phyrespryte Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Well it's pretty much sucked for awhile. I've been doing my best to change, so it seemed like things were improving. If I look back on my life...4 years ago I only had one friend IRL. I was extremely shy and couldn't talk to people without breaking a sweat. I had no job. No life. Every day was the same...wake up, go to school, go home, sleep, repeat. Now I've got a couple of friends, a job, and talking to people is a little easier for me. But lately it just feels like I'm wasting my time. I just can't win. I didn't get the internship I had been hoping for. Actually all my plans for this semester fell through even the back up ones. My job just gets crappier and crappier. And I hate that I have to work so hard to be where I am, yet I'm not even happy where I'm at. It doesn't help that my 2 younger sisters both are already talking about engagement. Not that I want to get married. But it bothers me that I'm so alone. I'm really sick of guys telling me I'm attractive, but then they won't even date me. I'm sick of always being passed up for some other girl. And I keep trying to figure out what's so wrong with me. I keep telling myself that one day I'll find my niche. I'll find people that I'll feel at home with and things won't feel so bad. But it's like...I don't know. It's not happening. I'll be out with my friends and it feels like I'm not there. I'll laugh with them, but I'm not really laughing. It's like I'm pretending to have fun. And I don't understand why other people have it so much easier. It's just so frustrating.
paperazzi Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Have you been checked out for depression? You seem to have many of the classic symptoms. It doesn't sound like just a funk. There is good treatment for depression these days and it could greatly improve the quality of your life. You just have to force yourself to seek that help in the first place. I wish you all the best.
loveinlife Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I think paerazzi is right in terms of your symptoms. I've been through it myself. I know exactly how you feel. About the Guys: Regarding your guy issues and dating. Sometimes guys shy away when it comes down to really attractive girls. I too would say I'm that type. When I bump into a girl who is really attractive, I just kinda freeze! I know its not good bc that is messing up my opportunities. Speaking about freezing up, i did that last night in a club. I saw the same girl who checks me out all the time. I felt that we were in the same wavelengh but I get stuck and just stare back. Partially, its bc I can see that I am not over my ex or I don't feel like I am ready for a relationship. Well I think I am kinda jumping the boat to think so far. But I have to say, sometimes guys are just shy. I think we are the ones who are missing out, literally! :lmao: Advice: Don't rush into relationships, just take things slow and if its the right one and time, you will know he is the right guy for you. best of luck!
Author phyrespryte Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 I haven't been checked out for depression. I went and took some online test and it said I could have a mild case of depression. I guess it would explain things. But then I can't say that I really understood those questions. I mean I can't remember spending 2 straight years feeling bad. Or if I had more bad days than good. For the most part I think I'm usually a happy person. But stuff just plain sucks lately. To top everything off I just got dumped by this guy last wednesday. I thought everything was going pretty good and then out of nowhere he tells me that we have nothing in common and he only views me as a friend. And I don't know why I'm taking it so badly. I've only known him for a month. I just don't understand why stuff like this keeps happening. I think I'm a nice person, but it just seems like no one wants me.
loveinlife Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Perhaps your bad days are due to you being rejected. The feeling of not being wanted. I think that is where it stems from. Am I wrong? People want you I am sure of that. I really think that there are certain types of people out there for you. I can't think of a good example right now. But I believe every person has its own type of personality type and there are others who are seeking for yours. I hope i am making sense here. Hope to hear from you! GL phyrespryte
Kamille Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 First: perspectives on life do have a tendency to be bleak three days after getting dumped. Are your negative thinking (bad things keep happening to me) and self-doubt (no one wants me?) perticularly more acute this week? While you may want to seek therapy, it sounds perfectly normal to find life a bit sucky when one's career plans and romantic involvements don't work out. Just don't stay stuck there. We all go through periods where it seems destiny is aligned against us - either that, or there is something fundamentally wrong with us. Destiny isn't allied against you and there is nothing wrong with you. You have just been through some really frustrating events. You're allowed to feel exhausted and annoyed for a little while. But not too long. Then you have to start re-applying all that positive energy and attitude you have. Second: are you a grad student? Talks of semesters, niche searching and unrewarding/unrewarded hard-work kind of point in that direction and, well, as is so well exemplified in the comic strip piled higher and deeper, grad school can take a toll on anyone's self-esteem.
loveinlife Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I agree with Kamille. It is normal to have bad days. Esp when you have just broken up with someone. It is perfectly normal to grieve over someone. Hope you are doing better!
Author phyrespryte Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 Well the negative thinking has been around for about a month now, but I've usually been able to find something positive from it all. And the self doubt has always been in the back of my head, I just usually try not to think about it so much. But yeah the negative thinking and self doubt just seem all that much more worse since he dumped me. It just came out of nowhere. I mean an hour prior he was flirting with me. Then bam! He just started pouring out all these cliches. Just friends, nothing in common, I don't feel a connection, and I only see you as a friend even though I think you're really hot. It's really made me feel like something was wrong with my personality. I don't even understand why there's no connection. He even said that we definitely had physical chemistry. I can't have a physical connection with a person and just feel friendship towards them. I don't want to rip the clothes off my friends. And yes I'm a grad student. It's been making me think I really hate what I've been studying. And thanks Loveinlife. I get what you were saying about there being someone out there for each personality type. I just wish I could meet more people like that. Or at least more people that are willing to get to know other people better instead of hoping for some sort of "connection".
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