AllisonML Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and we have lived together for over a year together now. (I'm 22 he's 24) We moved into our second apartment together this July and things were actually going fine...Until someone else entered the picture that I am hopelessly attracted to and have been talking to almost every day, despite him living about an hour and a half away. I am pretty sure that i am going to proceed with seeing this other person but my boyfriend is so innocent. He has never been mean to me, he is so sweet, we have a happy little life together but that attraction that I have for this other guy doesn't even compare to how I feel for my boyfriend. I feel so badly because he has no clue and it would absolutely BREAK his poor innocent heart if I moved out. Also, bout of our names are on the lease, I would have to change jobs, move in with my parents, and then our cat...I'd lose her too. I feel terrible because there is nothing that he has done wrong. I keep thinking it would be easier if he were a bad boyfriend, but he's not... he loves me deeply. I feel so horrible but I can't just ignore these feelings for someone else or it will eventually lead to our demise anyway. If I'm really supposed to be with my boyfriend then why on earth would I have these intense feelings for someone else?? Any insight would be greatly appreciated...thanks alot!
Amour77 Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 Have you already cheated on your boyfriend? You sound as if you have. It is no use to come here and play the innocent one, you are going to break his heart big time! You have to pay the price for it! Do not be haughty, do not say things like his poor innocent heart, what a lack of respect! He loves you very much and, in a sense, you are taking the p*** because he does! Oh, and please.... If you have to break up with him, do it frankly, be honest and do not show any remorse or confusion. It has to be neat and clear!
Island Girl Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 You are not doing your boyfriend any favors by staying if you feel this way. You are on the fence because you know he is a great guy and you are scared that you will regret leaving. But you ARE making the moves to leave and have already begun to have intamacy and more with someone else. You can't hide this. Your boyfriend will sense the difference in you and your actions - if he hasn't already. This will lead to talks or questions about "is something wrong", etc. Quit being selfish. Just stop it. You don't have any excuse for it and your boyfriend deserves more respect and care than that. If you leave and regret it -- and lose him forever -- that is your fault. Don't make him pay the price by letting him think he is doing something wrong or he could do something different to make you guys work. Tell him it is over. Tell him it is nothing he has done and there is nothing he can do to fix it. Then leave and go do whatever it is you're going to do. You are doing it anyway. And your boyfriend could be getting over you RIGHT NOW to be able to move on to someone else who appreciates him and does have ALL of those feelings for HIM.
shawn_68 Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 I am pretty sure that i am going to proceed with seeing this other person but my boyfriend is so innocent. He has never been mean to me, he is so sweet, we have a happy little life together but that attraction that I have for this other guy doesn't even compare to how I feel for my boyfriend. I'm sure that you will find people to tell you that you're making the right decision, if that's what you're seeking. As for me, I'm not so sure that you deserve HIM. In my view, he's better off with someone that will stick by his side, and not be so easily enticed and swayed. Obviously you're not that person and he deserves better. If your decision is made, don't even ask to be friends or anything else. Leave him alone.
shawn_68 Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 One other thing ... Has it ever occured to you that he's also felt a strong attraction to another woman? I can assure you that he has. If you've never felt the rejection that comes from something like this you should at least experiece it once yourself. Maybe then you will appreciate someone that is not so easily swayed.
Confuggled_one Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 that's sad. tell him straight up what's up. i hope you dont regret what you do.. make sure what you have with this new guy isnt just lust or a sudden spark and lose your current bf forever.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I just posted this on another thread, but it fits here as well. Why does this seem like it's happening everywhere in the U.S.? Not to sound biased, but it seems to be mostly women that don't know what they want. Everyday I see a new post from a guy going through this exact same torture, and I myself just recently had a woman do this to me. Women seem to now get unhappy very quickly, and look in someone else's back yard for a quick solution. I really am quite scared to even consider commitment in light of this explosion of uncommitment and infedelity. I understand there are good women out there, alot of them are on this site but there are so many that are having these issues, and I mean a many. I have watched close friends and colleagues go through this, and it has nearly ruined them emotionally. Also, I have had a couple of women want to date me recently, and later I find out they are married or have a boyfriend when they initially told me they don't. WTF is going on with this CR**? Sorry, just don't get it. Regards,
shawn_68 Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I just posted this on another thread, but it fits here as well. I think this would be a good idea to discuss. Why not start a thread?
justagirliegirl Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 You don't have to act on anything. You are choosing to. what would be funny if you go for this new guy, dumping your faithful loyal good guy and the new guy turns out to be a total cheating arse hat. Really most people find themselves insanely attracted to another at one time or another but the mature person doesn't act on it.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 You don't have to act on anything. You are choosing to. what would be funny if you go for this new guy, dumping your faithful loyal good guy and the new guy turns out to be a total cheating arse hat. Really most people find themselves insanely attracted to another at one time or another but the mature person doesn't act on it. Very well spoken, and I agree totally. Excellent!
Tormented Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Allison....this is a board for the broken hearted who are trying to heal from a recent breakup. If you came here looking for support because you're contemplating dumping a loving, faithful boyfriend for some guy you are infatuated with...you have come to the WRONG place. Bear in mind that WE are in the place that your soon-to-be-broken-hearted- boyfriend will fall to after you dump him for no other reason than to chase a guy who has done NOTHING to deserve your attention OR affection. You are about to dump a man that many women would LOVE to have....and no doubt WILL have when you foolishly turn him loose. A man like him will have NO problem finding a good woman who will cherish him for his hard-to-find qualities...while you, on the other hand, will be lusting after a guy who may or may NOT return your affections. A real gamble for you, I'd say. There's an old saying that rings true here..."how can you know good if you've never known bad." I think you're about to find out... Good luck in your adventure. But I think you're gonna regret it. Oh...and when you do dump your boyfriend, point him to this board. He's going to need our support. ~T~
Rooster_DAR Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Allison....this is a board for the broken hearted who are trying to heal from a recent breakup. If you came here looking for support because you're contemplating dumping a loving, faithful boyfriend for some guy you are infatuated with...you have come to the WRONG place. Bear in mind that WE are in the place that your soon-to-be-broken-hearted- boyfriend will fall to after you dump him for no other reason than to chase a guy who has done NOTHING to deserve your attention OR affection. You are about to dump a man that many women would LOVE to have....and no doubt WILL have when you foolishly turn him loose. A man like him will have NO problem finding a good woman who will cherish him for his hard-to-find qualities...while you, on the other hand, will be lusting after a guy who may or may NOT return your affections. A real gamble for you, I'd say. There's an old saying that rings true here..."how can you know good if you've never known bad." I think you're about to find out... Good luck in your adventure. But I think you're gonna regret it. Oh...and when you do dump your boyfriend, point him to this board. He's going to need our support. ~T~ Well be waiting for him.
Author AllisonML Posted October 15, 2006 Author Posted October 15, 2006 I apologize if I offended anyone. This was my first post on this entire site and I didn't realize that I was in the wrong subject forum. I was simply looking for advice on a difficult situation that I am in - despite the harshness of your replies it has made me see an alternate view.
Island Girl Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I apologize if I offended anyone. This was my first post on this entire site and I didn't realize that I was in the wrong subject forum. I was simply looking for advice on a difficult situation that I am in - despite the harshness of your replies it has made me see an alternate view. You didn't offend me. If you think the replies are harsh it is because ther is never an excuse for hurting people. If you were looking for support in staying in a relationship you have to remind yourself is good, than any honest person can't help you. You should be with your boyfriend because he is your everything. You have said that he is a GREAT GUY, but you are feeling something is missing and you are looking elsewhere and believe you have found "it" with someone else already. So be fair to your GREAT GUY boyfriend and break up with him. Move on and let him move on. If you stay with him feeling the way you are you are starting down the journey to the end anyway. Don't let it be a long and torturous one for him. Just end it quickly. Better for him, better for you, just reality.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I apologize if I offended anyone. This was my first post on this entire site and I didn't realize that I was in the wrong subject forum. I was simply looking for advice on a difficult situation that I am in - despite the harshness of your replies it has made me see an alternate view. Just be careful and do the right thing, don't keep him hanging on but instead be truthful. One thing, make sure that is exactly what you want before you proceed with a breakup. There are numerous posts on here where the dumper regretted it later when it was way too late. Good luck, hope things work out for you.
shawn_68 Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 I was simply looking for advice on a difficult situation that I am in - despite the harshness of your replies it has made me see an alternate view. Allison, If you're still reading here, that was the WHOLE point of our replies. To give you an alternate view. It was given rather harshly I'll admit. But hopefully the point came accross. More importantly, hopefully you'll give careful consideration to the decision that you're making. The decision that you make is most likely irreversable. Once it's done, the damage is done!
Beee Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Hang on a sec, I don't think you are in the wrong place.... this forum is about breaking up, whether you are on the giving or receiving end!!! Although I have been with my boyfriend for a lot longer and he hasn't been the angel you describe your boyfirend to be I have to say that you guys (like myself) are still young and I don't think you can be blamed for feeling the way you do. From what I've understood you didn't go looking for this other guy... also, we don't necessarily know the details of your relationship with your boyfriend, the times he was and wasn't there for you. I find myself in a situation where I need to decide between my boyfriend and another man. I have worked hard at my relationship and not given up for 8 years (and most of it was a struggle)... I have now reached the point where I am not sure I can keep fighting....You have to work hard at relationships, very hard... but everything has a limit. The best advice I can give you is make damn sure this new guy is not just a passing thing, evaluate your feelings for your boyfriend, could they be rekindled? does it just need some spicying up? or is it gone for good? If you decide to part from your boyfriend, be gentle but honest, let him know what this has been hard for you (not from the point of view of trying to make him feel bad too, but to let him know that you do care). If on the other hand you decide to stay put then make sure there is nothing going on between you and this new guy! good luck;)
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