lonelycutie Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I am 25 and currently single. I don't know how to express this and not sound vain....cause I actually am very self conscious. I have a problem getting dates?? When someone doesn't fit the norm because they are overweight or not drop dead gorgeous poeple treat them differently. But people do the exact same thing if you are the opposite as well! I am 25 (but still get ID'd), slim, and from what others always tell me, very beautiful, so what's the problem right?? It seems like a stupid thing to complain about, but ...... Almost all my friends are guys, because girls just assume that I am "ditzy" or stuck up....or superficial.....but I am not. I am in med school, I volunteer at the local children's hospital, and I think that the soul not the exterior makes a person beautiful! Everyone is always surprised I don't have a boyfriend, in fact sometimes they even think I am lying! My friends say that men just assume "HOT" girls have a boyfriend already. And when I have spoken to several guys I dated they said they didn't ask me out sooner because they just assumed I was "taken"...or were too intimidated to ask me out in case they weren't good enough. I don't know how to explain it, I actually don't think of myself that way, and I am super shy, so I would never ask a guy out. I have no idea how to give men the hint I am single, or the confidence to approach me. It really sucks because everyone just assumes I must date alot and have tons of guys asking me out.....but I am actually very lonely! Any tips on getting the message across?? And if any guys are reading this....don't assume every pretty girl is taken ..... if you are kind and have a good heart then you are just as "hot" and appealing as brad pitt! So take the risk....it just might pay off!!!!!!!
Pye Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 And when I have spoken to several guys I dated they said they didn't ask me out sooner because they just assumed I was "taken"...or were too intimidated to ask me out in case they weren't good enough. Being a shy guy, and probably not a great looking one, I can relate to that. My ex was a 'pretty girl' so I've realised they're not all taken or "ditzy". She did do all the work to start with though, cos I would never have approached her due to confidence and what not. I do know loads of guys that purposely avoid 'pretty girls', which totally silly as there are plenty of nice ones out there. Just yesterday actually one of my mates was saying how he'd never go for a 'pretty girl'. I suppose there are a lot of nasty/stuck up/ditzy pretty girls out there though who spoil it for you nice ones I suppose that's not really helping you out much, but I do know exactly what you mean from my 'pretty girl' experience.
quankanne Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I don't know how to explain it, I actually don't think of myself that way, and I am super shy, so I would never ask a guy out. I have no idea how to give men the hint I am single, or the confidence to approach me. It really sucks because everyone just assumes I must date alot and have tons of guys asking me out.....but I am actually very lonely! what a curious, situation to find yourself in, though I've heard about this kind of thing. But, I think maybe for you, it's less about looks and more about your shyness. If you can work on that, you might be better able to approach guys you'd like to date, or at least tell them, 'Hey, I'm single, wanna get together sometime?' To which I'm sure you'd get a lot of positive response because you're not only pretty, but interesting (I love that you volunteer at a children's hospital, it tells of someone who is more concerned about others than him/herself ... and that you have found a really unique way to spend your free time). not sure what direction to point you on how to overcome the shyness, but I'm thinking bookstores usually have some good material in the self-help section.
Lights Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 And if any guys are reading this....don't assume every pretty girl is taken ..... if you are kind and have a good heart then you are just as "hot" and appealing as brad pitt! So take the risk....it just might pay off!!!!!!! I can't help you, but I'll definitely say that if your description of yourself is accurate I'd definitely like to meet some women like you. Not all guys are like that. Sorry I can't offer any real advice.
Almost Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I am super shy, so I would never ask a guy out. I have no idea how to give men the hint I am single, Any tips on getting the message across?? I'm sure if you just flirted a little bit, or even just batted your eyes and smiled at some guy you thought was cute and hot, he would get the message and come over and talk to you. It doesn't take much. A lot of guys are pretty aggressive and outgoing and any little hint will get them going. Guys like me need a little more than that, like a big blazing neon sign over the top of your head that says "I'm available and interested in you!" And if any guys are reading this....don't assume every pretty girl is taken ..... if you are kind and have a good heart then you are just as "hot" and appealing as brad pitt! So take the risk....it just might pay off!!!!!!! Thanks for the post and the encouragement! I'm inspired to take a few more chances and approach girls I might not have thought to approach before. I need to believe in myself more and not sell myself short.
Tony T Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I am 25 and currently single. I don't know how to express this and not sound vain....cause I actually am very self conscious. I have a problem getting dates?? When someone doesn't fit the norm because they are overweight or not drop dead gorgeous poeple treat them differently. But people do the exact same thing if you are the opposite as well! I am 25 (but still get ID'd), slim, and from what others always tell me, very beautiful, so what's the problem right?? It seems like a stupid thing to complain about, but ...... Almost all my friends are guys, because girls just assume that I am "ditzy" or stuck up....or superficial.....but I am not. I am in med school, I volunteer at the local children's hospital, and I think that the soul not the exterior makes a person beautiful! Don't just assume that the reason you're not having guys approach you and not getting dates is that your beauty is intimidating. I, for instance, look for circumstances where a lady can be approached with some sort of ease. If she looks busy or she's with other people, it won't happen. If she looks preoccupied, nope. If she seems relaxed and approachable, then it will happen. Everybody puts out vibrations. You may be putting something out there that repels men or makes them very reluctant to talk to you. Wear the least jewelry possible and make what you do wear simple. If a guy sees a ring on ANY finger he becomes weary. LEARN TO FLIRT. A guy's biggest fear is fear of rejection. If he has any remote idea that you may not be receptive to his advances, he won't approach. If you don't like him, you can let him down easy by telling him you have a boyfriend...or something like that. That way, his ego isn't bruised so badly. Dress down...wear your scrubs. You don't have to look like a beauty queen everytime you're out. Men LOVE beautiful women and want them around...and WANT to date them. They just aren't about to approach somebody who doesn't seem open to it. I think your biggest problem may even be your own belief that these guys aren't approaching because of your beauty and intelligence. When you start believing that men WANT to be with you and WANT to get to know you better and WANT to have a relationship with you because you are intelligent, friendly, fun and interesting to be with you'll have more guys than you know what do to with. As a medical doctor, you may or may not know that a lot of healing has to do with the attitude and beliefs of your patients. Patients who believe they will get well and have a very positive attitude heal much more quickly and are far more likely to survive trauma than those who are down with a fatalistic attitude. Now, all you have to do is be positive and change your thoughts and attitude. Your life will change in know time. And, while I'm at it, I've been having this pain down in my.........haha!
Almost Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I am 25 (but still get ID'd), slim, and from what others always tell me, very beautiful, I was wondering, do you wear a lot of makeup? A lot of guys get turned off if a girl wears too much makeup and ends up looking too fake.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Minus the intimidation factor, Tony T is right. If you look relaxed and open you will probably have men talk to you more. Lot's of men are intimidated by attractive men, and vice versa as well. I met a girl this last weekend who said to me "You looked like you are picky and standoffish". Now I did not feel like this at all, but somehow I potrayed this picture. Look around and if you see a guy give you a look, try going up to him or flirting with him instead of relying on the guy to come to you. I've heard women say that the men should be the chaser, but honestly these days that does not apply and will get you nowhere. Regards,
Road Rage Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 5 guys responded to this post in 40 minutes and count me that makes 6. Beautiful women are attractive to men period. You just have your b*tch shield up lonelycute. But just do this....ANYTIME you talk to a guy that interests you just say let`s get together some time. Enough said.
Green Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Yeah if ;your pretty thats not your main problem. I do often assume any attractive girl has a bf or atleast a guy in her life, but I usually take my chances and try to ask the girl out anyways if I like her. I have heard guys say stuff like all pretty girls are crazy and stuff like that and even heard one guy say he doesnt like his new gf because she's to pretty and now he worries about all the other guys hitting on her, but in the long run being attractive can never let you down in the dating game one of the other things mentioned in the this thread are most likely your problem. You could also try having one of your friends set you up. and if you have alot of male friends my guess is as long as they arnt seeing any one seriously at the moment most of them would go out with you if straight
phyrespryte Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I met a girl this last weekend who said to me "You looked like you are picky and standoffish". Now I did not feel like this at all, but somehow I potrayed this picture. That's why I don't buy this approachability stuff. In my experience she could do all those things. Dress down, be friendly to everyone, not wear makeup...it wouldn't work. She could be sending out good feeling vibes and she still won't get approached because guys will still assume things about her.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 That's why I don't buy this approachability stuff. In my experience she could do all those things. Dress down, be friendly to everyone, not wear makeup...it wouldn't work. She could be sending out good feeling vibes and she still won't get approached because guys will still assume things about her. Most guys value their pride (I know, it's kinda inmature) and they are afraid of being shot down in flames. I guess the circumstances have to be right for a some guys before he sees a pretty girl as approachable. I certainly will be more apt to approach a girl than can smile at me. Regards,
Island Girl Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 and I am super shy, so I would never ask a guy out. I have no idea how to give men the hint I am single, or the confidence to approach me. I had the exact same problem in high school. Other girls got dates while I was not chased after. After high school, I started modeling and started realizaing I WAS beautiful and I guess - I just accepted that ANY guy would want to date me. So I would let them know I was interested, sometimes I had to be pretty obvious for the guy to get the hint. My brother always told me that my beauty was intimidating when I was in high school but that didn't make me any happier that I had crushes on these guys that didn't ask me out. I ran into a couple of these crushes later, after high school, and each one told me it was assumed I must be dating college guys and they always figured I'd never go out with them! I learned quickly that I had to not just open the door for a guy to ask me out - I had to put neon lights on it with a loudspeaker blaring, "ask me out!" I became a master at eye contact. Stare at the guy, when he looks at you, give a little welcoming smile , and look away. Do this a couple times and they usually get the hint that you want them to come over and talk to them. If I overheard something they said that was funny or interesting, I'd comment (if I was close enough) to open the conversation. -- In the case of interesting it is more of a "wow, I had no idea." kind of thing - so they can hear but almost to yourself. Then if they look in your direction you jsut make eye contact and smile warmly. I found that easier than meeting their eyes and asking a question but both work. Find a way to touch them. For instance a guy is standing at the bar or even in line at the grocery store. Lean into the bar to get a napkin or something and rest your hand gently but firmly on their tricep - same works for the grocery store as if you are leaning in to get a look at the magazines, etc. When they turn to look you at you (they are ALWAYS pleasantly suprised to see who they see doing this) and you meet their eyes and just smile or smile and say "hi". That is usually enough. Just a welcoming smile and an "in" to start talking to you. Good Luck -- men at 25 aren't as confident as the ones closer to 30 - that has been my observation.
lonelycutie Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Thanks for all your feedback. It's nice to get feedback from both girls and guys on their point of views. To answer a couple of your questions. I don't wear LOTS of makeup, just a little eye makeup and lipgloss. And I don't wear tons of jewlery...again, just because someone is pretty doesn't mean that they look "fake". Yes I like nice clothes and the latest trends, and I do take time to do my hair, but I don't want to change my style, I mean the guy is supposed to like me for "me", not a watered down version of me. That being said, I do know how to kick in an awesome pair of sweats :-) And I don't think I am sending out "bad vibes". I usually get along with everyone, I have never fought with any of my friends or family. In fact people always comment that I am so friendly and easy going, that it seems nothing gets me upset or angry. I think I am well rounded? I love girl things like shopping and manicures, but I also love to go hiking or play video games, and would watch "Star Wars" or "the Matrix", over "pretty woman" anyday! As for dating my guy friends, it really starts treading into dangerous waters. I love all my friends and I don't want to risk hurting or losing their friendship. Maybe my shyness is coming across as snobby if someone doesn't know me?? It is easy to say make the first move, but even if I really want to, the fear of rejection just holds me back. I envy girls who have the confidence to take the chance. And I totally respect all you guys who usually have to make the first move when it comes to girls!!! So I guess I have to work on the shyness. Hmmm, hard to be shy for 25 years and then change, but I suppose I gotta start some day... Thanks again!
Rooster_DAR Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I think I am well rounded? I love girl things like shopping and manicures, but I also love to go hiking or play video games, and would watch "Star Wars" or "the Matrix", over "pretty woman" anyday! This is a big plus! What state are you in again?
Green Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Shes in the State of Confusion hahahha... I would suggest just dating one of your single friends and risk losing the relationship... I know that if i was in the reverse situation and I had alot of friends that were girls I'd try dating one of them. You dont have to put yourself out there the same way a guy does. A girl can show interest without openening yourself up for rejection no one said you had to go up and ask a guy for his number or if he wants to get lunch all you have to do is go out of your way to smile and talk to a guy maybe tell him you really like his jacket or what ever and smile, give him the touch on the arm if he tells a joke...
Almost Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Maybe my shyness is coming across as snobby if someone doesn't know me?? It is easy to say make the first move, but even if I really want to, the fear of rejection just holds me back. I envy girls who have the confidence to take the chance. And I totally respect all you guys who usually have to make the first move when it comes to girls!!! So I guess I have to work on the shyness. Hmmm, hard to be shy for 25 years and then change, but I suppose I gotta start some day... I have found this to be true. Whenever I've been shy, I've noticed that a lot of people misinterpret shyness for being arrogant or stuck up. I don't get how people can think that, but it happens. Maybe if you're shy and not interacting with people easily, then you're not being friendly, so they think you're stuck up or too good for them. If you are good looking maybe this gets emphasized more because they think how could you be shy if you are good looking. So the answer is to just try to be friendly and show people you are not stuck up.
princessa Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Haha, yeah I've had that problem too. Well my problem was more that I only seemed to attract creepy stalker types, never the normal guys... but that's off topic... Anyway, a lot of posters have mentioned how you should be the one to initiate contact, and I think that's a huge factor. Quit being shy, and become the aggressor. There's a huge advantage to be the one who makes the first move: YOU get to pick who YOU want on your date. AND it scores you like 32987498237 points in advance with the dude. Feed a man's ego and he'll love you forever. Also, I too used to hang out with a bunch of dudes. Problem with this is that guys outside of your circle won't easily approach you if you're already surrounded by that many men. They'll probably just assume that you're already taken. What you need to do is find yourself girlfriends with whom you can hang out while looking out for guys. You need girlfriends because when you're chatting with them and smiling a lot, you give off a friendlier vibe than when you're alone minding your business. You need a couple of people to make yourself seen as sociable, friendly, and approachable. Also, you need to consider whether you're looking for dates just so that you don't get bored, or are you looking for dates to possibly lead to something more serious? If you're more serious about it, then my advice to be not to lower your standards to maximize the quantity. It' OK if you only get 2 dates a year, just focus on quality. If you're hot, don't dress down, just be yourself. Eventually you'll find somebody who will appreciate your difference AND have the balls to consider himself worthy of it. Don't settle for less.
StayClose Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 If you are actually pretty and guys are NOT asking you out, then you are definately putting out body language that says (at least to them) that you're not available or are not interested. Fortunatley, that is easy to change. Many p[eople think that in the mating game, guys make the first move. But this is not quite true. Guys to make the forst overt move (asking for phone numbers, dates, etc.), but women usually make the first subtle move, which sigles to the guy that it is safe to make an overt move. If I guy who looks appealing to you is looking at you, meet his gaze and make eye contact for several seconds, then look away, then look make eye contact again. If you want, try twirling your hair with a finger while making eye contact. This is widely beleived to be a "I'm interested in you" signal. If he has any confidence at all he will approch you within a minute and try to find out more about you.
CrushedOrgans Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 lonelycutie, have you by any chance ever been to a tropical island or know someone who has?
crazy_grl Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Almost all my friends are guys, because girls just assume that I am "ditzy" or stuck up....or superficial.....but I am not. One thing I've noticed is that it's a lot easier for a girl to make friends with a guy, especially if you're shy. Guys will make more effort to get to know a pretty girl than girls will. But just because girls aren't going to great pains to be your friend doesn't mean you can't make the effort to get to know them. I say this because one of the best ways to get guys to talk to you is to get some girl friends and go out with just the girls. If you're hanging out with a bunch of guys, you're not going to get approached much. Other guys will assume that you're with one of them. I used to hang out with only guys too, because I have more interests in common with them than I do most girls. But I've learned that girl friends are invaluable.
blind_otter Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I've said this before but it applies to this situation. Sex and relationships are a marketplace. You have to advertise. Back in the day you could stand around and look pretty. Nowadays the market demands an interactive, multidimesional product. I'd bet money it's the aura you put off, rather than how you look. Hotties can't always get dates, I have no idea why. Maybe it's intimidation but I doubt it. I think more like, people tend to make assumptions about you by how you look, dress, and maintain yourself. When you do your hair and makeup and look well put together, I find, people approach you less than if you go out looking just a little messy. This is JMO though, take it with a grain of salt.
Green Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 One thing I've noticed is that it's a lot easier for a girl to make friends with a guy, especially if you're shy. Guys will make more effort to get to know a pretty girl than girls will. But just because girls aren't going to great pains to be your friend doesn't mean you can't make the effort to get to know them. I say this because one of the best ways to get guys to talk to you is to get some girl friends and go out with just the girls. If you're hanging out with a bunch of guys, you're not going to get approached much. Other guys will assume that you're with one of them. I used to hang out with only guys too, because I have more interests in common with them than I do most girls. But I've learned that girl friends are invaluable. look if your out with a bunch of guys your probably less likely to get approached but the same goes for being out with a bunch of girls, it sucks aproaching a cute girl when she's with a couple other girls its always trouble and I hate doing it. If you like a guy walk away from the group for a sec
phyrespryte Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 So basically being yourself just isn't going to cut it? Perhaps you're just going to the wrong places? Like maybe you'll have better odds if you go to some bar vs the library to meet guys?
Shovelack Posted October 17, 2006 Posted October 17, 2006 And I don't think I am sending out "bad vibes". I usually get along with everyone, I think it could be the vibes thing...you should call me and we can meet in person to talk more. But seriously, "vibes" is different that getting along with someone and it's complicated. Take for instance last night I was in a bookstore. A REALLY BEAUTIFUL girl walked near me and stopped and looked at a few books nearby. She then looked at a few more. I tried to make eye contact with her to get a sense if she was stopping for me or the books. She looked at me then looked away. I have been told that I am intimidating (I'm a male) but for whatever reason, I did not get the feeling that she wanted me to approach her, so I didn't (and I wish I had). Contrast this with my last serious girlfriend. One of the most beautiful girls/women I have seen or met. I am not kidding you, when she walks down the street the guys follow her in her wake. Not only that, but she danced Broadway for many years so she has poise and grace (okay, I'll stop, but you get the idea). Anyway, how did I meet her????? Walked right up to her and started talking to her. Why???? Because when I first saw her I got her attention and she smiled at me. So she gave me a vibe that I could talk with her. Does that help? JOMO (Just one man's opinion)
Recommended Posts