you could discount that aspect.

(again, discussion... I'm not flaming you.. only stating my thoughts on the subject)

 

lovestruck said, somewhere, that the reason she was staying with Rhys was because she loves him (she doesn't want to see him with another girl) - that does not sound like she is "under his spel" to me; sounds more like she's attracted to the guy the way he is....

 

I took this differently. That she wasn't attracted to how he treats her during the bad times, and she has this generalized feeling of "needing" him in her life. That she lives for the "honeymoon" periods. Which (to me) seemed to be what holds abused women to their abusers. Lovestruck keeps talking about the honeymoon stages. How she forgets all the bad during the good times. That those are the times she loves him and wants to be with him... During the bad, she can't understand why she's with him.. she just knows she doesn't feel like she can live without him.

 

Anyway.. just my thoughts.

[nicki]

Walk, I agree with you. That's exactly what's going on.

 

I've been there. I can see it clearly now in others. Others can't understand it until they have been in the middle of it.

 

Your post on abuse is dead on. That's what happens. It's beyond many people's comprehension, but that doesn't make it less true.

 

The whole "bad guy" thing is completely different. Some women DO like a challenge. Some of us who have gone through abusive situations are bit more sensitive to bad guys. I usually call them dysfunctional guys.

 

Personally, I like a nice, thoughtful guy who also stands up for himself and others. I think it's great when a guy disagrees with me, but still wants to hear my point of view.

 

Dysfunctional a**holes who drink too much, treat women like sh*t and don't care about their perspective are clearly manipulating women by being occasionally "nice" to them....then treating them like dirt later....and the women who fall for that kind of behavior are falling for an abuser.

 

Plain and simple. Oh, and I really don't like the whole "bad boy" seduction sites. You men would be better off treating women well, as well as being firm about your beliefs and decisions. That's all we want. Not a windsock that blows any way the wind does, but not an a**hole, either.... :)

[Sparky]

Okay Walk,

 

I can understand you being skeptical about this whole "Speed Seduction" thing because I was just as skeptical as you are when I first heard of it. Visit the "Video Proof" section on his site and you'll see a video (the last one) about having courage, and what the true definition of courage is. If you look around even more on his site, you'll come across some of the articles he wrote describing situations he's been in and explains how it works.

 

Anyways, what he shows you on his site is only a glimpse of what he teaches. The whole idea of what he does is to make you feel confident.

[Sparky]

Oh, and I really don't like the whole "bad boy" seduction sites. You men would be better off treating women well, as well as being firm about your beliefs and decisions. That's all we want. Not a windsock that blows any way the wind does, but not an a**hole, either.... :)

 

I couldn't agree with you more. You shouldn't have to be a "bad boy" in order for women to like you. That's what make's Jeffries' site so different, is because he doesn't teach you to become a "bad boy". He shows you how you can get women to love you while still being yourself. All he's doing is teaching you self-esteem and how to be comfortable with yourself.

[laguy10]

Uh.. Why the big chip on your shoulder?

 

I was asking a serious question. I want to know what the guy says that's incredible. I checked out the site and it didn't give any information on what "techniques", or styles he says are the "sure fire" methods.

 

I'm not condeming the guy. I'm highly skeptical. But I'm highly skeptical of the "meet singles on line free" ads too. Doesnt' mean it doesn't work, I just wanted to know what was so great about this guy. I was hoping one of you would share. But whatever..... maybe I needed a smiley face...

 

Do you always react this way? Are you insecure when some one says, Hey, I don't agree, but this is why? Do you just lash out at that point? Might want to re-evaluate your communication techniques. I didn't agree with your assumption that Lovestruck just likes to be treated badly. So I copied down some information and had HOPED you'd be an adult and want to discuss why you don't feel that's the case, or why you do... In which case you would come back and say, I don't agree because of X,Y, and Z.

 

But adults, ok? Discussion... differring opinions does not mean I'm flaming you. This is not an attack either. But please... take the chip off your shoulder. This is a discussion, not a boxing ring. If I don't agree, I'll tell you. You don't agree, then tell me. Maybe there's some areas neither of us looked at. Maybe discussing it could help shed some light for lovestruck..

 

First of all, I do not have a chip on my shoulder. Let me just quote how you said what you said:

 

You're joking, right?

 

Or were you being serious?

 

Give me one thing this guy is saying that you feel is "incredible" and demonstrates that he "really knows what he's talking about".

 

...that does not sound like you're "asking" anything....rather, you are stating your opinion, and then asking sparky to justify his to yours, since yours and his did not jive...your explanation was much more along the lines of inquisitiveness, so I can understand what you were trying to say, since you qualified it with your latest post.

 

As for me being insecure, I can't comprehend where you're deriving that conclusion from. You came on, again, stating something as fact, not in suggesting it was a possibility...allow me to quote again:

 

There's more to this than.. "bad boy" attracts girl. Take a moment and look at some research. Do a little homework before just saying it's because women "like to be treated like shyt."

 

...that is the same as saying that whatever I posted before, in which you were posting in regards to, was incorrect, because I had failed to do my research....so, I was simply stating why I said what I did....again, your next post is much more along the lines of explaining why you said what you did - in your first post, you never once said that you had even read that I was not taking the abuse dynamic into account, you just slammed my theory...so, I simply, again, replied stating why I had said what I said.

 

I have no problem discussing instead of arguing, as long as you come from the point of view you're asking me to come from. If you'll notice, this post is much different than my previous ones, because I don't feel I have to explain any of my positions, as you told me you already took them into account, and then told me why you don't agree with them....to simply say they should be discounted, without giving any reason as to why, will most likely always result in the same kind of post that I put up at first.

 

I have no hard feelings against you at all, however, I will defend my positions, just as you will defend yours. And, I do, consider this discussing (even the previous posts), and not flaming as you call it....but I am willing to tone down my "aura" as well.

 

At any rate, concerning the speed seduction stuff, I leave you and Sparky to discuss it, as the first I've heard of it was last night, from Sparky.

[Sparky]

Laguy, thank you! However, instead of wasting more posts on this thread, why don't we just start a new one? Because "Speed Seduction" has absolutely to do with Tess' problem.

[laguy10]

Hey Sparky, I have an idea....I'm posting in another thread (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t102691/), and I think that you're understanding of these techniques could really help this guy out....why don't we transfer the speed seduction part of this thread, over to that one? Copy/paste this post and put it in your first post on that thread if you want to...I've been posting on that one for a few days now, and it is turning more towards confidence and "inner game" than what this one is about.

[IpAncA]

So Lovestruck, how was your weekend?

[lovestruck234]

Hey there everyone,

 

Thank you so much, to everyone for all of yuor posts. I didn't skip reading ANY of them, read them all, as they were all VERY insightful. Thank you.

 

So my weekend. It was GREAT. For the most part. (Hmm, nothing unusual there!) I got up on Saturday, my mum did my hair for me. (Just streaked it)...so that gave me a little boost for the morning , then I had a shower, packed my stuff and was on my way to Stacy's (friend) house. I was half way to her house when my phone rang. Rhys. Because I was driving I was sort of fumbling around to put my hands free on and during the funbling I accidently cancelled his call...(it was by accident, I swear!) Anyway, I pulled over and rang him back. He then cancelled MY call. Pfft. I got over it pretty quick and continued to keep driving. I got to Stacy's, we just hung out, danced, were just being crazy, laughing, having a great time, then I wanted to go for a surf. Stacy doesn't surf but still came down to the beach to hang out....

 

While I was in the water my phone rang and Stacy answered it. It was Rhys. She picked up and he said (apparently)..

 

"Hey Stace, it's Rhys, just let Tess know that I tried to call her before but it cut out. Don't know what the problem was. Anyway, have a great night, and let her know as well not to cheat on me..."

 

When I heard that i was like "WHY does he have to do this every time I am away from him, start to make me feel guilty, as well as ruining my good time??!!"

 

Stacy said not to worry about it...

 

Anyway, we still proceeded to have a great night and Buddy rang. Yes, Buddy. He was seeing what I was up to and said he had saw Rhys in town. He said he saw him with Dane as well as Dane's gf (Laura) and a bunch of other girls....

 

I told Buddy to come out. If Rhys can sluttingly hang out with a bunch of girls, then I can see Buddy, I don't care!!

 

He came out and we were just sitting on the front porch, talking. Stacy started to get tired so headed for bed....Buddy and I continued to talk...

 

He said this to me...

 

"Tess, I was so hesitant of coming out here tonight..."

 

"Why is that?" I asked him.

 

"Because it's pretty obvious I have ti in for you. And I don't do cheating..."

 

I laughed. "Well, now I see what your intentions were of coming out to see me..."

 

"No no, I just thought, well I knew if I saw you I probably wouldn't be able to help myself. But surprizingly I've controlled myself...."

 

We both laughed....

 

We sat there and talked till 2 in the morning, and I wasn't even tired. We ended up laying on the bonnet of his car looking at the stars.....lol, how corny!! But it was so much fun. I was just laughing so much with him. We were just joking around and stuff, he is the coolest guy ever. I'm so glad I am blessed to know him as a friend...

 

He kept saying "I should go" but deep down, I didn't want him to go. We ended up laying on the grass next....lol. WE were laying next to each other looking at each other. Lol, I felt stoned cos I was laughing so much!!

 

He put his hand on mine that was laying on the grass. Then he pulled away. I didn't make any moves or anything, I was just laying there....

 

He was looking at me up and down...I laughed and I'm like "What? Are you checking me out or something?"

 

He's like "Ha...." then went all quiet...

 

I'm like "Buddy, don't think for one minute that I'm not welcoming you into my life. Don't think that you have to stay out JUSt because I havea boyfriend. I know how you're feeling, you don't want to confuse things, hey, I don't want to confuse things either, but truth be told...ha, I am kinda confused at the moment anyway. I don't know what i want."

 

"Yeah, I respect that. It's exactly how I'm feeling. I don't want to get too confused or close, because that's when the sh*t's gunna hit the fan. You need to sort it out yourself...but just know I'll always be here as a friend, whenever you need me....as much as it hurts wanting something you know you can't have, I'll deal with it (laughs)..."

 

I felt like saying "Stop being so damn sweet!! NOW you're just confusing me!" Lol

 

Anyway, nothing happened and we continued to talk and laugh and just be like we were when we were good mates.

 

I think, as well, I'm scared that if I gave Buddy a chance that he's going to turn out the same. That every guy will turn out like that. Because Rhys was just the same at the start...then it turned ugly....hmmmm...but that's just me being paranoid...

 

Anyway, I got back on Sunday and he was telling me about his weekend. He OPENLY told me that after he went for a motorbike ride with Dane that they met up with Dane's gf, Laura as well as a bunch of Laura's friends and went to the beach....now call me crazy, but would any of you be comfortable with that? A bunch of giggling girls parading around in bikinis in front of your SO? He said it like it was no big deal but my God, it ate me up inside so much!!!!!

 

I was loyal to him ALL weekend. Buddy came around and practically threw himself at me but I still stayed back and didn't throw myself back at him...

 

And BUddy, I have been friends with since I was 12!! Rhys didn't even know these girls that he went to the beach with!!!! GRRRRR!!!!!

 

I couldn't help but feel suspicious about the ebach thing as well cos when I came up to his house to see him when I got home, he wasn't very affectionate toward me. I went over to him and went to give him a big hug and he wasn't that affectionate back...I don't know, that's just me being paraniod, as usual...

 

Then, that night we had AMAZING sex, 2 hours of it....it was great.But before we did he was leaning over the top of me as we were laying in bed and he was "just joking around" saying "You f*cking ugly mole..." then would be like "Naaaaah, only joking honey!!" then would say it again, and again, and again. He said it about 5 times....

 

WTF is WITH this guy?!?!?!?

[laguy10]

I'm done posting on this thread, as it seems to accomplish nothing. Lovestruck, I wish you the best of luck, and yet at the same time, worry that you don't see a need to change yet. At any rate, so as to not be seen as being judgemental here, I hope it all works out for you, one way or another.