Isabella82 Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I was just wondering what you guys think about who pays for what in a relationship. I have a boyfriend of 1 year, and when we go out we usually will take turns paying for meals and things. He mostly will pay for the more expensive thing, and I will pay for whatever is cheaper. I thought this was fine, but I was talking about this with some friends of mine, and they were telling me that their boyfriend always pays for everything. Do you think that a guy should have to pay for everything? Yeah that would be great, but my relationship just is not like that. A lot of times I do get upset just because I work my butt off, and I have a lot of debt from school loans and my family is really poor etc..... and my boyfriend has millionaire parents who pay for his expenses while he is still in college. The thing is they do not give him money unlimited but they give him what he needs. Do you think that I should tell my boyfriend that he should pay for more things, or do you think that it is fine that we mostly split everything?
reneet Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I was just wondering what you guys think about who pays for what in a relationship. I have a boyfriend of 1 year, and when we go out we usually will take turns paying for meals and things. He mostly will pay for the more expensive thing, and I will pay for whatever is cheaper. I thought this was fine, but I was talking about this with some friends of mine, and they were telling me that their boyfriend always pays for everything. Do you think that a guy should have to pay for everything? Yeah that would be great, but my relationship just is not like that. A lot of times I do get upset just because I work my butt off, and I have a lot of debt from school loans and my family is really poor etc..... and my boyfriend has millionaire parents who pay for his expenses while he is still in college. The thing is they do not give him money unlimited but they give him what he needs. Do you think that I should tell my boyfriend that he should pay for more things, or do you think that it is fine that we mostly split everything? I wouldn't TELL him to pay for everything. Just help out if & when you can. Once in a while you can go Dutch which will be cheaper for both of you rather that one paying the whole tab for both.
Sand&Water Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Isabella82, Do you think that I should tell my boyfriend that he should pay for more things, or do you think that it is fine that we mostly split everything? This is my sole, and honest opinion. It is, in no way, a general consensus of the entire population nor does it portray any kind of personal discrimination against certain groups. I do believe it is fine, even admirably gracious for you and your boyfriend to alternate back and forth in paying for certain things/events. Yet, IF I was in your situation, I would definitely pay for my own things. No matter how rich or poor I am, I would want to pay for my half of the bill. That is just me, though. You should declare what you, precisely, want. Do you want him to pay for everything? Just because he -or rather his parents -are rich should not make it acceptable for him to pay for everything. I almost always pay for myself, and don't expect any foreigner to pay for me. Again, this is just me talking. Talk to him, about it. Discuss whether or not he is comfortable paying for you. Regards, Sand&Water
everlong Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 if u both are just starting out dating, take turns, and chances are if he has the opportunity to pay more than u do - he will do so...remember there might be a time when the roles are reversed...and money should never be an issue that divides...now if you are in a long term committed relationship, you should have plan, a budget, share capital and have your own stash as well....it supposed to be a team effort
Author Isabella82 Posted October 13, 2006 Author Posted October 13, 2006 I thought that it was fine that we split most things. I am not trying to get handouts or anything like that. I was just wondering how everyone else works it out in their relationship. I know that if we were to possibly get married, obviously he would make a lot more money then me, but just at this time, I make a lot more then him. I just get stressed because when he needs money he goes to his parents, when I need money I go to no one. But thanks for everyones responses. I always thought that girls should pay their own way, and that is always what I have tried to do.
laRubiaBonita Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 my bf and i kinda take turns. or if I invite HIM to a show that i really want to see, then i will pay for his ticket... he does the same, or we split costs. if he were to insist on paying for everything(datewise), i would really not have a problem with it, but i know it is not really possible for him, so i am cool with paying.
dgiirl Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Two things come to my head. 1) You are jealous of your friend. 2) You are jealous of your bf. Was any of this an issue before you talked to your friend? If not, then stop listening to your friend. Yah, maybe her bf's pay. And maybe, those bf's are racking up large debt just to keep her around. To me, that's not really good bf material. I appreciate a man who's sensible with his money. Yah, you can spoil me if you can afford to, but there's no reason for you to always pay. You seem angry because you have debt. And seem to think your bf should pay for your debt. Why? Because he has more money? That's pretty selfish. Maybe he has more money because he didnt create any debt?
Author Isabella82 Posted October 13, 2006 Author Posted October 13, 2006 dgiirl You are right I do sometimes get jealous. But I do not think my boyfriend should pay my debt. My boyfriend is in no debt because his parents pay for everything, his college cash, his car cash, everything. He even has a trust fund. I am in debt because I put myself through college going to school full-time and working full-time. I know I should not bring it up to my boyfriend. It was my friend who thought that it was wierd, but I thought it was fine. He does not have the means right now to pay for everything. I appreciate everyones opinions, its nice to see that most people try to be fair and split it.
bab Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Continue to be your own woman. Split things like you are now. It seems to be working. Before my husband and I got married, we had a similar strategy as you have now. We took turns paying for things, but since he had more disposable income, he'd usually pay for the more expensive things.
dgiirl Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 But I do not think my boyfriend should pay my debt. Perhaps, but you still sound jealous of him and I wanted to illustrate a point that if you are jealous of him, and then expect him to pay, it's because you have debt, then that's not really fair. It's great that you put yourself through college. It's respectible, but realize that was a choice. You are trying to improve yourself which is great, but dont get angry or jealous over what others have that you dont. Not everything is as it seems. While I've worked very hard in my life and barely spent a penny on myself, most of my friends bought new cars and partied most of their younger years. They have absolutely no savings and if they even knew of my situation they'd be extremely jealous. I've shared just the smallest details of my situation with them and I heard the remarks. We both made the same amount of money, had the same amount of opportunities, yet somehow they're jealous of me. And it's not a nice feeling to have someone be jealous of you and to somehow think everything was just given to you. It kind of discredits the hard work and sacrifices I did to get where I am today. Nothing good will come out of jealousy. For your own relationship to succeed, you need to let it go. Otherwise resentment will build and your relationship will fail.
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