Sparky Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Anyway.... Should I message him (Buddy) again tonight? Or just leave it? Or just drive down there and see him on the weekend? Or dammit, should I just stay at home like I do EVERY single weekend WAITING around for Rhys to get back from his little gay-boy motorbike rides????? You know you don't want to do wait around for Rhys, so why not just hang out with Buddy? You'll actually get to find out for yourself that nobody should treat anyone how Rhys does.
norajane Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Anyway.... Should I message him (Buddy) again tonight? Or just leave it? Or just drive down there and see him on the weekend? Or dammit, should I just stay at home like I do EVERY single weekend WAITING around for Rhys to get back from his little gay-boy motorbike rides????? Go out with your girl friends!!!! Really, you should respect Buddy's feelings and leave him alone - he's hooked on you. Unless....you want something to happen with Buddy?
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 Go out with your girl friends!!!! Really, you should respect Buddy's feelings and leave him alone - he's hooked on you. Unless....you want something to happen with Buddy? No, I want nothing to happen. Just, these boys were my best friends throughout high school. I'm disappointed that I don't get to see them as much... To be honest, they have been better friends than my girl friends!! Anyway, I'll just see the girls and leave him alone. If he doesn't want to hang out with a good FRIEND that's fine. Don't care.
Walk Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Just wanted to say I completely understand where you're coming from as far as not wanting to leave Rhy's and the feelings and thoughts through all that. It's really confusing to go through. And the "jokes" are the F&CKING worst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 OMG. I'd hear jokes like... "I'm going to the mall to look at other woman's boob's cause yours are boring." Or "If you weren't such a dead lay in bed, then maybe I'd want sex more often." They aren't funny. They hurt. Took many a post from wonderful LS people to show me that. That no matter how many times he says "It was a joke", it doesn't make it any less hurtful, uncaring, cruel. Don't accept that they were "just jokes". Jokes are funny. These are not funny, they're cruel. You have every right to feel hurt by these jokes. p.s. Don't go see Buddy unless you finish with Rhy's first. It's insensitive towards Buddy's feelings... and could cause both of you more problems then a weekend of fun could balance out. Just not a good situation to put yourself in. That's my advice anyway.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 Just wanted to say I completely understand where you're coming from as far as not wanting to leave Rhy's and the feelings and thoughts through all that. It's really confusing to go through. And the "jokes" are the F&CKING worst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 OMG. I'd hear jokes like... "I'm going to the mall to look at other woman's boob's cause yours are boring." Or "If you weren't such a dead lay in bed, then maybe I'd want sex more often." They aren't funny. They hurt. Took many a post from wonderful LS people to show me that. That no matter how many times he says "It was a joke", it doesn't make it any less hurtful, uncaring, cruel. Don't accept that they were "just jokes". Jokes are funny. These are not funny, they're cruel. You have every right to feel hurt by these jokes. p.s. Don't go see Buddy unless you finish with Rhy's first. It's insensitive towards Buddy's feelings... and could cause both of you more problems then a weekend of fun could balance out. Just not a good situation to put yourself in. That's my advice anyway. WTF???? They are the meanest jokes I have ever heard!! What a pig! (Not trying to rip on him) But see, when he turns to me and goes "Oh, it was JUST A JOKE, Tess!" then I just look out the window, not saying anything, he'll get pissed off and be like "Oh, lighten up would you? You take everything so seriously! F*cking hell!" and then that's when I start to feel bad that I should have just copped the joke... With Buddy, I think it's just the whole vulnerable thing happening...even though I don't want anything to happen, I think underneath I'm kinda saying "Get bent, Rhys! I can have fun with other guys and not have to worry about you!!" I won't go, though....I'll just see the girls...
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 But I really want to see Buddy....!!! Surely he can just want to hang out, go fishing....do the stuff we used to do.... I really want to see him!!! I don't have feelings for him or anything, I just miss him and the other guys! Like I said, awesome bunch of guys! GRRRARGH! If I was single, this wouldn't be happening, would it?
norajane Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 But I really want to see Buddy....!!! Surely he can just want to hang out, go fishing....do the stuff we used to do.... I really want to see him!!! I don't have feelings for him or anything, I just miss him and the other guys! Like I said, awesome bunch of guys! GRRRARGH! If I was single, this wouldn't be happening, would it? If you were single, you'd have guys crawling out of the woodwork to hang out with you in the hopes that you might pick one of them to be your boyfriend. Yes, of course Buddy wants to do those things with you. But, he also has feelings for you. And YOU do not have feelings for him. Think of how uncomfortable that would be for him...
Sparky Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 You should go spend time with him, but let him know that you don't have any special feelings for him, because he's just clinging on to a hopless future. Just let him down nicely and say "I'm flattered that you have feelings for me, but I'm sorry to say that I don't feel the same way." Trust me, you'll save him a LOT of unnecessary heartache.
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 But I really want to see Buddy....!!! Surely he can just want to hang out, go fishing....do the stuff we used to do.... I really want to see him!!! I don't have feelings for him or anything, I just miss him and the other guys! Like I said, awesome bunch of guys! GRRRARGH! If I was single, this wouldn't be happening, would it? If you were single, ,aybe you and him would be together, who knows...But this is why he can't spend time with you. He's being smart, respecting you, and himself and your relationship with Rhys by staying away. Plus, he cannot handle being "just" friends with you. I wouldn't be too upset over this, infact, it just shows what a good guy he is! You don't have feelings for him, but he has 'em for you so that makes it even harder for him to be around you.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 If you were single, ,aybe you and him would be together, who knows...But this is why he can't spend time with you. He's being smart, respecting you, and himself and your relationship with Rhys by staying away. Plus, he cannot handle being "just" friends with you. I wouldn't be too upset over this, infact, it just shows what a good guy he is! You don't have feelings for him, but he has 'em for you so that makes it even harder for him to be around you. WWIU, you sexy lady! I was wondering where you had got to!!!!! I respect him wanting to stay away for the above reasons etc, I understand that but wouldn't it make a difference if we were to hang out in a big group. That way he would be distracted by the other guys, and not me... I don't know....being single sounds like so much fun!! Lol
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 If you were single, you'd have guys crawling out of the woodwork to hang out with you in the hopes that you might pick one of them to be your boyfriend. Yes, of course Buddy wants to do those things with you. But, he also has feelings for you. And YOU do not have feelings for him. Think of how uncomfortable that would be for him... Yeah, I know, I know....it would be uncomfortable... Ha, yeah, crawling out of the woodwork...ha, good one norajane!
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I understand that but wouldn't it make a difference if we were to hang out in a big group. That way he would be distracted by the other guys, and not me... No. If you like someone, being in a group is just as difficult. I remember in highschool I had the BIGGEST crush on one of the guys in our group. It was so hard to be around him, when he was nice to me - I read into it, my heart just took over...Even though I kinda knew he wasn't into me, he was still really friendly. Honestly, looking back, it would have been easier if I didn't hang around him, but avoiding him would have been just as hard cuz he was in most of my classes, had the same friends as me etc... Geez, I feel so OLD right now...
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 No. If you like someone, being in a group is just as difficult. I remember in highschool I had the BIGGEST crush on one of the guys in our group. It was so hard to be around him, when he was nice to me - I read into it, my heart just took over...Even though I kinda knew he wasn't into me, he was still really friendly. Honestly, looking back, it would have been easier if I didn't hang around him, but avoiding him would have been just as hard cuz he was in most of my classes, had the same friends as me etc... Geez, I feel so OLD right now... Hmmm....I see what you mean... Ugh....like I said, why can't they just want to be friends??? What is it with teenage boys...? Teen boys = Nymphomaniacs
allina Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Maybe let go of guys for a bit. Get close to some female friends, it could be good for you to not have the constant guy-oriented drama in your life.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 Maybe let go of guys for a bit. Get close to some female friends, it could be good for you to not have the constant guy-oriented drama in your life. I disconnected myself for everyone when I left school and met Rhys. I had some really close guy friends there... I disconnected myself from seeing them as well. Didn't talk to them, spend time with them...it was just Rhys, Rhys, Rhys.... I think it has come to a stage that I have become just THAT sick of spending my weekends the same way every weekend. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with Rhys, love every minute of it, but I sometimes want to see other people too. Sure, I like to see my girlfriends, but to be honest, the first thing I think of when I think of them is prety horrible things. I spent my time at school constantly trying to fit in with those girls... The guys, i fit in with straight away. I spent more time with them than the girls. That's why the girls didn't like me. But I was sick of lacking that feeling of belonging with them, and the guys accepted me for who I was and always invited me along to places. I always had more fun with them anyway. What I'm saying, I have always had a "guy-orientated" time. With everything. I never really had many girlfriends. I have always got on better with guys.... Hence why I miss that, hence why i would like to catch up with them this weekend....
allina Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I just think you're robing yourself of so much. This is a time when you should be forming close friensdships and memories. Your life shouldnt revolve around Rhys or guys in general. I don't even know what exacly Im trying to say here but if you had more in your life than just Rhys it would make it so much easier to see that you dont need the little sh*t. It would help if you had a close group of girls that were there for you, sometimes when it comes to these situations nothing is better than a gf that will listen to you then take you out on the town for a fun night.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 I just think you're robing yourself of so much. This is a time when you should be forming close friensdships and memories. Your life shouldnt revolve around Rhys or guys in general. I don't even know what exacly Im trying to say here but if you had more in your life than just Rhys it would make it so much easier to see that you dont need the little sh*t. It would help if you had a close group of girls that were there for you, sometimes when it comes to these situations nothing is better than a gf that will listen to you then take you out on the town for a fun night. My mum has been telling me the same thing over and over for the past week....lol Work this out then....I love this guy, I want to be with this guy, but I want to be single because I DO feel like I am missing out on so much, yet i don't want to break up with him..... I have some serious head issues...I don't know what's wrong with me!!!
allina Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 My mum has been telling me the same thing over and over for the past week....lol Work this out then....I love this guy, I want to be with this guy, but I want to be single because I DO feel like I am missing out on so much, yet i don't want to break up with him..... I have some serious head issues...I don't know what's wrong with me!!! Nothing is wrong with you, we all need to figure sh*t out sometimes. I think that you can have a bf and not miss out on things. When I was your age (blah I hate that term, and im not that much older, but point being when I was 17-18) I had a bf that I was with for almost a year and a half. It was a young, fun relationship, I didn't miss out on friends and having a life outside of him, it is possible. I think the problem is that your world revolves around him. I also think he's an asswipe of a little boy who deserves to be dumped asap but I think you know that already Because all the issues with him consume you so much it doesnt leave you much room for enjoying your life, I just think this relationship is so damaging.
Walk Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I agree. If Rhy's wasn't causing so much drama and constanst emotional rollercoasters, then Tess would feel more secure, more comfortable and able to head out to do fun things when she wants. But as it is now... the constant up's and down's make it seem as if she has to stick close in order to read the mood, catch that momentary piece of happiness, and try to appease him. You should be feeling that a night out with the girls is something encouraged, supported, and that you can come home to a warm and loving evironment. He should be supportive of you doing your own thing, want you to grow and develope as a person. Not track you down, keep tabs on your every moment of the day. I don't know... It shouldn't be a problem to go out one night during the week to see friends. It shouldn't be such a big deal to you or to him. We all need time to just do our own thing, and enjoy it, and to feel secure enough that there isn't going to be problems when we come back home.
norajane Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I disconnected myself for everyone when I left school... When you say you left school, I hope you mean you graduated high school. Have you considered applying to college?
Sparky Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 When you say you left school, I hope you mean you graduated high school. Have you considered applying to college? I hope so too...
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 I broke up with him last night. But....we have sorted things out and are now on a different agreement. STORY... He came to pick me up from the train station yesterday afternoon. My car is sort of, not really working at the moment.... Anyway, I got in the car "Hi sweetheart, how was your day?" I get a grunt back. Ooooookaaaay.... We were driving to my friends house as I as about to drop off her birthday present. On our way he says "I don't even know why you waste your time on your friends. They're a bunch of d*ckheads. They don't give you anyting in return, they are all losers..." I continued to keep my mouth shut, went into my friends house, quick hello and chat, then I had to be off. Got back in the car and he zooms off... once again, I ignored his behaviour and just kept quiet.... We had to go and pick up a script from the chemist for Rhys' dad, I went in while he did a lap and was coming back to get me...saw some friends working there, started to talk to them, then proceeded to leave the store. I went out the front entrance, but no sign of Rhys. Hmmmm, waited around looking for him, then heard "Tess, come on..." from inside the shop. It was Rhys and he had parked around the back. He proceede to walk but walked about 100m in front of me, not with me. Once again, I kept my mouth shut. Got in the car... I said "Rhys. Have I done something to upset you?" he replies with "No Tess. You've done f*cking NOTHING." I replied with "well, what's the matter then?" He replies "I am sick to death of coming in to pick you up of an afternoon." I say "Rhys, I have told you on numerous occasions to ASK and Dad will come and get me. All you have to do is ask..." He replies "Yeah, right. ASking your Dad to come and get you or to do anything would put him on stress leave. He's a useless c*nt anyway. A f*cking useless c*nt.." I started to fume. I kept in in, "Just avoid the argument, just avoid the argument..." He kept going. "Your whole family is like it Tess. They're a bunch of idiots. F*ckin idiots..." I froze.....then snapped. "This is it Rhys. I have HAD ENOUGH. I can't deal with this sh*t anymore, I can't. I try and try and try and NOTHING is ever good enough for you. I am fed up. I can't stand the way you are treating me or moreso, talking about my family, ANYMORE!!" He went quiet for a minute. "Aw, what do you mean? What makes you say that?" I just laughed and looked out the window. I felt like saying "Are you really that stupid or you just don't listen?" But I kept my mouth shut. We sat in silence for about 10 minutes. Then he startes being all nice to me. pulling "funny" faces and making "Jokes". I just sat there in silence, looking out the window, not saying a word.... WE got about 5 minutes from home and he goes ''...Well, I better take you home then.." I replied 'That might be a good idea..." But he pulled into his street and proceeded to drive up to his house. I was originally going up to his for dinner last night. "Aw, but you better come up for dinner...don't want it to go to waste...hey darlin..." I didn't reply. Just kept my mouth shut. I had said what I wanted to say. I didn't see the need for further discussion... Then he slammed on the brakes and says "You know what? F*ck ya! I'm taking you home for good. I don't care anymore..." I replied "Joing the club buddy....neither do I" He says "What???" I repeated myself again. he got sh*tty. he started to drive faster. I just sat there, calm, not crying, not laughing, just calm.... AS we're driving he says..."You want to kow the honest truth? I hate your family. I hate them with a passion. They are nothing but a bunch of snobs who don't do sh*t for anyone else. They are f*cked and I hate them." I didn't say anything. Just sat in silence... Driving down my driveway and he's like "Well, I guess I'll see you around then..." I'm like "I guess so" and he goes "Well, maybe in a couple of years..." I'm like "Maybe never..." He's like "yeah, have a nice life then.." I replied "You too sweetheart..." I got in the house and broke down. I think I did well for keeping strong that whole time. I wa a mess. I didn't know what to do. My mum and dad came in, and also my sister, who was over for dinner, asking what was wrong...I told them the story and they were furious. Mum said he's not welcome on our property anymore. Dad hates his guts, and my sister Carly said she'll never talk to him again.... I was starting to feel resentment toward him. I started to hate him. "I hopt he rots in hell" I found myself saying over and over. I rang my girlfriends and organised this weekend, we're going out for the weekend, I won't be at home, that's for sure. I had a shower, had some dinner and went into my room. I saw a message on my phone. It was from Rhys....it read like this... "Well, look at it this way, atleast you won't have to worry about me picking you up or looking at my face again. Now you can go and have fun with your friends. Cya xo" Why do guys do that? I was starting to feel confused. I wanted to see him again. No Tess. Just ignore it. Delete it. Don't go back to him. I was sitting looking at my phone. Opening it and closing it. I couldn't handle it anymore so I wrote back to him saying this.... "I tried Rhys. I tried as hard as I could. But it was just the same thing time and time again. argument after arguement. What was I supposed to do? I was under the impression that you had had enough....and so had I. If you have calmed down and thought about things I am more than happy to discuss things. But not if it's gunna be an argument...xo" Then I wrote another message...."I still love you Rhys. Don't be under the impression that I don't. This is why it hurts so much. Would you like to talk..." 10 minutes ticked by and my phone rang...Rhys. Me "Hey" Him "Hey" Me "What are you doing?" Him "I'm in town..." Me "Oh ok. Doing what?" Him "Picking up..." Me "Oh right." Him "Yeah, so I gotta go. I got hings to do..." Me "You're not in town, you're in the flat, I can tel..." Him (Laughs) "How did you know?" Me "Cos I can tell...." Him "Would you like to talk?" Me "I think I'd like to, yes..." Him "I'll see you soon..." He asked me to come up to his house seeing as he didn't want to face my family. I hauled myself up there.... We talked and talked and talked. For hours. I told him to stay calm and the minute he gets angry I am walking out and not coming back. He was calm and rational throughout the whole conversation... Things were said from me were that this relationship, if it goes on, has to change. I am NOT putting up with any of his sh*t ANYMORE... We discussed things for a while. Then he started to turn things around saying that ebcause I had told mum and dad what he said that he can't trust me anymore....wtf? He was the one that said it...he told me I have to "gain his trust..." Pfft. Anyway, things were discussed, problems were resolved and now we are on a "trial". To see how things go. Just taking it one day at a time. See where it ends up. I told him that I need to back up for a while because I have gotten too involved with him and that if the day comes that we break up, it will be easier knowing that I can move on.... He also told me that he doesn't know how this is going to work if he hates everything around me except me. he hates my family, friends, the fact that I travel so far for my job etc.... Anyway, this is such a long story so I will wrap it up. I am going to be away for the whole weekend with friends, and I think this will give him time to think... I am going to live my life first, not his. Things will be changing and that's that... "Trial".....let's see how it goes....
ShoeGirl Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Tess- Good for you! Take your weekend away and have fun, let him think. I am glad you got up the courage to tell him off, make sure that during your trial you keep in mind what you want out the the relationship! I am happy for you!
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 Tess- Good for you! Take your weekend away and have fun, let him think. I am glad you got up the courage to tell him off, make sure that during your trial you keep in mind what you want out the the relationship! I am happy for you! Thanks ShoeGirl... I know it's still going to hurt the day we do break up....which I know we will, I'm not going to kid myself anymore and say we'll be together forever, cos I don't think the chances are too high, but it won't hurt as much because I will have became independent, I will have other things going on in my life that don't require him...and I know I can move on. I know it will be hard, but I will....actually it won't be hard, it will be f*cking hard... He has even changed drastically this morning. He has rang me 3 times today so far. Usually he only rings me....um...never. He rang this morning to say he had found a job application for me and he dropped it off in my letterbox this morning on his way to work. Then he rang me when I was driving out the driveway to see if I had got it and if I had read it, but I was driving so I couldn't really talk to him (which in a weird way, felt really good that I was rushing and "had to go" instead of him always having to go when I ring him), THEN he rang when I was on the train to see if I had read it. He said that we'll take in my resume on Saturday morning. I told him it would have to be early cos my mum is doing my hair in the morning and then I'm going to my friends house. He's like "Oh.......ok then..." I'm glad to say I know he is actually thinking about this long and hard. And that's good. So far, so good....
johan Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Tess, great job. You handled it like a strong woman. And it's easy to be strong around a weak man. He has a lot of growing up to do. I hope he learns to deal with all the anger and crap he always has. He could be a good guy if he tried.
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