Lynn&Troy Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 Ok, this is a doosey for me so I it may also be to some of you all. I am a older woman, mid-thirties, who has fallen terribly in love with someone. This has never happened to me before and I had no idea of how to to handle it, so I tried to be as porfessional as possible about the whole ordeal. First there was an instant attraction, which really surprised me because I am very cautious. Previous experiences with past bad relationships have caused me to react to new acquaintances that way, to just always have my guards up. And I have to get this out front, I am already engaged to someone that I thought I loved....until. First it started off as warm and fuzzy feelings, like he would be a good friend. Then as time went on there started to be an obvious physical attraction. Then, oh let me back up a bit. Did I mention that he is a co-worker and I have to see him everyday. Back to the story. I requested a meeting with him so that he and I could sit down and have a rational conversation about what was going on between us. We spoke about the fact that we were obviously very attracted to one another, but that we were both in relationships, and that I was engaged to be married. He then divulged to me that eventhough he was in a relationship he was not happy and could not see it going on much longer. I swiftly told him that my relationship was not unhappy and that I loved my fiance', and he said, Oh yeah well then why do you think about me? I got up and walked out and thought the nerve of that guy. But as time went on we got closer and closer and our feelings for each other grew and grew. It has been 7 months now and it is out of control. We see each other at least once a week. I want you to know what I am talking about. I am not talking about just liking someone or just having sex with someone. I mean hot, passionate, late for work, got to have some...carrying on. Why didn't I meet someone like him when I was younger so that I could be more prepared. Because of the situation that we are in. It carries with it the use of a lot of discretion. By us working together and still being in other relationships. I am not going to stay with my fiance'. I finish up my Masters program in August and have made plans to move then. It is very unfair for me to be in the relationship with him, I know that. But what I don't know is how to handle this hot insatiable thing I have going on with "the co-worker". This is what I am telling myself in my mind. I have so many things that I am working on and have to accomplish and that I love him and will just take one day at a time. But I know this has happened to others. He has invaded me. My thoughts, my body, my mind. I will be working on a project for a class and all of a sudden I will just think about him. I am GONE on him. But I never tell him. I am not going to. It is unnatural to be this In Love with someone...like this. I am keeping my cool. As much as I can. We make plans for when we will be with each other and talk when we can. I never whine and I never complain. We have talked at length and he knows that I want to be married and that I want children. But in my mind I can't help but think. Will this be able to manifest into a real relationship and will we really be able to eventually make a solid relationship from all of these fragments? Anyone who has suggestions, please help!
luvtoto Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 Wow. Sensitive subject for me to hear. Why? I was cheated on while I was engaged. He was having an affair with his co-worker who was married at the time. Yes, it developed into a lasting relationship. They dumped each of us...and went on their merry little way in life. They got married and lived happily ever after. Well...wait...except for the fact that she's cheated on him already. I guess what comes around goes around.
everlong Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 hmmmmmmm....is it just me...but...you say...you have fallen deeply in love with another man...and you are both already in relationships...and you say...your love for him is amazing...yet...the thing you decide to share, what apparently, off the top of your head, that comes out as a prtiority...is HOT SEX....is it just me or is that LUST speaking...isn't Love something else? Maybe i am wrong but if you both Loved each other, you would not be starting off your relationship this way...if you loved each other, you would both end your obviously meaningless other relationship, and then get together...and then you wouldn't have to tippy toe around the office.. sounds like this is part of the appeal...for you both...doing something naughty and the fear of getting caught can really make things appear exciting...however, you both decide to live your life only matters to you both...frankly...when i get that urge for 'a dangerous encounter' i take my wife into a fancy hotel and we sneak behind a plush velvet curtain and make out...and the thrill of that is preety kewl...so, i do understand, i just would approach it in a different way i hope everything works out for you two lovebirds...happy humping
Author Lynn&Troy Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 Sensitive subject for me to hear. Why? I was cheated on while I was engaged. He was having an affair with his co-worker who was married at the time. I am very sorry to hear that. I am fully cognizant of the toll it is going to take on the other people in the relationship. I never meant to hurt anybody. I even tried to prevent it by confronting it and trying to resist it but nothing has worked so far. I am going to just have to come clean and leave and hope everything goes well with my ex, in his next relationship.
Author Lynn&Troy Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 Thank you for your frankness, I really appreciate that! You have made some valid points! It is best to do the right thing. And I know it and I am working on it. The right thing is easier said than done. And when I found out how I felt I tried to leave and move out but my fiance' went ballistic and I got scared and then my "co-worker"'s girl was still there with him. Anyway we are working on it. We have to separate and split things up it will not be pretty, but I have to either be with him or be alone for a while if we don't make it because, I know I am no longer in love with my fiance'. And to continue a relationship with him would be wrong. I will not do that.
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