OW is pregnant

[guest/RaSaMama]

I am new here and could really use some unbiased advice.

My husband asked for a separation on Aug. 29th. We talked for hours. I agreed to make some changes (that needed to be made), but then he told me he has been "talking" to another woman.

He insists that is not the reason he wanted to leave. Just three days later I took our two daughters, ages 10 & 8 to visit him at a hotel he sometimes stays at while traveling away from home.

Of course when I called him to get the room #, he said " I'll be right out". I knew immediately that the OW was there. He was so mad at me for putting our children in the middle. We got our own room, but he refused to see any of us that day. Unbelievable!

Anyway, when we finally started talking again, we had good conversations.

He refused to tell me where he was staying and it didn't take me long to figure out it is with her.

I don't get it! She is a single mother of three girls, and now she tells him that she is pregnant!!

He only left me six weeks ago. We have talked seriuosly about him coming home. He says he has made a complicated situation even more complicated.

Now he doesn't know what to do. He says he doesn't want to leave her if she is pregnant (and she is). But what about our marriage of 15 yrs and our two children?

He won't answer me on that. I realize he is confused, but I am DEVASTATED! He only comes by to see our girls for about 4 hours on Sundays. Then he talks to them about her. (Except the pregnancy).

I don't want my girls to grow up thinking it is OK for their boyfriends or husbands to cheat. Some days I want a divorce and some days I want to work it out. 15 years together is alot to throw away.

Why would he choose his unborn child and three children that are not his own over his family here? We had a FEW problems, but nothing that couldn't have been fixed.

I also notice that he has been ignoring me lately and not wanting to "get into it" when we talk. I can't just turn off my feelings, but I'm not really sure we can work this out. Seems like he may not want to.

Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Freedom Now]

Get "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson.

 

It will be the best investment in your marriage that you will ever make.

[tikigods]

you are teaching your kids that its okay to have a husband or a boyfriend that treats you like this, they are both old enough to know whats going on. Its time for you to do whats best for YOUR family, he has choosen this other woman over you guys, and its time to get a divorce and move on and find someone better. This guy has lied, cheated and now got another woman pregnant it doesn't sound to me that he wants to work on your marriage at all, and in fact he has even asked to end it. ITs time for you to do the right thing and let him do what he wants so you can raise your daughters right

[justagirliegirl]

You husband isn't a very smart man. I'm sure he knows how women get pregnant.

 

My advice would be to get a good divorce lawyer and get yourself tested for STDs.

 

I know I couldn't stand to have a reminder of his affair shoved in my face for the next 18 years.

[outofdarkness]

You husband isn't a very smart man. I'm sure he knows how women get pregnant.

 

My advice would be to get a good divorce lawyer and get yourself tested for STDs.

 

I know I couldn't stand to have a reminder of his affair shoved in my face for the next 18 years.

don't know about the divorce part...but i would consult with an attorney and would IMMEDIATELY get to a clinic or Dr. and get tested...It could save your life...You don't know what he's been dragging home...

[Joelle]

you are teaching your kids that its okay to have a husband or a boyfriend that treats you like this, they are both old enough to know whats going on. Its time for you to do whats best for YOUR family, he has choosen this other woman over you guys, and its time to get a divorce and move on and find someone better. This guy has lied, cheated and now got another woman pregnant it doesn't sound to me that he wants to work on your marriage at all, and in fact he has even asked to end it. ITs time for you to do the right thing and let him do what he wants so you can raise your daughters right

 

I agree.

 

Think of your children first.

[scaredinlove]

I am new here and could really use some unbiased advice.

My husband asked for a separation on Aug. 29th. We talked for hours. I agreed to make some changes (that needed to be made), but then he told me he has been "talking" to another woman.

He insists that is not the reason he wanted to leave. Just three days later I took our two daughters, ages 10 & 8 to visit him at a hotel he sometimes stays at while traveling away from home.

Of course when I called him to get the room #, he said " I'll be right out". I knew immediately that the OW was there. He was so mad at me for putting our children in the middle. We got our own room, but he refused to see any of us that day. Unbelievable!

Anyway, when we finally started talking again, we had good conversations.

He refused to tell me where he was staying and it didn't take me long to figure out it is with her.

I don't get it! She is a single mother of three girls, and now she tells him that she is pregnant!!

He only left me six weeks ago. We have talked seriuosly about him coming home. He says he has made a complicated situation even more complicated.

Now he doesn't know what to do. He says he doesn't want to leave her if she is pregnant (and she is). But what about our marriage of 15 yrs and our two children?

He won't answer me on that. I realize he is confused, but I am DEVASTATED! He only comes by to see our girls for about 4 hours on Sundays. Then he talks to them about her. (Except the pregnancy).

I don't want my girls to grow up thinking it is OK for their boyfriends or husbands to cheat. Some days I want a divorce and some days I want to work it out. 15 years together is alot to throw away.

Why would he choose his unborn child and three children that are not his own over his family here? We had a FEW problems, but nothing that couldn't have been fixed.

I also notice that he has been ignoring me lately and not wanting to "get into it" when we talk. I can't just turn off my feelings, but I'm not really sure we can work this out. Seems like he may not want to.

Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

No need to hurt yourself any longer, you husband dosen't want work things up.You should just move on.I know it is hard to do but that what you should do to protect your sanity and you daughters sanity.Good luck!

[Seen_It_All]

You need to get to a lawyer. When this woman spits out yet ANOTHER illegitimate kid (that we taxpayers will probably have to foot the bill for) she's ALSO going to get a court order for child support.

 

You can bank on it.

 

If she files first, she'll get the lion's share of your husband's salary, and if you apply for child support down the road, you'll get LESS. I'm sure your attorney will tell you that.

 

I know it's an individual choice, but I'd rather be shot at dawn than have to deal with some OW and the CONSTANT battles she'd engage in, trying to make him pay for the REST of his life. Oh, the DRAMA.

 

No thanks.

 

Good luck to you.

[SoleMate]

Yeah, I don't see a lot to salvage here. And your two girls definitely need to be protected from hearing all about daddy's new honey. The pregnancy won't be a secret after a few months have passed.

[everlong]

sounds like this guy really has no clue what the heck he is doing - but he does seem to know how to make matters go from bad to worse to crisis mode....let's hope he have a high paying job because he is now on the hook for two families for a very, very long time.

 

if u leave him and file, yer kids will be proud...and the next guy you date will admire your courage and strength and determination to do what is best fer yer kids!

 

hang in there and good luck

[MrsHellFire]

You need to get to a lawyer. When this woman spits out yet ANOTHER illegitimate kid (that we taxpayers will probably have to foot the bill for) she's ALSO going to get a court order for child support.

 

You can bank on it.

 

If she files first, she'll get the lion's share of your husband's salary, and if you apply for child support down the road, you'll get LESS. I'm sure your attorney will tell you that.

 

I know it's an individual choice, but I'd rather be shot at dawn than have to deal with some OW and the CONSTANT battles she'd engage in, trying to make him pay for the REST of his life. Oh, the DRAMA.

 

No thanks.

 

Good luck to you.

 

 

Sure, it's easy to blame the gal because she is fronting the mess and taking care of the children. But it's the men who cheat, knock up and ditch which causes women to seek WELFARE or child support.. not that big of a mystery there.

If the guy knocked her up, he better pay and that avoid you taxpayers any grief. So stop trying to act like it's ok to be a deadbeat dad and shielding the pig-men from responsibility!

 

"with some OW and the CONSTANT battles she'd engage in, trying to make him pay for the REST of his life. "

 

Why the hell shouldn't he pay for 18 years? He is responsible for the conception! You obviously have something against other women!

[NoIDidn't]

I am new here and could really use some unbiased advice.

My husband asked for a separation on Aug. 29th. We talked for hours. I agreed to make some changes (that needed to be made), but then he told me he has been "talking" to another woman.

He insists that is not the reason he wanted to leave. Just three days later I took our two daughters, ages 10 & 8 to visit him at a hotel he sometimes stays at while traveling away from home.

Of course when I called him to get the room #, he said " I'll be right out". I knew immediately that the OW was there. He was so mad at me for putting our children in the middle. We got our own room, but he refused to see any of us that day. Unbelievable!

Anyway, when we finally started talking again, we had good conversations.

He refused to tell me where he was staying and it didn't take me long to figure out it is with her.

I don't get it! She is a single mother of three girls, and now she tells him that she is pregnant!!

He only left me six weeks ago. We have talked seriuosly about him coming home. He says he has made a complicated situation even more complicated.

Now he doesn't know what to do. He says he doesn't want to leave her if she is pregnant (and she is). But what about our marriage of 15 yrs and our two children?

He won't answer me on that. I realize he is confused, but I am DEVASTATED! He only comes by to see our girls for about 4 hours on Sundays. Then he talks to them about her. (Except the pregnancy).

I don't want my girls to grow up thinking it is OK for their boyfriends or husbands to cheat. Some days I want a divorce and some days I want to work it out. 15 years together is alot to throw away.

Why would he choose his unborn child and three children that are not his own over his family here? We had a FEW problems, but nothing that couldn't have been fixed.

I also notice that he has been ignoring me lately and not wanting to "get into it" when we talk. I can't just turn off my feelings, but I'm not really sure we can work this out. Seems like he may not want to.

Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

I am so sorry for your pain. I know it feels suffocating but you have some things to do to protect yourself in while in the midst of such heartache. I wish you peace and strength.

 

First off, take care of you. I don't think you have nothing left in your M, but that is for you to decide. If your H behaves much worst, then, yeah, too much disrespect being dished out by him.

 

Second, get a good lawyer - pronto! If she applies for support before you, she will get the lion's share of his income. That is bad for the children he already has with you. Get an official separation whether or not you plan to divorce, for now. Think ahead for how this will affect you financially.

 

Third, get a great therapist. You need to talk about your feelings to someone that is objective (not sleeping with someone else's H or having been betrayed recently). You need to find strength for your daughters. Ignore the poster who claimed you are teaching your children that its okay to cheat. You didn't do that. Your H did. NOT YOUR FAULT so don't accept it. His A, NOT YOUR FAULT, no matter what the problems were in the M. Your daughters will need to speak with the therapist too, especially since he is trying to poison their minds by talking about this OW to them.

 

Don't rush to divorce. This is YOUR M and YOU get to decide when/if you want to throw in the towel. Too many women here see it as a competition with a winner and a loser. Affairs have nothing but losers. No winners.

[Maryn]

I agree with the poster that said get to a lawyer now. I don't know what state you are in, but in my state it is first come first serve. If you are going to need to file for child support you are going to want to get there BEFORE the other woman gets there. It's nothing about not liking the other woman, or not supporting the child that is on it's way.

 

You need to protect yourself and your children. It is up to the other woman to do the same for hers.

[Seen_It_All]

Why the hell shouldn't he pay for 18 years? He is responsible for the conception! You obviously have something against other women!

 

No Mrs.HellFire - not other women. I do, however, have something against women who continually get pregnant like BROOD MARES and bleed the system dry because they can't afford to have these kids. RaSaMama/Guest said this woman already HAS 3 and is raising them singly - she's HARDLY in a position to have to feed a 4th.

 

And WHERE did I say that he SHOULDN'T have to pay for this kid? Re-read my post again. NOWHERE did I say that. I told RaSaMama/Guest that SHE should make sure that SHE gets the first share of the child support. And why the hell SHOULDN'T she? SHE did nothing wrong, nor did her kids! If he wants to screw around he can da*mn well pay for it, but NOT before doing right by his wife and kids first.

 

Jesus, why not stand back and take a wider world view instead of being so damned narrow minded? This poster did NOTHING wrong and shouldn't have to pay for HIS and his OWs stupid mistake.

 

I stand by my original post.

[Guest]

This poster did NOTHING wrong and shouldn't have to pay for HIS and his OWs stupid mistake.

 

I stand by my original post.

 

True, the wife should not have to pay the price, but in reality, the wife and kids pay the biggest price. They are the ones that didn't have a choice in the matter and their lives are forever changed because two people (WS and OW equally) were too selfish to think about anything but their own satisfaction. You need to make sure that you and your kids are taken care of first. The pregnancy that resulted from their irresponsible actions should not be your problem.

 

I just have to ask: Are you absolutely positive that she is pregnant? I don't know your situation, but I have heard many times that OW will fake a pregnancy to hold onto a MM.