Author PWSX3 Posted January 14, 2007 Author Posted January 14, 2007 WOW I FEEL GOOD!!!! I got home this afternoon and started to clean out my file cabinet to get ready for 2007. The W has always been the one to do that and we have another cabinet in the garage that we put all of last years stuff in so we have room for the new year by the computer, so I took all the stuff from inside and put it outside. I added a couple new folders I have since she has moved out, changed a couple of the names so I understand what they are for so I know where stuff goes. I know for most of you this keeping track of paperwork and bills comes second nature, but for this old man it's all new and like a bull I am taking it by the horns! This is the start of my learning organization, now I have places for all the paperwork that comes into the house. It either gets put in a folder or gets put in the trash and that will help also on the house cleaning. I hate the little piles of paper I have in a couple corners and one small pile on the table, and one of those piles is also gone. Monday I'm calling my insurance guy and see if I can meet with him to go over all the paperwork I keep getting so he can help me understand what it is all about. (again something I didn't deal with before) The W called today while I was cleaning so I didn't answer it. She left a message and again it was about PWSX4 (my son), she just wanted to tell me the pants she got him that are lined on the inside were $20.00 and not the $12.00 she had told me before. She also told me that someone in the town she works at is having a sale on all there winter cloths. I don't feel I need to call her back and I don't feel bad for not calling her back. Now it's off to my folks with PWSX4 for some card games and some hot chocolate!!
Author PWSX3 Posted January 14, 2007 Author Posted January 14, 2007 The last thing you want me to do is to sign your azz up for the 2, 4, 6 Medical Plan. I see either of you slipping back in "pity party" mode its going to take two doctors, four nurses, six hours to get my foot out of your azz! Gunny, this is priceless!!! Everytime I start to feel myself starting to slip I will remember "My Medical Plan"!!!that my dear friend has shared with me.
Author PWSX3 Posted January 14, 2007 Author Posted January 14, 2007 The W called again today so I figured I would call her back since she has called 3 times and I haven't returned her call. I asked her what she needed and she just said she misses talking to me. We talked a little more and she said she has an appointment to see our counselor on Weds. She said there are some things she needs/wants to start working on for herself. Monday when we were emailing back and forth she said she read the email as it would have been written by the old PW and not the new PW and she was jealous on how much I'm changing and how much I'm learning and she appoligized for what she had written in the email. I do remember reading someplace that said you can change a person by your actions and you changing will make them look at themselves and there might be a chance she is seeing my changes and it is opening her eyes to look at herself. I just can't thank everyone here for the support I have gotten, I have no idea where I would be if it wasn't for this web site and all the good people knowing if I fall back there is a medical plan I don't want the face. (2,4,6 GUNNY MEDICAL PLAN!!!) She also said the counselor told her that I am not the same person I was 5 months ago (and that is just from her reading my faxes I have sent her) and that was good to hear. I kept it short, but I could tell she wanted to talk some more but I had just walked in the door and I have things I want to get done today. Its snowing again and shoveling wasn't one of them on my list but I better get out there.
Author PWSX3 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 The W called again last night while me & my son were out looking at jackets for him so I just let it go to voice mail. She left a message and asked if I could call her back that she had a question for me? When we got home I called her back and she just asked me if I wanted to go eat with her as friends on Feb. 14th? I told her that was a month away and I didn't have plans as of now so I could write it down on my calendar. I also asked her why she was asking to go eat so far in advance, making it sound like I didn't know what Feb. 14th was? We had a little small talk and then my supper was hot so I told her I had to go, but it looks like I have plans for Valentines, who would have ever thunk it?
a4a Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Sounds like a certain person is still interested in another certain person. Keep living and learning for yourself though. (A4A retreats into the shadows again............)
Author PWSX3 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Sounds like a certain person is still interested in another certain person. Keep living and learning for yourself though. (A4A retreats into the shadows again............) Its good to hear from you again A4A, you know you have been a very big part of me changing at the beginning, I wondered what happened to you. No I will not stop living or learning, I can guarantee you that!! Even though she is starting to show some interest I'm still going to keep my distance and just keep going to the gym and having fun with my son and see what I can do about this money matter I'm going to tackle. That should keep me busy for a while.
ilmw Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Its good to hear from you again A4A, you know you have been a very big part of me changing at the beginning, I wondered what happened to you. No I will not stop living or learning, I can guarantee you that!! Even though she is starting to show some interest I'm still going to keep my distance and just keep going to the gym and having fun with my son and see what I can do about this money matter I'm going to tackle. That should keep me busy for a while. PW... Things do sound promising here.. but.. you know.. what to hear and see..right.. Keep on doing what you are doing... be friendly... but do what works... and it does "seem" to be having an effect. I also think I read somewhere.. on your thread... someone said drop the time line... I agree... having a time line... could cause you to feel some pressure as it approaches... possibly making you slip up.... who need the pressure... just relax... lay back... enjoy... "get mellow".. I heard this on a course I was on a few months back... I added a few words here and there to make it more applicable to this: This is me now.. not who I was... I am the bus of opportunity.. if you want to get on,... we can go for a ride (life) If not... I have many more stops to go to... so don't slow me down and wast my time... Thought I would add that... before it disappeared from my mind... :lmao: Good luck bud ilmw
Dad_of_3 Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 The W called again last night while me & my son were out looking at jackets for him so I just let it go to voice mail. She left a message and asked if I could call her back that she had a question for me? When we got home I called her back and she just asked me if I wanted to go eat with her as friends on Feb. 14th? I told her that was a month away and I didn't have plans as of now so I could write it down on my calendar. I also asked her why she was asking to go eat so far in advance, making it sound like I didn't know what Feb. 14th was? We had a little small talk and then my supper was hot so I told her I had to go, but it looks like I have plans for Valentines, who would have ever thunk it? This really is great to hear P. *Mini wave and celebration to myself* *ahem* ok .... P, keep on the path buddy. Nothing more I hear and see in your posts how you are travelling along, but confidence, maturity and hope of a better tomorrow. I'm in awe .... Keep it up ! and Keep us posted !
ilmw Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 This really is great to hear P. *Mini wave and celebration to myself* *ahem* ok .... P, keep on the path buddy. Nothing more I hear and see in your posts how you are travelling along, but confidence, maturity and hope of a better tomorrow. I'm in awe .... Keep it up ! and Keep us posted ! Yup.. Yup...Yup... I tend to agree..
Author PWSX3 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Posted January 22, 2007 Well I went to a movie with the W and my son yesterday (as friends) and it just didn't feel like I was out with one of my friends. It also didn't feel like I was out with my W either, so now I'm confused. I don't know if it's because I have been learning more about myself and what I want maybe she doesn't have? Maybe I haven't changed as much as I think I have, I just don't know. We went and saw that new James Bond movie and I was proud of myself. For those who have seen it, when he came home and there was that part with the broken glass on the table, then he went into the shower and just sat next to the girl in the shower, I GOT IT!!! He didn't ask what happened, he didn't ask what he could do, she just needed someone to be by her side & that's what he did. Three months ago I would have never even given that a second thought, I would have just looked at it like; he just wasted another nice suit. Gunny and others, I think you might be getting to me, I am starting to see that your spouse needs to bring more to the table then just being able to clean the house, fix your meal. They need to be happy with themselves, they need to be confident with themselves, and be able to stand on there own feet.
chadnickole Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 Well I went to a movie with the W and my son yesterday (as friends) and it just didn't feel like I was out with one of my friends. It also didn't feel like I was out with my W either, so now I'm confused. I don't know if it's because I have been learning more about myself and what I want maybe she doesn't have? Maybe I haven't changed as much as I think I have, I just don't know. We went and saw that new James Bond movie and I was proud of myself. For those who have seen it, when he came home and there was that part with the broken glass on the table, then he went into the shower and just sat next to the girl in the shower, I GOT IT!!! He didn't ask what happened, he didn't ask what he could do, she just needed someone to be by her side & that's what he did. Three months ago I would have never even given that a second thought, I would have just looked at it like; he just wasted another nice suit. Gunny and others, I think you might be getting to me, I am starting to see that your spouse needs to bring more to the table then just being able to clean the house, fix your meal. They need to be happy with themselves, they need to be confident with themselves, and be able to stand on there own feet. Maybe because of the protection we have built up around our hearts, is affecting the feelings you are having for the wife, Just like the wall they have built up against us before they left!! No doubt you are learning, We all are, we have to be!! We are much smarter than animals and they learn from there mistakes!! That New Bond movie was pretty good!! How about the tourchure they gave him while tied to that chair?? The last date the DW and I went out on end on a really good note, But in the beginning it was very awquard but after a few beers for both of us things pretty much got back to normal except the guarded feeling I had in my heart, I knew I loved her, I knew I wanted our marriage to last , but I wasn't sure if she was the woman I fell in love with anymore!! DW and I shared some great moments that night, but as the recent past as proven she pulled a way just a few days after telling me she loved me for the first time in 7 or so months!! Maybe it was fear or just her realization that love is just not enough once the damage has been done!! I may not know just were my feeling exactly are for DW but I know I love her still and I'll do anything for my Son, If that means learning to fall in love with that pain in the ass again (the DW) so be it!! Also the feeling We have had of not being good enough and not being loved by someone we were committed too are seriously gonna put a damper on our thoughts of love for them!! I know from "getting a life" so to speak the attenetion and affection I've recived from the opposite sex is a wonderful breath of freash air!! It at least helps me to feel like I'm enjoyed and accepted, and that I'm not some cast out circus freak!! But it also pulls the desire I have away from DW because all she does is makes me feel unwanted, unloved and Betrayed!! I know that this shows my weakness as far as needing or wanting to be accepted to feel good about myself But though we are men we still have emotions and needs!! We need to be needed I guess!! Just to bad we didn't realize The wives needs were not being met even though at times we thought we were giving them all they wanted and doing our best!! Sorry to Hijack yout thread, Take care
Author PWSX3 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 That New Bond movie was pretty good!! How about the tourchure they gave him while tied to that chair?? That part made me even pucker in the movie theater seat. Chad, you could be right, maybe we do have a little wall built up to help keep us safe. I talked to a friend today at work, but we weren't able to finish but he brought up a good point and for those that have read the book; Getting the Love you Want might understand. Maybe how I'm looking at the W now is still with my old brain and I still see her as my old Wife, not the new person or the person that she is trying to become with change. In the book it talks about our old brain that stores memory and the new brain. I called her today because of an issue with our son over the weekend and it really helped to just talk with her. She also said she was going to counsoling again tomorrow so that is two weeks in a row, so something is happening in the hood!!:laugh: I guess I'm putting to much thought into it and hopefully when we go out Feb.14th I'll be able to talk to her and it will help me understand a little more. She even called me hon when she said good-bye and she hasn't done that since Sept. Anyway, I need to get back to focussing on me, there is nothing I can do about thinking of what she is doing, but it is a good thing to hear because I did tell her I don't want the old Teri back. I hope to be able to talk to my friend some more, because he read that same book and it was funny because he said his wife was just talking to him about the book.
Sonitas Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I talked to a friend today at work, but we weren't able to finish but he brought up a good point and for those that have read the book; Getting the Love you Want might understand. Maybe how I'm looking at the W now is still with my old brain and I still see her as my old Wife, not the new person or the person that she is trying to become with change. In the book it talks about our old brain that stores memory and the new brain. I called her today because of an issue with our son over the weekend and it really helped to just talk with her. She also said she was going to counsoling again tomorrow so that is two weeks in a row, so something is happening in the hood!!:laugh: I guess I'm putting to much thought into it and hopefully when we go out Feb.14th I'll be able to talk to her and it will help me understand a little more. She even called me hon when she said good-bye and she hasn't done that since Sept. Anyway, I need to get back to focussing on me, there is nothing I can do about thinking of what she is doing, but it is a good thing to hear because I did tell her I don't want the old Teri back. I hope to be able to talk to my friend some more, because he read that same book and it was funny because he said his wife was just talking to him about the book. Just stopping by...sounds like things are going well. Keep focusing on yourself, that is the most important thing you can do. The book "Gettin the love you want" makes you look at things in an entirely different light! It's amazing when you begin reading different books on the same subject how it can enlighted you to take a different perspective on your situation. Hope your day is going well. Take Care.
Author PWSX3 Posted January 28, 2007 Author Posted January 28, 2007 Just finished reading some of the new posts & as always keeping my eye on the old ones & it helps me to see where I was and where I am today. I still learn from reading each post & I just keep adding to my puzzle. Things are going SO MUCH better today then 5 months ago and I do have to pat myself on the back just like everyone else here should do. If you decide to take responsibility for yourself and you want to improve yourself then you will realize at first it takes a lot of work, you might have to go thru some pain that you aren't sure you want to go thru, you might even have to bring up some issues that you really don't want to, but until you do that I feel you can't really move on. It would have been a lot easier just to set back and say; oh poor me, look what happended to me. Thanks again for everyone here that have helped me keep on the right trail and to keep focussed on who was important and who I needed to change. I hope when you read this you get a good fuzzy feeling in your heart because you all deserve it, you have helped one stubbern male see life in a completely new light. I also have learned that you have to be honest with yourself, don't try hiding anything from yourself. For example when I first started working out I would walk maybe 3/4 of a mile and when someone asked me I would say about a mile. Sure it was almost a mile but I wasn't honest with myself, so today if I walk 1-7/8 miles and someone would ask me how far I walked I would tell them; I walked around 1-3/4 miles. I know I at least walked that far and it doesn't matter to them but it does matter to me to be true to myself. I have come to the reality that no matter what happens between me & my W I will be O.K. with the outcome. I am learning I can live on my own and I don't need anyone to take care of me, but instead to share my life with me. Just an update on the W, we talked the other day and she said she was jealous of what I have been doing & that she sees the changes I am making. She said she made an appointment with our counselor & has gone two weeks in a row and has another appointment set up for two weeks after that so maybe she has decided to work on the demons that she needs to work on to better herself. Even though she was the one that moved out I feel it took both of us to get in this situation and it will take both of us to get out of it, which means we both will need to work on things and that might be happening. Even though she was the one that moved out it has given "ME" time to look at things & I don't want to get back into that relationship again the way it was. Unless we both change who we were then I feel it won't work so this is a good thing. For those who are just going thru the first steps, keep you chin up. As long as you find the positive in everything (even if you think the world has just fallen down around you) and keep taking those baby steps to better yourself after a while you will realize it was worth the trip because "you" came out of it a better person. Everyone please keep up the good work, don't give up and if you have to come to LS and vent all you want, it does help. Today me and my son are headed to the big city to visit a friend I haven't seen in around 10 years. We used to show trucks together but when we stopped we lost contact so that will be fun. Life is good, you can make it whatever you want!!!
Dad_of_3 Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 P, perfect post buddy! Hit the mark for me to read it. It does become like that doesnt it? Choices, decisions, paths ... only you make that decision in life. I'm truly glad we see eye to eye on this issue! LOL My congrats to you! The world is just opening up isnt it? Like the dawning of a new day. Like it is the first day of the rest of your life! You've come the hard yards, and will continue to do so. Thats the challenge and thats the mantle you are taking up. "This is your life ... are you who you want to be?" Hell yeah ! Take care matey Do3
Author PWSX3 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Posted February 1, 2007 Well I don't know what the heck happened today, I was watching the snow fall and I started thinking of the W and how the last time we were talking about the snow she was saying how no one helped her shovel. She lives in a 4 plex and we have had two really good size snow storms and no one helped clean the snow except her & me and the last time we shoveled she was saying how selfish the other gal is there and this and that. One guy that lives there wasn't around and I don't know about the other person, but the one is there all the time and that is the one she was talking about. So I called her at work and just told her I wanted to share something with her. I told her it was snowing and that she might have to shovel when she got home and I just had an idea that I wanted to share with her. Instead of getting negitive about the situation with having to do the shoveling and no one will help to look at it positive and look at it as she was getting fresh air, and getting some exercise instead. She thought that was a good idea and she said; that will also give Shadow (our dog) time to run around more outside. Anyway I got off the phone and I had a very lonely feeling in my heart. I had this feeling like O.K. time to throw in the white towel and don't want to play anymore and I want us back together again. This is the first time I have had that type of feeling and I'm not sure what to think of it. When we were talking on the phone I told her I liked talking to her on the pnone and she said she also liked talking to me. Then she said that's because we are still friends and that's why we like talking. She also told me that even if we don't get back together she still wants to 4-wheel. I guess she told our counselor she likes four wheeling and the counselor asked if she had told me and she said no, so she told me today on the phone. She said that is something she wants to keep doing even if we don't get back together because it's something she liked doing. Anyway I felt pretty down for a while, but then I got myself out of it before leaving work and I'm doing fine after working out. I invited her over for the Superbowl, but I really don't think she will come over. She has something against coming into the house at this time.
ilmw Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Well I guess its my turn to try and try an cheer you up to too.. It seems to come with time of year... the time leading up to Valentines Day... or maybe its Superbowl... and your team never made it... who knows Also watching falling snow has a tendency to mesmerise us... and make our minds wonder... (kinda fun when your driving along the highway...) So stop looking out the window and get back to work...yah... slacker.. You have found a tremendous amount of inner strength.... its maybe time to draw on it.... now... as you sound like you have ample reserve stock.. built up inside..... As I said to dgiirl... put on a smile.. take a deep breath... an whistle a happy tune....... You are a stronge man.... you'll pull through it.... if not... I'll help prop you up... Take care PW... and smile ilmw
chadnickole Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Well I guess its my turn to try and try an cheer you up to too.. It seems to come with time of year... the time leading up to Valentines Day... or maybe its Superbowl... and your team never made it... who knows Also watching falling snow has a tendency to mesmerise us... and make our minds wonder... (kinda fun when your driving along the highway...) So stop looking out the window and get back to work...yah... slacker.. You have found a tremendous amount of inner strength.... its maybe time to draw on it.... now... as you sound like you have ample reserve stock.. built up inside..... As I said to dgiirl... put on a smile.. take a deep breath... an whistle a happy tune....... You are a stronge man.... you'll pull through it.... if not... I'll help prop you up... Take care PW... and smile ilmw Same applies to You too my friend, If you need me to streak naked through your thread let me know!! Keep training its great for you, Also if you have a place around you that trains MMA check it out you might like it!!
dgiirl Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Anyway I got off the phone and I had a very lonely feeling in my heart. I had this feeling like O.K. time to throw in the white towel and don't want to play anymore and I want us back together again. This is the first time I have had that type of feeling and I'm not sure what to think of it. Aww PW! Huge Hugs!! For me, remaining in contact with my ex was the hardest because once in a while I'd get a glimpse of who I fell in love with and it tore my heart. Thankfully, we dont have kids so there's no need for me to remain in contact with him. I was even free to move 600km away from him! But I know it would be a LOT harder for me to move on if I had to be in constant contact with him. But you know what, there's no towel for you to throw in! It's life and you just live each day as it comes. If today you speak to your wife, then today you speak to her. If tomorrow you go 4wheeling, then tomorrow you're going 4 wheeling. Just live each day as it comes and never stop having fun! You can and HAVE started to rebuild your life. Just keep doing that! It takes time and effort, both of which you are doing! You're doing very good! I've been following your advice to a lot of people lately and I'm both proud and inspired by you. You've even given me things to think about!
Author PWSX3 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Posted February 1, 2007 Thanks everyone, today is a new day and whatever happened yesterday is over, I feel a lot better today again. Sorry ilmw but I have a window right by my desk so it's pretty easy to just look outside while I'm working. :lmao: but we have been slow because of the snow so we can slack off right now. Dgiirl, I think what makes it hard for me is we still want to see if we can work things out, the fat lady hasn't song just yet and maybe that is part of my problem is I don't let go completely because of that. Maybe I'm still not sure what I want because I know I don't want the old Teri, but I haven't seen much of the new one to see if that is who I want to spend the next 25 years with. Teri even told me last week that she is working on herself because she knows it won't work between us the way she used to be & that she misses me and she enjoys talking on the phone. Just like Friday evening she just called and left a message saying HI!. I know what she is doing for herself is something she needs to do for her & I feel she is doing it, but she also sees how I have been changing and maybe it's something she likes and wants to keep. I know the weather has some to do with it because it's hard getting out when it's only a few degrees out, but working out has helped a lot and I do enjoy going and seeing all the people there. As for my Vikings, they didn't even make the playoffs so that wasn't no big deal. Chad, thanks for the offer, but like ilmw I think I'll pass, but it does sound like you need to get out on a date and show that bod off to someone. :laugh: SOON!!!! I would hate to read in the news, man streaks across football field at Superbowl!!:lmao:
Author PWSX3 Posted February 2, 2007 Author Posted February 2, 2007 Chad that hurt my eyes!!! Ilmw, QUIT SENDING THAT COLD AIR DOWN THIS WAY, I'M STARTING TO DISLIKE CANADAN WEATHER AND I DON'T EVEN LIVE THERE!!!:laugh: Today was a better day for me, I think part of my trouble is we are SO SLOW at work that I have to much time on my hands to think. The W called tonight but I didn't want to talk to her & she left a message but it was just talking about the town that she works at (20 miles away) had 4" of snow and we didn't get any as of yet. It is freaking cold out, but I'm going to make myself get out of the house and go to the gym tonight. At least I'll be warm for a while afterwards. Thanks everyone for the pep talks, I guess I'm just not sure what I want. I want to get back with the W but then she says things to me that make me think she isn't changing the things I feel I need in a partner, then I read or hear how you should try to keep a marriage together, then I go back and forth, back and forth. I'm starting to get an idea of what a damn tennis ball feels like out on the court.
Gunny376 Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 It is freaking cold out, but I'm going to make myself get out of the house and go to the gym tonight. At least I'll be warm for a while afterwards E=r e=R When it comes to PT, (Physical Fitness) or anything dealing with humans,great EFFORT yield little results, but with determination, little effort yield hugh RESULTS! The same principal applices to your relationship with you son and wife!
chadnickole Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Chad that hurt my eyes!!! HA HA Ha Ha ha ha
Author PWSX3 Posted February 2, 2007 Author Posted February 2, 2007 I had to get a few groceries last night and while I was there I checked out the V-Day isle and found a purple bear that I plan on giving the W when we go out to eat. Looking forward to seeing how things go that evening. I plan taking a page from ilmw's book and getting me a new shirt that fits me (nothing fits good now with the weight loss), new pair of jeans and I'm going to look good!!!!
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