Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 How can people just walk away without even blinking after dating someone for a year?? I am so sad and hurt right now, I know I should not have done this, but I sent my ex a e-mail telling him how I miss him! He replied to my e-mail saying he is sorry I feel down today but I will be okay and for me to smile.. What is that??? To me that is a sign he does not care.. So what do I do? I call him! I tell him that I am sorry for telling him that I miss him, but I really do, he told me that he does not mind if I call or e-mail him, I told him that I just don't understand how he can just walk away from me without even caring.. He did not say a word, so I told him to have a good night and hung up.. So then I send him another e-mail asking him to please explain how he can just walk away and not care.. He has not responded.. Please, shoot me! I don't know why I did that!!! Ugh Now I feel even worse! I don't know why I did that! I feel stupied and I feel like crap.
everlong Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 silence does not mean that they don't care. and remember the person that leaves a relationship has already gone thru the process required to make that decision. you are just 'behind' the person in this process - you will catch up with time. and sometimes, words are not needed. everyone has their own reasons for not saying anything or saying something so just respect them and understand that when a relationship is over - they really don't OWE you anything...not to sound harsh but you are not their responsibility anymore. i know its tough but that is part of the de-connection process. i will help if you don't make 'assumptions' on why they aren't saying anything....
Author Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 I just feel like a fool, I understand what you are saying that he does not owe me nothing, but he knows I am hurting.. I just want him to tell me something.. If it means that he is dating someone else, so be it, but just tell me something.. The thing is, this guy is totally willing to sleep with me, so how does this make sense? How can you want to sleep with me, but when I am sad and missing him he does not care? I am sure he has thought about this whole break up before he dumped me, but still, I love him so much! I just feel like a usless piece of crap right now.
everlong Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 think of it this way, they probably know u very well. they know you are hurting and that would hurt them too. and because you are reaching out for anything, they will see that 'giving you anything' would not help you heal, because then you would want more than answers, maybe to date, etc. see, they know you still want them, but they have left you. they are truly trying to do their best. it is a tightrope either way. as for sleeping together, how do you know that if you don't talk to each other? and i don't think telling someone that is so bad...maybe that means, the sex part of the relationship was great and they need work on the other part, and maybe they are telling you that perhaps thru continuing the part that 'work' the other things will fall into place...now, if you are both doing that exclusively, i think that is ok...but if you are both dating...then it sounds like a friends with benefits deal...which, has its pros and cons...i would suggest, put yer emotions on hold - get other things going on in yer life and just go with the flow.
Author Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 So are you saying that if I sleep with him there is a possabilty that we could get back together? We were boyfriend/girlfriend for a year, so I don't know how breaking up with me and sleeping with me now would do any good.. He only wants to have sex with me, but he does not want me to be his girl anymore... So what do I do? Do I sleep with him hoping that he will change his mind? Do I ignore him? Do I date other people? What do I do? This man is going to be 34 years old in a month and I will be 30 in a few months, so its not like we are 21 anymore..
everlong Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 no, no, no....u are not getting what i am saying....sleeping with someone, someone you were once with, is not just going fer a shag...it's initimacy...i doubt either of you could just view it as a romp...all i was saying is people offer 'openings to bridge gaps' in different ways....i am not reccommending you do that...i am just pointing out that sometimes people are really 'offering' one thing and the other person doesn't see it as an opportunity...trust me...been down that road...like everything else, whenever confusion creeps in..communicate, communicate, communicate but, hey, if the sex was beyond heaven - maybe you should - wink [teasing]
Author Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 When my ex would have sex with me there was no feeling with him.. It was not romantic what so ever.. He would have four play with me and then just do the deed, if you know what I mean.. So by me having sex with him I don't think I would gain anything but going back to square one.. I just don't get him, we never fought, we always laughed together, I just don't understand.. I totally loved this man, and I still do, even if he did not treat me well.. He has cheated on me in the past and I stayed.. I know I should have walked, but I did not.. Now I am the one hurting and he is out and about like nothing ever happened.. I want him back and I don't know how to reach out to him.. I really feel like he is the world to me..
Author Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 How can you fall in love with someone that has never loved you back? I don't understand that at all..
everlong Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 i am confused..which one of you isn't in love with the other?
Author Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 my ex does not love me, he said he does not know why but he has never fallen in love with me and never will.. .He said he knows himself pretty well. He said he wants to get married and have kids someday, but not with me and for me not to take it personal after dating me a dang year
SurvivingHB Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 Summer, I went through exactly the same thing you went through, but please do not talk to him any more. It will only hurt you more. Remember what he said. He never loved you and he never will. We can not force anyone to fall in love with us. Don't torture yourself by dwelling on it. I was probably worse than you since I almost killed myself. Now I am seeing my psychologist every week to get my old self back. One of the very important remarks she told me may be very useful for you as well. The feelings we have and the relationship we had with this guy is not very healthy. If we continue, we will probably end up damaging ourselves for the rest of our lives. I know it's really hard at this moment not to think about him. I think about him alot, too. However, think about things that you wanted to do before you met him, but never gotten a chance to do, like traveling to Paris or what not. Go out and do it if you can afford it. When you think of him, try not to think about what you have done for him in the past, but try to think about why it did not work. I know how hard it is, but you can do it. Let me know if you want to talk or IM. I will be there for you.
Author Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 about a month ago I did want to kill myself, I wrote a letter and all.. I felt like I had nothing to live for.. I am not going to do that, and I am on anti-depressents now.. I just don't know how he could not love me.. We got along so well, I don't think I did anything wrong unless loving someone is a issue.. This is hard for me and I know I need to just stay away from him, its so hard, but by talking to him makes it even worse I guess.. I just keep thinking that he will change his mind and relize that he does love me and wants to be with me.. But I know that is a fairy tale..
everlong Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 wow...summer and shb....seeing that you both have such similiar stories, it is nice to see that you both met on this site and can comfort each other. i hope my words help a little shb - i am confused about how you refer to yourself - using 'we' "The feelings we have and the relationship we had with this guy is not very healthy. If we continue, we will probably end up damaging ourselves for the rest of our lives." are u and summer talking about the same guy? as for him telling you he never loved you, did he every tell you he did? usually when one person says to the other 'i love u' - either the other person feels the same way and responds in kind or they say nothing [and that's a red flag]. if they did say they loved you, maybe they 'fell out fo love' - happens all the time. an important clue is which one of u told the other 'i love u' first and which one said it more often. if the person told u they loved you but never did, that is just cruel and you should never speak to this person again.
SurvivingHB Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 Hahaha. No, Summer and I did not date the same guy. The guy I dated was always hot and cold. He would say that he loved me tremendously one day, but would be very distant the next day. He would tell me that he wanted to have a baby with me at night, but would tell me that he was not ready the next morning. He went dating, flirted with my friend and slept with a hooker in this 1 1/2 years relationship. We broke up so many times. He would always come back and tell me to be with him and he needed my support to go through this. He wanted to make it work. However, 1 1/2 months ago, he told me that he never loved me once. That's why he always had the doubt in this relationship. I was broken into pieces. My whole world collapsed. I did not know how to live. I had to rely on professional help to survive. The funny thing is that I don't hate him or have any ill feelings for him... I am getting better slowly but surely. I accept that fact that he never loved me and I cannot force him to love, either. I am still hurting and feels very broken, but I guess I am a very lucky person to have the capability to love a person unconditionally. That's what makes it easier. I am also in the process of rebuilding my self-confidence and self-esteem. It is still a bumpy road ahead, but I am sure I will get there.
Author Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 Well when he cheated on me back in Feb he told me that he was very sorry and he asked me to move in with him, he told me that he cared for me and he was falling in love with me.. So for whatever reason I let it go and I told him that I did not feel I should move in just yet, lets see what happeneds down the road.. So about a month a half ago I asked him how he felt about me and he told me that he did not want to have this conversation but since I am asking he said he likes me a lot and he cares about me, but is just not falling in love with me and never will.. So I don't know if you see this as him playing games with me or what.. This same man still calls me to tell me he wants to have sex with me.. But he does not want to get back together.. So in my eyes he is playing with my emotions and my heart and he does not give a crap about me.. What do you think?
alphamale Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 How can people just walk away without even blinking after dating someone for a year?? . its easy if you're a man.
Author Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 Well then I wish I was a man and was able to just walk away from someone that loved me and did not care.. I am sick of always getting my heart broken.. I try and try to do the right things and to treat people with respect, and I always seem to get walked on.. I don't know what else to do.. In the begining of my ex and mine realtionship I told him that I did not think this would work out since I was scared of getting hurt again, he kept telling me that he would not hurt me.. So I stayed, now I fell in love and he does not give a single inch of caring to me.. i just find it kind of funny, its seems like all the nice people get is treated like crap, but if you are a as_hole or a bi_ch you get so much more out of life, including respect.. Do you ever notice that? I wish I could just shut off all emotions and were able to just get on with life, but for whatever reason, God wanted me to be a good one and I just keep getting sh_t on.. I give up! I don't even know what else to say.. I just hope people learn off this, as I don't ever want to fall in love again, I never want to feel what I am feeling right now.. Never
everlong Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 well, i don't want this to sound like i am trivalizing your situation but if i was in your shoes i would think it would be easy to get over him [he lied about love - which is truly horrible, he slept and abused your trust, etc.] i think you are confusing something here - i don't think you are having a tough time letting go of you "loving him", because when faced with the evidence how in the world could you 'be in love' with someone like that...i think you are having trouble letting go of 'giving your love' to someone so unworthy of that. it sounds like it has nothing to do with him and more about how hurt you are because you gave something truly real and special and it meant nothing. that's not about him - its more about not wanting to admit that you goofed up. not trying to be mean here, but if you simply look at the 'give and take' portion here, he has nothing to do with it. and, on the bright side, you will now be all the wiser and see things clearer the next time you give your gift of love to someone. you sound great. you will make someone extremely happy. keep positive.
alphamale Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 i just find it kind of funny, its seems like all the nice people get is treated like crap, but if you are a as_hole or a bi_ch you get so much more out of life, including respect.. yep...thats pretty true.
Pyro Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 and, on the bright side, you will now be all the wiser and see things clearer the next time you give your gift of love to someone. you sound great. you will make someone extremely happy. keep positive. I like this advice. Use this as a learning experience for the next relationship.
Author Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 Maybe you are correct in saying that I should be able to walk away from him easy since he betrayed me.. Maybe I am upset with myself for allowing him to treat me the way he did and I just sat there and took it since I seen that he had good in him.. All's I know is that I really thought he was the ONE for me.. Maybe I felt like he is the ONE for me since I will be 30 soon and I am scared to be alone now.. I would like to have kids and I feel like my clock is ticking I guess.. Maybe I let this man control me and now I feel sad and hurt since I got burned by him.. I know you are correct, but why is it that I can say all of these things to you but I can't seem to grasp it? For whatever reason I am having a problem accepting this..
shawn_68 Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 I just keep thinking that he will change his mind and relize that he does love me and wants to be with me.. But I know that is a fairy tale.. Here's something you should know. There's WAY too much history between you two for it to ever work. The vase is not only broken but shattered. Even if he changed his mind, regretted his decision, and told you that he really did love you. You would never be able to fully trust his words. They will always be suspect. You're very best course of action is to forget. For YOUR good.
shawn_68 Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 I know you are correct, but why is it that I can say all of these things to you but I can't seem to grasp it? For whatever reason I am having a problem accepting this.. Because you have feelings that are involved. They have clouded your judgement for the time being. You're far better off posting your thoughts here for everyone else to provide insight. Stop contacting him. For your good.
shawn_68 Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 its easy if you're a man. No, it's easy if you're YOU.
Author Summer2000 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Posted October 14, 2006 My ex just replied back to my e-mail.. This is what he said look, i didn't just move on and 'not even blink'. i miss you too sometimes. dont make me out to be some uncaring ass. im not...and it's not like that. i'm sorry if you don't understand, but i guess i can't make you. Is he being very cold hearted or is it just be being to much of a girl here?
Recommended Posts