Author BenThereDunThat Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 This just gets easier and easier as each day passes. No desire to contact him. Not even any anger, anxiousness, nothing. Obviously, he's still on my mind a little. But not that much, really. I did find out what it was that he "planned" just so I could go to the picnic. It's hilarious, for a few reasons. He went on a church retreat. With his wife. Think he was praying for the Lord to help him find a way back into my pants? Think his wife was praying by his side, asking the Lord to help her find a way to get him to keep it in HIS pants? The other reason, it just proves what a liar he is. I can guarantee this retreat took a lot more planning than our stupid little picnic. This would involve hotel bookings, meeting room bookings, etc. My point is -- always listen to your gut instinct!!! Talk about someone needing to find religion!! What a hypocrite.
Jessie61 Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 This just gets easier and easier as each day passes. You are right, it DOES get easier as each day passes. Hang on to that thought for dear life!!! And remember that it is worth it in the long run.
Freedom Now Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 And, in addition.... If you can find yourself feeling INDIGNANT about how you have been treated, that is a great first step towards healing.... I mean, really..... How dare he (fill in the blanks)....?
Author BenThereDunThat Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 And, in addition.... If you can find yourself feeling INDIGNANT about how you have been treated, that is a great first step towards healing.... I mean, really..... How dare he (fill in the blanks)....? You know, feeling indignant was a factor almost from the beginning. I choked it down though because what I was doing was so stupid in the first place. How dare he insult my intelligence? How dare he patronize me so? The man has issues. Not the least of which is his mother. I think he has a general disdain/fear of women. But it's the fear that drives him to constantly be close to them, I think. His friends are almost exclusively women. Not that I'm a psychatrist or anything. Just an observation. Either that or he's just a shallow horn dog. (I'm leaning toward the latter.) Men just aren't that complicated!
Author BenThereDunThat Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 So. It's been a week and a half. Work has not at all been a problem for me. If I see him, I just alter my course. No heart-pounding, palms sweating, none of that. (honestly, I've had enough on my mind, without his added problems) This whole time, I have had him out of my contacts on MSN. I've noticed that he never removed me though--mind you, I've kept him 'blocked' this entire time. A couple months ago, when I was still more invested in it than I wanted to admit, I would have finally fired off an email saying 'remove me from your contacts, already!'. But I haven't. I don't care enough to. I care enough to check every once in a while to see if he still has me in there, sure. ANYway, I hear him walking behind my desk with a couple of interns (young, female, go figure) this morning, and I'm thinking he's going for his usual coffee run. So I give it enough time for him to get an elevator, then make my way that direction to go to another floor myself. Guess he wasn't going to get coffee, because there he is, coming right in my direction. It was totally involuntary, but I feel the left side of my lip go up in a sneer, and I navigate my way a complete other direction. Honestly, I would rather not have given him a dirty look, because even that's more emotion than I would care to show. Anyway, I notice the rest of today, he makes it a point to take the path behind my desk (walking heavily, mind you), when he could easily go any other direction, and at the same distance. Still, would not pay him any mind, going about my business, but I could sense a very angry kind of air. So, just for grins, I decide to check the privacy section on my MSN again. Sure enough, I finally pissed him off to the point that he deleted me. Good! Let that be the last little remnance of any kind of game he could even try to play with me. And excuse me? Are we 12 years old? YOU ARE MARRIED....You want to be pissed at me, and pout, and act like this because I won't show you any attention? If he's that hungry for attention, let him go home and get it from his wife. Because if he's no longer getting it from her, then maybe it's time to change his ways, realize what an egotistical ass he's been and beg her forgiveness. I'm telling you, you won't ever find out how they truly are until you take their candy away from them. How they handle that is so, so telling. He worked so hard to make me think he was this kind, loving, sensitive person (even though the ever-faithful voice in my head would tell me this couldn't be so -- he cheats on his wife for god's sake!)
Pyro Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 So. It's been a week and a half. Work has not at all been a problem for me. If I see him, I just alter my course. No heart-pounding, palms sweating, none of that. (honestly, I've had enough on my mind, without his added problems) This whole time, I have had him out of my contacts on MSN. I've noticed that he never removed me though--mind you, I've kept him 'blocked' this entire time. A couple months ago, when I was still more invested in it than I wanted to admit, I would have finally fired off an email saying 'remove me from your contacts, already!'. But I haven't. I don't care enough to. I care enough to check every once in a while to see if he still has me in there, sure. ANYway, I hear him walking behind my desk with a couple of interns (young, female, go figure) this morning, and I'm thinking he's going for his usual coffee run. So I give it enough time for him to get an elevator, then make my way that direction to go to another floor myself. Guess he wasn't going to get coffee, because there he is, coming right in my direction. It was totally involuntary, but I feel the left side of my lip go up in a sneer, and I navigate my way a complete other direction. Honestly, I would rather not have given him a dirty look, because even that's more emotion than I would care to show. Anyway, I notice the rest of today, he makes it a point to take the path behind my desk (walking heavily, mind you), when he could easily go any other direction, and at the same distance. Still, would not pay him any mind, going about my business, but I could sense a very angry kind of air. So, just for grins, I decide to check the privacy section on my MSN again. Sure enough, I finally pissed him off to the point that he deleted me. Good! Let that be the last little remnance of any kind of game he could even try to play with me. And excuse me? Are we 12 years old? YOU ARE MARRIED....You want to be pissed at me, and pout, and act like this because I won't show you any attention? If he's that hungry for attention, let him go home and get it from his wife. Because if he's no longer getting it from her, then maybe it's time to change his ways, realize what an egotistical ass he's been and beg her forgiveness. I'm telling you, you won't ever find out how they truly are until you take their candy away from them. How they handle that is so, so telling. He worked so hard to make me think he was this kind, loving, sensitive person (even though the ever-faithful voice in my head would tell me this couldn't be so -- he cheats on his wife for god's sake!) Sounds like you have made some very big strides. Congrats BTDT.
Author BenThereDunThat Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 Sounds like you have made some very big strides. Congrats BTDT. Definitely...thanks, Rid....
Jessie61 Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 A couple months ago, when I was still more invested in it than I wanted to admit, I would have finally fired off an email saying 'remove me from your contacts, already!'. But I haven't. I don't care enough to. BTDT, I think that you are doing great! Yes, there is a lot of "work" left to be done, but I think you are doing so well! I do admire what you have achieved, given the fact that you see him at work all the time... I took out one quote from your post. This is what you are aiming for; indifference. Where you would not be bother with his little games, or wondering what he is thinking and what he is up to etc. What he does is his own business and you could not care less. Why? Because you are busy enjoying your own life! Stay focused on the ultimate goal. Be good and kind to yourself. You will get there!
PoshPrincess Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Well done BTDT! You seem to be coping so well. Good on ya! You're a little ahead of me but I feel like I'm getting there too. After two weeks of NC my ex-MM tried calling last night and I actually had the strength NOT to pick up the phone. Sure, I wanna talk to him, hear his voice, etc but I know it will do me more harm than good if I do, which is a step on from the self-destructive mode I was in not so long ago! Anyway, he obviously didn't phone to say anything of any importance as didn't even bother leaving a message. Keep up the good work!
Author BenThereDunThat Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 Thanks Jessie and Posh! I agree, still have some work to do as far as not caring completely what he's up to. I'll just have to recognize that's going to take longer because of the work sitch. The "war" is won, that's just a small battle and I can continue to deal with that without letting him know. That's what I have you guys for! And good for YOU Posh! That's great on not answering your phone. I know that's one of the hardest things - ignoring them when they're actually trying to contact you. And exactly. Must not have been too important if he couldn't even be bothered to leave a message.
Jessie61 Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 After two weeks of NC my ex-MM tried calling last night and I actually had the strength NOT to pick up the phone. Posh, WELL DONE, GIRL!!!!! :bunny:
Jessie61 Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 That's great on not answering your phone. I know that's one of the hardest things - ignoring them when they're actually trying to contact you. Yes, when I was still in "the situation", the phone was totally irresistible!!! But it does get easier.... Now that I am in "safe zone", I actually c-o-u-l-d pick up the phone because I absolutely know that I would NOT fall back into "the situation"..... but I am actually not bothered! I got an email the other day from my very exMM. He was trying to push all the right buttons; how he had moved on, how HE would not come back to ME even if I changed my mind (huh???!!!??) and how he had met someone interesting, and how wrong MY new guy was for me and what a dreadful decision I was taking about my future (i.e selling up to go home to start a life with NG).... A year ago, it would have got my attention, but now I almost laughed. Did I reply???? I did as heck!!! Then I got another mail the following day about how sorry he was for ruining everything, how living without me would be his punishment for the rest of his life, how he had to concentrate even to breathe..... Effectively it was "feel sorry for him" day!!! Did I reply to that one??? Not at all!!!! I am simply not interested in his little game!!!!
mikael belch Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 that will enable you all to walk in and out of anyone's life without a bit of remorse for your actions. look at how off the mark your goal is - to not care what he is doing, to not worry about how it feelings to ignore him. yes, shut off emotion and take your responsiblity out of the loop, and show him how much better u are. can u not see that you are setting yourself up for the next time - because this has nothing to do with healing, its avoidance, its selfish...yes its time to take of me - and you do so by discounting reality and making yourself feel pretty - cheers to me. and then next time it will be another level, another spoiled demand - men do this to. whenever i hear its a war, i must win, it has become a game to you...hey, u don't care what he is doing because u are enjoying your life - that is nothing but showboating..u want him to see u and u can wave at him...that's really good soul healing...i am sorry to rag on you, but, i see this stuff clearly now..and i will know better next time...
lovernotafighter Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 that will enable you all to walk in and out of anyone's life without a bit of remorse for your actions. look at how off the mark your goal is - to not care what he is doing, to not worry about how it feelings to ignore him. yes, shut off emotion and take your responsiblity out of the loop, and show him how much better u are. can u not see that you are setting yourself up for the next time - because this has nothing to do with healing, its avoidance, its selfish...yes its time to take of me - and you do so by discounting reality and making yourself feel pretty - cheers to me. and then next time it will be another level, another spoiled demand - men do this to. whenever i hear its a war, i must win, it has become a game to you...hey, u don't care what he is doing because u are enjoying your life - that is nothing but showboating..u want him to see u and u can wave at him...that's really good soul healing...i am sorry to rag on you, but, i see this stuff clearly now..and i will know better next time... mikael your wrong. I didn't want to do NC again with my MM but he wants friendship and it's destroying who I am to the core. i offered my MM the moon and he took what he wanted and then wanted friendship after we admit we are hopelessly in love..is that fair? no, no way. I tried to be his friend but you can't un ring a bell..I told him when he is separated to find me and we will start over..that doesn't sound like I'm playing a game, I just told him if we keep hurting each other we will have nothing left..I want him in the future and NC is the only way to save us from our selves. believe me mikael I care with every fiber of my being, but I have to also care about me to. it is hard to let go of the men we love trust me.
RecordProducer Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Finally! Good for you! The CD got thrown out the car window, btw.That's not good manners! What a slimeball. He's right up there with used car salesmen.
RecordProducer Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 that will enable you all to walk in and out of anyone's life without a bit of remorse for your actions. look at how off the mark your goal is - to not care what he is doing, to not worry about how it feelings to ignore him. yes, shut off emotion and take your responsiblity out of the loop, and show him how much better u are. can u not see that you are setting yourself up for the next time - because this has nothing to do with healing, its avoidance, its selfish...yes its time to take of me - and you do so by discounting reality and making yourself feel pretty - cheers to me. and then next time it will be another level, another spoiled demand - men do this to. whenever i hear its a war, i must win, it has become a game to you...hey, u don't care what he is doing because u are enjoying your life - that is nothing but showboating..u want him to see u and u can wave at him...that's really good soul healing...i am sorry to rag on you, but, i see this stuff clearly now..and i will know better next time...Am I wrong or are you saying that these ladies should actually CARE about what their MM feel? So they should be their friends or mistresses and help them fill in this empty space of their hearts or whatever.. but basically, whose side are you on?
Author BenThereDunThat Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 Am I wrong or are you saying that these ladies should actually CARE about what their MM feel? So they should be their friends or mistresses and help them fill in this empty space of their hearts or whatever.. but basically, whose side are you on? Thanks, RP. He's new, so I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he didn't realize what thread he was in.
Jessie61 Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Thanks, RP. He's new, so I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he didn't realize what thread he was in. So will I.... give him the benefit of the doubt...!!! Then again, I forgive him for not bothering reading all the posts about my own sorry saga... I am bored with it myself!!!! Of course we care about our MM's... BUT when they have lied, manipulated and taken the p**s one time too many, then it is hard to get too engrossed in the troubled feelings MM might go through! I got another text a few days ago... It was about how my (VERY!) exMM was getting through the anger, humiliation and devastation over MY betrayal of him. Yes, there is nothing wrong with your eye sight; you actually read what you think you read! Even I almost choked om my coffee!!! All I could think of was that he should thank his lucky star that HIS humiliation only went on for about 2 weeks, not 2 flippin' years like mine did.... Somebody, please give me patience!!!
Author BenThereDunThat Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 So will I.... give him the benefit of the doubt...!!! Then again, I forgive him for not bothering reading all the posts about my own sorry saga... I am bored with it myself!!!! Of course we care about our MM's... BUT when they have lied, manipulated and taken the p**s one time too many, then it is hard to get too engrossed in the troubled feelings MM might go through! I got another text a few days ago... It was about how my (VERY!) exMM was getting through the anger, humiliation and devastation over MY betrayal of him. Yes, there is nothing wrong with your eye sight; you actually read what you think you read! Even I almost choked om my coffee!!! All I could think of was that he should thank his lucky star that HIS humiliation only went on for about 2 weeks, not 2 flippin' years like mine did.... Somebody, please give me patience!!! Good lord! Here wait a minute, let me wipe off the diet coke I just spit onto my monitor. AMAZING - their egos just don't quit, do they??!! Just, wow.....
PoshPrincess Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 So will I.... give him the benefit of the doubt...!!! Then again, I forgive him for not bothering reading all the posts about my own sorry saga... I am bored with it myself!!!! Of course we care about our MM's... BUT when they have lied, manipulated and taken the p**s one time too many, then it is hard to get too engrossed in the troubled feelings MM might go through! I got another text a few days ago... It was about how my (VERY!) exMM was getting through the anger, humiliation and devastation over MY betrayal of him. Yes, there is nothing wrong with your eye sight; you actually read what you think you read! Even I almost choked om my coffee!!! All I could think of was that he should thank his lucky star that HIS humiliation only went on for about 2 weeks, not 2 flippin' years like mine did.... Somebody, please give me patience!!! Bl**dy hell, Jessie, your MM really does have some front, doesn't he? Mind you, I guess all involved go through all sorts of emotions, some totally irrational as we know only too well! My ex-MM called again at the weekend. I was out but he left a message thanking me for tickets I had bought him last Christmas (he had been to the show the previous night). Got a feeling he has been calling me from a withheld number (knowing that I probably ignore him when I see his) but I only answer the phone now if it's a number I recognise. No doubt he has been expecting me to contact him thanking him for his message and saying I'm glad he had a good time. I would've done before but not this time. I know it's totally self-destructive if I do. As for Mikael's comments. I DO care about my ex-MM more than anything, which is one of the reasons I have had to let the relationship go (although mainly for my own sanity). I hated to see him unhappy and cheating on his family was doing that to him big time. Last time I saw him three weeks ago he looked a lot less stressed so I guess I've done us both a favour. I'd LOVE to be with him exclusively but it's not going to happen and I have to face up to that. I have tried 'friends' which was far too painful and I definitely don't want to be the OW anymore so NC is all I can do.
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