Cardinal64 Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 Hi again all. Reading everyone's posts really helps me to put certain things into better perspective regarding my marital situation. [sIZE=4][/sIZE][sIZE=4] [/sIZE] [sIZE=4][/sIZE]As I posted before about 2 weeks ago or so : I've been married almost 6-1/2 years to my wife - a very attractive woman I might add . We have a 5-1/2 year old son who we both love with all our hearts. My wife and I even share the exact same birthday. Anyway, to make a long story as short as possible - My wife had an affair some time back with a married man she apparently had long had a desire for since before we were married . She had wanted us to be more "open" as a couple and I - foolishly went along because I thought it would show her what an open-minded ,trusting and willing-to-please husband I was to her. Well, I so regret now allowing her to get involved with this man - even though it has been over btw them for quite some time - the damage has apprently been done to our marriage. Things did not work out the "way" she expected with this guy - as a result - I think my wife became very disappointed and depressed her "fantasy" was not all it was supposed to be. But the fact that I allowed her this "freedom" earlier..only made her realize "what was out there" . We hardly ever have sex anymore - if ever...and now all her affection goes 100% to our son. I feel practically invisible. She has even become "friendly" with a younger guy though she claims he is "just a friend" - they communicate often by her cellphone. About 5-1/2 months back she started talking about wanting a separation from me - needing her "freedom" and not having the same feelings for me as before. Is there anyone else out there with a similar experience? I still love my wife so much - despite everything - but she seems to have decided that she can have a better life without me playing the role of husband to her. Attentive father to our son - that she wants . It really eats me up inside the way she has changed so much. Not even a hug or kiss at all -just for our son. The close affection we had before seems to have vanished. What the hell did I do wrong to deserve this? I have always tried to be a good husband and father..I never was in any way physically or verbally abusive to my wife.. We have - at times - had very difficult financial problems - living check to check. But nothing that eventually would not work itself out. I do over and above my share of the house work and taking care our son. Playing with him like a dad should. Now I'm in no way saying that I don't have my faults mind you. I do. Lots of them. I was not as attentive to her as I think - in hindsight - I should have been - I know I took things for granted many times. I regret that so much you would not believe. But I've never even cheated on my wife - even when she said that it wouldn't bother her if I did so. I never thought that I would find myself in this situation - never. But here I am now. I want to feel like there is some hope - but franlky I don't see any. There are too many "vultures" out there circling this house we live in - just waiting for me to be out of the picture. Anyway, I just want to thank anyone who responds with a similar story or even to post their comments. Cherish the person you are with folks if they love you back and want to be with you - and only you.
everlong Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 "I've been married almost 6-1/2 years to my wife - a very attractive woman I might add . We have a 5-1/2 year old son who we both love with all our hearts. My wife and I even share the exact same birthday. ANyway, to make a long story as short as possible - My wife had an affair some time back with a married man she apparently had long had a desire for since before we were married . She had wanted us to be more "open" as a couple and I - foolishly went along because I thought it would show her what an open-minded ,trusting and willing-to-please husband I was to her." I am truly sorry you are feeling so bad about this but it truly sounds like you are confused and mistaken about what your relationship was all about and who she is as a person. First thing I noticed is when describing her the only thing you state is that she is attractive...nothing else. That's not good. Second thing, if you both agreed to have an 'open' marriage, then her 'being with someone else' really can't be considered an affair. And you were not foolish, you showed her yer trust, and from the sounds of it, yer trust means nothing - she probably would have done the same thing in any event. Third thing, when you say she doesn't want you playing the 'role' of the husband - all that means is that she has lost 'sight' of who u are as a person and has pigeonholed you into a 'role'. Fourth, do not worry about vultures circling your house because this isn't about you...this is just her issue and, unfortunately it is quite common. See what happens sometimes and with some people, is they simply find themselves in a situation where, instead of cherishing what they have, they long for something they didn't have in the past. I know a few couples that got married really early and stayed together for many years, while all their friends did the party/multiple partners thing, and sometimes that looks more appealing to someone that never 'lived' that...they feel they got 'cheated' or 'missed out' and that has nothing to do with you. everyone at one point in time thinks what others are doing is more exciting or better. for example: i was married for 15 years, and i did all the things one has to do to raise a family, plan for the future, but i managed to have a balance...occassionally i would run into an old friend, same age as i, but they would be single and had just gotten back from these wonderful travel adventures...and i would say to them..man, i wish i could do that...but i have planted roots now..and i have to wait...and they would say...man, i wish i had a family and a house and great job like you...lol see what i mean....it is human nature to desire what you do not have at that moment. the difference is some wait to have it, and some, as freddy mecury once said I WANT IT ALL, AND I WANT IT NOW! lol
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 Anyway, to make a long story as short as possible - My wife had an affair some time back with a married man she apparently had long had a desire for since before we were married . She had wanted us to be more "open" as a couple and I - foolishly went along because I thought it would show her what an open-minded ,trusting and willing-to-please husband I was to her. ? trusting? Are you a fool? Did you take any advantage of this "open" arrangement and find a honey of your own? If not even more foolish. So you just played the happy cuckold? I think my wife became very disappointed and depressed her "fantasy" was not all it was supposed to be. Fantasy seldom works out well in real life. I still love my wife so much - despite everything - You are hopeless, abosultely hopeless. Kick her sorry ass out of the house, now! Get a divorce lawyer. What the hell did I do wrong to deserve this? I have always tried to be a good husband and father..I never was in any way physically or verbally abusive to my wife.. Well she certianly has abused you hasn't she... Why on earth do guys buy into this "I gotta be a nice guy or my woman might leave me... " crap. Women don't want nice guys. They want men that can show them a good time. Cindy Lopper was right, "girls just want to have fun". Nice guys finish last. I do over and above my share of the house work and taking care our son. Playing with him like a dad should.Yeah and your wife uses you... so she can play... are you nuts or something? Now I'm in no way saying that I don't have my faults mind you. I do. Lots of them. I was not as attentive to her as I think - in hindsight - I should have been -No the problem is trying to bend over backwards to please her. Stop letting woman wrap you around their little finger. ... And so what if you have "faults". Stop apologizing for who you are. But I've never even cheated on my wife - even when she said that it wouldn't bother her if I did so. Can't you get a hint. She doesn't love you or care about you. And that was rather foolish in hindsight wasn't it? Get a locksmith and divorce lawyer and let the "vultures" have her. She not worth anything to you or your son.
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