Gunny376 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 To all who see the presences, Greetings. Know Ye that repsosing special trust and confidence in PWSX3, it is with great honor and priviledge that I do hereby promote same to Lance Cupid de Casanova! OUT-FREAKING-STANDING PERRY, OUT-FREAKING-STANDING! YOU DID GOOD! :cool: :cool: & :bunny: :bunny: ! Now just keep on doing what you've been doing, learing, growing, taking it slow, listening, communicating through action, deed and in word. I think you made all the regulars Valentine Day here at LS. :D :D
mum2three Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Wow, is right! We're so happy for you. This date didn't come with alot of hard work and self-reflection and growth. I know all our sitch are different but you really kept it up. You know you love your W and she still has love for you. Take it slow and becareful about getting that bigger house b4 ur ready to get back together. More debt could give u extra stress. Happy V-day all!
Gunny376 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 BTW? Six months of Blood, sweat, and tears was worth it, huh?!
Author PWSX3 Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 I look at it this way, I just stopped for a breather on this hike to the mountain top & I looked up and the peak is "STILL A LONG WAYS AWAY", but I can also look back and see I've come a long ways from the trail head. Even though it's been a very long 6 months it's just the start of a new part in my life. The W told me last night her lease doesn't come up until the end of March & she hopes they will let her stay there a month or two afterwards if she needs to. We have progressed very well I feel in the last couple of weeks, but we still want to start counseling together & she still needs to finish IC so we aren't rushing it, we are making sure this is what we want but it does make it easier when you know both parties are now shooting at the same target. Mum, you are so correct, one of my issues is money and I don't want to go farther into debt, I want to get out of that trap, and I told the W we can't sell our place then move into something bigger because it would be just to much money. She told me last night she doesn't know if she can move back into our place, but I feel with time that will change. One of my long time dreams is to build a dome home & I said something to her about that and she said she would love to live in a dome, the only bad part is land is so expenisive out here I don't know if I could afford it. At least with building a dome me & my dad & family could do a lot of the work.
ilmw Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Outstanding news PW!! I could not be more happy for you and your DW...:bunny::bunny:! You have the required knowledge, skills, and abilities to make this work...on your part. Q for you... did your DW tell you why she could or would not move back into your old house... listen to her bud... there could be good reasons for it... like Bad memories... I never used to pay attention to my DW's complaints... or certain disagreements... I practices selective hearing. (Damn...) Be empathetic with her... she may be saying something with out actually saying something...?? I also like the fact you guys are not jumping back into the relationship as it was.... smart. Slow... She does sound like she wants to work at this... and that is awesome... just don't get mad if she is not as fast as you. You know this could take long... you accepted that many months ago... that still stands...k But... besides all that... "Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuraaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy"!:laugh::laugh:... ilmw
Gunny376 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I never used to pay attention to my DW's complaints... or certain disagreements... I practices selective hearing. (Damn...) Don't forget another one of "us" men's aliments ~ selective amnesia! Remebering only what we choose to remember! {There I said it!!!! The truth's out! Satisfied Ladies! :laugh: I know you've all sat around scratching your heads wondering for years, but the cats finally out of the bag! :laugh: }
Author PWSX3 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Outstanding news PW!! I could not be more happy for you and your DW...:bunny::bunny:! You have the required knowledge, skills, and abilities to make this work...on your part. I have some of the knowledge, and some skills, so I hope they are enough that I will be able to let the W know I am not perfect and I will still need her support when I stumble. Q for you... did your DW tell you why she could or would not move back into your old house... listen to her bud... there could be good reasons for it... like Bad memories... We talked a little today on the phone about this and she said it will just be something that will take time. She said; before she moved out it was our house & then she moved out, I have done some improvements, and some redecorating so she sees it as "my" place now, its not our place anymore. Right before she moved out we had bought a new matter for our bed & we bought two new pairs of sheets for it. I told her that I have saved the "purple" pair of sheets in hopes that if we got back together that I wanted to share them with her. I also told her that I had taken down some pictures that I had hanging up in there that after learning how a man should treat his wife, I felt they didn't show respect to my wife and I didn't want them hanging in there anymore so they are down & I have new ones up that she can appeciate as weel. She thought that was very thoughtful of me and it brought a tear to her eye. I never used to pay attention to my DW's complaints... or certain disagreements... I practices selective hearing. (Damn...) Be empathetic with her... she may be saying something with out actually saying something...?? This is my biggest problem as many of you know on here, I can't see thru all the colors, you have to tell me in black and white, period!! I also like the fact you guys are not jumping back into the relationship as it was.... smart. Slow... After our Valentines date it has been very hard for me, I want to call her every day and hear her voice. Today I told myself I would NOT call & around lunch she called me. I told her I was so glad she called and explained my situation & she said that was fine I could call her, but we had a great conversation on the phone. Then after all that making out like college kids I have been wanting that again & she also said something about it today so we are on the same page there as well. She does sound like she wants to work at this... and that is awesome... just don't get mad if she is not as fast as you. You know this could take long... you accepted that many months ago... that still stands...k But... besides all that... "Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuraaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy"!:laugh::laugh:... ilmw Thanks ilmw, it means a lot to me to see all those h,u,r,a,y's up there, I'm doing my best & hoping for the best. Tonight she stopped by to give me some green chili she bought for me, so I told her to call me when she was at the corner so I had time to make her a couple pieces of toast with this awesome cinnamon butter I got. She likes toast & she will love that butter so it was something small, but just a way to show her I am thinking of her. We gave each other a couple of kisses and she was off but it felt good. There is a chance my cousins are coming up tomorrow evening to play games & I called and asked the W if she wanted to come over and play? When we were talking on VDay she said that was one thing she missed is playing card games with my folks so it will be good to have her back playing cards. Just taking it day by day right now, hope to get back into counseling together and see where we end up at.
Author PWSX3 Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 Today I decided to do something that I have been wanting to do, I rented a pair of snowshoes & went hiking. I rented a pair of snowshoes & the guy told me a good place to go since it was a little windy and the closer I got the worse the wind got. When I got to the parking lot and started to get dressed I was really wondering if I wanted to get out in the cold and the wind because it was blowing pretty good by then, but I told myself I had to do it. Once I started and got into the trees it really got nice & after the first hill climb I even took off one of the heavy shirts I had on. I can't believe how much heat your body can produce when you are working. The trail I took was 5 miles round trip & it took me around 3 hours to do. I did find some new muscles that I didn't know I had even working out for an hour a day, but it was all good, I met some really nice people along the trail & even had a couple of them take pictures of me so I could say, that was me. There was one young feller that stepped to the side to let me go past and then when I was heading back I caught up to him again so I just had to ask him; what age group do you fit into? He said next month is his birthday & he will be 83 years young so I thought that was pretty cool he was still out there enjoying mother nature. I was very glad I went & that I know if there are things that I want to do down the road and if the W and I do get back together then I don't have to use her as an excuse or a reason not to go that I can just go on my own. Tonight we went to my folks to play card games & I had invited her and she had so much fun, we played a new game that she hadn't played before so it felt good to see her happy. When we left I walked her to her car & she turned and just hugged me & then we kissed for a while. Our poor son just has to set in the car and wait since he road with her. :laugh: Now tomorrow I can just set around the house & see if this old man will be able to move.
dgiirl Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Perry, I'm absolutely thrilled for you!! I want to caution you to take it slow, but I cant help smiling and being giddy for you! I'm really happy for you and I wish you continue success in everything you do!
Gunny376 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I feel I have opened the door and I'm inside but the light at the end of the tunnel is a LONG WAYS AWAY because it's still pretty damn dark!!!!! Do you remember the guy that orginally posted this? I'm glad you and the wife are turning things around ~ taking things slowly in doing so, putting it back together, throwing out what doesn't work, putting in the new, adpating and overcoming what months ago seemed insurtmountable.
Author PWSX3 Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 Do you remember the guy that orginally posted this? I'm glad you and the wife are turning things around ~ taking things slowly in doing so, putting it back together, throwing out what doesn't work, putting in the new, adpating and overcoming what months ago seemed insurtmountable. Gunny I sure do & I still believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel because I can see my hand in front of my face now. The light isn't very bright, but it's enough I can see which way I need to be walking. Today I sent the W an email telling her I hope I wasn't smothering her to much and that I still want to take it slow. I want to make sure we have a good foundation under this new relationship so it will be able to stand whatever is thrown at us. She did call me when I was in the store and asked if I wanted to stop by, they had bought pizza and had a couple pieces left over so I stopped and she brought it out to me & sat in the car and we talked for a while then made out for a while. Funny how we are acting like we did when we first met. I haven't gone into her apartment because I haven't been invited. I want her to be the one that asks me in & if she doesn't I'm fine with that, we can just set in the car and talk. This coming weekend we are going to the big city for a family night out. I got tickets to see Larry The Cable Guy (our boy likes him) and so I invited the W to spend the night if she wants to in a card today. This will be the 3rd weekend we have done something together, this weekend was playing cards and then today just visiting in the car but it's spending time together. Tonight she said she has an appointment with our counselor this week and then the first of March she asked if I wanted to join her? I told her I would be more then happy to start going with her as long as she was ready and she feels she will be. Things are getting better in the neighborhood that's for sure. I do feel sad for those that have the same goals as I have had but the outcome hasn't been as positive as mine. It makes me feel kind of selfish that we all can't have a good outcome with our spouses but then like others on here not getting back together with there spouse has been the better thing once all the dust has settled and hopefully that will be the case for many. Tonight I went back and re-read my first couple of posts just to remind myself where I started, where I don't want to be anymore & see how far I have come. I still remind myself every day that I don't ever want to be that person again & no matter what happens I will keep saying it just to remind myself.
ilmw Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Tonight I went back and re-read my first couple of posts just to remind myself where I started, where I don't want to be anymore & see how far I have come. I still remind myself every day that I don't ever want to be that person again & no matter what happens I will keep saying it just to remind myself. That is something we should all do.... many of us have come along way. Maybe not getting the same results.. but still having learned important things about ourselves... and others, realtionships and life in general. Pw... you have set a really great example Thx... ilmw
Author PWSX3 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 We gonna get an update soon or what?? ilmw I don't know if there is much excitement to tell. Today me & the boy picked the W up at work and then headed to the big city because this was the weekend to see Larry The Cable Guy. We stopped and ate before the show and had a good time, then went to the show. We have seen some good comedy shows but I have to say this guy is pretty damn funny. There were times my jaw was huring from laughing & I couldn't stop. Then we came home; Oh did I tell you the other day I made chicken Burritos and I asked her if she wanted me to make her one and she could pick it up on her way home. She told me at Valentines that she isn't ready to come into the house. I needed some green chili & the store that we get it from is between her work and here so she stopped and picked it up. She rang the door bell and just waited outside then she went home to let her dog out. When she came back to get her Burrito she asked if she could come in so to me that was great, that was a big step for her. She sat at the table and ate her supper and said; thank you & that was very kind of me. So tonight when we got home we played a few games and then we hugged & kissed and then I took her to the bedroom. I thought that last part might get your attention. :laugh: I took her to the bedroom to show her I took down the pictures that I had of some other girls from car shows I had hanging on the wall & explained I felt that wasn't showing respect to my wife. She was very impressed and thanked me for it and then she helped me make my bed since I didn't get a chance to put the clean sheets on before the show. I had invited her earlier to spend the night, but she said she wasn't ready to do that just yet and I would love to be able to snuggle with her but I was o.k. with her decission. Then we kissed and hugged and just talked but it felt good. I really enjoy being with her, but I do have one hang up & I guess it has always been one and that is her weight. I do understand that is something I have no control over & that is her demon to deal with, so if her weight bothers me then what I do have control over is not getting back together with her and that scares me. I see her weight as being unhealthy and she has heart problems in her family. I see it holding her back from doing active things & with me losing my weight I will want to do more active things so do I do my thing, she does hers & we hope to find a few things that we like to do together?????? She doesn't eat well & she sets at a desk all day so she gets no excerise during the day. I also showed her this new bread that I am trying. It supposes to be healthy for you & she tried a piece and said it was good. To me it taste like what I think bird feed would taste like. She just said; I just can't see you eating this kind of bread, but she has said that about a few things I have been doing lately. I invited her over for pancakes in the morning so we will see if she shows up or not. It's pretty early for her (8:00) but I need to get going in the morning, my dad wants me to help him with some shingles that blew off there roof & I have to hit the gym first thing. I feel things are going well, but I'm looking forward to joint counseling so hopefully she will be able to answer some of these questions I still have dancing around in my head. The W goes to see our conselor this week then she will make an appointment for the two of us for two weeks from then. Hope that helps get everyone up to speed and like I said there are small things that have been happening but I guess right now that is what we want, just small steps.
Author PWSX3 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Last night when we went to the show we had to walk a fair amount of distance from the car to where the show was. I did very well at keeping the W's pace and not going ahead of her. That was something she used to complain about when we would try going on a walk. But I noticed farther we went the slower we walked and I could tell she was getting tired. Last night when the W was over she noticed my picture of Hanging Lake on the computer that my & my son hiked. She was saying how pretty it was so I showed her some other pictures that we had taken. These things got me thinking this morning and like I said earlier there is nothing "I" can do or say about how she wants to look or feel but I do have a question. Can a couple live happily when one is more active then the other & the only time you would have together is like setting at a movie, playing table games, or going to a show or things like that???? I have read there are 3 parts to a marriage, his time, her time, and there time. You have to do things by yourself but I'm scared I'll get tired of doing things by myself or look for others to enjoy those things I like and I'll get tired of always just going to a movie or playing games. I called her this morning around 10:15 just to get together with her and talk about some of this since we were talking about it last night, but she was still sleeping. Last night she told me she had LOTS to do today & wanted to get an early start so that is why I invited her over for pancakes at 8:00 but she never made it. Me & my son plan on doing that hike again this spring so see what it's like with more spring run off and the W even said something about she would like to see it, but there is no way she would be able to make it. I wasn't in the best of shape the last time me & my son hiked it and it kicked my butt. Gunny keeps popping into my head and that is scary, but I keep hearing; what can she bring to the table that the other million other woman out there can't????? I do have to say when we are together such as last night it is good to be with her, we do have fun talking even though sometimes she gets a little boring because she doesn't do much except work and visit one friend. I was watching Opera (that was what was on at the gym) and there was a guy on there that was talking about overweight people and he said most of the time people are overweight because of deeper issues and excuses such as; I like food to much, or I don't have the time to exercise are just that, excuses. Maybe it's because I feel if you take care of your body or yourself then you feel better about yourself. Just like for me when I dress up I feel better then if I'm just wearing an old pair of jeans & t-shirt. I guess I'm just looking for some ideas and different angles of why this bothers me & if it is something we can live with. You also have to remember I prefer the full figured woman more then smaller types, not sure why but I always have so it's not just her size that is bothering me it's more then that.
ilmw Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Hi PW, Thought I would give you an example of differing body types... and relationships. My DW's mother and step father are like night and day He is thin... wirey and works like a mad man... He is a contractor... collects scrap on the side... and in the winter he.. snow plows too.. DW's mon is .. well not over weight... but she is no where near as active as he is... She has Lupis (think that is how you spell it:confused:) She can't be in the sun for long...tires easy....things like that.... They seem to have a great relationship... he does his stuff... she does her's.. and they do their stuff together... 2nd marriages for both of them.... and they seem to have learned from their past. Point being.... their fitness level... body type... does not hold them back... cause when they are together.... they have fun.. Same goes for my Aunt and Uncle...in England... She has for the longest time been overweight... my uncle used to cycle to work... he was fit and always very active.... but they found things they could do together....and have been happily married since the 50's ... So.. there is hope ...K?? ilmw
a4a Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 IMHO she has a responsibility to take care of her body and her health as it not only effects her but all of you including your son...... her choice to make it a priority or not is her choice it is also your choice to decide if you want a partner that is "disabled" by weight or not. I think so many people forget that their health choices do effect others. She could suffer from heart disease, diabetes, or other weight related conditions that would cause you or your son to become her care takers..... this does need to be addressed and no longer ignored....... But it needs to be addressed in a fashion that gives positive support and not negative input to her. But in the end only she can really decide to put the Twinkie down or not.
MoonGirl Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Last night when we went to the show we had to walk a fair amount of distance from the car to where the show was. I did very well at keeping the W's pace and not going ahead of her. That was something she used to complain about when we would try going on a walk. But I noticed farther we went the slower we walked and I could tell she was getting tired. Last night when the W was over she noticed my picture of Hanging Lake on the computer that my & my son hiked. She was saying how pretty it was so I showed her some other pictures that we had taken. These things got me thinking this morning and like I said earlier there is nothing "I" can do or say about how she wants to look or feel but I do have a question. Can a couple live happily when one is more active then the other & the only time you would have together is like setting at a movie, playing table games, or going to a show or things like that???? I have read there are 3 parts to a marriage, his time, her time, and there time. You have to do things by yourself but I'm scared I'll get tired of doing things by myself or look for others to enjoy those things I like and I'll get tired of always just going to a movie or playing games. I called her this morning around 10:15 just to get together with her and talk about some of this since we were talking about it last night, but she was still sleeping. Last night she told me she had LOTS to do today & wanted to get an early start so that is why I invited her over for pancakes at 8:00 but she never made it. Me & my son plan on doing that hike again this spring so see what it's like with more spring run off and the W even said something about she would like to see it, but there is no way she would be able to make it. I wasn't in the best of shape the last time me & my son hiked it and it kicked my butt. Gunny keeps popping into my head and that is scary, but I keep hearing; what can she bring to the table that the other million other woman out there can't????? I do have to say when we are together such as last night it is good to be with her, we do have fun talking even though sometimes she gets a little boring because she doesn't do much except work and visit one friend. I was watching Opera (that was what was on at the gym) and there was a guy on there that was talking about overweight people and he said most of the time people are overweight because of deeper issues and excuses such as; I like food to much, or I don't have the time to exercise are just that, excuses. Maybe it's because I feel if you take care of your body or yourself then you feel better about yourself. Just like for me when I dress up I feel better then if I'm just wearing an old pair of jeans & t-shirt. I guess I'm just looking for some ideas and different angles of why this bothers me & if it is something we can live with. You also have to remember I prefer the full figured woman more then smaller types, not sure why but I always have so it's not just her size that is bothering me it's more then that. It sounds like you're really in a new place in your life: assessing whether or not you want your wife in your life at all. I'm sure her health (weight) is only one of the factors in your decision, but it is certainly a major factor. Does she know this is a factor? Or care? Only you can decide what you view as your wife's imperfections are something you can live with. And this is something you're obviously seriously considering. As for your taste in women, if you really do like bigger women, then most of them would probably not be able to complete the hike that you mentioned. If you're just going to trade one big woman for another, I don't think that factor should count against your wife at all. Do you? But if you're going to aim for a more fit woman who can keep up with your outdoor activities, then it is definitely a factor to consider.
Author PWSX3 Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 It sounds like you're really in a new place in your life: assessing whether or not you want your wife in your life at all. I'm sure her health (weight) is only one of the factors in your decision, but it is certainly a major factor. Does she know this is a factor? Or care? Yes she knows this is because we talked about us the other evening and she said; well I guess it comes down to my weight doesn't it? Only you can decide what you view as your wife's imperfections are something you can live with. And this is something you're obviously seriously considering. As for your taste in women, if you really do like bigger women, then most of them would probably not be able to complete the hike that you mentioned. If you're just going to trade one big woman for another, I don't think that factor should count against your wife at all. Do you? But if you're going to aim for a more fit woman who can keep up with your outdoor activities, then it is definitely a factor to consider. When I talked about my taste in women I say between 150-200 something like that, my W is 5'5" and around 250, so I feel if she was around 190 mark then she would be able to do more activities because there are a lot of gals at the gym that I think are around that and they do pretty darn well. I guess I just don't understand how someone can be happy with themselves when they are overweight specially since I've lost 47 pounds and can see how much better I feel inside and outside. I used to have heartburn real bad, my back used to hurt a lot (I've had 3 back surgeries) I used to get winded walking around in the mountains, but now that is all gone, I haven't taken anything for heartburn since Sept. My back doesn't hurt at all, just gets sore once in a while but goes away quickily. The other evening when we were talking she even admitted that there is a lot of heart problems in her family, her dad & uncle both have had trouble. I guess just like it took her moving out for me to wake up it's going to have to take something serious to wake her up and until then there is nothing I can do but except her how she is or don't except her and move on. Today SUCKED!!! After the talk with the W Sunday evening I've been thinking of us & I seem more confused now then when she moved out. She asked me if I had seen any changes in her & I just said; no I hadn't seen many so that didn't go over to well but I guess for me since I don't see any physical difference it's hard to see the other specially since she doesn't talk about anything much. I guess this is another one of those I have to figure it out and then hope I am correct. I did call our counselor today and set up an appointment and hopefully she can help me with some of these questions I have in my head. When I told the counselor about what we had talked about I told her that the reason I hadn't seen much change is because the only thing I hear her talk about is how she was so tired driving to work the other day she had to pull over and take a cat nap, that she slept all day one Sunday except to take the dog out once and for her to go to the bathroom, & a couple other things. The counselor just told me that wasn't any of my business so it just made me feel like I had just been set back to the beginning again of where I have started from. Very flustrated with myself right now and going to the gym tonight helped some but I'm just tired so I don't think about it. Tonight I just felt like throwing in the towel, but I don't want to give into Mr. Easy and take the easy way out, I refuse to do that but it's really hard sometimes. The part that sucks is when we are together such as going to the Larry the Cable Guy Saturday evening we had a blast & when we just go out to eat and visit we have fun but it's starting to get harder to talk because the only thing I do is work, workout, go home & sleep and she just works & goes home. Thanks for letting me just vent, I hope things will turn around. The W did tell me in one of her emails that she owed me a lunch & I just replied and said; no you don't owe me a lunch but if you want to take me out then just plan it and then tell me. Hopefully she will wait until the weekend because right now I don't feel like good company. Today is about over & tomorrow is another new day right!!!! THINK POSITIVE!
Ladyjane14 Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 One of the reasons that I don't like the concept of "trial separation" is that in observation I've noticed how people generally get used to the status quo. So, as time passes by... the separated couple becomes accustomed to being on their own. It would go too far, I think, to say that separation never works. I can see some value in it. It's sometimes necessary to REALLY shake things up before your partner can see your point. In your own case, for example, the separation caused you to reevaluate alot of things in your life. The problem is though, that once a person has done just that and made whatever changes are necessary... he'll start getting pretty comfortable with himself. He's happier living in his own skin, and happier with his surroundings too. Before long, he starts to notice that his partner isn't really making as much progress as he had hoped. I think maybe these are indicators that he's losing impetus in terms of recovering the relationship.... running out of gas as it were. "Trial Separation" is tricky in it's timing. When it can't be avoided, I think it's best to stick with it until goals are achieved. But once they ARE... it's a big mistake not to notice. I think maybe your wife is making that mistake with you.
a4a Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 Perry I think it is time to have a positive heart to heart with your W. She thought you sucked with your attitude........ you changed or on the path to change (which benefits you as well). I think she does not realize that her weight is a negative in your M and in her life. 1. she cannot participate in family activities..... then you feel guilty and lonely and desire a partner that can. 2. she is facing complications (serious ones) with her weight. 3. she would benefit from losing some weight and getting in shape. Is this correct...... But my guess is she hears "your fat so you are not attractive". I mean was that not your old message to her? There is also a reason she continues to eat unhealthy foods...... past history perhaps? This is not about sexual attraction as a priority is it? But interwoven in 1-3 above? So perhaps it is time to formulate a plan....... to get her to see how change will benefit HER. Trickle down effect is it will benefit you and your son as well. Unfortunatley doing the work usually ends up on the shoulders of the hurt partner/partner with unmet needs.... you at this point. Also setting a common goal for both of you will bring you together. What could you work on together beside your R...... a hands on goal.... side business.... saving for a new home? If she had a different eating disorder how would you feel about your current situation with her?
MoonGirl Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 PWSX3, Feel free to vent anytime. You're doing a great job working on yourself. I don't understand why your counselor thinks that your wife's habits are none of your business. That is strange in my opinion. Do you like your counselor? Have you invited your wife to the gym with you? If she's willing to go, then you could spend some more time together and she would get the extra benefit of working out and possibly loosing some weight. Just an idea.
Author PWSX3 Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 PWSX3, Feel free to vent anytime. You're doing a great job working on yourself. I don't understand why your counselor thinks that your wife's habits are none of your business. That is strange in my opinion. Do you like your counselor? Have you invited your wife to the gym with you? If she's willing to go, then you could spend some more time together and she would get the extra benefit of working out and possibly loosing some weight. Just an idea. Matter of fact the other day she had said something about maybe going to the gym with me so I found out that I can get a one day pass for her & I told her I would like to take her just to show her the machines that I use and now I'm leaving it up to her to tell me when she wants to go. It's up to her now, I did the invite and that's all I can do. a4a, you are correct it's not the ual attraction part I have trouble with, it's the health part of it and I know being overweight also has affect on other things as well. She is also on some type of medication for depression & I'm not sure what that is but in my own heart I don't feel like it is doing what it supposes to do but I have excepted that she thinks it is so O.K. She sees someone for that as well and they think it is fine. I was also wondering if maybe "I" am using her eating bad as a excuse for me. Maybe I'm afraid when she moves in and she brings in the junk food that I won't be able to control myself and I'll go back eating that as well I just don't know. Things to think about, things to get figured out, boy oh boy!!!!!
a4a Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I was also wondering if maybe "I" am using her eating bad as a excuse for me. Maybe I'm afraid when she moves in and she brings in the junk food that I won't be able to control myself and I'll go back eating that as well I just don't know. Things to think about, things to get figured out, boy oh boy!!!!! Then bring that up!!! Nothing wrong with that at all..... Ask her to help you avoid the junk food...... don't say YOU bringing in junk food will make me fat... cuz the only way you get fat is by eating it.... in the cupboard it cannot hurt you. So perhaps something more like this " Since we are looking at things in a new perspective, I was hoping you could help me too. I have been working hard on trying to stop many of my bad habits, including addressing my physical health. I am afraid that I will start back to bad eating habits.... what do you think is the best way to keep from doing this, your opinion?" or something like that without blaming her for you sticking twinkies in your mouth.... unless of course she force feeds you?
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