Author lovestruck234 Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 I'm done posting on this thread, as it seems to accomplish nothing. Lovestruck, I wish you the best of luck, and yet at the same time, worry that you don't see a need to change yet. At any rate, so as to not be seen as being judgemental here, I hope it all works out for you, one way or another. laguy, I have read thoroughly through your posts here....and I appreciate ALL of them, it's always great to get responses from people with different opinions, but you can't expect to come into this thread in the midst of it, read the first couple of pages, not be bothered to read the rest, and THEN expect your presence and advice will magicly make things better and accomplish it or something.... I'm not trying to get defensive or the whole "good riddins" or anything, but getting angry that your advice hasn't fixed it straight away isn't going to accomplish anything at all, IMO. I am learning SLOWLY, one step at a time, this is all a new experience for me, yet you may have experienced all of this and know everything about it, but I am learning, I'm trying to take everything in. It's not easy. As you haven't read the whole post, you probably haven't noticed that I HAVE improved in many ways. Not just over the past couple of pages. Oh, and for the record, I don't like drama in my life, so that's just the same as I don't like bad boys....I'm not THAT warped.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 Ok so I have been thinking... And I have decided to just sort out this situation on my own. I realise how annoying it must be for all of you to hear about it, and offer all your advice, then 22 pages later we're still going on about it. I shouldn't be off-loading all of this onto you guys, and I'm sorry. I will just sort it out on my own and I won't talk about it anymore... So I'm sorry for off-loading onto all of you, especially, like I said, after 22 pages of the same thing over and over and it must feel like, to you guys, that I'm not getting anywhere... Even though all of it has helped in every way a person can be helped. It's easier not talking about it anyway, cos that way I'm not thinking about it and it's not bothering me....yeah, I just won't talk or think about it anymore. Maybe, do you think, I should leave LoveShack?
johan Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 I don't think you should leave LS just because a few people think their words are magic and if you simply followed them all your problems would be solved. Of course, they don't know what kind of problems following their advice might cause for you. I don't buy into the approach of guilting you into following my advice, and if I'm frustrated that you aren't taking my magic words to heart, I'll go find some other threads to pester people on. I think people who show their frustration here with you, just lack compassion. They lack the understanding of how complicated this is for you and how much you have to learn. It shows more about their inexperience with social skills than it does yours with relationships. They would like to ram their facts down your throat. The only fact is they can offer you the truth as they know it, and it's up to you to decide what to do with it. They just want to manipulate you in a similar way to how Rhys seems to. "Do it my way or I make you feel bad and maybe even reject you!" If you think that posting/talking about your issues isn't helping, then maybe you are right to search for other ways to deal with them. But you should also feel free to deal with your problems openly here. This is a public forum, and there should be no limitation to your participation outside of the boundaries laid out by the site rules. And you tend to comply with those just fine. I would say that if you're only ever talking about your problems, and you aren't doing anything about them, then you won't feel any more satisfied. You do have to take action. The pace is up to you. I for one would be sad to see you leave the site. You're consistently bright and sweet and optimistic and entertaining. And you add a lot with your presence. If Rhys drives you to post here, then it's to our advantage and we should thank him.
allina Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Maybe, do you think, I should leave LoveShack? No way, I think you have a lot to offer, and I enjoy reading your posts and threads. And this is what message boards are for; discussing, sharing ideas and venting. I guess this thread could be put to use for a while, but I hope you keep coming here, replying to threads and keep us updated with any news.
ShoeGirl Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Tess- I don't know about you but LS has helped me a lot. It takes a lot to get fed up enough to finally break up with a guy, I was there. If LS is still helping you then you should stay. There are a few people who have gotten mad at you for not taking your advice, I know you read all of it and if even one person is still helping you then stay. It is up to you, but don't let the people who are frustrated with your posts drive you away. I for one will still be here reading your posts and trying to help when I can. My bf broke up with me on Friday and it was because of LS that I have gotten better each day, because there are people on here who care. It is your choice but please know that there are still some people on here who want to help when they can and who won't get frustrated with what choices you make. If you look back at your last 22 pages, you have made progress and as johan said it is up to you the pace to make the changes you need, I know you have heard what all of us have said.
nicki Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Yes, stay, Tess. This is what Loveshack is here for. We all want a place to express ourselves and get feedback. I'm so glad that you post. I really do understand what you are sorting through. I can't believe Rhys said what he said to you in bed. Is he crazy? And, how could you have 2 hours of amazing sex AFTER he called you an "ugly mole?" (which is NOT true, you are beautiful inside and out. He is clearly jealous of you.) Anyway, do you realize that if a guy said that to an emotionally healthy woman, the woman would roll away, get up and get dressed. There is no way a woman should have passion for someone right after an insult like that, for whatever reason it was said. That's how you know something is up with you emotionally. You aren't having healthy protective reactions...I know you feel deep down something is wrong. The next thing to do is to react with your behavior (like getting out of bed and refusing to have sex with him.) Just something to think about. Really, he is an a**hole. So many men would kill to be with you, and would NEVER say anything like that to you....they would only tell you how beautiful you are....and that's what you deserve! Oh, and Buddy sounds very promising. I, too, was worried about all guys being jerks...but they aren't. That's just your fear talking. Trust yourself. Don't give all of your heart until you see consistently that someone is a nice person. If you do run into another jerk, you will spot it faster and will know that you have left one idiot and can do it again....
IpAncA Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Maybe, do you think, I should leave LoveShack? O please, just cause you get some posts that don't like what your doing doesn't mean that you should leave. Heck look at me, there are people on here that pretty much said that my H should leave me because of what I did and such but that doesn't make me want to leave here. It's just an opinion and I just accept that as should you. This is what this forum is for and pretty much everyone on here has had to have someone on here give them advice. If you don't want to talk about it anymore then just don't post and move on to something else. I think that it was great that you posted this situation on here because there are others on here who may be in the same situation as you are. They might not post anything but they sure are reading it IMO.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Maybe, do you think, I should leave LoveShack? No Tess...don't. This is a relationship forum, it's supposed to be a place to vent your feelings. We love having you here. But I do think you'll benefit from taking a moment to think over what people have suggested on here. Don't overwork yourself jumping from conclusion to conclusion. Stop and think, for a while.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 I'm sorry, everyone. It's obvious I'm having a bad day, huh? I just find it's easier to block it all out. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to talk to you guys on here so openly, I love it. I am able to talk on here more openly than I would talking to a best friend.!! But the times I'm talking about something else and not dwelling on it, I forget it's happening and it all goes away. For the time being that I am NOT thinking about it. If I let it just sit and not think about it, it moves to the back of my mind and I don't worry or dwell about it. My mum calls it denial, I call it a coping mechanism... The more I think about it, the more I pick up on things he does, and the more I obviously react differently around him... But when I'm not thinking about it, I don't talk about it, therefore, it's not in my mind. And I act normal around him, not all jumpy like I am when it's on my mind. By blocking it out, I guess I'm sub-conciously hoping it will go away on it's own... My mum described it to me like her cancer. She said of course it's easier to forget it's there and push it away, but it will always be there... Is she right or...?
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 So he just rang me then.... This is what he said to me... "Hey babe, have you got anything planned for this weekend?" "No, I don't think so. The surf is going to be good on Saturday so I'm probably heading down there in the morning, but other than that, no...why do you ask?" "Oh, because there is the Shoalhaven Endurance ride on this weekend...(NOTE: Endurance rides are where all horsey people go to ride there horses for 80km...you win prizes and stuff..my sister and Rhys' mum, dad and sister all ride horses in it) and I would really like you to come." "Oh ok. Yeah, sure. I haven't got a swag, would I be able to lend one off of you?" "Just sleep in mine...I'm really glad you can come. I wouldn't of had any fun without you..." "Ok. Hahaha, sounds like fun. And you couldn't wait till this afternoon to ask me?" "No way...plus, it gives me an excuse to ring you anyway. Well, I better go, miss ya heaps!" "Miss you too! See ya!" I just thought it was really bizarre and out of the blue. Like, he REALLY wants me to come this weekend..... This boy is one tough one to figure out sometimes!
whichwayisup Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Tess, I hope you don't leave...Maybe you just need to take a breather from this stuff about Rhys. You have done alot of good in the past few weeks, dealt with alot of new changes, slowly, but they are happening. You'll figure things out when the time is right........Everybody just wants to see you happy, loved and respected, that's all. So, my only advice to you right now is - IF he says anything like he said to you like "ugly mole" or any other put down - Come right out and ask him why he says such things. Ask him what good can come of him saying something like that, even as a joke. I'm sure he'll laugh it off as no big deal, but bottom line, those sorts of jokes are NOT jokes. (He knows that too.) So, stay strong, keep things fun and light if you do go with him this weekend.
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