elijahBailey Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I'm taking it as a compliment. I'm relatively nice, actually.
Adunaphel Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 If using weasel words is a game, you just called me out!
luvtoto Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 The only time (IMO) that a person needs to "play the game" is when someone is pretending to be someone they are not. If an insecure person is pretending to be secure...then they are playing a game. Myself, I do not play games...yet, on LS I have been accused of it. My defense: I AM a secure person. Do NOT need to be in a relationship. HAVE a life outside of any relationship that I get into. RUN at the smallest inclination of desperation from a guy. Don't NEED to have undivided attention from a guy. PREFER to have my space. NOT clingy in the least. DON'T waste time trying to make a guy like me. ugh. JUST worry about how I feel about him...a bit selfish. O well. Yes, this attitude does "get the guys" to stay and progress the relationship rather quickly. However, I am just being me. So, it is fine. The real me isn't gonna come creeping into the picture later. This is me. So, that is the difference. (IMO)
amaysngrace Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Games played on me: - delay phone calls on purpose - vanish and reappear after a lot of time - be rude/unpleasant/hurtful on purpose - alternate kindness with unpleasantness - generally make you believe they are planning to do certain things for you, when they won't. - make you jealous on purpose - manipulating/brainwashing you into believing that certain things are okay in a relationship and if you have a problem with it, you are limited/immature. - belittle you or pick on you on purpose to make you less self-confident. - testing you. in a more or less subtle way. Always unnecessarily. - accuse you of cheating, etc. when they know you didn't. - Upset you on purpose, going for your soft/sensitive spots, just to prove that you have a bad temper. And complain that you are nagging/aggressive/abusive. - "brutal honesty" and bashing with the excuse that they do it for you and for your own good. I've played "ignoring you on purpose" games. All of the above sounds abusive in nature. Where's the fun in that? I have no time for games. I'd rather like to spend my time with someone who is open and honest, and not guarded from being who they truly are. After all, this is what I give. I expect the same in return. If I don't get it from someone, I gladly say goodbye. Which makes more time for me...someone I really like to be around.
Adunaphel Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 All of the above sounds abusive in nature. Where's the fun in that? No fun at all. I suspect I am just a person who is very, very easy to play games with. Shame on me. When I played games myself on purpose, it was always with game-players. It never really worked much. I have no time for games. I'd rather like to spend my time with someone who is open and honest, and not guarded from being who they truly are. After all, this is what I give. I expect the same in return. If I don't get it from someone, I gladly say goodbye. Which makes more time for me...someone I really like to be around. I am trying to become like you - this is why lately I have very little patience for people who play games, and I tend to call them out. Once I'll be more like you, I will probably be able to just say goodbye to the person, without looking back -or so I hope.
Kittiecat Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I think everyone plays games but no one likes to admit it. Kudos to Adunaphel for honesty! Sometimes we play the games subconsiously, and other times we have a "game plan." I think to some extent it's part of our biology. I mean, look at animals in the wild. There are mating dances, calls, etc. Why all the fuss? Just hump each other and move on. The games are designed to keep the other person guessing and "on their toes," so to speak, and they've been around since the beginning of time. Of course I hate games - usually because I'm the one being played.
luvtoto Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I wouldn't just jump into a relationship with my guard down. Yes, I would be honest. Yes, I would be myself. However, keep those guards up in the beginning and for a while after. Feel the guy out and don't put any rose colored glasses on too early if at all. Fight the urge to give too much of yourself too early on. Holding back your time, your feelings, your heart is not such a bad thing, is it? Some people call it "playing games". I call it loving smart!!
Guest Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Feel the guy out and don't put any rose colored glasses on too early if at all. Fight the urge to give too much of yourself too early on. Holding back your time, your feelings, your heart is not such a bad thing, is it? That's not playing a game. That's acting sensibly. It's like saying wanting to eat every chocolate cake in sight but stopping yourself is 'playing a game'. It's not. Of course you have tendencies that you rethink in terms of the wisdom of following them and allowing yourself to think you're madly in love far too soon is unwise - something which deserves to be reconsidered.
luvtoto Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 That's not playing a game. That's acting sensibly. It's like saying wanting to eat every chocolate cake in sight but stopping yourself is 'playing a game'. It's not. Of course you have tendencies that you rethink in terms of the wisdom of following them and allowing yourself to think you're madly in love far too soon is unwise - something which deserves to be reconsidered. Exactly my point. I don't think, when first dating someone, that a person should be an open book. Obviously don't lie or be dishonest. Just retain some some mystery.
Guest Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Just retain some some mystery. Now that's bogus IMHO. I don't agree at all. Screw 'mystery'. I'm not a mystery. Nobody's a mystery. Well, except serial killers. 'Mystery' is not a pleasant thing IMHO. If you are hiding something, it's because it's not nice. I'll say it again - if you want someone to like you for who you are, you have to show them who you are. If you show them a fake you, then don't get upset if they disappear when you finally unveil the so-called 'mystery'. What a waste of time! I think this is the results of romance novels - all those stories where the 'mystery man' turned out to be actually a prince or a millionaire. I got news for ya - if there's a 'mystery' in real life, it's more likely a police record.
one_cool_mofo Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 i thought mostly only women play games? do guys do that crap a lot too? i don't. i suck at games and i suck at understanding women. but after doing some reading i've learned how to identify them when they're happening, i think. it's pretty confusing. but i don't go along with the game. for example i had/have (not sure) a friend that i just wanted to be friends with. i had no romantic interest in her. almost every time we would hang out i picked up on certain games or tests but i just ignored them, and as a result i'm sure i inadvertantly failed some of them in her eyes but i didn't give a crap. like she would be a total bitch and take jabs at me or try to make me look bad for no reason. then the next time we hang out she's super incredibly sweet and nice. what an unstable mess... i wanted to know why we couldn't just hang out like friends do, but every time she's up to something. so now i don't call her to hang out anymore. she's proven she can't just chill and have fun. so basically if she was interested in me she lost as a result of her game playing.
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