lovestruck234 Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Yep, Dane..... Rhys, Dane, Laura (Dane's gf) and myself went up to the city on the weekend to watch Supercross Grand Finals at the Stadium... Anyway, I was sitting in the front with Rhys and Dane and Laura were in the back..... Dane, Laura and me we're drinking on the way up. I didn't have much, but enough to be kinda drunk.... We stopped at McDonalds for dinner and I was sitting in the car and I ACCIDENTALLY spilt my drink on the floor of the car... Me "Oopsy" *pick up drink and start to wipe up mess* Rhys "You're nothing but a f*cking idiot, Tess....that's all you are..." Me "Would you quit it , Rhys? Stop talking to me like I'm a piece of sh*t. That's all you do, talk to me like I'm a piece of dirt. I'm f*cking sick of it! I don't talk to you like it! I'm not a dog, don't treat me like one!!!" Note: I believe this was the alcohol talking or it could just be me finally venting everything....I don't know... We all got in the car and I continued to drink and not say anything. Everyone was eating, I was just looking out the window.... Rhys "I'm sorry Tess. I'm sorry for talking to you like that...." Me "It's ok...." *smile at him and put hand on his thigh*.... Anyway, we got to the stadium and I was still a little drunk, but not like stumbling drunk, just eyes were feeling a little funny drunk.... There were motorbikes sitting along the side on show that people could just look at....Like the Kawasaki dealers, Yamaha, Honda etc.... I was looking at them and I'm like "Are they for sale, Rhys? They must be selling them or something...." Rhys looks at me. In front of everyone yells at me saying "F*ck you ask the most stupid questions Tess! F*ck!!" and then he just walks away.... I was left feeling like the biggest idiot. I walked to our seats and Rhys as sitting there. I sat down next to him, didn't say a word, just sat there.... After about 10 minutes he looks over at me and kisses me on the cheek. "I love you, Tess. I really do. I don't know why I'm being like this tonight....I'm sorry...." "It's ok...." I kissed him back. Anyway I went down to get some food from the bar and passed Dane on the way... (note: I was sittign with Rhys over one side of the arena and Dane and Laura were over the other side so we weren't sitting together...) Dane "Hey!" Me "Hey, what ya doin?" Dane "Just going to the toilet....we are you guys sitting?" Me "Oh, just over there" Dane "Oh k...." He seemed really nervous to be talking to me. He looked at me. Dane "Hey, come over here for a second..." We walked over out of the crowd. Dane "Tess, this isn't the alcohol or anything, I'm not even that drunk...but I just wanted to say something. I know that this will never work or anything and I know you're happy with Rhys and you guys are made for each other and everything, don't get me wrong, but....hmmm....hahahaha I don't really know how to say this. Tess, I think I like you...." Awkward silence................................................................ Me "Oh....wow. Umm...ha don't really know what to say here....geez, you're good for putting people on the spot aren't you...hahaha!" Dane "I havent said anything for a while now cos I don't want to complicate things. I can tell you and Rhys are having a few problems so that's why I didn't say anything...i just can't help it. I've liked you for so long and it just frustrates me so much to know I can never have you..." ME "Dane, you have Laura. She is perfect. She's a really nice girl. What makes you think you haven't got it good now with her?" Dane "I don't know. We've been having problems too. She's a very unappreciative person... Me "Awww, now I see. Look, it's obvious we're both really confused and...well, messed up at the moment. I sometimes think I have feelings for you too. But it's times like these that do that to you. You think you could have it so much better so you look for the first source of happiness and it just so happens to be both you and I in our cases..." Dane "I know how I feel. And it's not confused.....man, this is so f*cked up." Me "Hey, it's ok. Ok, how bout we just do what we've got to do now, go back to Laura, I'll go back to Rhys, and enjoy our night. We'll see each other at the end of the show and we'll see if we truly are happy with what we've got ok? Just try for tonight...I don't want any complications...." I held his hand and walked him back to the crowd. Me "I'll see you soon, ok?" I started to walk away. I looked back and he was just standing there looking at me. I kept walking back to the stand and Rhys was still there. Rhys "what took you so long?" ME "Oh, just saw a friend and got caught up in the conversation..." anwyay, the night with Rhys was great. It was kind of cold but Rhys gave me his jacket. It kinda felt like old times.....lol We met up with Dane and Laura back at the car. he looked straight at me and smiled. He was kinda acting normal but still seemed that shyness around me. We got in the car and headed home. We were all loud and roudy and enjoying ourselves just like before. Lol, it was fun... Except when we were headed to Danes house he started to go quiet and look out the window. When he hopped out I got out of the car to help Laura inside (She was just a wee drunk....lol) We stood at the door and he....leant in for a kiss... Me "Dane, whoa whoa whoa. Come on now, go inside, I'll see you later on, enjoy your night...." Dane "Bye Tess..." and he brushed his hand by mine... I got in the car and we headed home. Rhys and I still had sex and it didn't feel any differernt, as in, I still loved Rhys all the same... I had a dream about Dane though. And when I woke up in the morning I realised what had happened....what am I doing? I hate being all confused like this!!!!!!!!! I thought it was all over!!!!!
johan Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Behave yourself, girl. Soap operas are only good on TV.
Island Girl Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Rhys talking to you the way he has been doing leaves you open to feeling unappreciated and worthless. So of course when another man says he finds you attractive and "likes you" it is going to give you pause. It is WONDERFUL to feel attractive and wanted and worthwhile. But you really want that same feeling from Rhys. So my .02 is stop making it okay for him to treat you like that. He does it, he apologizes, you say, "it's okay." BUT it isn't okay. Perhaps if he knew you wouldn't just keep passing it off like it is nothing he wouldn't do it anymore. I would tell him the next time - "DON'T talk to me like that." Really calmly, evenly, looking right at him with him looking right back at you. Say it because you mean it. You don't have to explain why it is wrong or how it makes you feel - he already knows that or he wouldn't be apologizing. And when he apologizes, you say directly to him. "You can't just keep treating me like that or talking to me that way and then apologizing. If you are really sorry, you won't do it again." I'd say it firmly and evenly. No emotion. If he tries to talk about it - let him know, "you know what I am talking about and you know what I am saying. There is no reason for further discussion." Maybe being a little bit more firm will stop him from taking advantage of you, talking to you like that and expecting it'll alw3ays just be okay. Because the next time a guy shows you attention like that you could do something out of desperation to feel worthwhile - and it would be a shame because you really do care for Rhys. He just gets away with a lot.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 Behave yourself, girl. Soap operas are only good on TV. I know. Geez, teen years are meant to be care-free, fun, no worries, no problems.....no f*cking problems...... I swear in every situation I get dealt the sh*t end of the stick....in everything!! Even my genes are at the sh*t end....
Island Girl Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I know. Geez, teen years are meant to be care-free, fun, no worries, no problems.....no f*cking problems...... Everyone says that but that is only true of the 'adult problems' like bills and job issues, boss issues, etc. Teen years reek havoc on your emotions and mentality as you negotiate through unchartered territory. You'll be fine - just keep complications to a minimum. Don't get involved in some kind of triangle it is hard enough with just one of them...
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Geez, teen years are meant to be care-free, fun, no worries, no problems.....no f*cking problems...... Huh? They were?? Sheeyt, mine certainly wasn't. The carefree years are pre-teens and early childhood! LOL!
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Be very careful with Dane...You yourself said you don't like cheaters on another thread - So even discussing 'feelings' right now is really dangerous because you both are going through rocky times with your SO's... You're vunerable and not getting treated very well by Rhys. Next time you stand up to him and he says sorry...Tell him to show you sorry in action, not just in words. He appologized to you TWICE and STILL ended up treating you like crap! It is NOT okay for him to do that! GRRR that pisses me off because one minute he's all nicey nice to you and then the next minute he's as cold as ice, full of anger and resentment towards you.
Kittiecat Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I'm sure I don't know the whole story but Rhys sounds quite abusive. Exhibit A: Rhys "You're nothing but a f*cking idiot, Tess....that's all you are..." There's no excuse for him talking to you like this. Note: I believe this was the alcohol talking or it could just be me finally venting everything....I don't know... I think it's the sound of the bag filling. There's only so much verbal abuse you can take. Exhibit B: Rhys "I'm sorry Tess. I'm sorry for talking to you like that...." Me "It's ok...." *smile at him and put hand on his thigh*.... Of course, he becomes repentant. A lot of men that beat their wives say the same thing. I'm not saying he has or ever would lay a hand on you, but the mentality is kind of the same. Exhibit C: There were motorbikes sitting along the side on show that people could just look at....Like the Kawasaki dealers, Yamaha, Honda etc.... I was looking at them and I'm like "Are they for sale, Rhys? They must be selling them or something...." Rhys looks at me. In front of everyone yells at me saying "F*ck you ask the most stupid questions Tess! F*ck!!" and then he just walks away.... Again, there is no excuse for this. Exhibit D: I was left feeling like the biggest idiot. I walked to our seats and Rhys as sitting there. I sat down next to him, didn't say a word, just sat there.... After about 10 minutes he looks over at me and kisses me on the cheek. "I love you, Tess. I really do. I don't know why I'm being like this tonight....I'm sorry...." And again, he becomes repentant. He should not be making you feel like "the biggest idiot." Ever! I hate being all confused like this!!!!!!!!! I thought it was all over!!!!! I tend to think that we're never really "confused" about matters of the heart; rather, we're simply afraid to really listen to our hearts, so we overanalyze and disect every thought until our minds become muddied with theories and speculation. This Dane guy sounds nice, but of course it's very complicated. Take care of the Rhys stuff first and figure out what YOU want out of the relationship. Sorry to babble...good luck.
Green Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 umm Dane is going for uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, but what will happen. Does Rhys stand a chance, Dane .............
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 Ugh, I'm in such a bland mood today. All I want to do is cry..... I was talking to mum a little while ago and she was saying the same sort of thing as Kittiecat. As in, that's what men say to their wives when they beat them up. He has told me over and over he would never hit me, and I know (I hope I know) that he never will, but yeah, the mentality stuff is just the same... Another friend from school (a guy) messaged me last night to see how I was going. Anyway, he ended up calling me and we got into a deep and meaningful about everything. It made me feel so good that he was listening to me and giving me advice, helping me out. Rhys? He doesn't listen. I crave that "loving, caring attentive bf" thing. That's probably why my mood is so weird today. After talking to him last night I was like "Why can't I talk to Rhys like that? Just blurt everything out?" I feel as though I can't.... Ohhhhaaarrrgh! This is so GAY!! I feel like sh*t so bad right now. I do feel very vunerable.... I am just craving......love.
johan Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I agree with Kittiecat. I don't know why he would say those things to you. But that kind of thing can hurt just as much as a punch in the mouth. It's kind of the same thing, the way he's doing it. It's a different kind of damage. It's good that you're thinking about it and trying to figure things out. I think you'll make the right decision in the end. My opinion, based on what you wrote before, was that Rhys needed to grow up and he might learn how to treat you if you stood up for yourself. But I don't really have that much regard for him anymore. You'll have to move on from him sooner or later. The sooner the better, because this kind of stuff can become "baggage".
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 My opinion, based on what you wrote before, was that Rhys needed to grow up and he might learn how to treat you if you stood up for yourself. But I don't really have that much regard for him anymore. You'll have to move on from him sooner or later. The sooner the better, because this kind of stuff can become "baggage". See, I'm starting to feel a lot stronger (kinda!) and starting to just not let it get to me, but even that can be more damaging right? See, I'm sitting here now and I'm like "You know what? I am just so over this, there are so many guys out there that can treat me better..." but then another side of me is like "What? No way! I need him so bad. I don't want him to leave, I love him so much....*sob sob*" I am just torn two ways you know? When I'm with him I am so in love and I'm so happy (well.....depends how much I'm willing to stretch that word) and when he just leaves I miss him so much and *sigh*...I just feel so happy when I'm with him. Then when I'm talking about it like this or when I dont see him for a while I start to feel....well, not like that.....
Island Girl Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 See, I'm starting to feel a lot stronger (kinda!) and starting to just not let it get to me, but even that can be more damaging right? See, I'm sitting here now and I'm like "You know what? I am just so over this, there are so many guys out there that can treat me better..." but then another side of me is like "What? No way! I need him so bad. I don't want him to leave, I love him so much....*sob sob*" I am just torn two ways you know? When I'm with him I am so in love and I'm so happy (well.....depends how much I'm willing to stretch that word) and when he just leaves I miss him so much and *sigh*...I just feel so happy when I'm with him. Then when I'm talking about it like this or when I dont see him for a while I start to feel....well, not like that..... Alright with more information I am asking myself, "Do you like it when Rhys is with you, because as much as you have to watch what you say, watch what you do, and even though he doesn't give you what you want or need,...he is THERE with YOU and not someone else?" Would you have a hard time letting go because he could date someone else? IF that is a major component it is part of the abuse cycle that was posted about here. It developes this way that is why women stay even when they are treated badly, etc. This is the first part where they get stuck. Like, I'm not HAPPY - he treats me badly -- but HE is SO GREAT and he says he loves me so I guess I am crap and just lucky to have him. You are the only one who can answer those things for yourself.
alphamale Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 you love the dialogue don't you L234??? you should be writing screen plays or something
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 you love the dialogue don't you L234??? you should be writing screen plays or something I used to do drama and write plays....maybe that's why?? Lol I don't know, I just find it easier to explain....I thought it might be easier to read anyway...... Meh...
alphamale Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I used to do drama and write plays....maybe that's why?? that explains it Lol I don't know, I just find it easier to explain....I thought it might be easier to read anyway...... I would tend to disagree. Probably better to write it in normal paragraphs. Lets see what others say...
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 Alright with more information I am asking myself, "Do you like it when Rhys is with you, because as much as you have to watch what you say, watch what you do, and even though he doesn't give you what you want or need,...he is THERE with YOU and not someone else?" Would you have a hard time letting go because he could date someone else? Yes. I would. If we ever broke up and I saw him with another girl or even worse if he was off f*cking another girl....ugh.....I would want to die. You know, this has happened with a previous relationship. Not the abuse part, but the feeling of loving them when they're there, but not really feeling much when they're not there... I don't know. Really, that is the only answer that seems the most simple at the moment... I don't know.
Island Girl Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Yes. I would. If we ever broke up and I saw him with another girl or even worse if he was off f*cking another girl....ugh.....I would want to die. You know, this has happened with a previous relationship. Not the abuse part, but the feeling of loving them when they're there, but not really feeling much when they're not there... I don't know. Really, that is the only answer that seems the most simple at the moment... I don't know. Oh I get it girlfriend. I understand exactly what you are saying.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 I like the way you write things out. Thanks buddy! I've always been taught...in drama mainly that to re-tell a story you need to tell it as though the person you are telling it to feels as though they were there.... I guess by me using dialogue it seems as though I'm telling it exactly how it was.... Meh, either way you read it, you read it, right?
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 Oh I get it girlfriend. I understand exactly what you are saying. And your conclusion is....?
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I think once you reach your "enough" point, you'll know and be able to stand up more and more for yourself. His words (I'm sorry, I didn't mean it etc) MUST show in action as well. If he continues to speak to you so rudely, all that is doing slowly is hurting your heart more and more, until eventually you shut off emotionally and the wall goes up. It will just happen the more he treats you like doggycrap! And one day you WILL be fed up with it enough to not be as upset if you two break up.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 I think once you reach your "enough" point, you'll know and be able to stand up more and more for yourself. See, as stupid as this sounds, I felt so...well, I felt so damn good on Saturday night when I just told him to get ripped when he went off at me in the McDonalds car park... I am glad I was drinking that night (cos he never lets me drink) and I am so f*cking glad that I told him where to go. I felt so....lol, well I felt so empowered! I think he probably didn't take it too seriously seeing as I was drinking but he apologised first, and you know why? Cos I wasn't the one to go running to him, he came running to me after I think he realised "Whoa, hang on....maybe I stuffed up here..." But I wish I was like that when I'm sober. Lol...cos he said to me when we were on the grand stand "I don't care anymore....I'm over it...." And usually I'm the one to be like "Awww, don't say that, you DO care..." but you know what I said back? "Yeah, neither do I. I don't give a f*ck anymore...." TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED PEOPLE. Don't put up with bullsh*t....I know I sound so hypocritical saying this but f*ck, I am just so OVER FEELING LIKE A PIECE OF SH*T. I WANT SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM, RESPECTS ME FOR WHO I AM, LISTENS TO ME WHEN I'M UPSET WITHOUT TELLING ME TO "GET OVER IT", MAYBE EVEN CRIES WITH ME SOMETIMES, CARES ABOUT WHAT I THINK, WANTS TO KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS, WANTS TO TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER, WANTS TO RUN ME A BATH, WANTS TO BUY ME FLOWERS, TELLS ME THEY LOVE ME, GIVES ME CUDDLES WITHOUT REASON, BUYS ME GIFTS WITHOUT REASON, KISSES ME WITHOUT REASON, TELLS ME THAT "TONIGHT, I WANNA MAKE LOVE TO YOU" INSTEAD OF "TONIGHT, I WANNA F*CK YOU", I WANT SOME GOD DAMN RESPECT!!! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE, I DON'T. I AM SO F*CKING OVER IT. I DESERVE THE F*CKING MOON FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. I DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!
johan Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I agree with you on all that. Except maybe the moon part. That's something we should all be able to enjoy. Don't try and hog the moon for yourself.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 I agree with you on all that. Except maybe the moon part. That's something we should all be able to enjoy. Don't try and hog the moon for yourself. Lol. But I just.....I am just so....exhausted. I have given so much into this relationship and all I get is it thrown back into my face.... Ugh, I'm crying now....man, why is this happening?? I am sick of having to feel as though this is all I can get given. That's how I feel...sort of "well, if I'm not happy with what I've got, then what would it take to make me happy?" I feel selfish for wanting all of this, but dammit, I don't care. I just want to curl up and disappear for a while.... I think I won't be going home tonight. I think I'll just keep driving. I think I'm going to turn my phone off. I just want to run away. From everything. I have tried so hard, you know? Tried everything and still nothing. I have poured my entire soul into this. I am this close to just giving up.... Ok, right now I am sitting here, typing this, just bawling my eyes out. I feel like the biggest f*ck wit, I feel like a piece of sh*t. Cos I am, aren't I? I am a piece of sh*t. Rhys is right, I am nothing but a f*cking idiot... Why don't I listen to him? Maybe he is right, I am worthless, I am stupid, I am a b*tch, I am an idiot.... Why am I even here? Can someone answer me that? I bet not. I shouldn't even be here.....I'm f*cking over everything..... I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING. I JUST WANT TO DIE. I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK. I WANT MY LIFE TO BE SO SIMPLE. LIFE FOR EVERYONE ELSE WILL BE SIMPLER WHEN I'M GONE. I'M NEVER COMING BACK. I don't care. I just don't.
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