jimmy20013 Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Long Story short. I was dumped around 6 months ago for no fault of my mine. She had certain insecurities and some of her friends fueled them and she imposed those insecurities on me. I did the I am sorry, I will change thing for almost 2 months and then I stumbled across this forum and heard about NC. After two months, I told her not to call me or visit me because I needed to heal.(Before that she would drop in or call. We were neighbours). She was supposed to move out of her apartment a week after I told her this. Inspite of me telling her not to talk to me, she would say hi or hello and I used to reply with a simple hi and then walk away as if I am in a hurry. On the day of her moving out, I was getting some stuff out of my trunk and her car was parked next to mine and she was putting something in it. She said hi and I said hi. She then asked me if I wanted to see what her apt. looked like when it was empty. I said no and that I had something to do and i was running late. Then we had no contact for a month and finally after one month we met at church and she said hi and I said the same and moved on. That was around 3 months ago. After that we haven't seen each other nor have we talked. She switched churches, so I don't see her there anymore. My question is, is this me being nonchalant and having NC or no? Because its not like I am avoiding her, its just the way things are there is very little possibilty of we running in to each other. Will this have the same effect as an voluntary enforced NC?
Josalina Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 ok one question do u want this woman back? as pushing her away wouldn't help, if however u are over her and never wan to see or hear of her again then yes you have done the right thing.
Author jimmy20013 Posted October 15, 2006 Author Posted October 15, 2006 Yes and no. I am so confused as what to do. She has issues. She is influenced by people very easily and she looks for approval for the relationship from everybody. And when she doesn't get it, she takes it out on me. I am very ashamed to admit this but I have to get it out. She actually abused me for a year. She slapped me once but said she wouldn't do it again. She used to hit me and bite me almost every week. I always called her out on this and she said she was sorry and I forgave her. I was a pushover and a doormat. She did this because she has insecurities about being in a relationship where she will be controlled and abused. Finally she managed to convince herself that I was going to be an abusive person when I started standing up for myself and she left me. Looks like she is happy. I really love this girl but I don't know what to do. This was my first relationship and I am confused.
Josalina Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 ok... NEVER, EVER GO BACK. simple as that, i am sooo sorry she treated you like that, you don't deserve that at all. now if is your first relationship don't paint everyone with the same brush, but learn from you mistakes. you never have to go through this again, just get out as soon as you see it coming. how r u feeling now you have told someone?
Author jimmy20013 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 i feel good that its out of my chest now. Its just I don't understand how can somebody walk away from a person who loved them so much. I was a very confident person but now I don't have very little self confidence. Its because she told me that I was a horrible person and that I was going to be abusive and that she hates me. I actually believed those things and to I still do. I know that what she said is not true but I cannot convince myself. Also I am very lonely right now and I dont know how to deal with it.
Josalina Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 i am so sad to hear that, this girl has ripped you apart, don't ever see her again, you need to work on u and heal you. you sound like a lovely man, now don't let what she said make you think other wise. u r the victim in this and it is unfair. go out with friends have fun and start meeting people. start somthing knew, make an effort everyday so when u look in the mirror u look your best. and above all smile! i am here if u need to talk, just take your time healing.
Confuggled_one Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Jimmy, I have recently came out of the same situation as you have. I have been slapped many more times than you, however. and my ex was a horrible person, said the same things. I too once had a lot of confidence, and was a very happy and cheerful person. However, I will just let you know.. the pain does not last.. everyone says that time heals, and that's true. it's better because you dont see your ex around all the time.. i see my ex quite frequently and it stunts my healing process because i miss her so much. the best thin you can do right now is just go out and yes have fun and meet new people.. just as josalina had said. we are all here for you. stay strong and i hope you pull through
Author jimmy20013 Posted October 17, 2006 Author Posted October 17, 2006 Thanks Josalina and Confuggled_One. I think I am doing pretty good when it comes to dealing with pain. Somedays it feels like hell but there are days when I can say, it hurts but I will be ok. The hardest thing for me to deal with is rejection. I have never felt so rejected in my life. Sure I had my share of rejections from friends and other people but this is the worst. How do I deal with the rejection? I may not be the best guy in the whole world but I am a billion trillion times better than the other scum bags she dated. I supported her when she needed me. I took care of her when she was sick. I did things for her that none of her other boyfriends ever did. I held her in my arms and comforted her at nights altogether when she used to have those panic attacks and she just left me. Boy I feel so used and taken advantage of.
Josalina Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 i know what you mean, rejection is hard, i live within the performing arts bussiness and in show bussiness rejection seems to be at its hardest but i think ol' well better luck next time, brush myself down and think it was an experience and i have learnt from it. only difference is with show business is you are awear it is going to happen in some cases so you are ready, a break up isn't prepared, nor easy as you love the person you were with and now having nothing is hard, but time is a great healer and it obviously wasn't mean to be. if someone can't except everything you have to offer and look at you at your best and not like it, they aren't worth it if someone can't see or want you for you it was never meant to be, so go out and get chatted up, it is a great ego boost and even if u go to a club and you don't get chatted up you have gone out and had a laugh with your friends. rejection is cruel but it teaches us something new each time and one day you will look back with no regrets. hope you are finding it a little easier?
Author jimmy20013 Posted October 20, 2006 Author Posted October 20, 2006 Thanks Josalina. Yeah I need to get an ego boost. I am doing a lot better now. I am like a bouncing ball that has been dropped from a great height. Sometimes I feel very high and sometimes I feel very low. Right now I am in my high stage:D. I know I will stop bouncing as time goes by. I think I am over the breakup part and now I am dealing with the rejection. I won't go back to her no matter what because even though it was a great relationship, I never got the respect I deserved. I played a part in that to some extent by not standing up for myself. Oh well.....It won't happen again. This being my first breakup, I am in the mindset that I won't fall in love again but I know thats not true. I will fall in love with a wonderful woman who will love me as much as I love her. A woman who will love me inspite of my flaws and a woman who will say that she is lucky to have me.
Josalina Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 nice one, glad u are having a up day mate u r doing the right thing.
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