notunderstanding Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I'm new and this is my first post, I've been involved with a mw for about 3 years. H found out about 6 months ago and she has told him that it has ended, of course it hasn't. She claims to be in love with me and I know that I'm in love with her but like so many others out there she refuses to divorce. I guess I'm just an idiot or so in love that I just can't disconnect. I'm single so it's definately a wierd situation for me. I know what I should do and so does she but neither of us can go through with it. We've tried NC so many times that we've both just given up on that. It's now in limbo. She's been in MC with her H and I've went to C myself for awhile. It didn't do anything but verify what we already knew. I'm really not asking for help because I know that until we stop there's nothing can be done. My real question for everyone is that after months of research and message board lurking I've come to the conclusion that the other man/women are just left out of the equation when it comes to a healing process. It's like we no longer exist and our concerns and pains and sufferings are in the tough sh*t category. I'm glad I found this board, I'll need your support should I decide to go through with this at some point but like I said: What about us ??
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Until YOU take control of the situation, life will be as it is now. She will want you on her terms, not yours. She isn't willing to leave her husband for you, she probably won't ever leave him ,especially since they're "supposed" be fixing their marriage. She's pulling a fast one on her husband by lying to him, making him think that she is in the ballgame, when infact she is NOT. And, she's lying to you as well...Keeping you interested "just enough" so you won't leave. Go read some threads in this section by the OW and find out what pain they've been going through and how they deal with their MM. I think though, you DO need to go into NC (no contact) mode and tell her to call you when the divorce papers are signed.
GreenEyedLady Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 NU: Welcome!!! Since you are new, you will probably get lots of harsh advice to dissuade you from the A...don't let that keep you from posting here...there are many of us who will give you support and encouragement in rough times...and share happiness with you in the good times...
IzzyisDizzy001 Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I'm new and this is my first post, I've been involved with a mw for about 3 years. H found out about 6 months ago and she has told him that it has ended, of course it hasn't. She's been in MC with her H and I've went to C myself for awhile. It didn't do anything but verify what we already knew. You need to take a real good look at this.... you are wasting your life away on someone who is stringing you along while in false reconciliation with her husband because she is too selifsh to choose one or the other. She is playing you both. She doesn't sound like a great catch at all my friend. There are plenty of women out there that don't have these kinds of issues with lying, selfishness, and a lack of empathy. You may say, "Wait a minute, she does have empathy! I have seen her cry over this. She is very upset and guilty over everything... blah blah blah" She may say she loves you, she may even say she loves her husband too, but if she was all that tormented by this, she would have done something about it by now. The person she really loves is herself. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in this kind of relationship? Time is something you are unable to get back. You've already dropped three years on this relationship and it has gone nowhere fast. Only you can take control of your life and start going down a more productive path. You can't stay here at a dead end forever, it's just not healthy for you. It's hard to cut your losses but you can do it. I am very embarressed to admit this and this is something I haven't admitted publically before but I am an EXOW. I wasted 5 years of my life in an affair that started when I was a teen. He teetered between myself and his wife the whole time. He always made me think he was going to leave her for good but never followed through. He even moved in with me a couple of times only to run home within a month. At some point the madness had to stop. It hurt like hell but I ended things. Best decision I ever made! Now that he is out of my system, I wonder WTF I was thinking waiting on a man who is such a spineless little coward. He still tries to contact me from time to time. I would rather bathe in acid than have anything to do with him ever again. After I got rid of him, I met the love of my life. I have no doubts that if I hadn't left I would still be in the exact same place right now and I would of missed out on the best thing that ever happened to me. There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't wish for those 5 years back. You only get one life. Make the most of it.
Recommended Posts