Gunny376 Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 This is a clip from one of Gunny's posts on another thread... and you know what?... I think he's stumbled onto one of the BIGGEST problems facing married couples in crisis, and something that's facing YOU today. The idea that 'there's nothing you can do to please your partner' is something that I believe flies under the radar way too often. I think in some ways, men are more susceptible to feeling that way. Men seem to have an almost innate desire to "provide" for the family, and providing happiness seems to be somewhat inclusive to that equation. Men often absorb their spouse's un-happiness like a sponge, like it was somehow all their fault, like a failure in upholding his responsibility to the family. But women can go down that road too, particularly when dealing with issues related to self-esteem. We don't tend to blame ourselves for other people's unhappiness at the same rate men do. Now, that's not science... it's just my observation. But, we do internalize quite a bit of self-loathing when we have negative body image and poor habits. If we can't love and approve of ourselves, we can't feel like our partner will love and approve of us either. It's a difficult thing when we feel that there's NOTHING we can do to really please our partner... and that goes for both men and women. Perception is the truth in alot of things. If her perception is that she can't overcome these personal deficits in a timely way.... she's going to try to stall for more time so she can resolve these issues. In her mind, her weight and her clutter are bound to cause the eventual destruction of the recovery effort, because she sees them as potentialy causing a fatal loss of love. She's going to want to resolve these things first believing she needs them to be OFF the slate in order to have a clean, fresh, start. (In actuality, it will be the emotional distancing that her insecurities are breeding in YOU which will be causal if the recovery fails. ) It all boils down to KNOWING that you please your partner. So, until she BELIEVES that she can please you... fat or thin... neatnik or clutterbug... this isn't going to go away. She's got to KNOW that you love the woman on the inside, not just what she shows to the world. Unfortunately, you can tell her than it's so until you both turn blue. But she won't buy it until she, herself, accepts it into her own perceptive TRUTH. Whow! That's a lot to wake up and read before you've had your first cup of WTFU!!!!!!! A Louiville Slugger is one Hell of an alarm clock ~ I'm here to tell you!
ilmw Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 This is a clip from one of Gunny's posts on another thread... and you know what?... I think he's stumbled onto one of the BIGGEST problems facing married couples in crisis, and something that's facing YOU today. The idea that 'there's nothing you can do to please your partner' is something that I believe flies under the radar way too often. I think in some ways, men are more susceptible to feeling that way. Men seem to have an almost innate desire to "provide" for the family, and providing happiness seems to be somewhat inclusive to that equation. Men often absorb their spouse's un-happiness like a sponge, like it was somehow all their fault, like a failure in upholding his responsibility to the family. But women can go down that road too, particularly when dealing with issues related to self-esteem. We don't tend to blame ourselves for other people's unhappiness at the same rate men do. Now, that's not science... it's just my observation. But, we do internalize quite a bit of self-loathing when we have negative body image and poor habits. If we can't love and approve of ourselves, we can't feel like our partner will love and approve of us either. It's a difficult thing when we feel that there's NOTHING we can do to really please our partner... and that goes for both men and women. Perception is the truth in alot of things. If her perception is that she can't overcome these personal deficits in a timely way.... she's going to try to stall for more time so she can resolve these issues. In her mind, her weight and her clutter are bound to cause the eventual destruction of the recovery effort, because she sees them as potentialy causing a fatal loss of love. She's going to want to resolve these things first believing she needs them to be OFF the slate in order to have a clean, fresh, start. (In actuality, it will be the emotional distancing that her insecurities are breeding in YOU which will be causal if the recovery fails. ) It all boils down to KNOWING that you please your partner. So, until she BELIEVES that she can please you... fat or thin... neatnik or clutterbug... this isn't going to go away. She's got to KNOW that you love the woman on the inside, not just what she shows to the world. Unfortunately, you can tell her than it's so until you both turn blue. But she won't buy it until she, herself, accepts it into her own perceptive TRUTH. Wow... another... thing that makes you go hmmmmm post.. Thx LJ:D love the female insight..
Author PWSX3 Posted April 22, 2007 Author Posted April 22, 2007 Getting a late start this morning (let the W sleep in) but we are planning on spending the day together. Going to go grab a bite to eat, do some shopping, check out the course for the walk next month, then coming home and working on the garage as a "TEAM"!!!!!:love::love: We have decided we need to start doing more "us" things and getting back to the basics.........:love::love: Now I need to go hang the sheets outside, I just LOVE clean sheets that have been hung outside!!!!!!! its an old school thing, most people wouldn't understand.:laugh::laugh:
Gunny376 Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Getting a late start this morning (let the W sleep in) but we are planning on spending the day together. Going to go grab a bite to eat, do some shopping, check out the course for the walk next month, then coming home and working on the garage as a "TEAM"!!!!!:love::love: We have decided we need to start doing more "us" things and getting back to the basics.........:love::love: Now I need to go hang the sheets outside, I just LOVE clean sheets that have been hung outside!!!!!!! its an old school thing, most people wouldn't understand.:laugh::laugh: One of the main reasons that men and women were successful in long term marriages, through the good, bad, and ugly, come Hell or high water, good times and bad ~ was they depended upon one another to get through it all day to day. In modern day life ~ with all of its labor saving convineces & services ~ we've gotten away from that. The truth of the matter is? Men don't need women, and women don't need men ~ but then again? We really do don't we?
Author PWSX3 Posted April 26, 2007 Author Posted April 26, 2007 Hello everyone, We went and saw our MC this week and to keep this short the Mc wants to see the W by herself next week. She was asking the W about ADD (don't remember the letters she said) or something like that, she thinks she might have a little of that whatever it is. Seems like the W has trouble following thru on things such as appointments or things that she has said she will do in our relationship and then she doesn't do it. The W just has to except I DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT OLD PERSON EVER AGAIN and that isn't for her but that is for me, she is just the lucky one that will get to share that new person. I told her this a couple of times & the MC even said she needs to believe it because she can see it in me & she believes me. She also told her that she needs to decide what she wants to do, that just being in limbo isn't helping the situation. She tells me she wants to work things out, but she isn't ready to give her notice at her appartment. The MC said that is just her security blanket if things don't work out she has a place to run to. The W even told me that she has thought of running back to her place, but knows running away won't occomplish anything. We both have decided that we need more room & that buying a bigger place at this time wouldn't work. Kind of hard selling our place for $120,000 but then to get something that has a basement or extra bedroom we will be paying $200,000, so we decided to build a 10'X16' shed (which is bigger then our bedroom) that we can store stuff in. Since I'm not working right now my dad said he will help me build it so we should be able to do it in a couple weeks. Our son is out of school this week so my dad, son, & I went and bought lumber, they are running a promotion 12 months no enterest or payments, so we got everything I hope we will need. We will try and get the ground ready this weekend since my dad will be out of town and then next week get started on building it. We hope to get it built so the W can store her stuff there along with some things we have in the garage and then go thru it little at a time so the house won't get cluttered and we will use half the garage for a room she can do her scrap booking in. We only have a single garage and most of our vehicles are to tall to even fit..:D The MC told the W she needs to start doing things to make this our place so she feels comfortable here. She needs to not be afraid to step on my feet & if she does I need to make sure and let her know in a nice way so we can work out the issue at hand. Had an interview Monday & after the interview went for a drug test so I hope that is a possitive thing. I was telling the W I'm tired of working at a place I don't like and this place seems to be a place I could enjoy. I applied as a driver/warehouse person (they are hiring 21 people) but the guy that did the interview thinks with my background I would be more suited for a job doing RMA's, working with returns, and making bin locations in the warehouse when they don't have one. This is the type of stuff I was doing so it would be a good job for me, plus its working with automotive parts instead of electrical parts which I would rather deal with automotive parts anyday. We aren't out of the woods just yet, but things are looking a little brighter then they have in the last few weeks.
ilmw Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Things will get better PW.. just remind yourself of this.. plus your DW is supportive... that is a god send... So keep your spirits high..and GOOD LUCK with the job! Hope you get it.. sounds just up your ally. ilmw
Author PWSX3 Posted May 2, 2007 Author Posted May 2, 2007 Just need to vent!!! This weekend me & my son moved the loveseat back into the house for the W and I tweaked my back so I've been trying to get it healed the last couple days so I haven't been able to go to the gym & it SUCKS!!!! Funny how you start missing something like going to the gym when 6 months ago I could care less what shape I was in. It doesn't take long for the muscles to start faiding when you don't go to the gym. I am really hoping next week I can start going again. I also have a job interview on Friday so that is good news....:bunny::bunny: I figure since I'm laid up I might as well take Dr. G's (Gunny) advice & re-read The Five Love Languages. The W I guess had bought it 5 years ago & she was going to read it but I don't think she ever did. The first time I read it the book was a friends and I had to give it back but this one I can highlight all I want she said. It was one of the first books I read & it really helped so I plan on reading it again this week. For those that are working out, PLEASE do another 10 minutes for me..:laugh:
Ladyjane14 Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 This weekend me & my son moved the loveseat back into the house for the W and I tweaked my back so I've been trying to get it healed the last couple days so I haven't been able to go to the gym & it SUCKS!!!! Awww... that's rotten luck. I've always heard that ice is better for the first day or two, twenty minutes on and twenty minutes off.. at least until you know there's no bruising still going on at the site of the injury. But after that, warm compresses applied before you try to work the muscles can help loosen them up a little. It might not be a bad idea to see the doctor if it bothers you for more than just a few days.
Author PWSX3 Posted May 2, 2007 Author Posted May 2, 2007 Awww... that's rotten luck. I've always heard that ice is better for the first day or two, twenty minutes on and twenty minutes off.. at least until you know there's no bruising still going on at the site of the injury. But after that, warm compresses applied before you try to work the muscles can help loosen them up a little. It might not be a bad idea to see the doctor if it bothers you for more than just a few days. Thanks LJ, its getting better but it just takes a few days. I've had 3 back surgeries so I'm usually pretty careful with my back. I think what did it was I was already sore from the hike I did the week before and then I just stressed it even more. If its not feeling better by the end of the week then I'll see the doc, the last time I had this happen she just gave me some stronger meds & I was fine in a couple weeks so since I'm not working I figured just rest will do the trick. I'm just glad I was able to help the W move some of her stuff back in. She's been having trouble adjusting, she feels like she is a visitor & not part of the family and the MC said she needs to start putting things back in to make it feel like our home again, so we moved a few boxes and the loveseat so now she has her chair instead of sharing a recliner.
a4a Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 Hope you are feeling better soon and the job hunting is a success! As for her not feeling at home. Well some things have changed quite a bit. Have you sat down and created a "move back in" plan with her?
Gunny376 Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 I think its important that the three of you realize that you've changed, she's changed, Patrick's changed, the marriage change ~ you need to be acting like newlyweds! The three of you need to smiling and laughing all day! Even with the job lost ~ you've got each other ~ you've got everything you need! Outstanding book just on the shelves (here anyway) @ WalMart "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne ~ OUTSTANDING , SIMPLY OUTSTANDING! I'm going to go buy another copy and donate it to the local library.
Author PWSX3 Posted May 2, 2007 Author Posted May 2, 2007 Hope you are feeling better soon and the job hunting is a success! I talked to the operation manager yesterday & he is the one I see Friday. They just hired him as well so he is also new. The place I am interviewing for is opening up a new branch here so everyone is new so I'm looking forward to getting hired on at the same level as everyone else. The W said its always good to start out when its a new store or branch. At first I was applying for a driver/warehouse position but now I'm being interviewed for something higher up so that is a positive!!! As for her not feeling at home. Well some things have changed quite a bit. Have you sat down and created a "move back in" plan with her? I feel she is doing better at getting settled in, I just feel she has those "what if" questions. Yesterday she saw our MC and she said things went well so that is good. She is NOT the type of person that would set down and create a plan, that would be me, (I do things in black and white, she does them in gray) but I do feel we have talked about it & that is good enough for her. She gave her notice so she has to be out next month. We bought material to build a shed so we can use that or the garage for her to store her stuff until we can make more room in the house. We have talked about what comes back in or what she gives away. At first I was going to leave it all up to her because its all her stuff, but then I thought about it and it will be our stuff so we need to decide as a couple what we want and what we don't want. Some of her stuff is coming back & we are getting rid of things I had because what she has works better for the two of us. I like my place not so cluttered and that is how I changed it to be, but she likes stuff hanging all over & things in all corners so we are adjusting. Funny thing is before she moved out I didn't notice how I didn't like the clutter look, but after she moved out & there was less stuff around I noticed I liked it that way. It is all about compromise & working together.
a4a Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 Well part of the plan should be financial, not just where the new spot for the sofa should be. (but that is still a minor part of it) Don't you think that it may be a good idea to have you both sit down and bring your concerns and desires to the table? No sense diving back in unless things are really going to change. Not trying to be a party pooper for you, but I think you hear what I am saying to you. How much to spend on groceries, pay off debts, date night money, money for your son. List of goals and how you need each others support to reach them........... I would put it all on the table so there are no assumptions or misunderstandings. Her sticking her head in the sand on the issues is going to take you back to square one.
Author PWSX3 Posted May 4, 2007 Author Posted May 4, 2007 This is a little of subject but I want to share because even though this site is for relationships, it has helped me as a person..... Today was my interview and I think it went very well. The guy I had my interview with was really nice, I feel he liked my answers so we will see. He said he would be calling me Monday or Tuesday next week. When I applied it was for a driver/warehoues position for a new branch of this company. Today I was interviewing for a assistant warehouse manager. I feel because of what I have learned here it has brought my confidence level up, it has shown that I can deal with people on a equal level. I have been in supervisor type positions in the past, but it's been a while but I feel this is a job I can do & I will do my best if I get the job. Scott said I do have a job, but he would let me know Monday if they want me to do the assistant warehouse manager or one of the others. I hope me & the W will be able to carpool but we will see. I timed it on my way home & it is 25 miles & it took me 30 minutes. (ilmw, don't do the math on how fast I drove.) :laugh: I am actually looking forward to the challenge, to push myself...... I also got my new glasses today so I'm trying to get used to them, & I got my new back pack in the mail so things are looking good.....Now I just need my back to feel better & I'll be ready to go. No more helping the W with moving big stuff, she will have to find someone to help. I will drive the truck if she wants help....:laugh:
Author PWSX3 Posted May 21, 2007 Author Posted May 21, 2007 Just thought I would stop in and let everyone know I'm still alive........ Sorry I haven't been around much but its been a pretty busy couple of weeks. Today is my first day at my new job so I'm excited about that. Since I didn't start last week my dad said he would help me build a shed so the last week & a half we have been building a 10X16' shed. We thought it would be better to put the money into a shed instead of paying storage rental for some of the stuff the W needs to go thru. She also has to be out this month so she is taking the next three days off to move the rest of what she has and then clean. This was the weekend we were going to Moab but that will have to wait until next year. There is a LOT of adjusting that we have to do, getting back together with your spouse isn't as easy as I guess I thought it would be. For me & I feel it is the same for the W is you start to enjoy your own time, your own space, etc. You don't have to worry about someone elses feelings, or have to compromise for what they want to do, you just do what you want. Last week when we saw our MC we discussed these feelings & she said that is normal, but the one thing we need to do is talk, talk, talk... Don't think the other person knows what you are thinking or what you have planned. Since I'm a black & white type person that plans a week or more in advance and the W is a grey type person & she plans the day of whatever she is doing, that is one "BIG" area that we have to work on. The MC said we need to set down days before we are planning something & discuss it together so we both have an idea of what we are going to do. What brought this up was last Friday the W needed to take some stuff to her sisters & as we were loading it I asked her; what do you plan on doing with the furniture overnight? She wasn't sure so I told her the shop was open so she got mad because I didn't tell her that in advance & I didn't tell her because I didn't want to be controlling & get in her business..... I assumed she had plans of what to do with it because that is how I think. The MC told me in that case I would have been in trouble either way so that is why we need to discuss it together. Anyway now the shed is finished, I start working again so hopefully things will get back to some type of a routine so we can see what it is really going to be like together. I have noticed myself cleaning up a LOT more then I did before because I just don't like the house messy. There are still things we need to iron out such as who will do what & those things, but that will come in the next couple months I hope once things aren't so hecktic....... Well its off to the BIG CITY!!!!!!! for orientain.............
ilmw Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 Good to here from you PW... It does sound like you have been busy.. It does sound like you and the DW.. are doing fine that is so awesome... Just be patient... like you have been... Good luck... with the new job too..
Author PWSX3 Posted May 25, 2007 Author Posted May 25, 2007 Got a couple guestions that have been going thru my head & so I thought I would throw them out here & see what others think. When the W moved out I freaked out just like it seems everyone else does. Then I started to look at myself, look at what I did & tried my best to take responsibility for my part. I feel I have learned from the experiance, I am still learning & will keep learning until the day I die but my question is....... I have read many books in the last few months, got great help from LS, and like I said I feel I am learning how or what a relationship should work or be, but I have a long ways to go. On the other hand the W hasn't done any of these things that I know of so does that mean she knows more about relationships then I do? Does that mean maybe she thinks it was all my fault & since I've changed things will be O.K. now? I feel the second is how she sees it, I have changed so now everything will be fine, but I don't know if that will work because I see my future in a different light now, I see I want to be debt free in my finances, I see that I need to take care of my body by eating more healthy, do some type of excerise, etc. to keep my self in better shape. I can see that we do things a lot different now, I am more active & she is her old self, would rather just watch TV or read a book. I am more apt to try something new where she just does the same old things. I still have this feeling we are just roomates right now because are schedules are different, we don't eat together, go to bed at different times, I get up earlier then she does, & we don't spend much time together at least right now. I have decided I need to get back in the routine & was doing when she was gone because I felt better. I did start my new job & I do a LOT of walking but I don't get home until late so I haven't been going to the gym. Tuesday we get to start in our own warehouse so I hope I can start doing that again & I got back to eating my 5 meals a day I making them smaller. I just decided not to worry about what the W was doing & I don't know if that is a good thing or not. Without going into a lot fo detail she moved the rest of her stuff in today & the duplex is a mess & I don't like it. It really bothers me but I keep telling myself she needs some time to put stuff away, but I just can't believe all the boxes. She is a pack rat & I am the opposite so that is another hurdle we will have to work on. I do plan on going to see our MC by myself & hopefully she can help me with some of these questions I have. If I had electricity in that new shed I would be tempted to move in I think....
ilmw Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Got a couple guestions that have been going thru my head & so I thought I would throw them out here & see what others think. When the W moved out I freaked out just like it seems everyone else does. Then I started to look at myself, look at what I did & tried my best to take responsibility for my part. I feel I have learned from the experiance, I am still learning & will keep learning until the day I die but my question is....... I have read many books in the last few months, got great help from LS, and like I said I feel I am learning how or what a relationship should work or be, but I have a long ways to go. On the other hand the W hasn't done any of these things that I know of so does that mean she knows more about relationships then I do? Does that mean maybe she thinks it was all my fault & since I've changed things will be O.K. now? I feel the second is how she sees it, I have changed so now everything will be fine, but I don't know if that will work because I see my future in a different light now, I see I want to be debt free in my finances, I see that I need to take care of my body by eating more healthy, do some type of excerise, etc. to keep my self in better shape. I can see that we do things a lot different now, I am more active & she is her old self, would rather just watch TV or read a book. I am more apt to try something new where she just does the same old things. I still have this feeling we are just roomates right now because are schedules are different, we don't eat together, go to bed at different times, I get up earlier then she does, & we don't spend much time together at least right now. I have decided I need to get back in the routine & was doing when she was gone because I felt better. I did start my new job & I do a LOT of walking but I don't get home until late so I haven't been going to the gym. Tuesday we get to start in our own warehouse so I hope I can start doing that again & I got back to eating my 5 meals a day I making them smaller. I just decided not to worry about what the W was doing & I don't know if that is a good thing or not. Without going into a lot fo detail she moved the rest of her stuff in today & the duplex is a mess & I don't like it. It really bothers me but I keep telling myself she needs some time to put stuff away, but I just can't believe all the boxes. She is a pack rat & I am the opposite so that is another hurdle we will have to work on. I do plan on going to see our MC by myself & hopefully she can help me with some of these questions I have. If I had electricity in that new shed I would be tempted to move in I think.... Hi PW.. good to hear from yah.. I'll repeat what I always say... be patient.. You also should keep your routine... it was good for you... and got you through some hard times... Also... you can try and lead from example. Oh yeah... your W does not have to be like you.. (remember the controlling thingy).. You can't expect her to do what you do..exactly like you. BTW... how is the job going?
mum2three Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Just wondering if you could love and live with your wife forever if she remains this very same person today?
Author PWSX3 Posted May 25, 2007 Author Posted May 25, 2007 Just wondering if you could love and live with your wife forever if she remains this very same person today? Good question, that is something I need to ask myself? I wonder if maybe sometimes I have already asked myself that question & I'm trying to convence myself that this is what I want when really it might not be. I do want to keep the family together, but I also need to be happy. I know a4a has given me questions I need to ask myself so I guess I need to go back and do some reviewing. Funny how fast I forget some of the good advice I am given & I need to keep refreshing my memory. I fell I might try & relate my relationship a little with how my folks are sometimes, my folks do everything together & we are a close family & still do a lot with them such as camping, working, going places, etc. When we were building the shed last week my mom would come help every day after she got off work at 2:30 yet my w was only out there maybe once or twice. Whenever we (my dad & I) have a project going my mom seems to always be involved one way or another. I did read about this in one of the books, how sometimes you compare your family you grew up with, with the family you have. You look for things in your spouse the way you do your parents. Yes that controlling thing is always in the back of my mind & the MC has been helping me understand the difference between controlling & helping. I still need to help & give advice or suggestions when needed but not all the time & I'm a LOT better with that. The only problem is when I don't give suggestions then the W gets mad because I didn't so right now I'm kind of getting shot at from both sides so hopefully when things settle down then we can consentrate more on these & other issues. One example we shared with the MC she even said I was domed no matter what I did so she explained what should have happened & that meant for the W to take the initiative a few days before she is planning something and then we can talk & discuss it & that is something she has to work on, so we both still have our things to do. Ilmw, the job is going pretty well, we found out yesterday our manager is no longer with us. Didn't get a reason or anything so the assistant is taking over & they will be looking for another assistant again. I'm not sure what is the deal because I also found out that he was the second manager to quit. They had another work for two days & he quit so maybe there is just a lot of preasure trying to get the new warehouse up & going or like the W said; maybe he had another job come up that he liked better since he was out looking for for jobs when he got that one maybe one of the another places he applied offered him something that was better. Tuesday we are supposes to be in our building. The one we are training in is 14,000 Sq. ft & the one we will work in is 27,000 Sq. ft. so I'm getting a LOT of walking in. I don't like the 1-1/2 (58 miles one way) commute but that will only be until today, then it will be cut down to 1/2 hour. I think the manager at the warehouse we are training at said they have like 123,000 parts and we will have around 127,000 or more, plus we will be shipping over 100 packages a day. Should be fun getting that store stocked. I said; we need to wear rollerblades & someone said that has been asked many of times. O.K. I need to be patient, patient, patient!!!! :D:D
ilmw Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 You got it PW... patient. There a lot of changes going on in your, and your W's lives. Her moving back in.. you losing... and getting new job... it can scramble you.. and confuse... (also stress you out at times to)... but once things settle... and you get used to things... it will be easier to concentrate.. on other things.. What you did for yourself while you were seperated was good for you... so I would keep on doing it... but learn to adapt... improvise.. etc.. Not right now... but.. like I said...when things settle. ilmw
Gunny376 Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 You're there Perry! Self-awarness! Self-consciness! Self Aware! How you respond? Tells me all! Wow! You did it with a lack of Oxygen living in CO!
Author PWSX3 Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 Today I watched a program on TV about marriage. The preacher said some things that most of you all probably know but it was good for me to see it on the screen. First he was talking about the % of first marriages that end in divorce, then he talked about the % of second marriage failing because the reason he gave was; people get set in there ways & aren't welling to change so they aren't welling to change or adapt to the new spouse & the new relationship & the other person in that relationship. He gave a list of 6 things from the bible that every marriage needs to successed. 1) Acceptance 2) Attention 3) Adjustment 4) Amnesty 5) Apreciation 6) Affection Like I said, most of you probably already know these things but it was good to hear him talk about each one, helped me understand them in my words. The first was acceptance & the example he gave was; most of us marry the opposite. He said; how many of us have one spouse that is an early person, & the other is a night owl? How many of us have one spouse that is always on time, but the other is always late? It made me think about my situation & I need to learn to except the W as my opposite. We do a LOT of things different and like the guy said; neither person is right or wrong, we just do things different. If everyone did things the same way then why would we need someone else? It would just be the same person. The reason we first met that person was because they were different & after a month, year, 6-25 years those opposites start getting on our nerves. I need to look at my situation this way & need to figure out how to deal with it because we are different/opposites. The W got all her stuff moved back & I put a lot of it in the shed today so at least the living room looks a little better. She gives back her key tomorrow & that will be the end of that chapter in our lives & we will start another chapter & we will see where that one will take us.
ilmw Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Today I watched a program on TV about marriage. The preacher said some things that most of you all probably know but it was good for me to see it on the screen. First he was talking about the % of first marriages that end in divorce, then he talked about the % of second marriage failing because the reason he gave was; people get set in there ways & aren't welling to change so they aren't welling to change or adapt to the new spouse & the new relationship & the other person in that relationship. He gave a list of 6 things from the bible that every marriage needs to successed. 1) Acceptance 2) Attention 3) Adjustment 4) Amnesty 5) Apreciation 6) Affection Like I said, most of you probably already know these things but it was good to hear him talk about each one, helped me understand them in my words. The first was acceptance & the example he gave was; most of us marry the opposite. He said; how many of us have one spouse that is an early person, & the other is a night owl? How many of us have one spouse that is always on time, but the other is always late? It made me think about my situation & I need to learn to except the W as my opposite. We do a LOT of things different and like the guy said; neither person is right or wrong, we just do things different. If everyone did things the same way then why would we need someone else? It would just be the same person. The reason we first met that person was because they were different & after a month, year, 6-25 years those opposites start getting on our nerves. I need to look at my situation this way & need to figure out how to deal with it because we are different/opposites. The W got all her stuff moved back & I put a lot of it in the shed today so at least the living room looks a little better. She gives back her key tomorrow & that will be the end of that chapter in our lives & we will start another chapter & we will see where that one will take us. Now you can start a new thread... Chapter three...
Author PWSX3 Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 The W called me last night & said she was going to stop by her "best" friends house, when she got home she told me her best friend found out she has cancer & the doctors said if she doesn't do anything about it she has maybe a month to live, if she does kemo then she might have up to a year, so the W was really down last night. We had a good talk & I can see this is going to be very hard on her. Last night in bed she started to cry so we just talked, I just listened & tried my best to comfort her. She is taking this really hard. Right now I'm working long hours but it sounds like we are ahead of schedule for the opening on Monday, we started yesterday with the final inventory count that we thought we would have to be doing Saturday so that is good. Hopefully then I'll get back to 40 or close hours & so we can start spending a little more time together. Seems like we have been so busy we haven't been able to work on our relationship. Still have thoughts going threw my head, some of those what if questions, but I know once we can both set down & talk about things that we will be able to work them out. Why is it that older you get the roller coaster of life just seems to get bigger? I guess when you are young you have no worries, not as many responsibilities.
Recommended Posts