The Last of the Fog Has Lifted

[BenThereDunThat]

Finally!

 

No more friendship. Period. I finally hit the wall. Told him if he contacts me again, his wife will get a phone call. (I have no intention of ever telling her, just had to take drastic measures to scare him off once and for all.)

 

Since our little 'outing' a few weeks ago, I stopped contacting him. I never blocked him though and I would talk to him when he contacted me.

 

I finally hit the wall and got disgusted.

 

To wit:

 

You should have heard the line of BS he fed me the other day about how he specifically made other plans so that I could go to our company picnic this Sunday. When he found out I couldn't go all along because of my granny's birthday party (and didn't bother to inform him), he actually tried to be mad and make me feel guilty! Isn't it so gallant of him to sacrifice for me??? "oh no, I already made plans and now I can't change them. I just wanted so bad for you to be able to go."

 

All the sly little things he's done since we decided to "just be friends"....little messages like "you look nice today." "I almost ran into the wall when I first saw you this morning." "I haven't come by your desk today because you look too pretty."

 

Because of some random song he told me about, that he brought up, he burned me a CD with Rick Springfield songs on it like "Affair of the Heart," "What Kind of Fool Am I," and some other songs about passion and letting go and when I commented on it, he lied and said they were just randomly put on there. The CD got thrown out the car window, btw.

 

He asked me to lunch the other day, I told him I already had plans. (can you imagine I would do such a thing?!) He came by my desk right when it was time for me to leave (I have a set lunch time) and just stood there and kept talking. I just walked away.

 

What a slimeball. He's right up there with used car salesmen.

 

Let him just even think for a minute that he might not be able to get away with his sh*t.

 

NO MORE!!!

 

My last message to him:

 

"Yeah, well, I wish I had never even met you.

 

Contact me again and your wife gets a phone call."

 

He is blocked/deleted for good.

 

Just thought you all would like to know, since you've always been here for me!

[whichwayisup]

That's great! You reached your ENOUGH limit!

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

BTDT,

 

Wow! You go girl!! hehe! You did everything right to blow him off BIG TIME!! I can't wipe off the smile on my face! I am so happy for you! That's the way to win! You did it!!! Yea!

 

So composed! Now, do not ever lose your cool with your xMM. He may try every trick in the book to elicit some emotion from you - just to see if he can do it to you. Just stay calm. You are in the ZEN zone now, remember that! Do not show your anger to him and give him the satisfaction that he hurt your feelings. Do not show any weakness so that he will start questioning himself whether he should have picked you when you were still considering it!

 

Cheers!

[pricillia]

BTDT,

 

This is really good news, so stick to this, I know that you can, and keep us updated as inspiration.

[BenThereDunThat]

Thanks! I can't wipe the smile off my face either. I feel so liberated!

 

I did finally reach my ENOUGH limit.

 

I'm sure he will give me a wide berth at the office -- as he should.

 

But I will definitely keep you guys posted!

 

One more thing he did in the last week that really broke the straw: know how I signed up for an art class? When I told him about it, in passing mind you, he was all "I'm so proud of you." For what? It's a little art class at a community college.

 

So he makes a big production out of buying me a sketch book and pencils and wrapping it all up in the funny papers (I love to read the funnies). Great. Nice. My gay friend Scotty tried to warn me that this wasn't just a friendly gift.

 

So this past Wednesday, we had a work happy hour thing and I just flat out did not feel like going to class (it's not for a credit or even a grade). He comes up to me (he had to come to me because I avoid him) and says aren't you going to class tonight? I said, I really don't see how that's any of your business. He says, get this, "of course it's my business, I half-funded this thing!"

 

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME.

 

A sketch book and some pencils?

 

I don't think so.

 

Buh bye.

[whichwayisup]

"of course it's my business, I half-funded this thing!"

 

Bundle it back up and give it to him. It's got strings attached........yuk!

[BenThereDunThat]

Bundle it back up and give it to him. It's got strings attached........yuk!

 

Great idea. Funny thing is, a few months ago I would have done just that to prove a point. I am so far past it now, that's even more attention than I care to give him.

 

I never thought I would get here, but I did!

 

It can be done my lovely LS friends. Just give it time and keep your eyes open!

[Freedom Now]

There is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING more empowering than taking your control back.

 

Feels great, eh?

 

Ignore him.

 

Congrats on getting your power back. It is liberating, isn't it?

 

Freedom Now

[BenThereDunThat]

Thanks, Freedom. You've definitely been an inspiration.

 

It's actually kind of anti-climatic. Right now I just feel, eh.

 

Now that I see his true character, I don't even really like him. I was so blinded by the thought that we were "victims of circumstance."

 

Bull crap. After getting handed his lines while I was struggling for a friendship, it grossed me out.

 

More than anything I got my BRAIN back.

[Freedom Now]

Yeah, I know the feeling.

 

I must have lost my marbles for awhile too. Thank God, I found them again.

 

And, what's better, YOU walked away from HIM. Doing this put you in the power position. Exactly where you belong, by the way. With the power.

 

He is getting exactly what he wanted....his wife.

 

Cheers, my friend.

 

You deserved more than this. Congratulations.

 

It's not so bad on this side, is it?

[BenThereDunThat]

Yeah, I know the feeling.

 

I must have lost my marbles for awhile too. Thank God, I found them again.

 

And, what's better, YOU walked away from HIM. Doing this put you in the power position. Exactly where you belong, by the way. With the power.

 

He is getting exactly what he wanted....his wife.

 

Cheers, my friend.

 

You deserved more than this. Congratulations.

 

It's not so bad on this side, is it?

 

Definitely better on this side. I can hold my head high for the first time in months.

 

To celebrate, I went and treated myself to something I've never bought before (don't laugh, I'm a dork) -- matching, frilly lingerie! I know it sounds silly, but I'm a practical girl. That one small thing felt so good!

 

Can't wait to wear it. Not that anyone else will see it, but I'll know I have it on.

 

Just something to put that secret, don't you wish you knew what I was up to, kind of smirk on my face.....

[Freedom Now]

There is absolutely only GOOD things that occur when one shows loving self respect for oneself....as you are finding.

 

Keep your head up high. You have dignity.

 

The sky is the limit for you. Stay on this path and good things will come to you. Believe it.

 

You deserve it as does every woman who struggles and SUCCEEDS to break free from a relationship that is beneath her.

 

Congratulations again.

 

 

Freedom Now

[Jessie61]

Definitely better on this side. I can hold my head high for the first time in months.

 

To celebrate, I went and treated myself to something I've never bought before (don't laugh, I'm a dork) -- matching, frilly lingerie! I know it sounds silly, but I'm a practical girl. That one small thing felt so good!

 

Can't wait to wear it. Not that anyone else will see it, but I'll know I have it on.

 

Just something to put that secret, don't you wish you knew what I was up to, kind of smirk on my face.....

 

BTDT,

 

You go girl!!!

 

I actually felt that you posts could have been written by myself! I felt the same when I finally walked away; empowered, in control of my own life, strong and able to look myself in the mirror for the first time in a l-o-n-g time... I haven't stopped smiling since!!!

 

It IS possible to walk away from and get over your exMM. I did.

 

I walked away from exMM almost 4 months ago. No contact whatsoever. I blocked him from my mail etc. Only one spotting in town when I was having lunch with my new guy - ex MM looked like he was going to be ill. That is all for almost 4 months.

 

Anyway, 2 weeks ago I get a text from exMM. He wants some important advice, he says. Hmmm..... I say to myself. Then I decide to find out what it is, because I am curious and I k-n-o-w that I am not going to fall into it again; I am serious about the new guy.

 

What does exMM want? He misses me and suggests that I take him back, and then he will leave his w immediately. (In other words, NOTHING has changed!) Then a couple of days later, he leaves a message on my voicemail; he has left his wife and he is staying with his parents. Can he meet me? I decide to meet him.

 

That was the strangest moment of my life. He collected me from home, and we went to a pub in the countryside. The man that I used to love so dearly is sitting there in front of me, now separated (albeit for 3 days!) and he is BEGGING me to take him back. What's so strange about this? This is the moment that I had been waiting for for more than 2 years, and then when it happens, I feel nothing. It means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing.

 

He makes all the promises and he lays out all the plans etc. All those things that prevented him from leaving before (children, assets, reputation, friends etc etc) now mean nothing to him. He misses me and all those things are not important as long as he can be with me; he even proclaimed that he wants to leave his old life behind him and move away with me to the country - this is a guy in a high status job making zillions, living in a massive house in a posh area of the city! - and all I can say to myself when I am listening to this is "yeah, right!"... and then I yawn to myself. It means nothing to me.

 

Why? I have moved on. This - if it is genuine - is too little and one broken promise too late. I was sitting there thinking of my new guy who says what he means and means what he says, and I am thinking that THAT is what I want. And I mean it.

 

ExMM was obviously totally distraught at my news , he could not believe that I had decided to destroy us (not him when he broke his promise to leave during the summer which he knew was a "last chance saloon"...). I am not worried about him, he is probably back with the wife at this stage. He'll be fine.

 

BTDT, I hope that YOU get to this stage of being OVER your exMM... I have never felt better. You can too. There is a momentum there now for you to walk away, make the most of it, do whatever you need to do to keep it going! And remember that there are loads of us wishing you all the best in your new exciting life!!!

[PoshPrincess]

BTDT,

 

You go girl!!!

 

I actually felt that you posts could have been written by myself! I felt the same when I finally walked away; empowered, in control of my own life, strong and able to look myself in the mirror for the first time in a l-o-n-g time... I haven't stopped smiling since!!!

 

It IS possible to walk away from and get over your exMM. I did.

 

I walked away from exMM almost 4 months ago. No contact whatsoever. I blocked him from my mail etc. Only one spotting in town when I was having lunch with my new guy - ex MM looked like he was going to be ill. That is all for almost 4 months.

 

Anyway, 2 weeks ago I get a text from exMM. He wants some important advice, he says. Hmmm..... I say to myself. Then I decide to find out what it is, because I am curious and I k-n-o-w that I am not going to fall into it again; I am serious about the new guy.

 

What does exMM want? He misses me and suggests that I take him back, and then he will leave his w immediately. (In other words, NOTHING has changed!) Then a couple of days later, he leaves a message on my voicemail; he has left his wife and he is staying with his parents. Can he meet me? I decide to meet him.

 

That was the strangest moment of my life. He collected me from home, and we went to a pub in the countryside. The man that I used to love so dearly is sitting there in front of me, now separated (albeit for 3 days!) and he is BEGGING me to take him back. What's so strange about this? This is the moment that I had been waiting for for more than 2 years, and then when it happens, I feel nothing. It means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing.

 

He makes all the promises and he lays out all the plans etc. All those things that prevented him from leaving before (children, assets, reputation, friends etc etc) now mean nothing to him. He misses me and all those things are not important as long as he can be with me; he even proclaimed that he wants to leave his old life behind him and move away with me to the country - this is a guy in a high status job making zillions, living in a massive house in a posh area of the city! - and all I can say to myself when I am listening to this is "yeah, right!"... and then I yawn to myself. It means nothing to me.

 

Why? I have moved on. This - if it is genuine - is too little and one broken promise too late. I was sitting there thinking of my new guy who says what he means and means what he says, and I am thinking that THAT is what I want. And I mean it.

 

ExMM was obviously totally distraught at my news , he could not believe that I had decided to destroy us (not him when he broke his promise to leave during the summer which he knew was a "last chance saloon"...). I am not worried about him, he is probably back with the wife at this stage. He'll be fine.

 

BTDT, I hope that YOU get to this stage of being OVER your exMM... I have never felt better. You can too. There is a momentum there now for you to walk away, make the most of it, do whatever you need to do to keep it going! And remember that there are loads of us wishing you all the best in your new exciting life!!!

 

This post is FAB!!!!! I so wanna be where you are, or even you, BTDT! Jessie, you have obviously overcome a massive hurdle. Best of luck to you and your new man. You deserve him totally - not the MM. Tough s**t to him that he's lost you now. I hope he's suffering big time Must have felt amazing turning him down.

 

BTDT, you've done so well. Keep up the good work! I am waiting for that 'ENOUGH' thing now. HELP!!!!!!!

[everlong]

just a suggestion...it has been my experience that when i have completed something, i wanted to do, and am happy about it...i usually just give myself a humble woo hoo and do not make any rude or bad remarks about anyone else - because i did something for me - not anyone else and certaintly not out of spite, or bitterness....just leave the other cats out of the picture because when someone does that...i really sounds like sour milk...like you sort of did what you want...talking in a vinctive manner, about someone, even if you hate their guts, is instilling some negative vibes in what really is a positive thing [according to you] - so yes, by all means HIGH 5 and grab a pint...and celebrate yourself and forget about rubbing salt and pepper spray [ i put pepper on my steak - jean creteteon]

 

a proof is a proooooooooof

[BenThereDunThat]

BTDT,

 

You go girl!!!

 

I actually felt that you posts could have been written by myself! I felt the same when I finally walked away; empowered, in control of my own life, strong and able to look myself in the mirror for the first time in a l-o-n-g time... I haven't stopped smiling since!!!

 

It IS possible to walk away from and get over your exMM. I did.

 

I walked away from exMM almost 4 months ago. No contact whatsoever. I blocked him from my mail etc. Only one spotting in town when I was having lunch with my new guy - ex MM looked like he was going to be ill. That is all for almost 4 months.

 

Anyway, 2 weeks ago I get a text from exMM. He wants some important advice, he says. Hmmm..... I say to myself. Then I decide to find out what it is, because I am curious and I k-n-o-w that I am not going to fall into it again; I am serious about the new guy.

 

What does exMM want? He misses me and suggests that I take him back, and then he will leave his w immediately. (In other words, NOTHING has changed!) Then a couple of days later, he leaves a message on my voicemail; he has left his wife and he is staying with his parents. Can he meet me? I decide to meet him.

 

That was the strangest moment of my life. He collected me from home, and we went to a pub in the countryside. The man that I used to love so dearly is sitting there in front of me, now separated (albeit for 3 days!) and he is BEGGING me to take him back. What's so strange about this? This is the moment that I had been waiting for for more than 2 years, and then when it happens, I feel nothing. It means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing.

 

He makes all the promises and he lays out all the plans etc. All those things that prevented him from leaving before (children, assets, reputation, friends etc etc) now mean nothing to him. He misses me and all those things are not important as long as he can be with me; he even proclaimed that he wants to leave his old life behind him and move away with me to the country - this is a guy in a high status job making zillions, living in a massive house in a posh area of the city! - and all I can say to myself when I am listening to this is "yeah, right!"... and then I yawn to myself. It means nothing to me.

 

Why? I have moved on. This - if it is genuine - is too little and one broken promise too late. I was sitting there thinking of my new guy who says what he means and means what he says, and I am thinking that THAT is what I want. And I mean it.

 

ExMM was obviously totally distraught at my news , he could not believe that I had decided to destroy us (not him when he broke his promise to leave during the summer which he knew was a "last chance saloon"...). I am not worried about him, he is probably back with the wife at this stage. He'll be fine.

 

BTDT, I hope that YOU get to this stage of being OVER your exMM... I have never felt better. You can too. There is a momentum there now for you to walk away, make the most of it, do whatever you need to do to keep it going! And remember that there are loads of us wishing you all the best in your new exciting life!!!

 

Jessie - that's awesome! How did you leave it with xMM? He's going to leave you alone now I hope!

 

As for mine, my only issue is working with him. But I have a feeling he will be doing everything he can not to run into me.

 

He knows he cannot take a chance on pissing me off now. I'm sure he thinks that I wouldn't really tell her anything, but again, he can't take that chance.

 

I am OVER him. And I have taken away all his manipulation tools.

 

Now he's just another bald-headed co-worker.

[lovernotafighter]

i'm getting warmer...

 

I can't wait to get to where MM can't effect me..I'm becoming indifferent..but I want to seriously dislike him..

 

like what was wrote in another thread..I want to be angry.

 

but BTDT,I am very very proud of you..working with MM is the worst,I hope what you did put the nail in the coffin for good!

[PoshPrincess]

i'm getting warmer...

 

I can't wait to get to where MM can't effect me..I'm becoming indifferent..but I want to seriously dislike him..

 

like what was wrote in another thread..I want to be angry.

 

but BTDT,I am very very proud of you..working with MM is the worst,I hope what you did put the nail in the coffin for good!

 

Funny, I've just written that in another thread too!!!!! Angry is SO the stage I want to reach. Mind you, haven't even got to indifferent yet.....

[BenThereDunThat]

since telling him to f**k off.

 

So far so good, 3 1/2 hours in.

 

He's avoiding me of course. He is definitely being low-key, not his usual outgoing self, while he's talking to others around me that is.

 

Part of me feels bad for being so harsh with him, since we were supposed to be "friends".

 

But the other part of me remembers that he was still trying to manipulate me. Subtle, yes, but still manipulation. There's no doubt in my mind now that he was hoping to get the "relationship" back to someplace physical.

 

Either that or he was just thoroughly enjoying watching me figure out how to respond to his ever-so-slight suggestive lines without going over the line. Always being subtle so that when my reaction was negative he could insist that's not what he meant.

 

I'm done being the entertainment to his boring life.

 

Hope you guys don't mind me continuing to post. Better for me to get it out here than to show any emotion here at work whatsoever. Other than my usual bubbly self that is!

[Jessie61]

 

This post is FAB!!!!! I so wanna be where you are, or even you, BTDT! Jessie, you have obviously overcome a massive hurdle. Best of luck to you and your new man. You deserve him totally - not the MM. Tough s**t to him that he's lost you now. I hope he's suffering big time Must have felt amazing turning him down.

 

Posh,

 

I am in a great place at the moment, but it did take an awful lot of heart ache to get here. It has, however, been worth it. I am happy now.

 

How did I feel turning exMM down? Part of me was sad that it had come to this (if only this feckin' eejit had realised what he really wanted 4 months ago!!!) to feeling really strange that what I had wanted for so long was now handed to me on a silver platter and I didn't want it anymore. I was also flattered, of course. I felt vindicated in some weird way. But most of all, I felt strong and I felt that I could hold my head high; I had fought for what I believed in, that I was worth more than being "just a mistress", and I had got what I wanted, even if it was at the expense of "us".

 

I also thought about it practically and realistically; I compared the potential of my new guy and the total lack of complications with how I imagine things would be with exMM for a long time; because of everything that has happened in the past, I just would not believe his radio. It would take me much a long time to trust him again, and I wonder would I ever trust him completely? Then there is the scandal of the marital break up, having to deal with his relatively young kids etc etc... All the things that I had been prepared to do for him 4 months ago, I was no longer prepared to do. Because he broke that one last promise to me, I was asking myself would he be worth the effort? And would he be worth sacrificing my new guy to find out???? The answer to the last question was a complete "NO"!

 

Ex MM and I actually had a very pleasant afternoon; we chatted about loads of things (outside of us) and we spoke on the phone a few times and he did call to my house once after our meeting. I have explained where I am coming from, and I think he understands and accepts it. He has wished me all the best and I have given him a few words of encouragement together with my best wishes. We have parted as friends, but we have agreed that there is to be no more contact. We both need to concentrate on our new lives.

 

I guess it was as good an ending that I could have hoped for in the circumstances???

[Jessie61]

Jessie - that's awesome! How did you leave it with xMM? He's going to leave you alone now I hope!

 

As for mine, my only issue is working with him. But I have a feeling he will be doing everything he can not to run into me.

 

He knows he cannot take a chance on pissing me off now. I'm sure he thinks that I wouldn't really tell her anything, but again, he can't take that chance.

 

I am OVER him. And I have taken away all his manipulation tools.

 

Now he's just another bald-headed co-worker.

 

BTDT,

 

Yes, I think that exMM will leave me alone now. Anyway, he will have no choice because I am selling my house and moving away to start my new life with new guy shortly.

 

We parted as friends. That was important to me, even though my feelings for him have died. Yes, of course I still care about him and wish him well (there is absolutely no ill-feelings on my side!), but I just realised that I was not interested in him that way anymore. It was simply a matter of it being "too little, too late".... Would I have felt differently if new guy was not in my life? I don't think so, but of course I can not be certain. But now that new guy is part of my life, then I know that I would be a fool to sacrifice him for someone who has let me down so many times in the past. I think that there has been too much hurt (especially on my part) in the past for us to ever be right again.

 

The time away from him has also given me a chance to understand and see the tools of manipulation; he has tried that a few times with me during the course of conversations recently. But instead of reacting almost automoatically, I have stood back and SEEN that tool of manipulation and not responded to it. I guess the time away from him has made me wiser???

 

Have I had any regrets since then? No, not on your life. I have actually shrugged my shoulders at it much more than I would have anticipated. There was a tiff with the new guy about a month ago when things looked a bit scary for a couple of days and I felt absolutely gutted at the thought that we might not make it. I was shattered. I have not been shattered at the thought that it is really the end with exMM. That is the difference.

 

I don't envy you having to work with your exMM. It must be hard, but you MUST remember that you can do anything you like! You CAN move on. And you WILL.....!!!!

[Jessie61]

 

Hope you guys don't mind me continuing to post. Better for me to get it out here than to show any emotion here at work whatsoever. Other than my usual bubbly self that is!

 

As far as I am concerned, you can post as much as you like if it helps!!!!

[BenThereDunThat]

As far as I am concerned, you can post as much as you like if it helps!!!!

 

Thanks! Mostly just need a place to voice my observations. A couple hours ago, our GM saw him and said Hi! We missed you at the picnic yesterday! His response was extremely subdued and said oh, I'm sure it was fine. Remember, he tried to blame ME that he couldn't go because he went and made plans just to make sure I could go.

 

Yeah right. I'm sure he already had something planned all along. We never find out when our picnic is going to be until a few weeks before it even happens. Another failed attempt at manipulation.

 

When I very first broke things off, before we tried to be "friends," I felt horrible coming into work.

 

Now, not at all. I do worry that I'll run into him whenever I turn a corner, but not very much.

 

I just don't care anymore. Obviously I still care a little or I wouldn't be here, but he just finally turned me completely off with his smarminess the last couple of weeks. I finally see him for the cheater that he is.

 

Don't you love the recent post from the woman who posted here about her 'almost' MM and the things she found out before anything could happen?

 

Talk about an eye opener!

[Jessie61]

 

A couple hours ago, our GM saw him and said Hi! We missed you at the picnic yesterday! His response was extremely subdued and said oh, I'm sure it was fine. Remember, he tried to blame ME that he couldn't go because he went and made plans just to make sure I could go.

 

I just don't care anymore. Obviously I still care a little or I wouldn't be here, but he just finally turned me completely off with his smarminess the last couple of weeks. I finally see him for the cheater that he is.

 

BTDT,

 

I recognise these little manipulative games, such as the one about the picnic. I have heard them all in the past too. Now I see them for what they were, manipulative little games. Yes, I do feel vindicated in the sense that he did eventually leave etc, but I was walking away from him more than a year before I eventually did; I only hung in there for that year because he led me to believe that a move was more or less immediate. That was (until very recently) lies to make me stay in the affair. As it transpires the move came too late.

 

I think that we need to think smart as well as let our hearts guide us. You keep focusing on the facts in front of you and you will be fine too. I know that I am doing the right thing and I am enjoying the present and looking forward to the future ahead. It is going to be great.

 

[PoshPrincess]

BTDT,

 

I recognise these little manipulative games, such as the one about the picnic. I have heard them all in the past too. Now I see them for what they were, manipulative little games. Yes, I do feel vindicated in the sense that he did eventually leave etc, but I was walking away from him more than a year before I eventually did; I only hung in there for that year because he led me to believe that a move was more or less immediate. That was (until very recently) lies to make me stay in the affair. As it transpires the move came too late.

 

I think that we need to think smart as well as let our hearts guide us. You keep focusing on the facts in front of you and you will be fine too. I know that I am doing the right thing and I am enjoying the present and looking forward to the future ahead. It is going to be great.

 

 

Sometimes I think they have a harder time letting go than we do, and it does seem to be a control thing. Last time my MM and I went NC he was insistent that we were over - unless he ever had the guts to leave - but then phoned me the morning I was due to go on holiday. I didn't answer as I knew it would mess with my head big time which I think is subconsciously what he is doing! We are apparently over for good this time. I'm finding NC so hard but am wondering if he will try to contact me again this time. Who knows what goes through their heads? Every time he tells me we're through I totally believe him and then he ends up calling. I KNOW I should ignore him and I do sometimes, but other times I have a weak moment and want to hear his voice more than anything. I suppose each time it happens I secretly hope that this is the time he tells me he has made a mistake, that I am the one he wants. Kidding myself, or what?!!!

 

I know by reading your posts, Jessie & BTDT, and others that I WILL get through it and come out the other side. It's so painful though. Just wish someone could wave a magic wand and make it all go away......Thanks though - this is a great help!