scaredinlove Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 OK! To make a long story short .I posted here before.I was going with a MM and his W found out and treatenned to tell my H.MM told me we had to let me go and was very cold on the phone I called him couple of times but he was cold.He finally told me he wasn't going to call me anymore, when I asked if that was the way we would end he said yes. I felt devasted. After this I decided enough , I would start telling the truth. Told my husband he accepte at first cryed a lot and all of sudden become crazy angry ,took money out of account said would disapear, become agressive breaking things cursing me in front of the kids, saying he was going to go down and take MM with him. We tryed going to a marital counceler it only made him more infuriated.Finally one day he started cursing me ,spitting on my face, telling horrible obcenities in front of my kids, chased me and the kids in the parking lot and finally called the police saying I was trying to kidnap the kids. I told the police what happened the cursing and spitting and breaking things and they arrested him for domestic violence. He is out of the house in a restraining order. He started therapy for anger and depression and I am trying to hold my kids together in the middle of the storm. In the middle of all that MM start calling me back and telling me how much he loves me, how horrible his wife is, how he misses me and etc...And that he is very jealous that I am "single" now and asked me to wait at least a year before I started seeing someone.He says he will keep in contact and maybe if his wife kicks him out he will be with me...Unbelivable!!!!!!!!!! I feel guilty for what happened to my H although he was the one who called the police and lied ,he also tried to convince my daughter to lie to the police and say I was beating up my youngster. Now he sends me e--mails, violationg the restraining order saying he was emotionally and pscologically unstable and feels remorse and is sorry . I would forgive the spiting and cursing because I know the revelation of the affair was a schock for him.But when he tryed to lie to the police to get me in trouble and take my kids from me, that cannot be forgiven.By doing that he act much worse than I did.But I still feel horrible. I am not sure if I will ever trust myself or a man again.And believe or not there is already another candidate.This guy who works with me is getting separated from his W and already gave me indications that when he is single he wants to go out with me. I know him for 5 yrs almost and he always had a crush on me but never act on it.I just feel like raising my kids and never getting involved with anybody again, since I cannot make good choices.He seems to be a decent person, doing the right thing.He has being having problems at home for many years and now they decided to call it quit.But he never cheated on her.Much more decent that I will ever be. The post turned to be much longer than i intent.I am just venting but comments will be always welcome. Thanks for listening.
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Please, whatever you do, DO NOT GET INVOLVED with this other guy! YOU need to be alone for a while and sort life out. And, your children MUST come first before ANY man enters your life again. Your kids are more messed up than you and your husband. Get them some therapy and quickly! This whole situation of yours sucks and I really hope you all get through this. The MM, do not ever contact him again, let him go completely. Even if he leaves his wife. Your husband, well, I think he's having a complete emotional and mental breakdown so I hope he gets as much help for that as he can... Again, this new man - Forget him! Stay safe, tell your children you love them and try your best to make them feel that love and security. They need it now.
justagirliegirl Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Do you not see how your behaviour has caused this and now you are thinking about jumping into the fire again with someone who isn't quite single yet? Was it all worth it with the hurt you caused to your husband and kids?
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Now he sends me e--mails, violationg the restraining order saying he was emotionally and pscologically unstable and feels remorse and is sorry . I would forgive the spiting and cursing because I know the revelation of the affair was a schock for him.But when he tryed to lie to the police to get me in trouble and take my kids from me, that cannot be forgiven.By doing that he act much worse than I did.But I still feel horrible. You have to understand, he was pushed past his emotional limit. He more or less had nervous breakdown. Honestly, if you two can work through this, forgive eachother for ALL the mistakes made, and go to marriage counselling.. Everybody deserves forgiveness, a second chance. If you are willing, would he? Or if he was willing, would you be?
Author scaredinlove Posted October 15, 2006 Author Posted October 15, 2006 Please, whatever you do, DO NOT GET INVOLVED with this other guy! YOU need to be alone for a while and sort life out. And, your children MUST come first before ANY man enters your life again. Your kids are more messed up than you and your husband. Get them some therapy and quickly! This whole situation of yours sucks and I really hope you all get through this. The MM, do not ever contact him again, let him go completely. Even if he leaves his wife. Your husband, well, I think he's having a complete emotional and mental breakdown so I hope he gets as much help for that as he can... Again, this new man - Forget him! Stay safe, tell your children you love them and try your best to make them feel that love and security. They need it now. I have no plans to get involved . I am taking my kids and myself for therapy.My husband is being treated for anger issues and depression. You are 100% right. I was just thinking that he seems to be a nice person but this is the wrong time, that is all. I just want the time to pass quick so we can leave it all behind us.
BenThereDunThat Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Girlie - I think she knows what she's done. She's living it. If you read her earlier posts, her husband was abusive way before she started seeing MM. I'm not using that as an excuse and neither is she. Scared - I'm glad the H is out of your house. And good for you for being disgusted with what the MM said to you! You're right, that is totally unbelievable! Focus on you and your kids now and take appropriate steps as far as the H is concerned. Do you have any support or a place to go should he flip out again? I'm worried for your safety. And I agree with everything WWIU says. Especially to stay away from new guy. You need to get yourself right first. So you can be strong and focused to get your kids through this with as little damage as possible. Good luck, stay strong, and keep us posted.
Author scaredinlove Posted October 15, 2006 Author Posted October 15, 2006 You have to understand, he was pushed past his emotional limit. He more or less had nervous breakdown. Honestly, if you two can work through this, forgive eachother for ALL the mistakes made, and go to marriage counselling.. Everybody deserves forgiveness, a second chance. If you are willing, would he? Or if he was willing, would you be? Our marriage sucked to begging with.No ,he dosen't want to come back he says he wants to separate. He has had anger issues before he knew of the affair, the doctor says he had depression for years and that is why he was always losing jobs or not working and losing control.I must say I admire him for seeking treatment and sticking to it. But our marriage was over years ago we were just there for the kids. No, I would not be with him again because I had fall out of love many years ago. The reason I ignore that he is violatting the restraining order and contacting me via e-mail is because I know he is not well , but on the other hand I am afraid he might try someting against me.He is fine around family and friends, the judge gave him visitation rights,but he cannot come close to me because around me he goes crazy.
Author scaredinlove Posted October 15, 2006 Author Posted October 15, 2006 Girlie - I think she knows what she's done. She's living it. If you read her earlier posts, her husband was abusive way before she started seeing MM. I'm not using that as an excuse and neither is she. Scared - I'm glad the H is out of your house. And good for you for being disgusted with what the MM said to you! You're right, that is totally unbelievable! Focus on you and your kids now and take appropriate steps as far as the H is concerned. Do you have any support or a place to go should he flip out again? I'm worried for your safety. And I agree with everything WWIU says. Especially to stay away from new guy. You need to get yourself right first. So you can be strong and focused to get your kids through this with as little damage as possible. Good luck, stay strong, and keep us posted. Thanks for your support.
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Well, I hope you both can put the kids first, and atleast be 'friends' in a sense, for the kids sake. Sorry, I kind of forgot about your husband and his issues before D-day. Been a while since you posted in general.
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