Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Posted October 12, 2006 If you live in a small community, how do you deal with seeing the xOW. I can't stand seeing her and I wish she would drop dead. Karmicly speaking of course. I'm always haunted by my husband's "mistake" I worry about seeing her in the store. I seek to avoid her. FWS lives in the world of make believe and none of this seemingly effects him the way it does me. Why would it, he had all the fun. He is the keeper of all his secrets. I will never figure him out or understand what he was thinking. I wish I could go back to a point in time when I didnt even know she existed, now that I know how much she helped FWS manipulate me behind my back. I resent her completely. I hate her. I have suffered so much and for such a risky (stupid) thing, having an affair with a mm. It is my understanding that ruining people isn't exactly novel to her either. However, the outcast role (read victim) was completely endearing to my FWS.
justice Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 I live in a small town too. And yes, seeing the ow literally made me sick to my stomach and I would throw up it got to me so much. Now, she lives out of the country so I don't have to see her. Yes, I admit to hating her. When I would see her I would always glare at her and make her want to run. But she became fixated on driving me out of my H's life too. It got so bad that she was stalking both of us when we were trying to fix our Marriage and we had to get a restraining order against her which she ignored and went to jail for a time over harrassing us. I wrote her a letter of no contact a long time ago, I had my H sign it and I signed it. Of course, it didn't work but she still got the point I think. Best of luck to you
Guest Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 If you live in a small community, how do you deal with seeing the xOW. I can't stand seeing her and I wish she would drop dead. Karmicly speaking of course. I'm always haunted by my husband's "mistake" I worry about seeing her in the store. I seek to avoid her. FWS lives in the world of make believe and none of this seemingly effects him the way it does me. Why would it, he had all the fun. He is the keeper of all his secrets. I will never figure him out or understand what he was thinking. I wish I could go back to a point in time when I didnt even know she existed, now that I know how much she helped FWS manipulate me behind my back. I resent her completely. I hate her. I have suffered so much and for such a risky (stupid) thing, having an affair with a mm. It is my understanding that ruining people isn't exactly novel to her either. However, the outcast role (read victim) was completely endearing to my FWS. If you want to make a go of your marriage your husband needs to open up to you. You have to feel that you understand why it happened. Don't allow this woman to affect your life any more. Pity her because she will never get what she wants being that type of person. I guarantee you she will have many hang ups about herself. You need to be stronger(I know it's easier said than done from experience. I am in a similar position) You have a choice - you can allow what they did to make you bitter and if you do it will eat away at you. Why let what they did spoil your life even more? The alternative is to work on what you have and make it good. If she's around so much let her see you are happy, that will bother her more than anything. I couldn't have reached this point without couple therapy and I now go to hypnotherapy. This has helped us enormously. You need better communication with your husband or you will never move on. If he's not willing go to sessions on your own but I have to say if my husband had not been so remorseful we couldn't have done this because he was the one who made that choice and he needed to face up to himself. I think when as a couple you are in a mess such as this you definitely need someone to help you both work out where you went wrong and how to fix it. I suggest you show him some of the things on sites like these so that he understands how devastated people are when they find out about affairs. The details of my husbands affair couldn't be more painful so if I can do this anyone can. I hope this helps. Don't give up!!
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