wump Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I just have a quick question. I have experience this several times. I met a girl and made a point of going in to where she works and talking to her. She always smiling and I don't get a sense that I am bothering her. Obviously, guys are not going up to strange girls and talking with them to be friends. Yet, she never mentioned once that she had a boyfriend. Then I find out through someone else, who knows her, that she is taken. Why don't girls just throw that out there? It's an easy way to let a guy down and let him know that their taken. It almost seems like they are avoiding telling you they have someone. I mean if I ask somebody what they did on the weekend or what they like to do, for example, why don't they just say that " me and my boyfriend did this or that". I mean even if its not true its the quickest out and it saves everyone from an awkward situation later. Instead I get " I just hung with some people". Is it purely that girls like the attention or is it nerves?
laRubiaBonita Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 cause she may not be totally satisfied.... so she is shopping around.
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 She doesn't see you as boyfriend material, so why should she advertise that to you that she's taken? Maybe she enjoys your company as a friend. I mean, what IF you were just being nice and not really interested in her, and then she just blurted out, OH I have a boyfriend...Then you'd be like, so? I'm just visiting and chattin' with ya, don't read into this. Unless you've asked her out, flirted with her and she's still not telling you that she has a boyfriend, then yeah, she SHOULD be letting you know so you don't make a fool of yourself. Now that you know she's got a boyfriend, don't go out of your way to see/talk to her.
allina Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 It's also hard to tell when to bring up the "I have a bf" thing. I would feel weird saying this to a guy that was just chatting me up, though I am 100% satisfied in my relationship.
StayClose Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 She either enjoys the attention she gets from guys interested in dating her, or she's keeping her options open.
CrushedOrgans Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Obviously, guys are not going up to strange girls and talking with them to be friends. Yet, she never mentioned once that she had a boyfriend. it's not really that obvious. even when a girl is dating a guy, she can still be wondering if he really likes her. many girls don't automatically assume you definitely want them because of one insignificant encounter--with a stranger. also, some girls are hesitant to say "i have a boyfriend" because guys aren't always so nice when you tell them. often it's a "well, i wasn't trying to get atcha anyway" or "bitch, why did you bother talking to me." it's actually kind of sad that you can't just talk to someone without expectations, or expecting the other person to know that obviously, you don't want her friendship. not to mention, to her you are a stranger...maybe she feels no reason to divulge her personal information to you.
alphamale Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 this phenomena is what I call the "looking to trade up theory". See, chicks are always on the prowl to trade up socio-economically. They don't tell you initially they are attached cause they wanna see if you are better than their current man. And they need to give you time to prove yourself (while you think she is unattached.). If you don't cut the mustard then she pulls out the "oh BTW, I already have a b/f krap". If you do cut the mustard and are a step-up for her then she dumps the old b/f and you take his place....at least until the next dude comes along who trumps you. Simple as that.
CrushedOrgans Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 If you do cut the mustard and are a step-up for her then she dumps the old b/f and you take his place....at least until the next dude comes along who trumps you. Simple as that. and not necessarily in that order.
mysticalstar Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I think a lot of girls wonder the same thing about guys! But Maybe these girls aren't coming right out and saying it because they don't feel it is necessary to come right out and say "i have a boyfriend." I have a boyfriend and I dont always tell guys that I am taken because until they ask me or ask me out because i think it would sound weird if in the middle of our conversation i said "oh and by the way, I have a boyfriend so dont get any ideas" He would think i'm nuts!! oh and i also think its a game and girls like to see that they are still wanted and see if they still has what it takes to get a guy (even though they wont pursue anything because they do have a boyfriend) which i'm sure goes the same ways for guys.
allina Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 this phenomena is what I call the "looking to trade up theory". See, chicks are always on the prowl to trade up socio-economically. Don't speak for women in general. I am in no way looking to "trade up" or trade at all.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 this phenomena is what I call the "looking to trade up theory". See, chicks are always on the prowl to trade up socio-economically. They don't tell you initially they are attached cause they wanna see if you are better than their current man. And they need to give you time to prove yourself (while you think she is unattached.). If you don't cut the mustard then she pulls out the "oh BTW, I already have a b/f krap". If you do cut the mustard and are a step-up for her then she dumps the old b/f and you take his place....at least until the next dude comes along who trumps you. Simple as that. As much as I would like to differ, I can somehow agree.
justagirliegirl Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Is it the same with guys when someone asks if they have a gf and they don't answer? They out shopping too?
BlueEyedGirl Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Alphamale, I actually agree with you. When I'm dating someone, I'm always looking to trade up. I kind of feel like I can do better so I keep my options open. Also if I'm dating someone who I'm REALLY into and consider that he is a step up for me but he doesn't treat me 100% right or I can sense that he doesn't like me as much, I will be looking around. The only way I can see myself not looking to trade up is if I'm with someone that I am wildly in love too and I'm completly secure that he feels the same way. Hasn't happened yet.
IpAncA Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 this phenomena is what I call the "looking to trade up theory". See, chicks are always on the prowl to trade up socio-economically. They don't tell you initially they are attached cause they wanna see if you are better than their current man. And they need to give you time to prove yourself (while you think she is unattached.). If you don't cut the mustard then she pulls out the "oh BTW, I already have a b/f krap". If you do cut the mustard and are a step-up for her then she dumps the old b/f and you take his place....at least until the next dude comes along who trumps you. Simple as that. Not all women do this but if someone better comes along, heck ya they'll trade. Why not I would too if I was just dating. I can understand how guys feel about that. The same thing goes with guys also. I never knew right off bat they were taken. That was very annoying. Me and another one of my friends used to do is just wear a ring. That way the guys knew we were taking but man that used to back fire on me like crazy. Cause then I would have to explain and crap like that. Although we used to just do that any way when we didn't want to be bothered while out. O well thats life I guess.
nicki Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Sometimes a girl just needs an ego boost and flirts a bit. It can mean absolutely nothing. Or she could be friendly and not even think you are interested in her. When I'm in love and happy, I don't even notice men or talk to them much. For instance, today I went to get lunch at a local place. On the way out, a cute doctor in scrubs raised his eyebrows at me and gave me a "Hey Baby" look and smile.....AND I WAS TOTALLY CLUELESS. I walked a good three feet past him before I realized what had happened....i must be in loooove. Anway, if I am chatting with a guy, I usually work in a comment about my boyfriend. BUT, NOT at the beginning of the conversation. That would be rude and presumptuous. I'll do it later and work it in a natural and quick way. As in, "Yeah, that was an interesting movie. My boyfriend and I saw it last week. What did you think about ___ in the movie?" Just keep talking to women. We love talking to you guys. It always makes us feel great!
blind_otter Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 She doesn't see you as boyfriend material, so why should she advertise that to you that she's taken? Maybe she enjoys your company as a friend. I mean, what IF you were just being nice and not really interested in her, and then she just blurted out, OH I have a boyfriend...Then you'd be like, so? I'm just visiting and chattin' with ya, don't read into this. eggs-actly. Why is it imperitive that all females march around announcing that they are in a relationship? Why can't they hope that people just want to talk to them?
Bamaboy2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 could it be that they just like to be mean and get ya to liking them and then let it rip all of a sudden they have a bf to cut ya down into a million pieces? sometimes i feel this is the case, though i am by no means saying that it is a proven fact, it just seems like it sometimes. thats kinda how i feel with the girl i asked out, she never mentioned anything about a bf until i asked her out and she never talked about him in class. I think its just to be mean sometimes but thats just me.
monkey00 Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Wait till you ask her out, that's a different story... Remember this especially asking a girl out - Women dont proclaim having a bf to guys they are interested in. Women DO proclaim to guys that they have a bf (lie or not), if they arent interested in you, or see you as friend material. Proclaiming having a bf to a guy usually scares off most guys (that ones that scare off easily), now why would she do that to someone she's interested in? DONT expect a woman to dump their bf and go out with you. It's unrealistic to believe that someone would drop their SO, before dating someone new. humans are like monkeys, they swing from branch to branch without letting go until they have a good grasp of the other. good luck.
remedylane Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I've also wondered this too, but I guess there just has to be the right time to say it. Wouldn't it seem awkward if you said your first words to a girl, then she immediately said, "hi, I already have a b/f, bye!" That would suck! lol I guess you just have to find out yourself. Maybe asking doesn't hurt. But asking is hard too haha. I know I've found out by asking the girl certain questions and she just blurted it out. Although it hurt at first, I eventually got over it and kept talking to some of the girls. (It's good to at least maintain some friendship, I mean we are just people, might as well show some love instead of backing off immediately...something I need to work on as well). You can always check myspace haha. I guess we have a lot of expectations, maybe lessening our expectations can help? I don't know. I don't think there's one right answer. I think It's good that there's multiple viewpoints on this.
Walk Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 My experience: Guys would come into my work, chat my ear off, hardly give me a moment to respond, he was off on the next subject before I'd even gotten out a complete thought... Then he'd ask me out. I'd tell them I was in a serious relationship. The guy would get huffy and disappear. WTF? Plus... most men who came into my work would give excuses for why they were there... Ie: meeting someone, looking for such and such.. So there was really no reason for me to assume he was there to see me. I hate sharing my personal life to strangers (in person), so if you ask me what I did during my personal time, I'll give a very vague answer. I'm assuming the guy is there for the reason he stated he was there for. Not to check on my availablility status. And add in the fact that every guy I've talked to who I casually mentioned "My bf and I... blah blah" has never talked to me since... Even the one with a girl friend. Starting to feel like saying that phrase is a social death sentence. Men get pissy if I don't let them know, pissy if I do... Would you make up your minds!!!!
littlekitty Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I personally always make a point of slipping it into the conversation early on if I'm talking a male that doesn't know me. Doesn't happen much - but if/when it does that's how I handle it. Not like 'back off buddy I'm taken', but more like Nicki said, just drop something about my SO or something we did into the conversation early on, so that they know I'm off limits. But that's just my personal perference.
Spiderman Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I personally always make a point of slipping it into the conversation early on if I'm talking a male that doesn't know me. Doesn't happen much - but if/when it does that's how I handle it. Not like 'back off buddy I'm taken', but more like Nicki said, just drop something about my SO or something we did into the conversation early on, so that they know I'm off limits. But that's just my personal perference. Funny, now you mention it I notice a lot of girls do this...or maybe it's just me!? Nah that can't be it
littlekitty Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Funny, now you mention it I notice a lot of girls do this...or maybe it's just me!? Nah that can't be it How strange Spidy....!! Can't just be you.....
Yoohoo Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 This situation is why I love the following question: "Are you single?" Problem solved, not stated in a negative light (such as "Do you have a boyfriend"), and she'll usually be so stunned at the bluntness of the question she will have no choice but to answer honestly.
Cheshire Cat Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Obviously, guys are not going up to strange girls and talking with them to be friends. Not so obvious. Yet, she never mentioned once that she had a boyfriend. Why don't girls just throw that out there? You got a sense you wasn't bothering her - you probably wasn't, and this is why she didn't feel the need to mention she has a bf. It's an easy way to let a guy down and let him know that their taken. It is, but girls won't assume that every guy talking to them is interested in them. It almost seems like they are avoiding telling you they have someone. Why should they tell you, if you didn't ask (either directly or indirectly)? I mean even if its not true its the quickest out and it saves everyone from an awkward situation later. Girls will in fact resort to it as a way out. But not until they feel unconfortable and/or they realized the guy they are talking with is hitting on them.
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