Another trial separation chapter 2

[ilmw]

Me and the W have been emailing back and forth and I have come to the conclusion that we can't email each other because we just start doing the tit-for-tat thing.

It is hard to understand what the other person is really saying and here is an example. This is what she sent me after I had sent her one saying; I think we need to start doing things together to see if we want to make things work and to see if we have started to change and here is her reply;

 

Are you honestly ready to do things together to see if being with me is what you want?? Is this possible at this point for you to be able to focus on this aspect?

 

 

Now the way I read this is she sees it as me being the one that needs to change and doesn't say anything about what she is feeling except maybe anger. Then yesterday afternoon I called her on the phone and we got a long really well and had a good little chat.

 

Hope everyone has a great weekend, me & the boy are headed to the big city with a 4x4 group today for Toys-for-Tots. We have 3-4 towns close by that meet here then we meet with more from another town 10 miles away.

Last year we had 15 4x4 trucks carivaning down the Interstate and this year it should be bigger.

 

Hi PW..

 

The 4x4 group sounds like fun..

 

Question for you... do you email your W or does she email you and you respond?

 

The responce you posted from your W ..did not sound negative at all.. in fact it seemed to be an honest question:confused:

 

Never mind the tit for tat stuff... never mind the blaming game.. she did not sound like she was saying "I do not want to work on the realtionship..." It kinda sounded she is not convinced that you do...???

 

What do you think now?

 

Have fun 4x4ing

ilmw

[PWSX3]

Hi PW..

 

The 4x4 group sounds like fun..

Thanks we had a good time, Patrick's day didn't start off that good after we met everyone as we were merging onto the Interstate he about side swiped a State Patrol. No he didn't hit him but it sure did scare the you know what out of him. The roads were a little wet and farther south we got the worse the snow was but we made it and like I said had a good time seeing old friends.

 

Question for you... do you email your W or does she email you and you respond?

This time I had emailed her about our consoling on Monday and then we emailed back and forth a couple times. We both email each other once in a while but not often. Usually about Patrick.

 

The responce you posted from your W ..did not sound negative at all.. in fact it seemed to be an honest question:confused:

I guess it's just me seeing things more negetive and I have to look at it from her side more often.

Never mind the tit for tat stuff... never mind the blaming game.. she did not sound like she was saying "I do not want to work on the realtionship..." It kinda sounded she is not convinced that you do...???

I don't think she realizes how much time I have been putting in trying to see things different and look at things in a different way, so maybe she does just think I'm still the same guy that has just lost weight (only change she has seen) and that's it. Since our boy drives himself and comes and goes to her place and mine we don't have any contact except phone or email.

What do you think now?

I think I still have a lot of learning to do.

Have fun 4x4ing

Just stayed on the highways this trip but still a good time. We had about the same this year as last but it could be because of the weather. Santa wasn't able to come in on a army helicopter so that was a bummer.

[PWSX3]

Last night the W called and asked if she could stop by and pick up her mail? That is the first time she has called and asked me, I usually just let my boy take it over when he goes to her place.

She also asked if Shadow (her dog) could stay for a while since he likes to lay outside on sunny days but I told her I had just painted the wall where the dog door is out and didn't want the dogs coming in and out and she said; oh...

She also asked if she could read that book I had just finished? (Divorce Busting) so I took it out and gave that to her. I didn't say anything about the book except that our counselor said it was a good book so I was happy to have read it.

 

Today we go see our counselor so we will see what happens. I have know expectations, I'm just going to see what happens.

[ilmw]

Last night the W called and asked if she could stop by and pick up her mail? That is the first time she has called and asked me, I usually just let my boy take it over when he goes to her place.

She also asked if Shadow (her dog) could stay for a while since he likes to lay outside on sunny days but I told her I had just painted the wall where the dog door is out and didn't want the dogs coming in and out and she said; oh...

She also asked if she could read that book I had just finished? (Divorce Busting) so I took it out and gave that to her. I didn't say anything about the book except that our counselor said it was a good book so I was happy to have read it.

 

Today we go see our counselor so we will see what happens. I have know expectations, I'm just going to see what happens.

 

Awsome.... No pressure... no foul..

 

I like the fact she asked about the book... If anything when she reads it... she will find some answers... for herself...

 

All the best.. PW

[Antha]

A good sign that she asked for the book. My STBXH would probably just roll his eyes at me. Some men find it just un-masculine to read a self-help book. You guys are obviously more mature and cut through the BS. It's a book and it doesn't make anyone reading it a namby-pamby. I think its commendable to try to learn about oneself and one's situation.

 

I'm sure you learned a lot from the book...and she might too.

 

Antha

[PWSX3]

Antha, thank you for the kind words and yes I did learn a lot about myself. That book is highlighted all over the place with little notes I added about myself. I also told her to hightlight it or write in it anywhere she felt like it.

 

Counsoling went well, like I thought most of it was about what we are going to do about our son but we did get a couple issues talked out about us and the biggest one was Teri isn't going to say yes or no until the 6 months are up, she did agree maybe we should start seeing each other once in a while so she can see the new me and not always see me as the "OLD" Perry so she suggested since we were done at the counselors that we stop at a restaurant and finish our visit.

 

We talked about all kinds of things, what I'm doing, how I feel, but we didn't talk alot about how she is changing or if she is working on herself. The only thing she said was she's just learning what it's like to be able to do whatever she wants and that she doesn't have anyone to report to.

 

Her biggest issue I feel was being to quite and now she is the oppisite and she said she notices that and needs to find an in between. She also likes being able to watch whatever TV show she wants and I'm learning to not even turn the TV on but listen to music or set in quite.

 

She said today is her start of seeing the new "Perry" because I said something in counsoling and she was about ready to say; that doesn't sound like the old Perry but she caught herself. She also did it once while we were talking this evening.

She did say that she doesn't miss the old Perry and that she will have to fall in love with the new one because she won't go back to the old one, which I told her I feel our past relationship is OVER and now we start working on a new one together because I don't want to be the old person either.

 

While we were talking this evening she did say; she can't see giving up 25 years of marriage and family, but she won't go back to the old one we had and I totally agreed I don't either, but she is having trouble I feel believing that I am changing. She did say; even if we get back together that things won't be perfect and we won't have bumps in the road and I also agreed but I hope we can work them out instead of me closing up & her getting mad and then yelling at me and I close up even more and then we don't talk to each other for a week.

 

We talked for around 1-3/4 so it was a really good visit. She started to tear up a couple times and she was honest with me about a couple things & I was honest with her on how I felt about a couple things and that really helped. We can't be afraid of telling the other person how we feel but we can do it in a nice way.

 

Since Christmas cards will be coming from our friends she suggested that we meet sometime and open them together and I thought that was a good idea. We also decided not to send any out since it wouldn't feel right sending something that sounded like we were doing well when we aren't.

 

I felt it went really well and I was very happy just setting down and talking. We still have a long road ahead but I feel it was a possitive day and we are at least back on the path.

 

We also decided to call each other instead of email since I still have trouble with reading her emotions in the emails.

[a4a]

Sounds like things are going well Perry. It may take some time. I am curious as to if you are getting her a christmas gift and if so what are you getting her?

 

I know a tad off topic........ but really curious.

 

How is your son holding up with all this new changes?

[PWSX3]

Sounds like things are going well Perry. It may take some time. I am curious as to if you are getting her a christmas gift and if so what are you getting her?

 

I know a tad off topic........ but really curious.

 

How is your son holding up with all this new changes?

Hello a4a, good to hear from you.

 

Yes it is going to take a while but I figure if we take our time and make sure we get everything worked out then it will be better in the end. I want it to be work and something I have to work on because then I will appreciate the reward at the end and I'll know that is what I wanted.

 

I was not sure if I wanted to get her anything for Christmas then I thought of what someone had told me; what would I do if she was just a friend and yes I would get a friend a gift so I think I will I just don't know what.

 

Her Birthday is also at the end of the month so I was planning on burning her a CD of the billboard top 100 hits of when she was born and also make a CD of some other music so she has something to listen to in her car if she would like.

 

I think he is liking some of them, he gets in and helps me cook and we plan what we are going to do together more then we did before. Some he doesn't like because he is a teenager but I think most of the time he is ajusting.

I told him Sunday evening I was going to miss him and he said he was already thinking about this week and he was going to miss me. I told him he could stay here another week but he said; but then I would have to spend two weeks at mom's.

 

We got into the situation for a reason and I hope we learn from it and we are better people because of it.

[a4a]

Perry the CD sounds like a great idea and a really thoughtful gift! Time, effort, and planning all put into it.

 

I think you should get her a gift too. What is it that she really likes?

 

I think sometimes it takes a great "awakening" aka kick in the ass to get people to realize what is really going on.

 

I wish you luck and happiness.

 

Or the nerd in me will say "live long and prosper" < closest I can get to a vulcan greeting using these silly smilies>

[ilmw]

Antha, thank you for the kind words and yes I did learn a lot about myself. That book is highlighted all over the place with little notes I added about myself. I also told her to hightlight it or write in it anywhere she felt like it.

 

Counsoling went well, like I thought most of it was about what we are going to do about our son but we did get a couple issues talked out about us and the biggest one was Teri isn't going to say yes or no until the 6 months are up, she did agree maybe we should start seeing each other once in a while so she can see the new me and not always see me as the "OLD" Perry so she suggested since we were done at the counselors that we stop at a restaurant and finish our visit.

 

We talked about all kinds of things, what I'm doing, how I feel, but we didn't talk alot about how she is changing or if she is working on herself. The only thing she said was she's just learning what it's like to be able to do whatever she wants and that she doesn't have anyone to report to.

 

Her biggest issue I feel was being to quite and now she is the oppisite and she said she notices that and needs to find an in between. She also likes being able to watch whatever TV show she wants and I'm learning to not even turn the TV on but listen to music or set in quite.

 

She said today is her start of seeing the new "Perry" because I said something in counsoling and she was about ready to say; that doesn't sound like the old Perry but she caught herself. She also did it once while we were talking this evening.

She did say that she doesn't miss the old Perry and that she will have to fall in love with the new one because she won't go back to the old one, which I told her I feel our past relationship is OVER and now we start working on a new one together because I don't want to be the old person either.

 

While we were talking this evening she did say; she can't see giving up 25 years of marriage and family, but she won't go back to the old one we had and I totally agreed I don't either, but she is having trouble I feel believing that I am changing. She did say; even if we get back together that things won't be perfect and we won't have bumps in the road and I also agreed but I hope we can work them out instead of me closing up & her getting mad and then yelling at me and I close up even more and then we don't talk to each other for a week.

 

We talked for around 1-3/4 so it was a really good visit. She started to tear up a couple times and she was honest with me about a couple things & I was honest with her on how I felt about a couple things and that really helped. We can't be afraid of telling the other person how we feel but we can do it in a nice way.

 

Since Christmas cards will be coming from our friends she suggested that we meet sometime and open them together and I thought that was a good idea. We also decided not to send any out since it wouldn't feel right sending something that sounded like we were doing well when we aren't.

 

I felt it went really well and I was very happy just setting down and talking. We still have a long road ahead but I feel it was a possitive day and we are at least back on the path.

 

We also decided to call each other instead of email since I still have trouble with reading her emotions in the emails.

 

Thats friggen awsome...

 

Reading your last few posts.. you realy sound like you have a "game plan" and have enough insight to stick to it.... Its true eh? Knowledge is power...

 

I'm happy for you bud... good luck... go slow... be smooth as silk..

 

ilmw

[ilmw]

Thats friggen awsome...

 

Reading your last few posts.. you realy sound like you have a "game plan" and have enough insight to stick to it.... Its true eh? Knowledge is power...

 

I'm happy for you bud... good luck... go slow... be smooth as silk..

 

ilmw

 

Hay PW

 

The reading is realy paying off ... because you are becoming one insightful.. dude..

 

Your past few posts in different threads have realy shown how much you are gaining in knowledge.. and then passing it on;)

[PWSX3]

Hay PW

 

The reading is realy paying off ... because you are becoming one insightful.. dude..

 

Your past few posts in different threads have realy shown how much you are gaining in knowledge.. and then passing it on;)

 

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.....

I have gotten people say things about how I look happier, and I look good because of the weight loss but the support I get from people here such as yourself mean a hole lot because I know everyone of us are going thru the same thing and we know what it feels like when we cross another hurdle.

 

You know I respect what you are going thru & I appreciate your kind words...

[Gunny376]

You're not there yet, Bud but your most definately are own your way!

 

"The journey of a thousand leagues begins with but one step!"

 

And, you're right! For the two of you to reconcile, you're both are going to have to re-invent yourself, and this is key! You're going to have to consciously understand and comprehend that you're going to have to do that for the rest of your life. And, your going to have to conscuiously and intentionally to "fall in love" with each other again and again and again. Growing, learning, teaching one another and from one another. Her learning to be more asserrtive and you learning to be less so.

 

Being able to say, "What am I suppose to be learning from this?" instead of getting angry, hurt, or emotonal?

 

Either way you slice it or dice it ~ you're not the same guy that came here months ago. You've been "re-born"

[PWSX3]

You're not there yet, Bud but your most definately are own your way!

You are so right, but at least I'm on the correct path and that is the start of my journey. Unless you are on the right path it won't matter how much you learn it won't do any good.

 

"The journey of a thousand leagues begins with but one step!"

 

And, you're right! For the two of you to reconcile, you're both are going to have to re-invent yourself, and this is key! You're going to have to consciously understand and comprehend that you're going to have to do that for the rest of your life. And, your going to have to conscuiously and intentionally to "fall in love" with each other again and again and again. Growing, learning, teaching one another and from one another. Her learning to be more asserrtive and you learning to be less so.

When me and the W talked the other night she said the only person she could see was still the old me so it is going to take time for her to see and get interested in the new me....

Being able to say, "What am I suppose to be learning from this?" instead of getting angry, hurt, or emotonal?

This is so true, it will take me learning how to see things different and I have started but it will take time and a lot of effort on my part but I "WILL" get there. It might be the day before they put me in the pine box but I will get there.

Either way you slice it or dice it ~ you're not the same guy that came here months ago. You've been "re-born"

THANK YOU VERY MUCH GUNNY!!

 

Something else I would like to share is I hear people talking about how hard it is going thru this time of year with the holidays and I'm so happy I am going thru what I am at this time.

Why you ask; because it makes me look at what the holidays really mean. Spending time with the real friends and family that count and most important yourself. Sure we don't have our spouse to enjoy it with us and we all wish that was possible but there are many other people that care.

 

If you are a religious person you get to think of what the holidays mean and why we celebrate them. I grew up a christian but I'm having issues with religian at this time but I still understand what Christmas is about.

I would have never imagined how nice it is just to set in a quit room by yourself.

 

The day after Thanksgiving I was looking for some Christmas lights at the store and there was an older man looking at lights as well and we started to just talk and it was nice to just visit with a stranger and the neat part was I was able to help him find the lights he was looking for and so I was able to make someones Christmas better just by doing something simple.

 

So for those who are having trouble or are down because of the holidays, do something for yourself, listen to some music and enjoy the holidays!!

Be grateful that we are still alive and we do have a choice!!!!!

[PWSX3]

I would like to share another little piece in my puzzle of life that I am learning. I also want to say a4a, Lor, dgiirl, and any of the other gals out there your more then welcome to keep hitting me with that 2X4 and for Gunny, ilmw, Chad, and the others guys you are welcome to hit me with a 4X4 as often as it takes for me to understand. :laugh:

 

Last while ago (maybe two month ago) a friend of ours emailed me and told me how discussed (my word) she was with a couple pictures I had hanging in my bedroom of girls in bikinis and he thought that was so dirty and that Teri shouldn't have to look at them, etc. etc.

 

Just to help get you up to date, in 1990 my dad helped me build a 4x4 Aerostar, what we did was put a Aeostar van on a 4x4 pickup frame so it was pretty tall and four wheel drive. We used to take it to shows once we painted it and did a lot of custom stuff to it and at the shows they would have these girls in bikini at different booths so I would ask them to take picturs with my van and so I had a couple of those put in frames and hanging on my wall.

 

When I got the email I told her if it bothered the W then that was between me and her and she had never said anything about it and they had been up there for years.

 

This last week a customer was telling a couple of the guys at work about when someone says; hey check out that chick, or look at that hottie he will look the other way because he doesn't want to put himself in that situation and that he feels it's not right to be looking at other woman that way. (that is how he feels)

 

Then Friday I was listening to a program on the radio and not to preach to anyone here but he said that when we get married that we become one and if we do something that is hurtful to our partner we are hurting ourselves. He also was talking about relationships and without going into a lot of what he talked about it just got me thinking.

 

Having those pictures isn't something that should be between me and the W, but between me and myself.....

I look at it now that with having those pictures on the wall meant Teri wasn't #1 and that I didn't respect her for who she was. Now I might be wrong but I feel having those on the wall is something I don't want anymore so they will be coming down and I'll put up ones of things we like to do together such as 4-wheeling.

 

When me and the W talked the other evening I figured out how our friend had seen them, I guess she helped her move her stuff out.

Now you see how long it takes me sometimes for those hits in the head to finally take effect, yes I have a thick head but things are starting to get thru little bit at a time.

 

Most of you might think to yourself, that is stupid he had pictures of other woman on his wall and doesn't he already know this stuff, but it just shows me how much I did things for me and didn't take into concideration the feelings and thoughts of Teri. It might not be a big deal to some but for me it's just another piece of the puzzle that I'm learning about respect for others and not always looking at just me.

 

I just wanted to share this little step I made and hopefully someday I'll see that little light at the end of the tunnel. At least now I feel there is enough light to be able to see the direction I want to go, just haven't seen the big light at the end but I know it's there.

[ilmw]

I would like to share another little piece in my puzzle of life that I am learning. I also want to say a4a, Lor, dgiirl, and any of the other gals out there your more then welcome to keep hitting me with that 2X4 and for Gunny, ilmw, Chad, and the others guys you are welcome to hit me with a 4X4 as often as it takes for me to understand. :laugh:

 

Last while ago (maybe two month ago) a friend of ours emailed me and told me how discussed (my word) she was with a couple pictures I had hanging in my bedroom of girls in bikinis and he thought that was so dirty and that Teri shouldn't have to look at them, etc. etc.

 

Just to help get you up to date, in 1990 my dad helped me build a 4x4 Aerostar, what we did was put a Aeostar van on a 4x4 pickup frame so it was pretty tall and four wheel drive. We used to take it to shows once we painted it and did a lot of custom stuff to it and at the shows they would have these girls in bikini at different booths so I would ask them to take picturs with my van and so I had a couple of those put in frames and hanging on my wall.

 

When I got the email I told her if it bothered the W then that was between me and her and she had never said anything about it and they had been up there for years.

 

This last week a customer was telling a couple of the guys at work about when someone says; hey check out that chick, or look at that hottie he will look the other way because he doesn't want to put himself in that situation and that he feels it's not right to be looking at other woman that way. (that is how he feels)

 

Then Friday I was listening to a program on the radio and not to preach to anyone here but he said that when we get married that we become one and if we do something that is hurtful to our partner we are hurting ourselves. He also was talking about relationships and without going into a lot of what he talked about it just got me thinking.

 

Having those pictures isn't something that should be between me and the W, but between me and myself.....

I look at it now that with having those pictures on the wall meant Teri wasn't #1 and that I didn't respect her for who she was. Now I might be wrong but I feel having those on the wall is something I don't want anymore so they will be coming down and I'll put up ones of things we like to do together such as 4-wheeling.

 

When me and the W talked the other evening I figured out how our friend had seen them, I guess she helped her move her stuff out.

Now you see how long it takes me sometimes for those hits in the head to finally take effect, yes I have a thick head but things are starting to get thru little bit at a time.

 

Most of you might think to yourself, that is stupid he had pictures of other woman on his wall and doesn't he already know this stuff, but it just shows me how much I did things for me and didn't take into concideration the feelings and thoughts of Teri. It might not be a big deal to some but for me it's just another piece of the puzzle that I'm learning about respect for others and not always looking at just me.

 

I just wanted to share this little step I made and hopefully someday I'll see that little light at the end of the tunnel. At least now I feel there is enough light to be able to see the direction I want to go, just haven't seen the big light at the end but I know it's there.

 

Hi PW,

 

I was like that fella who turned away.. I always thought if I would not do it with DW there.. I would not do it when she was not.

 

Also ...I never looked at another woman in the 8 yrs we were together... never... I would see her in the morning.. and fall in love with her all over again... every single day...(crazy eh?? )

 

I guess the looking away was also a sign of respect from my standpoint... (it was all the other things that went wrong .. is why I am in the position I am in today.. )

 

You are seeing things through different eyes... now you see and understand...differently... you are changing for the better...

 

Keep at er.. sunshine..

ilmw

[dgiirl]

Hay PW

 

The reading is realy paying off ... because you are becoming one insightful.. dude..

 

Your past few posts in different threads have realy shown how much you are gaining in knowledge.. and then passing it on;)

 

 

I've been noticing that myself Keep up the work PW! It's definitely noticeable

[Gunny376]

I've been noticing that myself Keep up the work PW! It's definitely noticeable

 

 

Reading? Learning? Its a "Life~long" Course!

 

You'll get it figured out the "other side of the grave "Reality? What a TRIP!!" Better than dope!

[PWSX3]

What a great weekend!!!!!!!

 

Saturday my cousins invited me & my folks down to watch there town parade of lights so I drove my folks down and we stopped to eat before getting there. It was the first time I have seen a parade at night where everyone had to have some type of lights on including the kids in the school bands. (not sure how they ran them, maybe a little battery pack I guess)

 

After the parade we went to the cousins and played games, had popcorn & hot coco.

 

Sunday I got up went to the store and while I was at the store the W called and I just let it go to voice mail. I'm trying not to answer it right a way even though I always have my phone with me.

Anway she said she had taken Patrick's keys and license away from him and took him over to my place to get his bike so he can start riding it to school.

He suppose to be getting a part time job to pay for his insurance and gas and he doesn't seem to worried about getting a job so maybe this will help motovate him.

Anyway when I got home he was there, crying and all pissed off so I sat down at the table and had a really good talk with him. I tried to explain why we had to do it, what choices he had made to get "himself" into this situation and that we weren't going to be the one paying for his choice that he had made by not wanting to get a job. He has had chances to apply but didn't want to work fast food, didn't want to do that job, etc.

 

after our talk I think he felt better then he asked me if I would ride with him to his school to see how long it would take and I said; I would be more then happy to do that. (I'm so glad I've been going to the gym and I was also riding my bike before the weather got cold) His school is about 4 miles from our house and we had a good bike ride and visit there and it took 30 minutes at his speed. I told him I would just folllow and he could go the speed he felt he needed. While we were on our way there his mom called but he didn't answer it, then when we were ready to head back we met his mom in her car. I just said look who we get to meet out on our bike ride and she didn't say to much but later she called and thanked me for riding with him.

Coming home it's mostly downhill so it was only 25 minutes. When we got home I fixed some hot coco that I had gotten from my cousins (chocolate & Raspberry) and then I made grilled tuna saldwiches & bakes some french fries.

 

Even though Patrick felt the world had fallen apart for him, I was able to talk to him and help him understand why it was happening that it was his choices that made it happen.

 

Even though this experience started out as one of the worse things that has happened to me, I am very glad I am going thru it now because it will make me such a better person.

Gunny, I'm learning I don't need the W to be happy, I am learning if we do get back together that she will just be able to enjoy it with me and getting back together isn't the most important thing in this listen of life I am getting to experience.....

 

I do feel my boy was able to go back to his mom feeling good about himself, being able to understand why the things are happening and I was able to help him understand it.

 

No the old me would have NEVER handled it like that, I would have not sat down and explained it to him, I would have never taken the time to help him cope with his situation. Reading books is helping me in more then just my marriage thats for sure.

 

Hope everyone has a fantastic day and remember if you meet a stranger walking down the street just tell them hi or have a great day it makes a difference.

[PWSX3]

I had made an appointment to see my boys tutor at school and so I asked the W if she wanted to go and she said she would, I did this on Friday.

 

Sunday I got a voice mail from the W and in the voice mail she was saying she was working late Monday and then she realized she had that appointment and said; oh wait I get to meet you on Monday so I won't have to worry about picking Patrick up. Just the way she said it was like she was all excited to be able to see me.

 

After our meeting we talked for a while and she said she misses the family part of what we had but she doesn't miss me, she said she will have to see if she will fall back in love with me again, but at this time she isn't ready to work on that just yet.

 

She also brought up the affair, which happened over 16 years ago, and she said it wasn't the affair that bothers her but what was said about it. Not sure what she means but she said if it wasn't for the affair I we would probably never had our son because I wasn't ready to have kids at that time, but the person I had the affair with had two kids and I saw how much she cared for them.

 

Anyway I'm starting to wonder if us doing things together now such as the meeting with Patrick's tutor and having to deal with his getting a job and paying his insurance is just ways she is keeping in contact with me as the family part, but like she said doesn't want to work on the relationship as of yet.

 

I guess I just keep doing what I've been doing, learning about me and then see what the next few months will bring.

[ilmw]

After our meeting we talked for a while and she said she misses the family part of what we had but she doesn't miss me, she said she will have to see if she will fall back in love with me again, but at this time she isn't ready to work on that just yet.

 

 

 

Anyway I'm starting to wonder if us doing things together now such as the meeting with Patrick's tutor and having to deal with his getting a job and paying his insurance is just ways she is keeping in contact with me as the family part, but like she said doesn't want to work on the relationship as of yet.

 

I guess I just keep doing what I've been doing, learning about me and then see what the next few months will bring.

 

Hi PW,

 

The way I see it... you can use these times of interaction for or against your relationship...

 

You can show all the positive changes you are making without throwing it into her face (calm cool collected... smooth)

 

or... You can show that you are full of "huff.. and puff" and empty promised... look good outside ... but not made any change inside...long term,,

 

To me from just reading your posts now... they are so positve... and you are passing on Real Knowledge to others... sounds pretty convincing to me...

 

Brother... that post you just made was the first one where I have seen real similarities to your situation and mine,,,

 

Some of the things your W said to you kind of made me nod my head.. and go...Hmmm..

 

I say this because... what your wife actually said to you,,, makes me wonder if that is what my DW,, is saying to me... but in her own subtle way....?? (I guess she still thinks I am a mind reader... ).. I still don't think she is ready to have a conversation on the relationship..yet... I think there has been to much going on ... for her to settle.. and take time for herself... always some kind of drama going on ... latest... our other dog got out of her yard... is now missing for a week... (seems s/son may have left the gate open.. and forgot to close it befor letting the dog out)... but he denise it... (the gate to the yard is latched.. had to have been opened from inside...by a human)

 

Now of course that is speculation only.. and being a Meat Headed Male.. stumbling through this mind field ...we call Love, life and relationships..I can only guess for now...but it did get me thinking... and it made some kind of sence in my situation too..

 

PW.. just keep on doing what you are doing... and by doing this... you are showing the PW she fell in love with initially.... but she is getting the bounus pack now... as you are upgraded and come with a life time supply of growing...caring.. knowledge .. and you are upgradable.. for free..

 

Take care.. and thanks for another great post..

ilmw

[PWSX3]

I have always wondered why after a couple splits up it seems like the wife (It also happens to the husband) goes out joins the gym, starts dressing better, pays attention to how they look, etc. and I've wondered why they didn't do that when they were married, wouldn't there spouse enjoy that? Just guestions that make me go MMmm?

 

Now that I have gone thru such an occasion I am starting to see why they do this, it's not because they want to look good for someone else but they want to look good for themselves, to feel good about themselves, etc. It all starts with looking inside yourself and unless you do that you won't be able to look good or feel good for someone else.

 

Just thought I would share.

 

Today I called the W because I needed to ask her about life insurance that I seem to have been paying for the both of us. Anyway I told her Patrick is playing bells this weekend and if she would like to go I could pick her up if she wanted and she said; she would like to go but would drive herself because she doesn't want to give Patrick false hopes by seeing me pick her up yet she didn't mind us doing things together at this time such as his play. I'm a little confused on that one if she doesn't mind him seeing us set together at the play then what is the difference of me picking her up????

 

I told her that would be fine that just being able to see her and visit was good enough, that I didn't have to pick her up. I will plan on getting there a little early so then she has the choice to set by me or set by herself and that is a choice I won't have to make.

 

NOTE TO SELF: Go slow and be patient.

[ilmw]

 

NOTE TO SELF: Go slow and be patient.

 

See.. someone is listening... ...

 

 

Have fun seeing your son... be patient with the W.. atleast she is willing to be in the same building with you... and don't think she does not appreciate you letting her know....

 

The book I mentioned in my post... I highly recommend.. you get it.. very good read... and it give lots of hope with no guarantee.. of reconcilation...

 

ilmw

[PWSX3]

Tonight was Patrick's Candle Light Service/program where he played the bells and then other people played other Christmas songs on trumpets, guitars, sang, etc. and it was really good. It's good to see high school age kids get up and perform. It really makes this holiday special and when you look at it in a positive attitude it really makes it fun. By looking at yourself it really makes you appreciate other things I feel.

 

The W never showed up because she ended up having to work but her mom was there and I invited her to set by me and she did for a little while then decided she wanted to get closer so she could see better. It was O.K. if she moved it didn't bother me.

 

My folks were also there and after Patrick was finished he came and sat with us to watch the rest of the program.

 

I know if things don't work out with me & the W I will be O.K. with it even though it will be hard, but I'm still not ready to give up just yet, I still have good feelings in my heart for her and hopefully the feelings she had once for me will come back.

 

Tonight we tried making donuts by using Biscuit in those rolls and they didn't turn out to bad, need a little more practice. :rolleyes:Thought it would be something Patrick would like to do. We even made some treats with a cherry in the middle earlier today and those turned out really well. I called her and asked if she was home I had something I would like to bring by but she said she wasn't home so I told her what we had done and you have to eat them when they are hot so I said maybe some other time. I was proud of myself because I didn't ask where she was or what she was doing, I just stuck with what I needed to ask and it didn't work in my plans so I just said thanks.

 

Oh, on a side note I am putting together her Christmas gift. I bought the DVD "Young Frankenstein" (1974 black and white) with Gene Wilder because that was the first movie (DATE) we saw together, then I plan on buying a gift card so she can rent other movies, then I'll add a six pack of her favorite soda/pop and a box of those single microwave popcorns. It's something small but most people wouldn't even get there other half something under the situation but I feel this is something I would do even if it was a friend and she will always be a friend.

 

Then her birthday is at the end of Dec. so my plans are to make her some CD's so she has some music to listen to.

One CD will be the Billboard top 100 hits of 1960 (when she was born) then one of Billboard Top 100 Hits of 1979 when she graduated. These she might not listen to so I'll throw in a couple mixed CD's of music such as country, Josh Groben, Marc Anthony, Pink, Spice Girls, Sir Mix A Lot, TLC, Charolette Church, and you can't forget OZZY, and whatever else I can fit on there which should make for a good mix of music.

 

I hope everyone is having a good weekend!! Tomorrow it suppose to be cold around here..

[ilmw]

Tonight was Patrick's Candle Light Service/program where he played the bells and then other people played other Christmas songs on trumpets, guitars, sang, etc. and it was really good. It's good to see high school age kids get up and perform. It really makes this holiday special and when you look at it in a positive attitude it really makes it fun. By looking at yourself it really makes you appreciate other things I feel.

 

The W never showed up because she ended up having to work but her mom was there and I invited her to set by me and she did for a little while then decided she wanted to get closer so she could see better. It was O.K. if she moved it didn't bother me.

 

My folks were also there and after Patrick was finished he came and sat with us to watch the rest of the program.

 

I know if things don't work out with me & the W I will be O.K. with it even though it will be hard, but I'm still not ready to give up just yet, I still have good feelings in my heart for her and hopefully the feelings she had once for me will come back.

 

Tonight we tried making donuts by using Biscuit in those rolls and they didn't turn out to bad, need a little more practice. :rolleyes:Thought it would be something Patrick would like to do. We even made some treats with a cherry in the middle earlier today and those turned out really well. I called her and asked if she was home I had something I would like to bring by but she said she wasn't home so I told her what we had done and you have to eat them when they are hot so I said maybe some other time. I was proud of myself because I didn't ask where she was or what she was doing, I just stuck with what I needed to ask and it didn't work in my plans so I just said thanks.

 

Oh, on a side note I am putting together her Christmas gift. I bought the DVD "Young Frankenstein" (1974 black and white) with Gene Wilder because that was the first movie (DATE) we saw together, then I plan on buying a gift card so she can rent other movies, then I'll add a six pack of her favorite soda/pop and a box of those single microwave popcorns. It's something small but most people wouldn't even get there other half something under the situation but I feel this is something I would do even if it was a friend and she will always be a friend.

 

Then her birthday is at the end of Dec. so my plans are to make her some CD's so she has some music to listen to.

One CD will be the Billboard top 100 hits of 1960 (when she was born) then one of Billboard Top 100 Hits of 1979 when she graduated. These she might not listen to so I'll throw in a couple mixed CD's of music such as country, Josh Groben, Marc Anthony, Pink, Spice Girls, Sir Mix A Lot, TLC, Charolette Church, and you can't forget OZZY, and whatever else I can fit on there which should make for a good mix of music.

 

I hope everyone is having a good weekend!! Tomorrow it suppose to be cold around here..

 

Sounds great PW..

 

some great ideas there.. I'm stealing the cd idea of top 100... ... doing it for DW for her BD in Jan.....

 

Thanks... you should have copywrited it.... :lmao: :lmao:

 

Your doing great bud:)

 

ilmw