Another trial separation chapter 2

[ilmw]

PW... you have been given some awesome advice in the past few posts..

 

All I will add... remember when you first came on LS... you mentioned things about your control issues...?

 

I believe that as long as you do not appear to be telling her what to do... and are understanding... patient .... compassionate... and listen to what she has to say.. you should be ok to talk about...the weight issue.

 

Just be understanding....k

 

We all progress ...change at different rates...

 

ilmw

[PWSX3]

Just have to share my great evening with everyone.:bunny:

 

Today the W & I were emailing back and forth and we got snow again & I just said it would be a great evening to fix bean chili & snuggle and her response was; sounds good to me!!

 

So I sent back a reply & said; tell me where & when & I'm game for it and so we made the plans for her to come over & we would make supper together.

 

I had to stop at the store to pick up a couple things so I grabbed some flowers and got the candles out and set them out on the table.

I saw her drive up so I met her at the door with the flowers & and "BIG KISS" and she was impressed.

 

We had an awesome time fixing the chili and then we sat at the table with the candles and had a good time.

 

Then for desert we just did some hugging & kissing and then American Idol came on and since I only have two recliner chairs it's hard to set together so we brought out the dining room chairs so we could set together.

 

At one of the commercials I had to show off just a little so I dropped my jeans so she could play with the thighs. Did I happen to tell you she is a thigh kind of gal?

 

We had a great time and we didn't talk about anything really serious, but just enjoyed each others company.

 

She did tell me a couple of the things she has been working on & one is doing things for herself & not always doing things for others just because that is what they want. She also said she was very proud of what I have been doing and she explained what I have done is just like me and it's a WOW and you can really tell, but she also said she likes how I write things in my email and some of the things I write about.

 

I also thanked her for telling me she loves me yesterday & this morning leaving me a voice mail saying she loves me. That is one thing she never did before when I would get quit then she would do the same and I do need her to pep me up when I'm down once in a while.

She said that was something else she is working on, when she sees something she wants she goes after it & she wants me.

 

She took tomorrow off for a dentist appointment & to see our counselor so she asked if she could meet me for lunch so I guess we are doing lunch tomorrow & it sounds like Subway. I can't really do fast food anymore and she also likes Subway.

 

Tonight was a good night & so now it's time for a cold shower now that she is gone. :laugh:

[ilmw]

Tonight was a good night & so now it's time for a cold shower now that she is gone. :laugh:

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Awesome PW... simply awesome!!!!

 

Keep it up sunshine... your doing great.

 

ilmw

[Gunny376]

Let me put this weight thing in "Gunny" perspective for you.

 

First this is a woman that you've been married to and have a history with for the last 25 years, right? To sweeten the deal you and her have a DS togther who's on the pinnacle of beginning some of the most awesome and frightening years of his life. That is to say he wants and needs his parents, both Mama and Daddy.

 

The best chance most of us have at making a success at marriage is with our first marriage. Like a4a said, she and only she can make the decision to lose the weight and to become more active. And, at some point in time the two of you are going to need to address the issue ~ but what is key and paramount is to do so in a loving, compassionate, en-dearing, concerned manner ~ not from the perspective of attractiveness, but from the perspective of "This is the woman I love, this is the woman that I've been married to all these years, this is the Mother of my children ~ and this is the woman that I want to spend my Golden Years with, this is the woman I want to share our grandchildren with, to go and do things with, I'm really concerned about health issues etc.

 

As far as the attractiveness issue goes ~ that is so much over-ratted, and is a by-product more of the beauty industry than it is anything ~ although you can bet the medical-pharmicudical guys aren't complaining about the billions of dollars their making off this gambit.

 

But, the bottom line is ~ take your happy ass down to the nursing home, check out all the elderly men and women. Guess what? No matter who you are ~ or who your with ~ that's more than likely what they're going to look like and its a 'purty' safe bet that's what you're going to look like. I think the goal here is to not be some 89 year old multi-billionaire with a 20 something blond, former stripper and Playmate of the year, (I'm not going to mention the name because I pretty sure we're all sick of hearing it and having it shoved in our face), but to not be sitting around talking about and getting our first, second, third, and fourth ex-wives confused!

[PWSX3]

I do have to say these last few days have been pretty dog gone good!!!!!

 

Last night the W came over & we had supper then sat and watched TV & did some hugging & kissing, then today she had off work so we met up for lunch & had a good time, then this evening she fixed Spaghetti while I was working out & I came home to a cooked meal. We had talked about it at lunch, I was going to have a salad & she talked about fixing Spaghetti for her & our boy & I said; I would like Spaghetti also so she came over here and fixed it.

 

We also went to my dad's shop this evening & took the interior out of the Ford Excursion that he just bought. He bought it wrecked (roll over) so the interior needed to be taken out so we can put a new roof on it & he went to South Dakota to get another roof today so it will be a surprise for him when he gets back.

 

Then we came back home because she had left her dog here & when she was leaving she said we need to get together on Sunday.

 

Today she had an appointment with our counselor so at lunch we talked about that and the W told me some of the things she has been working on & still wants to work on. I guess the counselor told her that I'm not your average guy & I don't just think about sex, but I am emotional & that is a good thing.

 

Then tonight she asked about going to the gym again so we will see what happens there. I explained to her that is takes dedication & will power to make yourself go and that's the first step. Then I told her she needs to start out slow & don't get disapointed if she can only workout for 10 minutes or so at first. She is also worried about all the hot chicks that are going there & I told her there are more there because they need the exercise then there are the cute ones.

 

So it was fun today, busy but fun. I'm still looking forward to seeing the counselor & asking her some of the questions I still have but it seems like the more we talk together the more questions are answered and that is good.

[ilmw]

I do have to say these last few days have been pretty dog gone good!!!!!

 

Last night the W came over & we had supper then sat and watched TV & did some hugging & kissing, then today she had off work so we met up for lunch & had a good time, then this evening she fixed Spaghetti while I was working out & I came home to a cooked meal. We had talked about it at lunch, I was going to have a salad & she talked about fixing Spaghetti for her & our boy & I said; I would like Spaghetti also so she came over here and fixed it.

 

We also went to my dad's shop this evening & took the interior out of the Ford Excursion that he just bought. He bought it wrecked (roll over) so the interior needed to be taken out so we can put a new roof on it & he went to South Dakota to get another roof today so it will be a surprise for him when he gets back.

 

Then we came back home because she had left her dog here & when she was leaving she said we need to get together on Sunday.

 

Today she had an appointment with our counselor so at lunch we talked about that and the W told me some of the things she has been working on & still wants to work on. I guess the counselor told her that I'm not your average guy & I don't just think about sex, but I am emotional & that is a good thing.

 

Then tonight she asked about going to the gym again so we will see what happens there. I explained to her that is takes dedication & will power to make yourself go and that's the first step. Then I told her she needs to start out slow & don't get disapointed if she can only workout for 10 minutes or so at first. She is also worried about all the hot chicks that are going there & I told her there are more there because they need the exercise then there are the cute ones.

 

So it was fun today, busy but fun. I'm still looking forward to seeing the counselor & asking her some of the questions I still have but it seems like the more we talk together the more questions are answered and that is good.

 

Once again PW.... simply awesome...

 

and yeah... you are above average... we all are who have taken the time to try and figure ourselves out... figure out ... what went wrong.

 

You are improving the core you... daily... You are a new you, built around the man inside.... You are/have learned to flush the crap... the hang ups... the things that got in the way of your happiness.

 

Your DW has seen these..... it has impressed her.... you probably remind her more of the man she fell in love with all those years ago....

 

Now don't forget... you are way ahead of her... in the self discovery... self improvement. You were smart enough... fortunate enough to have found LS.... (so am I )

 

Your DW.. while showing signs... of wanting improve... may falter... It is time for you to show your new patience... the new caring... understanding you. With your gentle guidance.... you can help her.. (at her request of course)

 

Also... you know by now... that pointing out her faults... is a No No...

 

now I am just blah blah blahing...

 

Your doing great...

 

ilwm

[PWSX3]

Now don't forget... you are way ahead of her... in the self discovery... self improvement. You were smart enough... fortunate enough to have found LS.... (so am I )

You are so right & I need to keep reminding myself of this. Some of the things she has talked about are things that I had a discussion with myself a few months ago so I need to remember to listen.....

Your DW.. while showing signs... of wanting improve... may falter... It is time for you to show your new patience... the new caring... understanding you. With your gentle guidance.... you can help her.. (at her request of course)

I was able to do this last night, she kept telling me she didn't feel like she was helping out much with taking the interior out of the Excursion, but I just get telling her every little thing she does is just that much more time I had taking stuff out of the vehicle and even though she felt like she wasn't doing much it all helped & I appreciated her help. She even said something about it again this morning but I again just thanked her for her help & told her that she saved us probably a half hour because of what she called "not helping" when in fact it did. She felt better after I said that and it's funny because it made me feel good that she felt like part of the team.

Also... you know by now... that pointing out her faults... is a No No...

This is one you can keep reminding me as often as you would like because I won't get tired of hearing it that's for sure. I thought I did very well when we were talking about the gym & there has been a couple other times we have talked and she even commented on how much better I communicate with her.

now I am just blah blah blahing...

 

Your doing great...

 

ilwm

Nope I never get tired of hearing from everyone here because like I have said many of times & I'll say it even more down the road; if it wasn't for people here on LS I don't know where I would be today, I do know I wouldn't be talking with my DW & doing the things that I am doing for me.

 

Our anniversary is coming up the middle of this month & we are both taking the day off to spend it together.

In the past I have surprised her with something special but I think this year we will just go up to the mountains and pretend we are tourist or something like that, nothing big, nothing fancy but just spending time together.

[ilmw]

Hay bud...glad I could help.

 

and Yeah.... I'll keep reminding you of things...

 

Your my hobby now...:lmao::lmao:

[PWSX3]

UPDATE!!!

Went to see the counselor & we had a very good talk today. I could have saved some money & just talked with ilmw as well. :laugh:

 

She said I am way ahead of the W in learning & seeing the things I need to change. I need to be patient & keep this in my head that it takes her longer to grasp onto things then it does me.

 

She said I am the type of person that sees what I need to do and gets it done, things need done so do them like chop, chop, chop. The W is like a stream (my words) & she just kind of follows the flow of whatever is going on. Doesn't have any worries & if something needs done then she will get to it later then soon.

 

She reminded me that there is my time, her time, & our time & as long as we can make our time together what we both want & need then things will be good.

 

We also talked about her weight & the counselor told me that isn't my problem but it is my concern. I can be concerned but unless she wants to do something about it then there is nothing I can do.

There are things that the W is working on right now such as standing up to me, letting me know what she wants, as Gunny would say; growing some girl balls.

And right now that is the important step & the counselor said; maybe down the road the W will be more welling to work on her weight or other things that I feel are the small things we need to work on. The W even talked to her about going to the gym with me & some other things along that line.

 

Once we are on a level plain of helping each other or doing things as a team, then the little stuff will be worked on so I guess we don't know what will happen but at this time we are both welling to start working on what we have & what we both want then go from there.

 

The counselor was VERY impressed with how I looked (because of my weight loss) & she said she can tell how much I have grown in just the last few months that I'm starting to get it. That doesn't mean I still don't have to keep on top of it & that I won't stop reading, learning, & bettering myself because I will keep doing that.

 

Right now if there are things I want to do outdoors & the W doesn't want to I have to do them on my own, or ask a friend. If there is something she wants to do that I don't want to do then she will be able to do those as well & then we will have to plan dates or activities that we can do together or as a family to keep that emotional spark going.

 

The counselor did say the one things she will not let the W slide on and that is our money issue & that she is trying to work up a plan that we both can agree on & that we both will stick to.

 

I emailed the W and invited her over for supper since I am home early so we will have a family supper tonight & I'm fixing one of her favorites.

[MoonGirl]

PWSX3,

 

That's all wonderful news! I sure wish my husband was as proactive as you are. Your wife is a lucky gal!

[PWSX3]

PWSX3,

 

That's all wonderful news! I sure wish my husband was as proactive as you are. Your wife is a lucky gal!

Thank you VERY MUCH, that made my day!!!!

 

You know what it all boils down to I think? People just have to want to do it for themselves, they need to want to be a better person & if they don't want to better themselves then nothing will change them & they will just go day by day doing the same thing, feeling sorry for themselves.

 

I'm just one of the lucky ones that found this place & all the great people that are welling to share there stories in order to maybe help someone else see that there is hope no matter what happens and I will always be greatful for that.

[PWSX3]

After supper this evening me & the W sat down and talked about my appointment with our counselor & then the W asked me how I feel about her & if I am ready to work on our relation? I told her that I had some questions answered today & that there are things that she is going to have to work on. Yes there are things I need to work on as well but I feel some of the things will take both of us to be working together to see if things will work out.

 

The 15th is our anniversary and we both took the day off so we came up with the idea of starting our joint counseling that day so the W called and left a message to see if she has any openings..

 

I guess things are looking better & I did Tell the W that I can't tell her what will happen in 3 or 6 months but I do want to see if we can work this out. I am not ready to give up until I see if the new me can live with the new her and then after that I can say; I gave it everything I could and it worked or it wasn't meant to be.

 

So I guess it is official, we are working at getting back together!!:bunny:

[mum2three]

So happy to hear all the hugging n kissing going on!

 

I think your sitch is so positive. PW, you really did alot of work on your learning about yourself and improving who you are so you can be a better person. I saw so much hope for you and your W b/c there was no 3rd party involved. I am glad to see that you are filling her void b4 someone else got that chance. It's all worth it b/c your love for her and you son is real. Be patient with W making changes. IC will help her get there. Keep us posted!

[PWSX3]

This is just a warm up for this coming Thursday.....

 

Friday we went to my folks and played cards, my cousins came up so it made it even funnier since we had more people.

 

The W called this morning to see if we were up and going and if we had eaten breakfast yet?

I had said something last night about having breakfast with us. I told her we were just getting up and going that she could come over for waffles so I hurried down to the store and bought some strawberries, & Blackberries for the waffles. She doesn't care for them but me & my boy do.

 

It was fun, I made her a couple waffles then she made me a couple and while we did that our son was making bacon so we all helped out & it worked great.

Then we went to the bedroom where I can just set on the side of the bed (waterbed frame that is 30" off the ground) and be about her heigth & I don't get tired of standing and we made out for a while.

 

Then she asked if I wanted her to go with me to look for a new cell phone and I said; I was going to do that when I went to Wal-Mart so she said that would be fine she needed a couple things there as well. So we looked at phones & did a little shopping and she bought me a shirt that is X-large that actially fits me. All the ones I have except my nice shirts are 2X so they don't look all that good on me. I also got a pair of shorts to work out in but they are a little big so she is taking them back and exchanging them for the next smaller size since she drive right by a Wal-Mart on her way to work.

 

Someone told me to call our cell phone provider once I found the phone I liked and they might be able to do a better deal so I called when we got home & was able to save $20.00 plus not have to worry about doing a rebate so I was happy & I get the new phone in a week.....

 

It was fun spending time with the W today & we didn't really do anything exciting but we did spend time together and that is what we both need right now.

 

Yesterday when I was at the gym there was an older couple there that I hadn't seen before, I went at a different time then usual. I went up and asked the gentleman how long him & his wife had been married and he said 50 years. I asked what was his secret and he said to be honest with each other & to laugh and enjoy life. I explaned our situation just a little and he thought that was great that we were trying to get back together, he said to many people just give up when it gets tough & I have to agree. It was really good chatting with him & I feel he enjoyed it as well.

 

When the W moved out we had just bought a new Mattress & two pairs of sheets & one was "purple" and the other was just a blue color. I have been using the blue color and hoped that someday I would be able to share the "purple" sheets with the W & guess what I'm washing today??????

The 15th is our anniversary & we both have taken the day off and we plan on spending it together. We have an appointment to see our counselor first thing in the morning. The W told me today that I needed to get those new sheets washed & I had this funny look on my face I guess & she said; she wants to start the day off better then just seeing our counselor, :eek::eek::eek: but we both kind of agreed to hold off on sex but we both would like to spend the evening together just hugging and stuff. :bunny:

The first part of this week is really going to go slow but it will be all worth it. Things have been very good the last few weeks & I hope we can just keep working on everything.

 

I know we are like in our second honeymoon right now but when we do things around the house we are sharing duties without even noticing it. We share & help each other out & things go very smooth. Things get finished faster so we have that extra time to spend with each other.

 

After we got home the W called me and said she noticed how I helped clean up the plates and helped the people at the back of the table with getting more pizza and she was impressed. We had pizza before we played our games & there was 8 of us around the table so it's hard for the ones in the back to get out. It's just not at home that I find myself helping out it's all over.

 

Looking forward to Thursday and to see what that will bring.

[ilmw]

Awesome PW... awesome...

 

Have fun on the 15th...

 

and great job.... on showing the new improved PW

 

ilmw

[MoonGirl]

Congrats! Sounds like the 2 of you are making a lot of progress!

 

Gotta love the purple sheets!

[Gunny376]

Glad to hear things are working out for you and the wife!

 

Now for the "Yea! ~ But,.........................................

 

What you're going through, gone through, ~ what you're going through is a life-long search, journey. You've not found the answers ~ nor the solutions, and you never will!

 

The journey is the answer, is the solution.

 

Its the learning and growing and discovering ~ together!

 

The two of you are so close to comprending that.

 

Its such a precious gift~ few ever find it!

 

Garth Brooks comes really close to expressing it in his song ~ "The Dance"

as does Mark Ewing's songs!

[PWSX3]

What you're going through, gone through, ~ what you're going through is a life-long search, journey. You've not found the answers ~ nor the solutions, and you never will!

Gunny, this is the part that scares me or should I say makes me nervous. Once the honeymoon stage is over & reality kicks in again will I have learned enough to keep me on my path?

Will I be able to see those little red flags come up that I need to pay attention to that will help me keep from falling back?

 

I guess the only thing I can do is keep reading, keep learning & know that I will never be perfect but to do the best I can do.

When I do stumble & fall to pick my a$$ back up and dust myself off and say; WTF & then move forward again.

 

It's kind of funny in a way, but I'm more worried/scared about this next part in our lives then I was the first part when the W moved out except I don't have that feeling like someone socking me in the gut a hundred times in a row.

The first part I didn't know I was doing wrong, but now I will know & that I do have control over so it will be a learning experiance for me that's for sure.

[a4a]

Most Excellent.

[Gunny376]

Its like learning anything Perry, at first when confronted with something new ~ you're incompetent it at. Its takes about two to three years to become good at it, about ten years to master it. This is the reason the Japanesse, and Chinnesse are so awesome, its part of their cultural legeacy to become masters and do everything they do with perfection. They seek to do everything prefectly ~ and to become masters of it. And then to take it too a higher level ~ this is what Zen is, doing and living life prefectly and masterfully ~ to such a state that it becomes part of you, of you, with you and most of all a part of your nature. Such that you do things without thinking ~ it flows through you ~ This is why something as simple as the Japaneese "Tea Ceramony" is such a big deal in Japan. There's a "right way" of doing it.

 

Its seeking prefection knowing that prefection is never completly attainable. It is the pursuit of such that is the goal, it is the "means" ~ not the end. It is the journey ~ not the destination.

 

(Hope I've explained it clearly enough for you, its hard for a Western man to understand Eastern philosophy ~ I lived in Japan for four years of my life)

[Gunny376]

Most Excellent.

 

Yea! He's come along way in a short time, hasn't he a4a!

[a4a]

Yea! He's come along way in a short time, hasn't he a4a!

 

Well it takes a hell of a person to stop and think about how they can come up with a solution instead of pointing fingers.

 

Now don't go getting a big head there P or I will pop it like a balloon!

[PWSX3]

Well it takes a hell of a person to stop and think about how they can come up with a solution instead of pointing fingers.

 

Now don't go getting a big head there P or I will pop it like a balloon!

Yes & I do believe you.....:laugh::laugh: (that damn fork):laugh:

 

Thanks guys, I'm headed to the store with the W tonight and I'm picking up that Dr. Phil book you suggested Gunny. I figure if it's a small book then I can sqeeze it in between all the other things I'm doing.

 

We are having a heat wave (70's) and so Weds, Thurs, & today I rode my bicyle to work, it's 16 miles round trip & takes me about 35 minutes one way.

 

My DW emailed me yesterday and said I would be so proud of her. She said she had her bottle and was trying to drink water instead of her normal soda/pop. I was headed out for my 1/2 hour lunch walk & I just couldn't wait to reply so I called her & told her; yes I was very proud of her. I bought some new Multi-Grain chips & let her try them & she liked those so we will see. I know she is trying hard because of how much work I have been doing so maybe that saying is true; you can lead by example.

 

I have read 5 books and I plan on going back and reading them again just so I can pick up on the material I didn't catch the first time around.

 

Thursday is just around the corner & I'm really excited. We see our MC first thing in the morning then we are just spending the day together.

 

Well I guess I take this next step just like I have all the rest. I be honest with myself, I be honest with the W & I learn as I go. I use my two ears more then my one mouth & do some more reading.

 

It will be tough trying to do that reading stuff with such nice weather out, but that is what helped get me where I am now so I need to keep at it just like hitting the gym.

 

I will let everyone know how things go after Thursday. :bunny::bunny:

 

Hey Gunny the best thing I can do is eat more Chinese, will that help me??????

[ilmw]

 

Hey Gunny the best thing I can do is eat more Chinese, will that help me??????

 

Try Tai food.. its lighter than Chinese.....

 

Sounds like your becoming quite the Iron Man...

[ilmw]

Good luck tonight..

 

Have a great time... and don't do .. anything I wouldn't do.....hmmmm?

 

Never mind...

 

ilmw