Ugh....it's him again.....

[lovestruck234]

This guy is like 10-Second Tom from 50 First Dates! Have you seen that movie?

 

ADHD doesn't affect your moods. That sounds more like depression. Either way, there's no excuse for the way he acts.

 

They say the best role model for a boy is his father. Unfortunately, his father wasn't a great role model.

 

Lol, yeah I've seen that movie.

 

Yeah, and his father STILL isn't a good role model...

 

I don't believe he has depression. I would know if he did. I would. He just....he needs to watch Anger Management.

[Sparky]

Lol, yeah I've seen that movie.

 

Yeah, and his father STILL isn't a good role model...

 

I don't believe he has depression. I would know if he did. I would. He just....he needs to watch Anger Management.

 

LOL! I don't think that Anger Management is going to be a movie that'll help him. As much as I love that movie, he'd be better off learning anger management from a shark!

 

Now getting serious...

 

Tess, no matter what you think he might have, or why he is the way he is, I think you've hit a dead end. Personally, I don't know what else to suggest other than leaving him.

 

Honey, I know it's not easy, but something has to be done.

[lovestruck234]

LOL! I don't think that Anger Management is going to be a movie that'll help him. As much as I love that movie, he'd be better off learning anger management from a shark!

 

Now getting serious...

 

Tess, no matter what you think he might have, or why he is the way he is, I think you've hit a dead end. Personally, I don't know what else to suggest other than leaving him.

 

Honey, I know it's not easy, but something has to be done.

 

 

I know, I feel like I'm just hitting that same brick wall myself.

 

Ugh.........I will try for so long and I think the day will come that I'm just going to dust my hands off of him.

 

For now, I'm willing to keep trying and trying....

 

Lol Anger Management....love that movie...."I feel pretty, I feel pretty"

 

 

hahahahaha!

[Sparky]

Ugh.........I will try for so long and I think the day will come that I'm just going to dust my hands off of him.

 

For you're sake, I hope it's sooner than you think.

[Walk]

Like I said, baby steps. So every day I am going to make sure that I do something or pick him out on things that offend me. When I was in the car he was calling me an "idiot" and I sat there glaring at him....

 

He's like "awww, I'm sorry!!"

Maybe, next time he tries to make everything all better with a fake "I'm sorry", you could tell him that all you hear is "**** you" when he says it now. Since you hear it every 3 seconds and yet nothing changes.

 

One thing that really helped me. I read every single abuse site that has been posted on LS, and did google searches of "mental abuse". Some of the sites have excellent advice on what not to do, and what to do.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Mental-Abuse---The-7-Most-Important-Things-To-Know&id=60849

I don't know if the Mod's will let me post this link. But it's the "7 most important things to know" regarding mental abuse, search that in google and it's top of the list.

He can be very loving but is often highly critical of you. He may tell you how much he loves you, yet he is short on care or consideration towards you. In fact, some of the time, maybe even a lot of the time, he treats you as if you were someone he truly dislikes.

 

You do everything you can to make him happy, but it’s never good enough. You’re more like the pet dog in the relationship than you are the equal partner. Your constant efforts to get his attention and please him meet with limited success. Sometimes he’ll be charmed, often he’s dismissive.

 

If you find yourself puzzling about how your partner can treat you that way, it is because you are trying to live in a love-based relationship, when in reality you are living in a control-based relationship. The mental abuser struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and uses his relationship to create a feeling of personal power, at his partner’s expense.

 

That's part of the reason why you can't "reason" with him, why you can't take a drive, or just talk to him about how you're feeling and have the two of you come to a comprimise. You've modeled your way of interacting with a partner after your parents relationship. He's modeling his after his parents. And those two styles conflict.

 

That's part of the reason why you need to take back some of the control in this relationship. You can't even start to change anything unless you're on even footing with him. And begging him to stay, or swallowing his BS about he's sorry, is allowing him to have control.

 

Just browse through some of the abuse sites. Some aren't very good, but there are others that can at least give insight into how to respond that will take away his power to control the situation.

 

You're a lot smarter than him Tess. Use that to your advantage.

[Guest]

u are gonna give him a dusting? whoa! careful where u put that broom handle - lol

 

and he might be that walrus from 50 first dates

 

yah, he's great at the fake 'sorry' stuff - when he does that he is just making sure u don't let him boss you around [does that so he gets to hear what's really on yer mind and what mood yer in - wink]

[lovestruck234]

Maybe, next time he tries to make everything all better with a fake "I'm sorry", you could tell him that all you hear is "**** you" when he says it now. Since you hear it every 3 seconds and yet nothing changes.

 

One thing that really helped me. I read every single abuse site that has been posted on LS, and did google searches of "mental abuse". Some of the sites have excellent advice on what not to do, and what to do.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Mental-Abuse---The-7-Most-Important-Things-To-Know&id=60849

I don't know if the Mod's will let me post this link. But it's the "7 most important things to know" regarding mental abuse, search that in google and it's top of the list.

 

 

That's part of the reason why you can't "reason" with him, why you can't take a drive, or just talk to him about how you're feeling and have the two of you come to a comprimise. You've modeled your way of interacting with a partner after your parents relationship. He's modeling his after his parents. And those two styles conflict.

 

That's part of the reason why you need to take back some of the control in this relationship. You can't even start to change anything unless you're on even footing with him. And begging him to stay, or swallowing his BS about he's sorry, is allowing him to have control.

 

Just browse through some of the abuse sites. Some aren't very good, but there are others that can at least give insight into how to respond that will take away his power to control the situation.

 

You're a lot smarter than him Tess. Use that to your advantage.

 

Wow, Walk. Your advice really helped. I had a look at that link and now it has actually sunk in that he IS a mental abuser. It's kinda hard to admit, to be honest...

 

I was talking to my Dad last nigt about it all and I was just saying, you know "I can't take this anymore, are all realtionships like this?" and he told me that "Your mother and I have and never will tell you who and who not to see, but ultimately we want you to be happy. I didnt bring you into this world to be unhappy, so it's all up to you now. I think you know what you need to do...you just don't want to admit it. You have the best years ahead of you in your life and you are tied down. You are going to meet so many people, go so many places....do you really want to be stuck at home on a Saturday night with Rhys? Just....being unhappy?"

 

It does make me think a little....about things. Ugh, see I talk about all this bad stuff etc and then he rings me up this morning, nice as pie, loving, caring, being funny, making me smile....there the times where I'm like "Awww, this is too good to throw away. I love this guy too much!!"

 

I was also saying to mum and dad last night, it's just so confusing, you know. Like, the emotions I go through are incredible.

 

This is basically the cycle of emotions I feel throught say....a month or manybe more....

 

Happy and in love - there is nowhere else I want to be right now. he is treating me so well, we are laughing so much lately. I love it. He's been telling me non-stop that he loves me. Awww, geez I love this guy! I'm crazy about him....

 

Starting to feel a little neglected - he's sort of snapping at little things lately. Hmmm, work's probably a little stressy at the moment. He got mad at me the other night for no reason. hmmf....it's nothing to worry about. Everyone has bad patches.

 

Feeling a little resentment toward him - He's been going off at me if I'm running a bit late or I if I don't feel like going out on a Friday night....just silly stuff. It's really annoying me. What have I done? I'm not going to say anything back cos I really don't want to argue with him. Maybe if I just keep my mouth shut, things will get better? It will just go away....yeah, it will...

 

He's not really showing any signs of love and affection - We're still having sex and being intimate, but I'm feeling distant from him. He seems to just want me to come up to his house, have sex with him ,then leave. I'm not angry at him, I just don't really feel that loved at the moment. I thought he was bad a little while ago, but now, it's like he doesn't even LIKE me, at the least...

 

He has EXPLODED - And it's all my fault. If I wasn't feeling and kinda acting so p*ssed off at him a couple of weeks ago he wouldn't have gone off. I should just be loving and happy ALL THE TIME. Not get angry at him. Geez, I'm such an idiot. It IS ALWAYS my fault. I feel so horrible. I feel so upset now. I just want to cry. I was so close to loosing him I...I didn't know what to do...I felt like I was breaking down...scary....

 

He is NICE AS PIE to me and I love him just the same - Things are all back to normal. It was probably just a really bad month. I was feeling a little PMS anyway. Hmm, I don't know what I was worrying about anyway. He's still a sweetie and I love 'im!!!

[nicki]

You asked me to describe my relationship with my ex and why I left him.

 

Well, your last post perfectly described my life (or lack of one) with him. It went on for years and years, cycle after cycle. One day, I didn't love him anymore and left him. But it cost me so much wasted time waiting for him to change.

 

Just remember, it's not PMS. It's not your fault. Never was, never is. It's HIM. He wants control. You have so much power and don't even know it. That's why he feels he has to smash your spirit down...because it's so bright and beautiful....and he is not emotionally healthy. He's not a good partner. A good partner would want you to burn brightly and would do everything to make sure you meet all your potential. He would share power and control WITH you.

 

Keep visiting the sites on mental abuse. Don't waste years and years on a man who can't change without serious counseling and professional emotional rehab work. Think of him like an alcoholic. They need a 12 step program for lasting change.

 

Good luck. I think you are a bright star.

[Sparky]

B]Starting to feel a little neglected[/b] - he's sort of snapping at little things lately. Hmmm, work's probably a little stressy at the moment. He got mad at me the other night for no reason. hmmf....it's nothing to worry about. Everyone has bad patches.

 

True, but they shouldn't happen very frequently, much less take it out on you.

 

Feeling a little resentment toward him - He's been going off at me if I'm running a bit late or I if I don't feel like going out on a Friday night....just silly stuff. It's really annoying me. What have I done? I'm not going to say anything back cos I really don't want to argue with him. Maybe if I just keep my mouth shut, things will get better? It will just go away....yeah, it will...

 

You HAVE been keeping you're mouth shut, and it hasn't gotten you anywhere. Why do you keep telling yourself it will?

 

He's not really showing any signs of love and affection - We're still having sex and being intimate, but I'm feeling distant from him. He seems to just want me to come up to his house, have sex with him, then leave. I'm not angry at him, I just don't really feel that loved at the moment. I thought he was bad a little while ago, but now, it's like he doesn't even LIKE me, at the least...

 

The next time he wants you to do that, tell him to f*ck himself.

 

He has EXPLODED - And it's all my fault. If I wasn't feeling and kinda acting so p*ssed off at him a couple of weeks ago he wouldn't have gone off. I should just be loving and happy ALL THE TIME. Not get angry at him. Geez, I'm such an idiot. It IS ALWAYS my fault. I feel so horrible. I feel so upset now. I just want to cry. I was so close to loosing him I...I didn't know what to do...I felt like I was breaking down...scary....

 

Tess, WHY ARE YOU BEATING YOURSELF UP? Don't you think you have a right to be mad? I know that these things take time to realize, but I feel like we're going around in circles, no offense.

 

He gets pissed off even if were AREN'T mad. He's so self-centered that he thinks he can do whatever he wants and whatever it is it can't hurt anyone. He doesn't like it when someone is mad at him.

[lovestruck234]

You asked me to describe my relationship with my ex and why I left him.

 

Well, your last post perfectly described my life (or lack of one) with him. It went on for years and years, cycle after cycle. One day, I didn't love him anymore and left him. But it cost me so much wasted time waiting for him to change.

 

Just remember, it's not PMS. It's not your fault. Never was, never is. It's HIM. He wants control. You have so much power and don't even know it. That's why he feels he has to smash your spirit down...because it's so bright and beautiful....and he is not emotionally healthy. He's not a good partner. A good partner would want you to burn brightly and would do everything to make sure you meet all your potential. He would share power and control WITH you.

 

Keep visiting the sites on mental abuse. Don't waste years and years on a man who can't change without serious counseling and professional emotional rehab work. Think of him like an alcoholic. They need a 12 step program for lasting change.

 

Good luck. I think you are a bright star.

 

Thanks nicki. Yeah, I can see what your saying.

 

I was just having a little think before. I have such a great life ahead of me....there is so much I can see and do, yet I'm wasting day by day by getting tied down by this? Yet again, I don't want to leave him....

 

What sort of f*cked up trap have I got myself into here???

[lovestruck234]

True, but they shouldn't happen very frequently, much less take it out on you.

 

 

 

You HAVE been keeping you're mouth shut, and it hasn't gotten you anywhere. Why do you keep telling yourself it will?

 

 

 

The next time he wants you to do that, tell him to f*ck himself.

 

 

 

Tess, WHY ARE YOU BEATING YOURSELF UP? Don't you think you have a right to be mad? I know that these things take time to realize, but I feel like we're going around in circles, no offense.

 

He gets pissed off even if were AREN'T mad. He's so self-centered that he thinks he can do whatever he wants and whatever it is it can't hurt anyone. He doesn't like it when someone is mad at him.

 

That's so true. That's what I have been saying all this time. It is OK for him to scream at me and put the silent treatment on me, it is OK for him to tell me to "f*ck off and never come back", it's OK for him to then apologise and expect it to all blow over, it is OK for him to call me every name under the sun....

 

Yet............I can't do any of that stuff??? Not that I want to anyway, (cos I'm not cold-hearted and insenitive), but you know that saying....

 

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.

 

I think he doesn't even know what that means. I was talking to one of his "friends" who even thinks he's a tool and he was saying this to me

 

"One day Rhys is going to get a smack to the head cos of his attitude. That's why I never take him out anywhere, cos I don't wanna be the one with a black eye. He has serious attitude problems and he's going to get hit one day. He doesn't know how to control himself. It's like he can't help himself....he doesnt think before he speaks, you know. He's a tool."

 

And that was one of Rhys' "FRIENDS"?....

[Sparky]

That's so true. That's what I have been saying all this time. It is OK for him to scream at me and put the silent treatment on me, it is OK for him to tell me to "f*ck off and never come back", it's OK for him to then apologise and expect it to all blow over, it is OK for him to call me every name under the sun....

 

Yet............I can't do any of that stuff??? Not that I want to anyway, (cos I'm not cold-hearted and insenitive), but you know that saying....

 

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.

 

I think he doesn't even know what that means. I was talking to one of his "friends" who even thinks he's a tool and he was saying this to me

 

"One day Rhys is going to get a smack to the head cos of his attitude. That's why I never take him out anywhere, cos I don't wanna be the one with a black eye. He has serious attitude problems and he's going to get hit one day. He doesn't know how to control himself. It's like he can't help himself....he doesnt think before he speaks, you know. He's a tool."

 

And that was one of Rhys' "FRIENDS"?....

 

Well, at least you know that it's not just you he treats like sh*t. But still, it's not okay.

 

You know, I'm normally totally for the "2 wrongs doesn't make a right" thing, but I think it's time you gave him a taste of his own medicine. Just remind him how you should treat others the same way you'd want to be treated and say "apparently, you like to be treated like sh*t."

[lovestruck234]

Well, at least you know that it's not just you he treats like sh*t. But still, it's not okay.

 

You know, I'm normally totally for the "2 wrongs doesn't make a right" thing, but I think it's time you gave him a taste of his own medicine. Just remind him how you should treat others the same way you'd want to be treated and say "apparently, you like to be treated like sh*t."

 

Yeah, I have thought about that....

 

The reason I feel so guilty for being upset at him is because he "just makes jokes", and when I get upset at them he's like "Awwww, TESS!! It was JUST A JOKE!! TAKE A JOKE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!!" And I feel like saying "WEll, you don't see ME making those types of jokes? How would you feel if I said that sort of thing to you. I'm sure you wouldn't react well. If you're gunna give, you gotta be able to take as well..."

 

Of course, I would never say that but anyway...

[Sparky]

Yeah, I have thought about that....

 

The reason I feel so guilty for being upset at him is because he "just makes jokes", and when I get upset at them he's like "Awwww, TESS!! It was JUST A JOKE!! TAKE A JOKE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!!" And I feel like saying "WEll, you don't see ME making those types of jokes? How would you feel if I said that sort of thing to you. I'm sure you wouldn't react well. If you're gunna give, you gotta be able to take as well..."

 

Of course, I would never say that but anyway...

 

This is called tongue-in-cheek: a term that refers to a style of humour in which things are said only half seriously, or in a subtly mocking way (taken from Wikipedia) GOD, I LOVE WIKIPEDIA!!

 

It's the kind of humour that's intended to funny to everyone except for what they're making fun of. Rhys is every bit aware of how much it hurts, he just backs it up by saying he was never serious.

[nicki]

Tess, you aren't f#cked up because you want to be with him when you know he treats you like crap.

 

It's just all part of the dynamic. He has you substituting his thoughts for your own. He has you thinking that you don't know anything...and that he does. I felt the same way about my ex. I loved him so much I couldn't leave....for years and years.

 

Looking back, I just basically handed all my personal power over to him. I let him decide the course of things. I rewarded his bad behavior by trying harder, giving him more love....and that was wrong. That's not what those kind of guys respond to.

 

They respond to a firm boundary of "NO," with actions that back it up. You must walk away from him when he's mean. You must leave and go home. Don't worry about him leaving you....funny thing, he won't. He needs you way more than you need him. That's why he tries to control you....but don't be flattered by this.

 

You know, people are not all good or all bad. That's why it's confusing. He can be soooo loving and wonderful, right? And you think, "Hmm, if he would just stop acting like a jerk once in a while, then things would be perfect."

 

Thing is, a jerk is who he is all the time, and sometimes he acts nice. Not the other way around.

[Sparky]

...He needs you way more than you need him. That's why he tries to control you....but don't be flattered by this.

 

Nicki's got a good point here. It makes sense.

 

Thing is, a jerk is who he is all the time, and sometimes he acts nice. Not the other way around.

 

Right. It also depends on how old this guy is too. I've discovered that if they don't grow up by the time they get out of their teenage years, they'll be like that forever.

[lovestruck234]

Tess, you aren't f#cked up because you want to be with him when you know he treats you like crap.

 

It's just all part of the dynamic. He has you substituting his thoughts for your own. He has you thinking that you don't know anything...and that he does. I felt the same way about my ex. I loved him so much I couldn't leave....for years and years.

 

Looking back, I just basically handed all my personal power over to him. I let him decide the course of things. I rewarded his bad behavior by trying harder, giving him more love....and that was wrong. That's not what those kind of guys respond to.

 

They respond to a firm boundary of "NO," with actions that back it up. You must walk away from him when he's mean. You must leave and go home. Don't worry about him leaving you....funny thing, he won't. He needs you way more than you need him. That's why he tries to control you....but don't be flattered by this.

 

You know, people are not all good or all bad. That's why it's confusing. He can be soooo loving and wonderful, right? And you think, "Hmm, if he would just stop acting like a jerk once in a while, then things would be perfect."

 

Thing is, a jerk is who he is all the time, and sometimes he acts nice. Not the other way around.

 

Yeah, that all makes sense...

 

But the thing is, people tell me these things over and over again, and I listen to them ,and I know what they're on about....but I don't understand....if that makes sense.

 

I feel as though he DOESN'T need me, yet everyone esle can apparently see that he DOES. Why can't I see this????

 

A guy from school who I used to be really good friends with last night rang me to chat. I had THE best conversation I think I have ever had in my life. I was laughing so much. It was the first time I have laughed so much in a LONG time.

 

He rang me at 10.30pm and we talked till 12am!! I'm kinda tired today but it was worth it. See, I don't think I've ever had a conversation longer than 15 minutes on the phone to Rhys....and that's if I'm lucky!!

 

After we hung up and I was going to sleep, I got a message off him...(thi is the guy that rang me) and it said...

 

"Hahaha, I had the best convo with you just now. You're awesome! You're mad fun to talk to! We definitely have to catch up after I finish my HSC (high school certificate)! Nite!"

 

Anyway, Rhys is going off motorbike riding this weekend and I'm stuck for things to do, so I messaged Buddy, (the guy I have been talking to) and asked him if he wanted to go fishing, since he lives on a waterfront...

 

Anyway he wrote back saying this....

 

"It would be a little sus if we did. I have to study this weekend anyway. And you know that if you did come down, someting is bound to happen that you may feel bad about...I don't do cheating memba??"

 

I understand that he needs to study but I would really like to catch up. I have suggested we catch up a few times before this, and he has always made excuses saying that "Something will probably happen between us and I don't want you to cheat on Rhys"...

 

Does he not want to hang out? Cos dammit, I really want to get out and do something this weekend cos Rhys is going out and doing stuff that HE wants to do. Buddy is JUST A FRIEND! I would really like to catch up with him and a few of the other guys that I were really good friends with before I left school...

 

What should I say to Buddy? Or should I just leave it seeing as he needs to study?

 

I really just want to go out and party and have a good time this weekend! WITHOUT RHYS. Prove to him that I don't need him all the time to make me happy!!

[Madaline]

Yeah, I have thought about that....

 

The reason I feel so guilty for being upset at him is because he "just makes jokes", and when I get upset at them he's like "Awwww, TESS!! It was JUST A JOKE!! TAKE A JOKE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!!" And I feel like saying "WEll, you don't see ME making those types of jokes? How would you feel if I said that sort of thing to you. I'm sure you wouldn't react well. If you're gunna give, you gotta be able to take as well..."

 

Of course, I would never say that but anyway...

 

NO! He isn't making jokes. All he's doing is saying what ever it is that makes you feel horrible and then says hes joking so you forgive him and feel bad for feeling bad. This is classic behaivor for an emotional abuser.

[norajane]

Anyway, Rhys is going off motorbike riding this weekend and I'm stuck for things to do, so I messaged Buddy, (the guy I have been talking to) and asked him if he wanted to go fishing, since he lives on a waterfront...

 

Anyway he wrote back saying this....

 

"It would be a little sus if we did. I have to study this weekend anyway. And you know that if you did come down, someting is bound to happen that you may feel bad about...I don't do cheating memba??"

 

I understand that he needs to study but I would really like to catch up. I have suggested we catch up a few times before this, and he has always made excuses saying that "Something will probably happen between us and I don't want you to cheat on Rhys"...

 

Does he not want to hang out? Cos dammit, I really want to get out and do something this weekend cos Rhys is going out and doing stuff that HE wants to do. Buddy is JUST A FRIEND! I would really like to catch up with him and a few of the other guys that I were really good friends with before I left school...

 

What should I say to Buddy? Or should I just leave it seeing as he needs to study?

 

I really just want to go out and party and have a good time this weekend! WITHOUT RHYS. Prove to him that I don't need him all the time to make me happy!!

 

Uh, sweets? Buddy has spelled it out for you - he's into you and not as JUST A FRIEND. That's why he doesn't want to get together with you alone while you're dating Rhys.

[lovestruck234]

Uh, sweets? Buddy has spelled it out for you - he's into you and not as JUST A FRIEND. That's why he doesn't want to get together with you alone while you're dating Rhys.

 

 

But I even suggested to him that all of us could hang out. Him, me and the rest of the guys. They were all, seriously, my BEST friends in high school, we did everything together....I miss them!

 

Anyway, he said he it would still be sus. Um, if we're in a big bunch, just hanging out like we used to?

 

He told me that "People change Tess. People don't just stay friends forever. People can sometimes get....feelings...."

 

Ugh, I just want to go fishing,....is that too much to ask??

[norajane]

But I even suggested to him that all of us could hang out. Him, me and the rest of the guys. They were all, seriously, my BEST friends in high school, we did everything together....I miss them!

 

Anyway, he said he it would still be sus. Um, if we're in a big bunch, just hanging out like we used to?

 

He told me that "People change Tess. People don't just stay friends forever. People can sometimes get....feelings...."

 

Ugh, I just want to go fishing,....is that too much to ask??

 

Yes, it's too much to ask. He has developed feelings for you. Being around you and having to reign in those feelings would be hard for him.

[lovestruck234]

Yes, it's too much to ask. He has developed feelings for you. Being around you and having to reign in those feelings would be hard for him.

 

 

*Starting to cry*....why can't I have any guy FRIENDS???

 

Every guy I have ever been friends with just "develops feelings for me"...

 

I just want to hang out with the boys without feeling like they want me....anymore than a friend...

[norajane]

*Starting to cry*....why can't I have any guy FRIENDS???

 

Every guy I have ever been friends with just "develops feelings for me"...

 

I just want to hang out with the boys without feeling like they want me....anymore than a friend...

 

Well, you could try being less charming and wearing a paper bag over your head...

[lovestruck234]

Well, you could try being less charming and wearing a paper bag over your head...

 

 

Or maybe I should just turn lesbian!! *Sigh* Life was so much easier when boys had cooties...

[lovestruck234]

Anyway....

 

Should I message him (Buddy) again tonight? Or just leave it? Or just drive down there and see him on the weekend?

 

Or dammit, should I just stay at home like I do EVERY single weekend WAITING around for Rhys to get back from his little gay-boy motorbike rides?????