How soon did the BS have sex again with th WS?

[PoorMe]

I'm looking to see how soon after discovering the A did the BS have sex again with the WS?

 

It's been 3 months since I found out, and there has been no affection with my H - no hugging, holding hands, nothing (my doing, not his). I am not even able to look him in the eyes, I feel so hurt. But I'm wondering if it's healthy to continue without any contact for the long term prognosis of our M if I can't allow anything to happen. But is it right to let something happen when I'm not even close to forgiveness yet?

[Flyin in Clouds]

Why stay with him?

 

I can't offer you any advise from a woman's persepctive, but from my persepctive if my wife had an A I'm not sure I could ever have sex with her again. And I know the only way I would is if had some other women.

[InaPanic]

My husband was ready to have sex probably by night 2 after finding out. As a matter of fact he became very, very sexual & very very affectionate, touchy & clingy. I think this was more a matter of claiming his territory as i've been told. I think i feel weirder about us having sex now than he does because since i know he knows i've been with another man it has affected me & made me shy off sex. So in our case it's been more of a problem for me than for him.

I imagine as with any situation in life & how people deal with it, it's going to be different for every person. There is no set time. But i do think the longer you go without doing it, the harder it is to do it if that makes sense.

We didn't actually have sex until almost 2 weeks after i confessed. It was me, not him. I was terrified of what an ugly ordeal it might have been. That he would be thinking about me being with someone else & break down & cry or get hostile or angry so i was totally dreading it. But finally i just did it, he's not used to going more than 2 or 3 days without sex & i knew it was bothering him even more now for me not to want to have sex. Once we did it, it was a relief because it wasn't the blow up or the scene i was afraid it was going to be.

Is it like it used to be? no. It may never be the same. It may end up better. Idk. But i do suggest trying to open up to him if you are planning on trying to save the marriage. As hard as it is, try little steps at least. Holding his hand or sitting close while watching tv. Don't jump straight into the sex maybe.

Good luck.

[SoleMate]

Sex can/will happen again when you feel love and trust coming back. You didn't mention whether your husband is working hard to meet your needs and regain your trust. If he is doing a good job at that, I recommend that YOU start trying to look at him with loving eyes. Look for the good in him - who he is and what he does. If he's smart he's going to be Prince Charming for you at this time - backrubs, compliments, sitting together with his arm around you, long talks by candlelight, doing his share of household chores, sharing passwords and cell phones, calling you several times per day for a quick friendly chat and info about where he is, or whatever else pleases you.. If he's working hard to please you, start opening yourself up to forgive.

 

On the other hand, if he's not doing a good job, then I really don't expect you to feel sexy, and I STRONGLY recommend against having/submitting to sex if you do not desire it. It might seem like it solves problems short term, but over time it will increase the distance between you and the aversion to physical acts of love.

[LVspecB]

I think i feel weirder about us having sex now than he does because since i know he knows i've been with another man it has affected me & made me shy off sex.

Wow, tough one-two punch for him to absorb. First, he finds out you've strayed and second, you shy away from sex with him. Seems unfair on a couple of levels...

 

LVspecB

[broken wings]

As the OW I remember the MM getting caught and his wife actually defrosted a great deal. They had not had sex in 5 years and all of a sudden she was hot to trot two weeks after finding out he was cheating.