broken wings Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I was in an affair with a MM for two years. wife found out and we are done now but he has called me a few times and mentioned she knew where I lived and she wanted revenge. Any advice?
Buttaflyy Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Keep your doors locked. If she comes by call the cops.
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Or just tell her you're sorry and that you regret having an affair with her husband. Only call the cops if she gets violent with you. Also, your exMM should be working his TAIL off to gain her trust again. Why he is still in contact with you if he is with his wife now???
Buttaflyy Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Also, your exMM should be working his TAIL off to gain her trust again. Why he is still in contact with you if he is with his wife now??? Good point. Is he really warning you or instigating?
Adunaphel Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 I was in an affair with a MM for two years. wife found out and we are done now but he has called me a few times and mentioned she knew where I lived and she wanted revenge. Any advice? Thank him for warning you and tell him it's his responsability to do what he can to decrease the chances that his wife might actually try to harm you. He should: 1)not blame the affair on you or making up lies about you seducing him 2)stop calling you or contacting you 3)do not give his W personal information about you that is not related to the fact you had an affair with him (where you live, where you work, what do you do for a living, what color is your car, where you hang out with) or show him a pic of you. As WWIU suggested, if his W calls you, or confronts you, tell her you regret having an affair with her H and answer any question she might ask you that you feel it is okay/fair to answer. If she becomes violent or damages your property, though, do not hesitate to call the cops.
outofdarkness Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Thank him for warning you and tell him it's his responsability to do what he can to decrease the chances that his wife might actually try to harm you. He should: 1)not blame the affair on you or making up lies about you seducing him 2)stop calling you or contacting you 3)do not give his W personal information about you that is not related to the fact you had an affair with him (where you live, where you work, what do you do for a living, what color is your car, where you hang out with) or show him a pic of you. As WWIU suggested, if his W calls you, or confronts you, tell her you regret having an affair with her H and answer any question she might ask you that you feel it is okay/fair to answer. If she becomes violent or damages your property, though, do not hesitate to call the cops. That's funny...in my case, my H told the main OW and probrably all inbetween, every personal detail about myself and our children...Even our pets!!! Why should the OW be immune to this? If she makes a physical threat, or she harasses you..then you have the legal right to take action, but seems to me, you owe her an apology...amoung other things..I don't know what the statistics are, but I assume that in most A's, the MM talks much about his family, etc...
SoCalCatman72 Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Ok, here's the catman's anti harrassment routine. 1. You need to send a certified letter to her home address (return receipt is suggested) explaining that she is under no circumstances to contact you telephonically ever again, and that if she does you will file charges for making annoying phone calls. 2. Keep a record of the phone calls, if necessary, have the phone company put a phone trap on the line (this may require a police report). 3. If she does approach you, threaten you directly or vandalize your property, you need to immediately involve the police and the district attorney, and seek a restraining order.
Moose Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 Ok, here's the catman's anti harrassment routine. 1. You need to send a certified letter to her home address (return receipt is suggested) explaining that she is under no circumstances to contact you telephonically ever again, and that if she does you will file charges for making annoying phone calls. 2. Keep a record of the phone calls, if necessary, have the phone company put a phone trap on the line (this may require a police report). 3. If she does approach you, threaten you directly or vandalize your property, you need to immediately involve the police and the district attorney, and seek a restraining order.Spoken like a true wise man......who's probably been around this block once or twice.......I'd follow this to the letter myself.....
Adunaphel Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 That's funny...in my case, my H told the main OW and probrably all inbetween, every personal detail about myself and our children...Even our pets!!! Why should the OW be immune to this? I'm speaking about address, home number, place where she work and any information that could help recognizing the OP. I don't think a WS owes the BS to help him/her get revenge. (apart from the fact that a WS who did so would be an hypocrite -and quite a lot of other unpleasant things- you do not owe your BS to help him/her risk to land him/herself in jail).
outofdarkness Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I'm speaking about address, home number, place where she work and any information that could help recognizing the OP. I don't think a WS owes the BS to help him/her get revenge. (apart from the fact that a WS who did so would be an hypocrite -and quite a lot of other unpleasant things- you do not owe your BS to help him/her risk to land him/herself in jail). yes..you're right...sorry to have been so harsh..I wrote w/out thinking...Plus..our two teens are really acting...well like teens tonight and it's making me grumpy! The orig. poster should do whatever necessary to protect herself..There are too many wacky people out there who are bent on resorting the violence or who simply snap...NOT to protect yourself...Sorry!
Adunaphel Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 yes..you're right...sorry to have been so harsh..I wrote w/out thinking...Plus..our two teens are really acting...well like teens tonight and it's making me grumpy! The orig. poster should do whatever necessary to protect herself..There are too many wacky people out there who are bent on resorting the violence or who simply snap...NOT to protect yourself...Sorry! Being a mom - expecially when your kids are teenagers - must be one of the most tiring jobs ever! Anyway you were absolutely right that in cases like yours it would be very, very unfair (and a very huge double standard) not to tell W whatever she might wish to know after telling OW just about anything. I'm sorry you had to experience this! I am now wondering whether broken wings ' MM might be just trying to scare her away from his wife to prevent the possibility that she might show up and give the BS her own version of things went. Trying to make the OW looking like the nasty homewerecker to the W, the W like a psycho to OW and himself a nice, caring, almost innocent guy to both women. It might be a very remote possibility, but still a possibility. Even if things were this way, though, it would be just one more reason to cut contact with this guy.
Romeo Must Die Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 BW always gets such a bad rap. You say the affair is over, but this MM is still calling you. Does his calls always make you feel better or worse. What do you get from that. Is it closing the door or keeping it open. I wonder what motivates you to continue contact with this man. More pain. More heartache. He's poison. Remember the rule NC = No New Hurts. Respect yourself. Take your confidence back. She's not the one you got to worry about. He's the one thats gonna hurt you, not his BW. He is going to hurt you the only way a man can truely hurt a woman, through her heart and soul. What motivates him to call you. Whats the agenda. Realisticly, his M is on the rocks and he might be trying to keep you hooked so MM would never have to be alone. He'd throw his M away though. He'd throw you away. Obviously, you are being fooled again. Used again. Lied to again. MM is a beautiful and practiced liar. Why are you protecting him. If he were truely concerned about your personal welfare, or honestly believed that your life were in any danger whatsoever, he would stand at your doorstep night and day to protect you from anything. A MM is never looking after your best interests. He's only protecting himself. He has no boundaries. He has no ethics. You are fish bait to him as far as he's concerned. Welcome to the club. Whatever pain you felt, the BW has felt x100 and he didnt care. He just had an affair because he's that selfish of a person. He doesn't know how to treat either woman with respect. IMHO, The person you should get a restraining order against is MM. He is a menace. Tell him in so many ways "to hit the road" and say it like you mean it. The things he has said about BW seeking revenge and knowing where you live is heresay. Consider the source, brokenwings. The MM jerked you around for years, not the BW. He was always telling you when he could see you and when he couldn't, and now that you know he's a two-faced liar, don't you think that it's time you put your foot down and started calling the shots? As far as revenge goes, most people think about it, but the majority would never carry it out. The threat of prison, or eternal hell immediately comes to mind. Those kind of things worry the minds of those who take such little things like "wedding vows" to heart. We're housewives and moms. We're not killers. People watch too much Lifetime movies and Desperate Housewives. I promise you, she wont want to ruin her life over her rotten bastard husband. What he did to her was the real crime. Why would she punish herself when she's not the one who had an affair. She's an innocent victim. She's probably sitting at home crying her eyes out, too wondering what she did that was so wrong. I bet if anything she would only contact you to find out the truth, so for once she could make a choice about her life.
Guest Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I was in an affair with a MM for two years. wife found out and we are done now but he has called me a few times and mentioned she knew where I lived and she wanted revenge. Any advice? I'm sure she does want revenge. After all she will be broken by what you have both done to her. There is no excuse. Whatever was wrong with their marriage (and I suspect it was him!) Betrayal is cruel and you have played a part in that. I hope she has more pride than to give you a minute of her time and if she does contact you I hope you have enough guts to apologise for hurting her so much. If he calls you again tell him he is history and to sort out the mess he has created. What goes on between them is none of your business but what went on between the two of you is very much her business to deal with as she chooses. If you are big enough to take the advice you have asked for do yourself and everyone else a favour, I suggest you keep away from married men in the future. They are rarely able to offer what you are looking for as they want their cake and eat it. As for you, ask yourself why you want someone elses lying husband.
Chapter2 Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 This is your opinion and unless you've conducted interviews and can give statistical data proving such, then you have nothing to base this on. Whatever pain you felt, the BW has felt x100 and he didnt care.
GreenEyedLady Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 I was in an affair with a MM for two years. wife found out and we are done now but he has called me a few times and mentioned she knew where I lived and she wanted revenge. Any advice? Broken Wings: You should probably post this on the OW forum...
Romeo Must Die Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 And what scientific data have you possibly collected on this subject chapter2. You are not a BW, but you are getting the bitter taste of it now that the affair is over. You must have something to offer broken wings, considering as many times as you've broken no contact with your xMM, so please, enlighten us all with your expertise.
GreenEyedLady Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 CH2 never said that she conducted research, just wanted to clarify how you got your information...as for her expertise, YOU must need her advice as you are the one asking for it...
Romeo Must Die Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 I don't recollect anyone asking why the BS is angry...we KNOW why the BS is angry; her H is an a**hole and doesn't respect his marriage vows..the part we don't get is why ALL that anger is directly placed on us, when we didn't promise anyone anything... I'm quoting from one of your lastest posts on the subject. We? okay, now who is "we", Green Eyed Lady. We the people? Where is your research. Show me some proof. I want facts. This arguement is pointless. What do either you know about BW's feelings, or what BW is capable of, aside from sleeping with their husbands? Married men are not little abandoned kittens, GEL. OW knew exactly what she was getting into when she chose to have an affair with a married man. Perhaps BW is angry because OW can obviosusly be so arrogant and so disrespectful as a human being to say, "we didn't promise anyone anything." It's not about broken promises, GEL. I think she has every right to be angry at you for sleeping with her husband. It's socially and morally unacceptable.
Chapter2 Posted October 14, 2006 Posted October 14, 2006 Wow, RMD, you must be absolutely doubled over in pain to be so completely venomous. You are very bitter and very angry and very, very sad. If your comment "considering as many times as you've broken no contact with your xMM" is meant to tear me down then save your breath. I have never felt more triumphant and confident of my actions and thankfully have friends in my life that judge me based on how hard I've tried, not the number of successes or failures I've had. You will not steal my joy RMD. I hope you get help for how bitter you are. Its grossly unattractive and seems to be coming out of every pore of your body. Good luck to you and please, get some help, for your sake and for the sake of those in your life. Chapter2 I'm quoting from one of your lastest posts on the subject. We? okay, now who is "we", Green Eyed Lady. We the people? Where is your research. Show me some proof. I want facts. This arguement is pointless. What do either you know about BW's feelings, or what BW is capable of, aside from sleeping with their husbands? Married men are not little abandoned kittens, GEL. OW knew exactly what she was getting into when she chose to have an affair with a married man. Perhaps BW is angry because OW can obviosusly be so arrogant and so disrespectful as a human being to say, "we didn't promise anyone anything." It's not about broken promises, GEL. I think she has every right to be angry at you for sleeping with her husband. It's socially and morally unacceptable. And what scientific data have you possibly collected on this subject chapter2. You are not a BW, but you are getting the bitter taste of it now that the affair is over. You must have something to offer broken wings, considering as many times as you've broken no contact with your xMM, so please, enlighten us all with your expertise.
Romeo Must Die Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 It's okay if you dont like me. We are polar opposites. It's expected we will disagree. I think it takes alot of venom and bitterness on your part to help destroy a persons marriage. Im glad you feel so triumphant now. twerp. It doesnt matter what I said, it is completely irrelivant now that I realize that broken wings is actually still involved with xMM, wether she means to be with him or not. You wouldnt know it by reading this post, but there is so much more to her story than she lead people on to believe. She was already pulled out of the marital home by her hair when they were caught together. She said she never wanted to be in that position again, but MM keeps calling her and she is now considering one last fling with MM. She leaves out several important details. Shes hardly an innocent victim, she is an active participant in her own destruction. Thats revenge enough I think. She is playing with fire and if she continues she is going to get burned. That is not just my opinion, but it's a fact of nature.
Freedom Now Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 Yes, she will get burned. It is undoubtedly true. But, there is no need to flame Chapter2 or GEL. Geez....we are all humans here. No one is perfect. I would like to see it this way: He who is without sin can cast the first stone. As for me....I will set my stone down, as should you.
Romeo Must Die Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 There is a difference between sarcasm and flaming. Im not evil. I just need another soul to complete my ritual sacrifice. lol. I'm just making a sarcastic joke out the situation because there is no scientific data available, there never has been any answers. no reasons why. I agree this arguement has no point. Despite our differences, I think it's great that OW and BW can talk about their issues in an open forum. I wouldnt change that. I'm not even interested in persuing this thread anymore because it's wrong. The affair isnt over. It's still in your territory.
Author broken wings Posted October 15, 2006 Author Posted October 15, 2006 I started the post about the wife wanting revenge. got some good advice but wanted to inform romeo that yes you there are different post from me regarding this MM. This indicate exactly the predicament that I am in. That everyday since the two weeks that him and I got caught the circumstances are changing by the day. I did not mean to be misleading. My question about the revenge factor was clear and to the point. I wasn't looking into the future regarding him calling about meeting one last time.things are changing daily with him. I found this site and find it helpful because I can be completely honest and incognito..please don't make me feel the opposite.
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