jph39 Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Hello, I dated my ex for 6 years. We both wanted the same thing, but a short time after we dated she became angry all the time at me. I did my best to work with her because I think she was dealing with depression. I figued we need to get along as a couple before marriage. I have always heard that marriage will not make any situation better. Anyway, long story short I had to stop talking to her, but I really do care so much and want to stay together. She would always become explosive angry at me, so I had to watch what I said or did. I based this on her depression, so i figured if she got that under control we would be back to normal. Here is the confusion: I was helping her on a computer project via email. I told her that I wanted to get it all worked out for us and how much I cared for her and her son. She never responed until last week. The time frame was probably over a month. I figured she was just done with me and I did not want to bother her. So last week she responds tells me she just printed and read that email. I told her it was true, etc. She suggested we go to dinner and talk. Everything was fine that evening, I huged her and went home for the evening. The next day I call her and she becomes very short and angry again and hung up (that was her usual mo). I drive over and she does not answer the door but has it open. I step inside and she locks herself in the bathroom and is talking to this guy. She is being all "giddy" laughing etc, while I stand outside the door. I give her the priviacy and go into the other room. She would not get off the phone so I tapped on the door and asked if I could have a minute. I hear her say "I will call you back in a few minutes". She comes out, starts screaming at me for coming over and tells me she is dating someone else. I ask if she wants to work it out with me etc. She does not know, does she really like this guy "yes". So she tells me he is a friend she grew up with when they were teenagers and he calls her everyday and they have been going out for awhile. The question is - Why would she after all this time start this pain all over again? I want to go back to her, but I feel i am just being a security blanket until she lets go completely. Any thoughts please? John
silentcharon Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Yep, she's using you as her security blanket. You answered your own question... so do yourself a favor and leave. You deserve better.... Find someone who would not treat you like that. Yes, she has issues of depression, but she should have gotten help for that a long time ago. Why didn't you suggest that she get help? I'm just curious. I think she is done with you.... a depressed person usually has insecurity issues, so she was using you until she found someone else. She obviously doesn't want to be alone..... I hate it when people do that. More heartache and grief in the long run. Why would you want to go back to her if she's like that?
everlong Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 it is possible that the person did talk with them and they just don't think they have a people.,..so many, the person has no want to 'be with them again' and they are simply concerned about that person's well-being
Author jph39 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 I bolded my responses, thanks for the input Yep, she's using you as her security blanket. You answered your own question... so do yourself a favor and leave. You deserve better.... Thank You! I apprecaite the confirmation Find someone who would not treat you like that. Yes, she has issues of depression, but she should have gotten help for that a long time ago. Why didn't you suggest that she get help? I actually went to a therapist along time ago in our relationship, because she was just making me feel as if everything was my fault. They told me that I was feeding her by giving in. When I changed by not giving in it really got worse. They suggested for both of us to go visit a therapist. The cost would have been free because of my job. She declined and said it was not her problem it was mine. I'm just curious. I think she is done with you.... a depressed person usually has insecurity issues, so she was using you until she found someone else. She obviously doesn't want to be alone..... I hate it when people do that. More heartache and grief in the long run. Why would you want to go back to her if she's like that? That's a good question. I ask myself that all the time. I think it's either because it's something I can't have or I felt our connection was so strong (which it was at one time) and it could be regained.
everlong Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 it is possible that the person did talk with them and they just don't think they have a problem.,..many people with depression or mental illness refuse to belive that is the cause of their behaviour or refuse to take meds, and maybe the person calling has no "want" to 'be with them again' and they are simply concerned about that person's well-being
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