1confusedlady Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 Okay, well I posted this in the Friends/Lovers section (to no avail), but I think it also fits in this category, and I really need some advice! So, let me give you all the background, and you all can tell me what you think: I was 14 years old and best friends with a boy that I eventually fell in love (well, I thought it was love anyway...) with; that boy was 18 at the time. He had a girlfriend, and I was also friends with her (we met through him...so I was not friends with her first); she too was 18. Okay, so we are all friends, and then I tell him that I have a crush on him; a slight crush. So, he tells his girlfriend, which is understandable, and she doesn't care; we all stay friends. Anyway, later in the year, he kisses me. First kiss, first love, and later I find out that he "loves" me too. So anyway, he broke up with his girlfriend, and started dating me; she didn't know that we were dating, or that we had kissed before they broke up. The point is, we were together and happy, until my mom found out and decided to end things (as she should have; legally, even though we weren't doing anything other than kissing, it could be considered stagitory rape). Okay, so we don't talk again (except in passing), he graduates; of course, his ex-girlfriend finds out, and despises me. So, we don't talk again for three years. Three years later (I am 17): he emails me. He is with a new girl, but he wants us to be friends again (we were really good friends before the whole crushing/dating thing that happened three years ago). So, we start hanging out, I meet his girlfriend whom he started dating after me those three years ago; she seems nice. Well, he tells me he loves me still; his girlfriend was right there. So, she goes off on him like, "She is 17! How can you do this? She isn't even old enough to leave home! Blah, blah, blah." Well, she is now out of the picture, and we start dating again. My mom finds out, and ends it once again. Four years later (I am 21): he calls me. So, we start talking again. He is now married, and she is a really nice girl; really good for him. Anyway, we become friends again, and it is totally plutonic for a year. Then this past week, he calls me drunk telling me how much he is still in love with me and he never stopped loving me, just thought it would never happen, and couldn't wait. Now he is full of regret about getting married. So, he wants to tell her how he feels, but I don't want to ruin his marriage when in the long-run I know we want different things, etc. Okay, I do love him; I too never stopped loving him, but love isn't enough sometimes, you know? I don't know what to do. We are so very different, but we have always been connected somehow. I mean, it is annoying! I can't still be in love with a man who is married, even if he is willing to give it up for me. I don't want to hurt another girl again! I mean, all these girls loved him too, and he just tossed them away for me; I would be pissed if I were any of them, but especially his wife. I mean, I love him so much, and we both always wonder about what would have happened if things had been different. What do I do? I mean, life is short, should I tempt it? Should I ignore him? Drop him as a friend after 8 years? I need your help and advice! Please!
whichwayisup Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 I think you know what you need to do. You have alot of insight, and a conscious, so maybe it's time to tell this guy goodbye forever and move on to find a guy who won't cheat on his girlfriends, and a guy who will respect you and not play head games with you. Too much time has passed, and then he calls and you start feeling again. Is he really worth it?
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