Another trial separation chapter 2

[ilmw]

Tonight the W called and asked me what day me and my son were doing the toys-for-tots run and I said Dec. 2nd.

She said that was the day they were taking her folks out to eat for there anniversary and I said I guess Patrick won't be going with me then.

She said maybe he could do both and I said no just do your thing because you already planned it.

 

After I hung up I felt hurt that she would take Patrick on one of my days I have him so I called her back to let her know that it hurt me that she was taking him on a day I supposes to have him.

 

She explained that when she made that date it was one of her days but since we changed them around a little it did't land on her day anymore so after that I kind of understood.

Anyway we started talking about things about us instead of just Patrick, she thanked me for her Thanksgiving card I gave her and then we talked about some of the books I have been reading. The reason that came up is she asked me what book she had that I have read? I told her I didn't know and she told me it was The 5 love languages. She had talked to the friend I borrowed it from and he told her so I thought since she brought it up I would tell her about the other books I'm reading. I think she was impressed since I don't read that much but it was good to just talk about us for a while.

 

That in itself made for a good evening and a good start to the long weekend. Now if someone wants to help me replace wheel bearings on my Explorer on Sunday that would finish my weekend really well. :D

 

Whats a wheel bearing?

 

:lmao: :lmao:

 

Things sound to be settling into something managable.. with you and DW... Yes/No?

 

With the correct attitude we can change the world (well atleast our little bit of it)

 

You can realy tell the difference in the way you are writing these days... unlike in the past... seeking questions... Now giving answers...

 

Sounds good bud.... keep it up;)

ilmw

[PWSX3]

I turned my phone on this morning and there was a message so I listened to it and it was the W saying she was spending the evening at her sisters so they can go shopping today and she wouldn't pick up Shadow (her dog) until today.

She left Shadow here so he wouldn't have to be left inside all day while they were at her sisters for Thanksgiving. Didn't matter to me because the dogs can go in and out at my place.

 

Just thought it was funny she called to let me know she wasn't picking up Shadow until today, she has left him here before and never said when she would pick him up.....

 

I did leave her a message yesterday and told her there was this movie out called Borret and if it was one she was going to see and wanted company to let me know.

I figure that way she knows I'm interested in seeing it and she can ask me if she wants to do something with me. I'm not much of a movie person so I only go to maybe 3 movies a year so for me to let her know there is a movie I would like to see isn't the norm.

 

It supposes to be nice today so maybe I'll go start replacing that wheel bearing. Thats what I get I guess for running 35" tires on a Explorer.

[ilmw]

I turned my phone on this morning and there was a message so I listened to it and it was the W saying she was spending the evening at her sisters so they can go shopping today and she wouldn't pick up Shadow (her dog) until today.

She left Shadow here so he wouldn't have to be left inside all day while they were at her sisters for Thanksgiving. Didn't matter to me because the dogs can go in and out at my place.

 

Just thought it was funny she called to let me know she wasn't picking up Shadow until today, she has left him here before and never said when she would pick him up.....

 

I did leave her a message yesterday and told her there was this movie out called Borret and if it was one she was going to see and wanted company to let me know.

I figure that way she knows I'm interested in seeing it and she can ask me if she wants to do something with me. I'm not much of a movie person so I only go to maybe 3 movies a year so for me to let her know there is a movie I would like to see isn't the norm.

 

It supposes to be nice today so maybe I'll go start replacing that wheel bearing. Thats what I get I guess for running 35" tires on a Explorer.

 

Have you noticed any other subtle changes? Softening of any kind?

 

Sounds like you are doing the right things... no pressure.. on her.

 

ilmw

[PWSX3]

Have you noticed any other subtle changes? Softening of any kind?

 

Sounds like you are doing the right things... no pressure.. on her.

 

ilmw

Not sure if it is a subtle change but I found out today she is getting her mail forwarded to her new address. She was just having stuff still come here except for the bills and things she had changed, but now she went to the post office and is having all her mail sent there.

 

And today my son said when they were at her sisters and they went shopping she bought a rug shampooer he wasn't sure but that isn't something we need so I don't think she is ready to work on things just yet.

 

That's O.K. I still have two more books to read and I still have time to do some more growing, but the longer we are apart the more I feel I will distance myself from her.

[Sonitas]

Sounds like you are doing well. You mentioned the book "getting the love you want", I just finished reading the book (hve not done the exercises though) and I thought it really helped me put some new insight into why we behave in certain ways. I hope it helps you too.

 

Sounds like you are taking better care of yourself too!

[PWSX3]

Sounds like you are doing well. You mentioned the book "getting the love you want", I just finished reading the book (hve not done the exercises though) and I thought it really helped me put some new insight into why we behave in certain ways. I hope it helps you too.

 

Sounds like you are taking better care of yourself too!

Thanks a lot, hearing someone else read the book and liked it will make it more fun to read. I still have to finish Divorce busting and since I don't read all that fast it might take a while but I'll get it done!!!!

 

Thanks for the kind words they are much appreciated....

[PWSX3]

WHERE IS THAT SMILIE THAT JUMPS UP AND DOWN FOR JOY?!?!?!?!?!??!?

 

IT'S GOING TO BE A GREAT CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!

 

 

First off I have to thank Dgiirl for getting my head straightened back on again. As I might have posted before Christmas hasn't been that much fun for me in the last few years and she had to hit me with that 2X4 and wake me up.....

 

The only reason I didn't enjoy Christmas is because I didn't want to, that was my choice and I choice not to enjoy it, but this year is going to be different. I asked myself, self why is it really you don't like Christmas when before you used to like it. I guess what I was doing was blaming T for spending money, etc. and not blameing myself for just being lazy and not getting lights and the tree up. It was my fault not hers!!!!

 

Tonight the neighbors were putting up lights so I have decided to do the same.

I went shopping for some hangers for lights outside since I took all the nails out I had in when we repainted a couple years ago. While I was there I was looking at the lights since they were on sale and didn't see anything that caught my eye, then this angel dressed up as a customer said the magic words. Hey honey the only colors they have here are white, blue or

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PURPLE!!!!!!!

 

That was it, I had to have those. Oh by the way did I ever tell you guys purple is my favorite color. All my stuff at work is purple (including my staples for my staple gun) I usually have some type of purple on every day, I own a purple Ford Explorer that I custom painted and everything in it that we use to go 4-wheeling is purple such as my chair, cooler, jacket, water jug, etc. You get the points. And my bathroom is painted in light purple....

 

So I bought 3 boxes that will do the front of the neighbors garage & my garage and side of the house (I live in a duplex) Then I got some multi colored ones that I'll do the tree out front and that will be the start of my Christmas. I am a happy camper!!! or as Gunny would say, I'm a happy soldier!!!

[PWSX3]

Sorry for so many posts in a row but lot is happening today and I feel it's all positive/good things.

 

Called the W and talked to her for 40 minutes, asked her how her Turkey Day went and talked about this coming weekend.

 

Then I said I wasn't sure what her feelings were as far as us getting back together but I was just wondering if she would be interested in reading Divorce Busting when I was finished and she said; she isn't sure what she wants, she is just happy with things as they are for now. I guess our counselor had called or she called her and the counselor asked her the same thing, but she did say she would like to read the book when I'm finished so that is a good sign.

At least the fat lady hasn't started to see or for Gunny my life boat hasn't sunk just yet..... (the titanic thing )

 

I thought of maybe just doing small things like sending her an email once in a while just saying have a good day, or maybe leave a note on her car saying just thinking of you, small things that will make her just think of the good times we have had.

 

Anyway it's back to the book for an hour before bed, I'm at least half way thru now. I can't believe someone on here read that book in one evening.

[ilmw]

Sorry for so many posts in a row but lot is happening today and I feel it's all positive/good things.

 

Called the W and talked to her for 40 minutes, asked her how her Turkey Day went and talked about this coming weekend.

 

Then I said I wasn't sure what her feelings were as far as us getting back together but I was just wondering if she would be interested in reading Divorce Busting when I was finished and she said; she isn't sure what she wants, she is just happy with things as they are for now. I guess our counselor had called or she called her and the counselor asked her the same thing, but she did say she would like to read the book when I'm finished so that is a good sign.

At least the fat lady hasn't started to see or for Gunny my life boat hasn't sunk just yet..... (the titanic thing )

 

I thought of maybe just doing small things like sending her an email once in a while just saying have a good day, or maybe leave a note on her car saying just thinking of you, small things that will make her just think of the good times we have had.

 

Anyway it's back to the book for an hour before bed, I'm at least half way thru now. I can't believe someone on here read that book in one evening.

 

Hi there PW,

 

This is just my opionion... but... I would suggest against the notes on her car... and suggesting she read books... etc.. It is kinda pressuring behaviour.... I have wanted to do both.. and even more... but have held off.

 

Another thing i have read is not to talk or bring up your relationship unless she does....

 

A lot of this stuff is in Divorce Busting.. Finish reading it then read it again..k

 

Its all up to you PW.

 

TAke care bud

ilmw

[PWSX3]

Hi there PW,

 

This is just my opionion... but... I would suggest against the notes on her car... and suggesting she read books... etc.. It is kinda pressuring behaviour.... I have wanted to do both.. and even more... but have held off.

 

Another thing i have read is not to talk or bring up your relationship unless she does....

 

A lot of this stuff is in Divorce Busting.. Finish reading it then read it again..k

 

Its all up to you PW.

 

TAke care bud

ilmw

Thank you for the suggestions, I guess I just got a little excited. It is good to talk to her on the phone and especially when she laughes and I can tell she is enjoying the conversation.

I already asked her if she wanted to read the book when I'm done and she siad she would like to, so do you think I should give it to her when I'm finished or what???

 

Funny you say to read it then read it again because that is why it takes me so long is because I read a lot of the book twice as I'm reading it to make sure I understand what I'm reading. I also have learned to keep the TV & music off when I'm reading it helps me to concentrate.

Thanks ilmw for looking out for me.

[ilmw]

Thank you for the suggestions, I guess I just got a little excited. It is good to talk to her on the phone and especially when she laughes and I can tell she is enjoying the conversation.

I already asked her if she wanted to read the book when I'm done and she siad she would like to, so do you think I should give it to her when I'm finished or what???

 

Funny you say to read it then read it again because that is why it takes me so long is because I read a lot of the book twice as I'm reading it to make sure I understand what I'm reading. I also have learned to keep the TV & music off when I'm reading it helps me to concentrate.

Thanks ilmw for looking out for me.

 

If she wants to read the book...good/great.

 

Want I mean is maybe not suggest she read books on the subject... She should choose to read books for her self...

 

I think gunny mentioned it takes reading something like 5 seperate times to get it down... so we both have alot of reading to do:eek: ...

ilmw

[PWSX3]

I think gunny mentioned it takes reading something like 5 seperate times to get it down... so we both have alot of reading to do:eek: ...

ilmw

That sucks!!!

Does Gunny know how slow I read the way it is????

 

Maybe after I read it I'll let her read it then I'll read it again since I have another book I want to read after this one.

[Gunny376]

To clear this up~

 

The average "retention rate" is about 20%, therefore to obtain 100% retentiion rate you have to cover the same material 5X's before its firmly embeded in your brain housing group. (On some material its more)

 

I stumbled across this tibit of knowledge when I took my first college statistics class (STATS 101) I read the book cover to cover five times. Made myself do it. I took my first test, and wanted to drop out, thinking and incomplete would be better than an "F"

 

The instructor said, "What are you talking about? You've got an A+! The highest in the class?"

 

The other part of it comes from experice~ "If you don't use it ~ you lose it!" This is the reason that firearm safety must be "re-taught" over and over, and over, and over to law enforcement and military personal. You can't teach it enough! You can't preach it enough!

 

The problem with dating and mating, the problem with marraige is as a society ~ we're not teaching the 101 classes ~ when we should be teaching them at the middle school level.

[anna13]

To clear this up~

 

The average "retention rate" is about 20%, therefore to obtain 100% retentiion rate you have to cover the same material 5X's before its firmly embeded in your brain housing group. (On some material its more)

 

I stumbled across this tibit of knowledge when I took my first college statistics class (STATS 101) I read the book cover to cover five times. Made myself do it. I took my first test, and wanted to drop out, thinking and incomplete would be better than an "F"

 

The instructor said, "What are you talking about? You've got an A+! The highest in the class?"

 

The other part of it comes from experice~ "If you don't use it ~ you lose it!" This is the reason that firearm safety must be "re-taught" over and over, and over, and over to law enforcement and military personal. You can't teach it enough! You can't preach it enough!

 

The problem with dating and mating, the problem with marraige is as a society ~ we're not teaching the 101 classes ~ when we should be teaching them at the middle school level.

that is good advice , I think I better go back and read some books a few more times . thanks for that . and to PWSX3 i know how it is , to feel exited that things are going better, I have been going through that myself lately and it is hard not to get exited and comfortable . Just try to take things one thing at a time and live in the "now" that is what i try to do , because I tend to live in the dreams of what i want to happen and that doesnt work really.

[PWSX3]

Last night I finished my Divorce Busting book and I was going to give it to the W so she can read it, but I might just re-read it again real quick. O.K. quick for me is a week.

 

I have a feeling if I give it to her to read I might not see it again for a while since she will read it at her own speed and that might be in a while or she might not read it at all. I know ilmw said not to suggest her reading books but I had already told her I was reading it and if she wanted to read it after I was done and she said; yes she would like to read it. Then she asked if these books I'm reading are ones our counselor had suggested or other people and I said; I heard about them on LS...

 

I tried highlighting things that I felt were important and maybe if I go thru it again I'll find even more things that I missed, specially if I suppose to read it 5 times..

 

ilmw; I read the part about not chasing in the book. I see what you mean if I keep contracting her as the book says then she won't get the feeling of missing me. No notes no more emails unless it's important. The other thing I notice I do is answer my cell phone every time she calls, I might start letting her leave a message and I'll get back to her later.

 

Sonitas; thanks for the little heads up on the other book I'm going to read. I got started on it last night just a couple chapters.

[PWSX3]

Just try to take things one thing at a time and live in the "now" that is what i try to do , because I tend to live in the dreams of what i want to happen and that doesnt work really.

anna, I really try doing this but for me it's very hard. I am a person that plans everything, which means I'm always looking ahead.....

 

I know this is something I need to overcome. I feel part of that has to do with being a controlling person, which is something else I'm working on.

 

Thanks for the support..

[Sonitas]

Sounds like you are really starting to reflect on what is most important right now....yourself. When your wife discovers what it is she needs you will be all the better person either way. I don't see anything wrong with offering her your book when you are finished, it just shows her that you are working at growing as a person, and learning to become a better partner...whether that be with her or someone else special in your future.

 

Living day to day can be difficult in some ways, especially when you are accustomed to planning for the future. You don't know what your future holds right now, and that can be hard. You can still work on your personal future goals, things you want to achieve for yourself.

[PWSX3]

I had sent an update to a member on the 4x4 board that I'm on and this is what she replied back to me. I really thought it was good information to share.

 

Hey Perry,

 

Well, I think it is wise on your part to eliminate contact with Teri. It's important for her to experience life without you, and it's important for you to give yourself a chance at moving on. If you can't find happiness without Teri, you'll never find happiness with her. It's not your partner's job to make your life fulfilling and enjoyable. That's your job, your partner is just there to share those moments with you. Also, she may need time to heal and find herself, so it's best to let her do that without interruption. Having contact with you may be confusing her as to how she really feels, since the best way to see a situation for what it is is to remove yourself from it, and look at the big picture. I'm sorry that you're going through this, I don't know you, but you seem like a good guy. I'm a strong believer, however, that what is meant to be will be, and all you can do is put up your sail and move with the changing winds. If you try and fight them, you're only going to stay where you already are, and ultimately cheating yourself out of something better.

[ilmw]

I had sent an update to a member on the 4x4 board that I'm on and this is what she replied back to me. I really thought it was good information to share.

 

Hey Perry,

 

Well, I think it is wise on your part to eliminate contact with Teri. It's important for her to experience life without you, and it's important for you to give yourself a chance at moving on. If you can't find happiness without Teri, you'll never find happiness with her. It's not your partner's job to make your life fulfilling and enjoyable. That's your job, your partner is just there to share those moments with you. Also, she may need time to heal and find herself, so it's best to let her do that without interruption. Having contact with you may be confusing her as to how she really feels, since the best way to see a situation for what it is is to remove yourself from it, and look at the big picture. I'm sorry that you're going through this, I don't know you, but you seem like a good guy. I'm a strong believer, however, that what is meant to be will be, and all you can do is put up your sail and move with the changing winds. If you try and fight them, you're only going to stay where you already are, and ultimately cheating yourself out of something better.

 

Good advise you were given...

[PWSX3]

Since I feel I need to give the W her space and not bother or call or whatever I do have one question you might all be able to help me with.

 

I did give her a Thanksgiving card and when we talked last she said thank you.

 

Now my question;

Her Birthday is Dec. 31st so should I send her a Birthday card as well or just pass at this time?

[Sonitas]

Just my opinion....I think a good birthday card is always appreciated no matter what the situation. It makes you feel cared for thought of, and can brighten your day even more.

[PWSX3]

My cousin sent me this so I thought I would share it, it makes a lot of since...

 

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that we

thought wasn't supposed to ever let us down probably will.

We will have our hearts broken probably more than once --

and it's harder every time. We’ll break hearts too, so remember

how it felt when yours was broken. We’ll fight with our best friend.

We'll blame a new love for things an old one did. We'll cry because

time is passing too quickly, and we'll eventually lose someone we love.

 

So, let’s take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like we've

never been hurt, because every sixty seconds we spend upset is a minute

of happiness we'll never get back. Let’s not be afraid that our life will end,

let’s be afraid that it will never begin.

[ilmw]

My cousin sent me this so I thought I would share it, it makes a lot of since...

 

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that we

thought wasn't supposed to ever let us down probably will.

We will have our hearts broken probably more than once --

and it's harder every time. We’ll break hearts too, so remember

how it felt when yours was broken. We’ll fight with our best friend.

We'll blame a new love for things an old one did. We'll cry because

time is passing too quickly, and we'll eventually lose someone we love.

 

So, let’s take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like we've

never been hurt, because every sixty seconds we spend upset is a minute

of happiness we'll never get back. Let’s not be afraid that our life will end,

let’s be afraid that it will never begin.

 

That was realy good!!

[Gunny376]

My cousin sent me this so I thought I would share it, it makes a lot of since...

 

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that we

thought wasn't supposed to ever let us down probably will.

We will have our hearts broken probably more than once --

and it's harder every time. We’ll break hearts too, so remember

how it felt when yours was broken. We’ll fight with our best friend.

We'll blame a new love for things an old one did. We'll cry because

time is passing too quickly, and we'll eventually lose someone we love.

 

So, let’s take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like we've

never been hurt, because every sixty seconds we spend upset is a minute

of happiness we'll never get back. Let’s not be afraid that our life will end,

let’s be afraid that it will never begin.

 

Thanks for sharing that!

 

And, its ture! Life is way too short! The time to get "real" about your life is here and now! The time to get serious about your life? Is right here and now! Its like the quote from "Shawshank Redemition"

 

"Either get busy living or get busy dying"

 

Its taken me a long time to come to the realization that I should have long ago caught the bus to Mexico ( Ref: Shawkshank Redemtion ~ the movie)

 

I did my best, I gave my best, I did and gave all that I had at the time ~ it wasn't enough, and I can go to my grave never knowing if it was enough ~ but it was all that I had and the best I had at the time! I'm a wiser and more knowlegeable person for the expeirence! I've grown as a person, as an individual, as a man, and as a human being ~ I'm better for the experience. They say that without the pain, there's really no gain!

[PWSX3]

Me and the W have been emailing back and forth and I have come to the conclusion that we can't email each other because we just start doing the tit-for-tat thing.

It is hard to understand what the other person is really saying and here is an example. This is what she sent me after I had sent her one saying; I think we need to start doing things together to see if we want to make things work and to see if we have started to change and here is her reply;

 

Are you honestly ready to do things together to see if being with me is what you want?? Is this possible at this point for you to be able to focus on this aspect?

 

 

Now the way I read this is she sees it as me being the one that needs to change and doesn't say anything about what she is feeling except maybe anger. Then yesterday afternoon I called her on the phone and we got a long really well and had a good little chat.

 

Hope everyone has a great weekend, me & the boy are headed to the big city with a 4x4 group today for Toys-for-Tots. We have 3-4 towns close by that meet here then we meet with more from another town 10 miles away.

Last year we had 15 4x4 trucks carivaning down the Interstate and this year it should be bigger.