SadGreenEyes Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 How does one reintroduce sex and intimacy back into their relationship without feeling "uncomfortable?" Boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, most of which there has been no intimacy, for many reasons, but the biggest is his prescription medication for depression. He lost both his Mother and Sister within 6 months of each other last year and much stress has been added into his life, hence the need for these pills, all of which state clearly they decrease your sex drive and lowers your libido. I have been careful and try not to bring it us as often, but in all honesty, I cant wait anymore and it is missed and needed in our relationship. Like I said, its been a while...we've been more like room mates and best friends throughout with some affection, but the I love you's are still there. Im wondering about how I will feel, or how he might feel. We are comfortable with one another and have had sex in the past. Is going to be like "the first time" again? Is it going to be weird because it's been so long? Im afraid that something was lost, ya know - "that" part....can it be reintroduced again and become vibrant and passionate? Another problem in which we butt heads...we both seem to want to be the submissive. I've never been aggressive, I always liked it when the man took charge, but that's just me. He likes it when the woman takes charge. Give me some cocktails and I'll take charge...but until then, let's bring it back into the relationship first. I need some guidance. Any input? SGE
everlong Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 "no intimacy, for many reasons, but the biggest is his prescription medication for depression. much stress has been added into his life, hence the need for these pills, all of which state clearly they decrease your sex drive and lowers your libido." well, hang on to yer knickers because if he is off the medication and it has been a while - u can expect a sex-o-rama-sex romp that could last days! lol "I have been careful and try not to bring it us as often, but in all honesty, I cant wait anymore and it is missed and needed in our relationship." he is probably dying as well! lol "Im wondering about how I will feel, or how he might feel. We are comfortable with one another and have had sex in the past. Is going to be like "the first time" again?" i would think that would be preettty sweeeeeeeeeeeeet! just think back to how u and him were then! i am assuming, like all first timers out there it wouyld be WOOOO HOOO "Another problem in which we butt heads...we both seem to want to be the submissive. I've never been aggressive, I always liked it when the man took charge, but that's just me. He likes it when the woman takes charge. Give me some cocktails and I'll take charge...but until then, let's bring it back into the relationship first. I need some guidance. Any input? SGE" chances are if he has been 'out of the loop' for a while - i don't think you would have to worry about him NOT taking charge! i wish you many orgasms - all the best!
binevrywear Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 SGE, I don't get it. Didn't you dump this guy??? I don't check here very often, just browse from time to time... But I distinctly remember you having finally moved out on him. Or was that another boyfriend?
binevrywear Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 Just got off my lazy butt and checked. You wrote on Sept 11th on this forum that "it's over." From what I read, it's the same guy, right? Did you get back together? If so, WHY???
Author SadGreenEyes Posted October 15, 2006 Author Posted October 15, 2006 Hi Bin Why am I still with this guy? I can give you 2 reasons off the cuff right now... 1 - Im a moron 2 - I still love him 3 - Im stupid 4 - Im an idiot? Oops, that's 4. In all honesty - I do really love this guy. Back in September, yes, I did move out....for a week. I didnt make the big move upstate, however, since the drama unfolded back in Sept and since I did leave, although temporarily, things have changed some, he knows he did wrong, and believe me Im making it hard from him to forget. Since then we have been getting along much better, better than we have been in a long time. Some of the affection has returned and I told him, It's time you "put out" OR I will find someone who will! He didnt like that very much. I know Bin, you're gonna tell me that the drama has been there well before September, and you are right. I think we reached the plateau of ickiness. I may be dumb but Im not stupid....I'll know when it's time to bail. Im just enjoying his "guilt", and his sweetness now ....with hopes this HAS changed everything and will make it all turn around. I dont know Bin. I asked once or twice on this board if anyone knew where I can get a labotomy
binevrywear Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 SGE, Well, like I said I don't check over here that often. I still can't believe you are back with that guy after all that. I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of your posts though.
Walk Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I don't know the past situation, so I'm just going to address the original question in this thread... I think both of you might find it a bit awkward at first to attempt to rekindle the sexual side. But if you two can keep the lines of communication open, then it'll make it easier for both of you. Plus, don't critize at all, and don't ever imply "no" (not that you would..) but always give an out.. like, I'm really exhausted tonight, but I would absolutely love to tomorrow morning if you're still interested. or something like that. Positive words to show you want it very much, because there are still going to be times one of you isn't going to be "into" sex at that moment. Since you two have been on hiadus for a while, then there's probably a lot of baggage and feelings of not being desired, unwanted... just ensure the other person knows you still want them and that it's only a reschedule, not a flat out no. Anyway. (I need more coffee ) You could probably help by getting some erotic literature and read that to each other. Oh, and the dominate aspect. I hear you on that. My bf likes me to be dominate and I'm not always interested in being like that. However, I really do feel that if it's something your bf desires, then you should do it. Not every time, but do it just for him. As a gift. And frankly, I'd flat out tell him what I was doing up front ie: "I'm going to rip your clothes off and **** you till you .. " while taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom. Just do it for him first, a couple times... then talk to him about sharing the role. Ask him what he liked, didin't like, etc. And ask him to return the favor. I never like being dominate at first, but now I really really enjoy it on occasion. Especially seeing his reaction to it!! Priceless. It was awesome. That in itself was well worth the little bit of uncomfortable I felt when I first tried it. And he really appreciated that I would go out of my comfort zone to do something just for him.
nicki Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 What Walk said.... And, how about going back to the very beginning and focus on kissing, making out, etc. Go out on a date, recapture what made you attracted to each other in the first place. Maybe you could go back to the same place as your first date, or go the opposite way and try something completely new and active, like rock climbing. Something physical always gets the ol' passion going. Anyway, If it were me, I would start over, move slowly, build intimacy outside the bedroom. I would tease him, flirt with him, kiss him, etc....but hold off until it felt like I couldn't hold off anymore. Just like when you first start dating someone. Then, since he likes you to dominate, you could be the one to look into his eyes, smile slyly and unzip his jeans. I think we are all very envious of you. How fun to rediscover each other.
JamesM Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Ditto on what has been said. Is he off the anti-depressants? If not, a switch may bring back the libido. Assuming he is off, since he likes you to take charge, I would say go for it. But I think it takes a week or two or more to get that libido back. I don't know what caused your wanting to leave him in September, but this could be at the root of your sex problems. From a guy's POV, you should have an easier time at getting him going than a guy does at getting his female partner back in the saddle.
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