Author PWSX3 Posted July 30, 2007 Author Posted July 30, 2007 P this might be a good time to have her plan a day.... puts here in the position of control and responsibility for decisions. She is the one that came up with the idea of doing something this weekend as a family since she doesn't work.....I thought that was doing pretty good for her, don't want her having to much pressure.....:laugh: We did plan it together, she even said she will go on the Canyon Flyer.. CANYON FLYER Hop on the Canyon Flyer - the first alpine coaster in the United States! - with individual cars on tracks that race 3,400 feet through the trees and down the mountainside. You control your speed, which gives you a unique hands-on experience. Your ride is exciting and varied, with jumps and waves built into the track to add to the thrill. Unlike an alpine slide, the Canyon Flyer makes hairpin turns and can operate year-round due to its track system. At the end of the ride, you're pulled 1,000 feet up the track, through a forest dotted with wild flowers, to return to where your ride began. And she is going to tour the cave as well......
ilmw Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 She is the one that came up with the idea of doing something this weekend as a family since she doesn't work.....I thought that was doing pretty good for her, don't want her having to much pressure.....:laugh: We did plan it together, she even said she will go on the Canyon Flyer.. CANYON FLYER Hop on the Canyon Flyer - the first alpine coaster in the United States! - with individual cars on tracks that race 3,400 feet through the trees and down the mountainside. You control your speed, which gives you a unique hands-on experience. Your ride is exciting and varied, with jumps and waves built into the track to add to the thrill. Unlike an alpine slide, the Canyon Flyer makes hairpin turns and can operate year-round due to its track system. At the end of the ride, you're pulled 1,000 feet up the track, through a forest dotted with wild flowers, to return to where your ride began. And she is going to tour the cave as well...... Thats awesome.. PW!!
Author PWSX3 Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 Just wanted to give everyone an update on our weekend trip, WE HAD A BLAST!!!! I was very proud of the W for giving the Canyon Flyer a try (And she even liked it) and making it down & then back up the 137 stairs in the cave. Our boy had fun showing her around since he has been there before. Sunday we rented a bicycle for our son & then we drove 13 miles out of town & down the canyon to a rest area & unloaded the bikes. We then met the W about 7 miles at another rest area & had a little something to eat & drink then headed on into town. I tried to get the W to ride the last two miles with me, but she didn't want to do it, said her butt wouldn't fit the bike, plus she wasn't in shape which was a bad excuse because the trail was all down hill. So me & our son road into town & met up with the W at the bike rental place where she wasn't anywhere to be found, just the vehicle. We called once we got my bike loaded onto the car & she was around the car shopping so she got in some shopping while we were playing....... I can't put my figure on it, but things are going pretty well the last couple of weeks with the W, I feel she is starting to put an effort into helping around the house, we do things together instead of just one of us doing something, she is trying to fit in & be part of the family. There are still things that I feel she could work harder on, but I have just decided not to worry about it, there is nothing I can do so why worry about it.....That is something that is really hard for me, but I'm really working hard on it. There is a 2.5 mile (round trip) hike that I was hoping to do this summer but didn't really want to do it myself since it is 3 hours away, but my friend that has been such a good help for me wants to go & a lady that I work with wants to do it as well, so we are trying to plan a Saturday that all three of us can go so that will be fun. It is a short hike, but you gain over 1,000 feet in 1.2 miles.... Saturday I'm going to try a 30 mile (round trip) bike ride in the mountains & see how that goes. Hopefully it won't kick my a$$ to bad, I guess I can always turn around sooner & just coast home..... Still trying to keep up the exercise & since it seems like the Elliptical machine hurts my back I am doing more bike riding. I just finished one book & have half of another book I need to finish, but I'm still trying to learn, trying to do what I can do....... That is about it for now, hopefully things will just keep getting better & better.......
Gunny376 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Another trial separation chapter 2 Today I finally got to go see our counsoler after all her bad luck in her family. The first time she cancelled her dad pasted away then when me & the W were to meet her mom passed away. I found out her mom had cancer and was getting better but after her husband passed away she told her 3 daughters it was time to go and she passed away in 3 days. Anyway I feel this appointment was the start of me turning my life around. Sure I have been working on it with all the help from people here and reading books. She was impressed at what I have been doing and all the information that I have collected. I am learning what I was doing wrong but I still need to figure out why and get to the root of why. I feel I have opened the door and I'm inside but the light at the end of the tunnel is a LONG WAYS AWAY because it's still pretty damn dark!!!!! The counsoler explained to me how things I did would effect the W and things the W would do would affect me and it's always been that way. I know there are things the W will need to do but the only thing I can hope is she will realize it because if not then there is nothing I will be able to do except to move on without her. Anyway I hope I still can get the great support that I have so far and I will have questions to help me thru my journey. Our counsoler did say something that made a lot of since and that was; the couple that plays together, stays together and I have to agree with that because when we were doing things such as our 4-wheeling we had a lot of fun. The next time we both see the counsoler is set for Oct. 25th and that will be the first time we have seen each other. vs Just wanted to give everyone an update on our weekend trip, WE HAD A BLAST!!!! I was very proud of the W for giving the Canyon Flyer a try (And she even liked it) and making it down & then back up the 137 stairs in the cave. Our boy had fun showing her around since he has been there before. Sunday we rented a bicycle for our son & then we drove 13 miles out of town & down the canyon to a rest area & unloaded the bikes. We then met the W about 7 miles at another rest area & had a little something to eat & drink then headed on into town. I tried to get the W to ride the last two miles with me, but she didn't want to do it, said her butt wouldn't fit the bike, plus she wasn't in shape which was a bad excuse because the trail was all down hill. So me & our son road into town & met up with the W at the bike rental place where she wasn't anywhere to be found, just the vehicle. We called once we got my bike loaded onto the car & she was around the car shopping so she got in some shopping while we were playing....... I can't put my figure on it, but things are going pretty well the last couple of weeks with the W, I feel she is starting to put an effort into helping around the house, we do things together instead of just one of us doing something, she is trying to fit in & be part of the family. There are still things that I feel she could work harder on, but I have just decided not to worry about it, there is nothing I can do so why worry about it.....That is something that is really hard for me, but I'm really working hard on it. There is a 2.5 mile (round trip) hike that I was hoping to do this summer but didn't really want to do it myself since it is 3 hours away, but my friend that has been such a good help for me wants to go & a lady that I work with wants to do it as well, so we are trying to plan a Saturday that all three of us can go so that will be fun. It is a short hike, but you gain over 1,000 feet in 1.2 miles.... Saturday I'm going to try a 30 mile (round trip) bike ride in the mountains & see how that goes. Hopefully it won't kick my a$$ to bad, I guess I can always turn around sooner & just coast home..... Still trying to keep up the exercise & since it seems like the Elliptical machine hurts my back I am doing more bike riding. I just finished one book & have half of another book I need to finish, but I'm still trying to learn, trying to do what I can do....... That is about it for now, hopefully things will just keep getting better & better....... That thar's what ya call 1000% turn-around! See all that thar' reading, and studifying did ya some good!
Sonitas Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I signed in today and of course I had to check in to see how things were going for you....how happy it makes me to see that you are doing so well! Congrats!! You have come such a long way, and your wife has been hard at work too, it's amazing what we can accomplish when we begin running towards the things we desire the most. Hope you are having a great week.
Gunny376 Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I signed in today and of course I had to check in to see how things were going for you....how happy it makes me to see that you are doing so well! Congrats!! You have come such a long way, and your wife has been hard at work too, it's amazing what we can accomplish when we begin running towards the things we desire the most. Hope you are having a great week. Ooooooraahhh! SemperFi! Do! OR die!
ilmw Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Hey PW.. just caught up with your thread... Once again... AWESOME !!! So happy you guys.. look like you are getting it right! Shinning example.. of what can be accomplished! ilmw
Gunny376 Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 "Here and forever "after" Comes one second, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month, ........................................one year at a time! People? People that accomplish and achieve great things don't do one great thing, they do a succession of little things that lead to one great thing! Take care of your pennies? Your dollars will take care of themselves! Pay attention to the details of your life, your life will take care of itself! Its not Valentines, the annivesary's, XMAS, birthdays, ~ its the seconds, the minutes, the hours of the day to day! Take care of those ~ and you're azz will be good to go! Its walking up to your spouse and SAYING: I'm glad you're a part of my life! I'm glad you're in my life! I'm a better person, (flll in the blank) because of you! I've grown because of you! I'm a better parent because of you! Thank you for being you, and making me a better person! Thank you for helping me grow! Thank you for being there for me! Thank you for showing me my weakness and what I need to work on! Thank you for standing beside me! Thank you for showing me how to be strong through this difficult time! Thank you for shoring me up when I was weak! Thank you for understanding! Thank you for allowing me to be me! Thank you for being "there" for me! The list is endless!
Author PWSX3 Posted August 25, 2007 Author Posted August 25, 2007 Its been a while but that is because there isn't much happening I guess. My W's best friend passed away this week from cancer & that has been pretty hard for her. She is taking it pretty well because she understands that she wasn't going to get better that it was just a matter of time & seeing her hurting & just laying there wasn't a good life to live & it was better for her friend. The funeral is Monday so I took the day off work to be with my W. The W also had her blood pressure checked last week because the bottom number has been at 90 for the last few weeks & last week it was at 100..... I don't know what they mean so I asked someone at work & he told me that when the bottom number gets to 90 they are concerned & when it goes over they do something about it which they are going to do, they are putting her on medication for a while. We have been carpooling the 18 miles to her work so it give us time to talk so I told her that this worries me about her blood pressure. I let her know that I am worried about her but I also let her know there isn't anything I can do about it (I'm not there to fix it for her this time), that this is something she has to deal with. The doctor told her she needs to start walking & doing some type of exercise (thank you doctor;)) & I really think seeing her friend pass away she knows she needs to do something about it but I just don't think she has the motivation to do it. When she moved out the W said I was controlling that she didn't get to do things she wanted to do but I see that as just an excuse. I really feel she was using me as her excuses & she still uses me as an excuse but the difference is now I'm not lashing back. I'm understanding that I do have a choice when she gets mad or blames me for something & that I don't have to lash back at her & keep the cycle of arguing going. There are things I feel that I did try & control because I feel they need to be controlled & she just didn't or doesn't care. It is hard for me to understand someone that has a more of a go with the flow type personality like she does because that isn't how I am. For an example she was late paying her CC two months in a row & it just doesn't seem to bother her & it pisses me off because even though she paid the late charges with her overtime it still comes out of our budget. Instead of getting all pissed off like I would have done before I suggested that we add them to the list that I pay (I have set up alerts when they need paid to remind myself) so that way we see they need paid & can get them paid on time & she thought that would be a good idea. I still catch myself trying to lash back at her when she says something negative to me or says something that pisses me off, but it is getting easier to see them so then I can stop myself. Funny it seems like I don't have the time to do those things I was doing while we were separated. I'm still riding my bicycle but I haven't been out country dancing with my friend & we have only gone 4-wheeling once this year & I haven't been to the gym for a while. Seems like I spend a lot more time cleaning the house, cooking, etc. around the house. Our son finally got a part time job so he can pay his insurance & gas for his vehicle so that is stress we don't have to worry about. I guess if everyone does there part then things go a little smoother & that is what we need to work on right now...... Now matter what happens in a relationship, you get back together or you get a divorce if you do what "you" can do then things will work out. They might not be what you were hoping for but you will survive. For me I still wonder if I would be better off single, but since I'm not I need to do the best I can (my 100%) & that is what I'm doing. Learning from others & learning from my own mistakes & just trying to keep getting better. What do they say; things get better with age....:D:lmao: & I'm not getting any younger...
ilmw Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Pw... your last post just shows how much you have learned and have grown... Keep it up bud...
Author PWSX3 Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 Its been a while but it seems like not to much has happened. There are a few things that I feel could be better but I just feel like the W is happy with how things are going & she isn't interested in making herself or our marriage better. Sometimes I still feel like we are roommates & she isn't interested in helping around the house like I would like. I tried talking to her the other evening & I brought up how it bothers me when the house is a mess & the only thing she said was; you know I'm a messy person so maybe I should just move out again!!!! She isn't welling to try & better herself or if she knows it bothers me at least pick up after herself.... I'm still riding my bike, in fact Sunday the W is taking me & my buddy up to a mountain town & we are riding our bikes back down the 35 miles. I think the elevation drop is over 2,000 feet but I'm not sure. I rode the 25 miles home yesterday since I didn't ride my bike at all last week because the W had the week off & I had to drive to work. Sunday we went 4-wheeling only for the second time & it was the 4th annual ladies run so the W had to drive (only her 3rd time of driving) & it was a good for me & my patients. I didn't mind helping her but it seemed like even when I would tell her something she wouldn't learn or maybe she was just trying to run my side of the vehicle off the road on purpose. She did learn there is a LOT that you have to keep track of, you don't just get in a drive, you have to give the person in front of you room, watch the road in front of you, watch ahead far enough so when you start up a hill & you can't see the road anymore to remember where the rocks were before you started the hill, watch the person behind you & if they don't have lockers they need more room because they have to use more speed, watch the side so you don't hit trees, etc. etc. WOW!!!!! :laugh: The W found out her blood pressure is something over 100 & so she is on meds for that, she would rather do the drugs instead of exercising or lose weight so she wouldn't have to do the drugs. Oh well what can a guy do?
Author PWSX3 Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 Well I called our MC & I made an appointment to see her myself to see if she can help me with some questions I have. I still feel that we are more like roommates instead of a couple so I hope she will be able to help me out some. I just seems like I have learned a lot & I want to keep moving forward & bettering myself & the W just is happy with how it was except I'm treating her better & not telling her what to do now & she doesn't have to do anything around the house. She still had two credit cards in her name & she was paying them except she forgot to pay them on time the last two months so she got the late charges & of course I was a little excited but we talked about it & now we have them in quickens so I can pay them. This was something she was going to work on while she was on her own, being responsible, grown up, I think she forgot to work on that part. Oh well we will see what happens.
Gunny376 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 You're learning and growing! Quit striving for perfection! You azz AIN'T .................... Budda! You've come along way in the last year! Take some time to appreciate it! BREATH DAMN'IT! QUIT WAITING TO EXHALE! You've journey'ed far from where you've came!
Author PWSX3 Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 You're learning and growing! Quit striving for perfection! You azz AIN'T .................... Budda! You've come along way in the last year! Take some time to appreciate it! BREATH DAMN'IT! QUIT WAITING TO EXHALE! You've journey'ed far from where you've came! I can't!!!!! I don't want to relax because then it is to easy to slip back into those old habits & I refuse to do that. It has been a year since the separation & yes I have learned a lot but there is a lot more to learn..... I don't want anything to do with the old me, I enjoy the more healthy me, the more in shape me, the more responsible me. With the cooler weather coming it will be harder to do things outside so my plans are to go back to the gym again. Gunny I will try & breath but I refuse to let the W pull my back into that old routine, that is a place I will not go & if it means a divorce I can at least say I tried.......
OldEurope Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 P--Have you read the Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus or do you know of that famous ancient allegory? If not, I urge you to read up on it because you do not want the fate it describes to become your life for the rest of your life. xo OE
Gunny376 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 I can't!!!!! I don't want to relax because then it is to easy to slip back into those old habits & I refuse to do that. It has been a year since the separation & yes I have learned a lot but there is a lot more to learn..... I don't want anything to do with the old me, I enjoy the more healthy me, the more in shape me, the more responsible me. With the cooler weather coming it will be harder to do things outside so my plans are to go back to the gym again. Gunny I will try & breath but I refuse to let the W pull my back into that old routine, that is a place I will not go & if it means a divorce I can at least say I tried....... THAT'S what I wanted to hear! You've ascended! You've grown! You're growing You're learning! You're adapting! You're over-coming! Your struggling! Your embracing the heartache ~ the pain! Your evolving! Its not something I can teach you ~ its something that you have to learn by living it! One of the "mysteries of mysteries? "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you!" "Love blindly! Without judgement, without predjudice!" "Judge NOT others, BUT for the Grace of God? There go I!? Learing to be at "peace" with yourself and comfortable in your own skin! Not to sound like some hippie from the sixties, but I'm finally at peace with myself and my past, my failed marriage, and XW! What was? ~ WAS What is? ~ IS What will be? ~ WILL BE! Just that plain! Just that simple!
Author PWSX3 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 Went shopping this weekend, I can't believe how long it takes me anymore, you would think my woman hormones are taking over. :laugh: I used to just go buy jeans, a T-shirt & call it good, but now I'm looking at polo type shirts with colliers, looking at dockers for dressing up a little. I'm even going to stores besides your Wal-Mart, Target type stores to shop. The W went with me today & I was showing her a couple shirts I almost bought & she couldn't believe the colors I'm looking at. That isn't something you would wear, that isn't the color you usually get, etc. etc. Sorry dear this guy is moving forward, trying new things & you better catch up or you will be lost in the dust. Looking forward to my appointment with our MC tomorrow, I have lots of questions to ask. The weather is getting cooler around here so I'm going to have to figure how to find time to hit the gym again, still at 200 pounds & LOOKING GOOD & want to stay that way! I know people here have told me that people do things at different speeds & I am one that when something needs done I do it, but the W seems to be slower (specially with our relationship) & it takes her more time to process things, but I hope she step it up soon!!!
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Sorry dear this guy is moving forward, trying new things & you better catch up or you will be lost in the dust. Woohoo ! Haven't followed much of the thread, but that tells me you're doing good, and how ! Cheers, mate ... Just my two bits .. Bobby
Author PWSX3 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Went & saw our MC yesterday ( I had sent her a couple of faxes about how I have been feeling) & it was good to talk things over with her. We started talking & she said I am spending to much time trying to figure things out, trying to anolize why things aren't going better then what I think they should be, so I guess it's back to the drawing board for me. As everyone knows I am more of the planning type person & the W is the go with the flow type so we do have conflicts on how we think things should go or should I say I have questions because however things go is O.K. with the W. Anyway the MC said I was looking good, seemed like I was doing very well for myself but I need to work at changing some of the things I might still be doing wrong in our marriage. She did give me some ideas & suggestions so we will see how it goes. Sure would have been nice to take a class in this when we were in school. :laugh:
a4a Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 P you have the need to stay in control of things to get your expected and desired outcome. I don't see a problem with that as long as you do that just for your own endeavors. As for you wife lacking the drive to fix things or change - you need to decide if that is what you want in your life. Nobody can tell you what the future holds for you but yourself. Gotta ask this really hard question: Do you love your W, or are you in love with what you hope she will become or what she was? If she is not willing to grow I am not sure how you can cope seeing that you are more driven and desire to live your life at a different pace. You have been doing all this work and the expected results have not yet surfaced..... how long are you willing to wait? Are you feeling resentful at this point? Have you really discussed this with your wife? Or are you afraid she will just throw in the towel and blame you?
Author PWSX3 Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 P you have the need to stay in control of things to get your expected and desired outcome. I don't see a problem with that as long as you do that just for your own endeavors. As for you wife lacking the drive to fix things or change - you need to decide if that is what you want in your life. Nobody can tell you what the future holds for you but yourself. Gotta ask this really hard question: Do you love your W, or are you in love with what you hope she will become or what she was? If she is not willing to grow I am not sure how you can cope seeing that you are more driven and desire to live your life at a different pace. You have been doing all this work and the expected results have not yet surfaced..... how long are you willing to wait? Are you feeling resentful at this point? Have you really discussed this with your wife? Or are you afraid she will just throw in the towel and blame you? a4a, thanks for the reply. Most of those questions you say I need to ask myself are the same ones that our MC said I need to ask myself. I did talk a little with the W last night about how she felt things are going & if there are things I could or need to change & she said; she thought things are going pretty well so that tells me she is happy with how things are now.
ilmw Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 a4a, thanks for the reply. Most of those questions you say I need to ask myself are the same ones that our MC said I need to ask myself. I did talk a little with the W last night about how she felt things are going & if there are things I could or need to change & she said; she thought things are going pretty well so that tells me she is happy with how things are now. Hi Pw, Well... hmmm. You are unhappy, she appears to be happy. It seems you have to make a decision. Can you handle the differences between you.. or, will it drive you crazy?? Have you asked your MC about this?? Is there a way you can compromise.. You slow down.. she pick up the pace? Just some questions ... from left field. ilmw;)
Author PWSX3 Posted October 6, 2007 Author Posted October 6, 2007 The W is going to see our MC next week. Me & the MC talked when I went this week & she thought the W should come see her, we both feel there is a lot of things going thru her mind right now such as her friends death that she needs help with & I also feel she is intimidated with seeing all the changes I have done but that is just me. When I told the W that our MC wanted her to call she replied with; why? I'm broken & I can't be fixed!!!! I called our MC & left a message telling her what she said so she called & so the W is going. She also got suggestions today about going to some classes with hospis so she is looking into that.
OldEurope Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 "I'm broken and I can't be fixed" Good grief....What a response.... It seems to me, P, that you have and are doing everything humanely possible. Speaking entirely pragmatically here, I hope that you are forming in your mind an exit strategy.... OE
Author PWSX3 Posted October 6, 2007 Author Posted October 6, 2007 "I'm broken and I can't be fixed" Good grief....What a response.... It seems to me, P, that you have and are doing everything humanely possible. Speaking entirely pragmatically here, I hope that you are forming in your mind an exit strategy.... OE Yes it has crossed my mind many of times but I do feel there are things she is going thru right now that she needs to deal with first. Last night we sat down & had a very good talk. She shared her feelings with me about her friend that just passed away a month ago & I feel she still needs to deal with that first. I also feel the meds she is on has a lot to do with her moods & our MC is going to talk to her about that on Monday. We have a CHL hockey team & they are playing this next weekend so I bought some 1/2 priced tickets for a family outing since it's pre-season. The W & our son both really like hockey so it should be a good time.
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